Chapter 2 #3
The city lights move across the windshield, painting shadows across Derek’s sharp profile as he drives us home.
I keep reminding myself to breathe, scared that if I exhale too loudly, it’ll shatter the uneasy truce we have.
He hasn’t said a word since we left the venue, keeping his eyes trained on the road.
His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles have gone pale.
It’s as if he’s bracing himself for impact, or maybe he’s holding something in.
We pull into the driveway, and as soon as the front door clicks shut, my first plan of action is to escape into the bathroom for a shower. If I stay in there long enough, maybe the fight won’t find us tonight. But it does anyway.
Derek shrugs out of his suit jacket and tosses it onto the couch while I make a beeline toward the hallway until his words cause me to halt mid-step.
“You embarrassed me tonight.”
His voice is calm, telling me he’s rehearsed everything he wants to say in his head the whole ride home. I stand in the middle of the room, my fingers bunching the sides of my dress into my fists, before I turn to look at him.
“I, uh… I need a minute and could use a shower.”
“You always need a minute.” He turns to face me. “You’re always trying to avoid everything. God forbid you show up for me when it’s important.”
Ouch. That hits right in the center of my chest. It’s not the first time he’s said something like this, but no matter how many times he does, it still leaves a mark. I showed up for him, didn’t I? Is it too much to ask for a minute to myself? To decompress after this exhausting night?
“You must not have been paying attention, Derek, because I stayed the entire night, even though you know how I feel about these sorts of events. I stayed because I wanted to support you. Now, all I ask is for five minutes to piece myself back together, and apparently, that means I’m not showing up for you. ”
He runs a hand through his short blond hair, loosening the careful styling, and begins pacing the length of the living room. “There you go again, making everything about you.”
I press a hand to my stomach, as if I can keep the ache there from unraveling. I’ve only ever made it about him and this life we’re building together. I’ve bent myself backward, sideways, and into corners, trying to fit into his world. All I’ve ever wanted was a future together. A real one.
“No,” I say firmly. “It’s always been about you. I was only supposed to take one semester off from college so I could focus on planning our wedding, but your promotion got in the way of everything, pushing things back a whole year. And—”
“You love hanging that over my head, don’t you?”
I ignore his comment and continue, “After you got the promotion, everything kept getting pushed back. You broke that promise without a second thought.”
“That’s not fair. You knew how important my career is to me before we got engaged.”
“I did, but what I didn’t realize was that I was signing up to become a prop for you,” I fire back, my voice cracking at the edges.
His eyes narrow. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what? Point out that I’ve turned myself inside out to be what you need, when you’ve never once stopped to ask what I might need?”
He scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s ridiculous. This whole thing started because you walked away from me, making me look like my own fiancée doesn’t want to be by my side.”
Every muscle in his body locks down. He stays quiet for another second before he speaks, keeping his voice low and even. “I don’t think this is working anymore.”
I stare at him, as if he’d spoken a language I don’t understand. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he adds, staring straight ahead. “Tonight confirmed everything. You clearly resent me, and we’re no longer happy being together.”
I blink, frozen in place, as I ask, “You don’t want to marry me anymore?”
Do I still want to marry him?
He exhales through his nose. “I think we’ve both known for quite some time now that the end was coming. We’re not the same people we were when we met three years ago.”
“I just didn’t expect this version of everything. The constant performance or the pressure. I don’t do well with it, and you used to understand that,” my voice trembles.
He finally locks his blue eyes on me, appearing exhausted but not angry.
Somehow, that hurts worse. The silence that falls is hollow, like the sound after something precious has been dropped and shatters across the floor, and everyone is too afraid to move.
I don’t reach for him. I stand there completely stunned.
Maybe if I stay still long enough, none of this will be real.
My eyes drop to my left hand. My engagement ring catches the overhead light, the diamond still as brilliant as the night he gave it to me. I tug it off slowly, and the metal clings to my skin, hanging onto this last bit of us.
I study it in my palm. It’s beautiful, classic and clean. Exactly what he thought I’d love. And I did, or so I thought, but now all I see is a promise I made to someone who doesn’t exist anymore.
My hand shakes as I set the ring on the coffee table.
It makes the softest sound against the wood, but it echoes like thunder in my heart.
Then, I turn away, not sure where I’m going but knowing that I can’t stay here.
I didn’t realize how much of myself I’d lost until I found myself standing in the quiet, holding onto the last pieces of a future that no longer exists.