Chapter 9 #2
Here she is now, at the only outdoors store in Covewood, of all places. Her eyes widen in surprise as she takes me in, and I wonder what I might look like to her. Does she see the twenty-six-year-old man I’ve become or the boy she left behind?
A part of me wants to smooth my shirt, stand taller, say something easy and casual, but my throat is closing in on itself.
It’s ridiculous that, after all this time, one look from her can strip me down to my rawest form.
I still picture us at seventeen, sitting on the tailgate of my truck, making plans for a future that never happened.
Now, she’s standing here, glowing with new life, and I’m wondering if she can tell mine’s been on pause since she walked away.
“Lily?” my voice comes out rough. “Wh—what are you doing here?”
She smiles softly, one hand still on her pregnant belly. “We’re here visiting. My dad’s birthday is tomorrow, so I was trying to find him a gift.”
We’re. She doesn’t have to say it. The ring and pregnant belly say it all.
So why does that word still punch me in the gut?
It’s been years, so of course she’s moved on.
But I haven’t. My life can be measured in the spaces she left behind, in the careful distance I’ve kept from anyone else.
While she’s built a family, a future, a whole new life, I’m still here, trapped in the past I can’t seem to shake.
A dull ache takes over my chest, as if old wounds have been ripped open. This is the woman who taught me how it felt to love someone so deeply I built my entire life around her, only for that life to crumble because of her choices.
Before anything else can be said, a tall, clean-cut man with dark hair and light-blue eyes appears next to Lily. He’s holding a shiny new Yeti cooler, smiling proudly down at her.
“Found it,” he announces cheerfully before his eyes land on me. His smile brightens, and he holds out a hand for me to shake. “Hi, I’m Philip, Lily’s husband.”
I must be having an out-of-body experience, as if my soul is standing next to me, watching me reach out and shake this man’s hand, my mouth opening, but no words are escaping.
Lily jumps in before the silence can stretch. “This is Zane, an old friend of mine from high school.” Her eyes look somewhere behind me, gesturing toward someone. “And I’m sorry, I’m not sure we’ve met?”
The mention of Maxinne jolts me back into the present. She’s standing right beside me, her expression somewhere between confusion and sympathy. I’ve been so lost in the past that I forgot she was even here.
“I’m her ex, actually,” I say, my voice clipped, even though I was aiming for neutral. “Come on, Max, let’s get your things.”
I don’t wait for a reply. I turn, walking fast as my pulse hammers in my ears. Behind me, I hear Maxinne mumble a soft apology before hurrying to catch up.
Their voices fade into the background as I try to steady my breathing and fix my eyes on the counter.
My pulse is still loud in my ears as I take the pack from Maxinne wordlessly and set it down on the counter.
My hands shake as I pull out my debit card and slide it across the counter before she can protest.
“You don’t have to—” she starts.
“Let me cover the gear. Consider it a welcome-to-Covewood gift.”
Maxinne waves me off. “I can cover it, Zane. I—”
“I’d like to,” I interrupt. “Please.”
She hesitates for a moment, contemplating whether or not to let me help, before she steps back and says, “Okay. Thank you.”
Felix Grady is behind the counter and is also one of the biggest gossips in all of Covewood. His wide eyes are darting between me and the aisle Lily must still be in. I level him with a look that I hope will shut down his questions before they leave his mouth.
It seems to work, because he quickly turns to Maxinne. “Hi there. I haven’t seen you around before. Are you visiting?”
Maxinne seems to relax a little at his question. “Yeah. I’m here for the summer, helping out my family.”
“Oh yeah? Who’s your family?”
“Ashton and Charlie—” She doesn’t even have to say their last name before Felix’s face brightens in recognition.
“Your Charlie’s daughter? No kidding. I haven’t seen him in a while. How’s he doing? I heard about his stroke a few months back. It was terrible news.”
I wish he would hurry this up, because every cell in my body is buzzing, begging me to make my escape from this store, to put as much possible space between Lily and me. I suck in a breath of air, feeling as if the walls are starting to close in on me.
Maxinne’s shoulders slump, the reminder of her dad’s stroke holding some weight to it. “He’s…okay. His therapy sessions have been going well. He’s hanging in there and definitely doesn’t like needing my help.”
Felix chuckles, clearly unaware of my mounting panic. “That sounds about right. He’s always been a stubborn one. Tell Charlie I said hi when you see him next.”
“I will.” She gives him a nod.
Felix finishes ringing up our things, sliding the bags across the counter with a cheerful, “All set!”
I take my card from him, already feeling the pressure coil tighter in my chest. “Let’s get going,” I mutter.
I don’t wait for Maxinne to respond as I lightly guide her toward the door.
Once we’re outside, I unlock my truck and open the door for her, forcing myself to focus on this single task.
I keep my gaze on the ground, not wanting to see the pity or concern in her expression, and wait until she’s slid into the seat before I rush around to the driver’s side.
I pause for a moment, sucking in a few deep breaths as I try to gather myself.
Finally, I climb into the driver’s seat and dare a glance at Maxinne after the door shuts behind me. She watches me quietly, eyes wide in curiosity, tinged with a subtle uncertainty that makes me ashamed of how I must be acting.
“Are you okay?” she asks in a gentle voice.
I want to lie to her, to tell her that everything’s fine, but with the way she’s looking at me, her brown eyes searching mine with a patience I don’t deserve, it has me choosing honesty. I answer with a shake of my head.
A hand lands softly on my bicep, her fingers press gently into the fabric of my t-shirt sleeve, and this one simple touch seems to anchor me. I inhale a deep breath, my eyes tracing over her face. It’s impossible to look away from her with the way the sunlight shines against her cheekbones.
“Do you want to pray?” she asks tenderly.
I blink, caught off guard by her question. “What?”
“I know I’m not the best person to offer with how back and forth my faith has been lately, but I thought maybe it’s something you might need?” There’s a hint of embarrassment in her tone.
I nod, a few small, shaky movements. “Yeah…yeah. I could use some prayers right now.”
Without overthinking, I reach for her hand, letting mine cover it.
Her eyes widen in surprise, like she wasn’t expecting this, but I want her involved.
The weight of her hand presses reassurance into me, helping to ground my racing thoughts.
I gesture for Maxinne to bow her head with me.
She hesitates for a second, brows knitting in brief uncertainty, then slowly leans in.
I wait until she’s ready before lowering my own head and beginning the prayer.
“God, help me calm my racing heart and mind. I’m uncertain of the emotions overwhelming me right now, but I know during moments like this, I can lean on you.
Please bring me peace and reassurance of your plan and will for my life.
For I know your way is always best, help me to trust in that. It’s in your name that I pray, Amen.”
I keep my head bowed and eyes closed for a second until my pulse steadies and my breathing evens out. The presence of Maxinne’s hand in mine makes everything seem okay, even if only for this moment. When I finally open my eyes and look at her, she’s studying me.
“It’s that easy?” she asks softly.
“Is what easy?”
“Prayer. Talking to God like that?”
I nod. “Yeah. You just talk to Him like an old friend, because that’s exactly who He is.”
“A friend?” Her head tilts, and a small crease forms between her brows.
“Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve never heard God or prayer described that way before.” There’s a softness to her voice.
I feel this protective urge to show her more, to somehow help her feel safe in this, but I keep my thoughts in check. I force myself to focus on her words, the gentle squeeze of her hand, and the slow, steady rhythm of her breathing next to me.
“Can you tell me what happened in there?” she asks.
That snaps me back into reality. I let go of her hand and turn in my seat. As I start the engine, I remember that we’re still in the parking lot of Trail and Tackle, and Lily is still inside the building. Once I pull onto the road and head in the direction of home, I finally answer her.
“Yeah, but let’s get back to the cabins first, before we lose the rest of the afternoon.”
“Wait, why are we heading back already? I thought we were going to the trail.”
“The trail we’re hiking today is on my property,” I announce with a small grin. “We need to change and gear up first. I want to show you how to prep properly for a hike. Everything from layers to lacing your boots the right way. I can’t have you ending up with blisters on my watch.”
She whistles. “Blisters? I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to enjoy hiking with you.”
“Don’t worry, I have a feeling you’re going to love it.”