Chapter 12 #3
I bite back a laugh, shaking my head as I slide into the kitchen table with them. After they’re finished eating, Ryland digs out a worn deck of playing cards from one of the drawers.
“Anyone up for a few rounds of spoons?” he suggests.
We dive into the game, and Olivia lunges across the table too fast and nearly knocks over a glass, catching it with a triumphant grin. Luke leans back in his chair, his eyes squinting like he’s observing a crime scene, then points across the table.
“She’s cheating already.”
“I am not,” Olivia fires back, slapping his hand away before he can reach for the center pile.
Luke’s grin widens. “That’s exactly what a cheater would say.”
The table erupts with chairs scraping, laughter overlapping, and yet, Zane stays quiet. He’s silently watching the chaos unfold…until his eyes land on me.
“Don’t let her fool you,” he says casually, nodding toward Olivia. “She’s ruthless when there’s winning involved.”
Olivia gasps. “I’m sitting right here.”
Zane doesn’t even blink. “I know.”
A laugh slips out of me. The game turns messy quickly, with hands reaching for cards and Olivia shouting, “I had that!” as a spoon gets snatched off the table too early.
Somewhere in the middle of it, Zane’s knee bumps mine under the table. It’s brief, maybe even accidental, but he doesn’t move it. I glance up to see that he’s already watching me, as if he’s waiting to see if I’ll pull away.
I don’t.
His mouth tilts up before he looks down at his cards.
“Careful,” he says, low enough for me to hear. “You’re about to lose.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” I shoot back, leaning in closer. “Because you’re distracted.”
“Am I?” his voice dips, quieter now.
Before I can answer, Raine yelps and grabs the last spoon, sending the table into another round of chaos.
Eventually, the energy winds down, and I stand, brushing my hands down my shorts, still feeling the ghost of where Zane’s knee was pressed against mine.
I say my goodbyes to the group, thanking Raine and Ryland again.
“I’ll walk you out.” Zane gestures for me to follow him down the steps.
I try not to read much into it and tell myself that he’s only being polite, but a small part of me is embarrassingly pleased that he offered. The evening air is warm against my skin as we head toward my car, the porch light casting a golden glow behind us.
As we reach my car, Zane stops and glances toward me. “I’ve noticed you’ve been reading your Bible on the porch in the mornings.”
“Oh.” I smirk. “Have you been spying on me?”
“I wasn’t trying to spy on you.” he says quickly. “My kitchen window faces that direction.”
I laugh. “Nice save.”
His smile widens. I look down at my keys, turning them over in my hand.
“Honestly, I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I admit.
“What do you mean?”
I shrug. “I guess I’ve been trying to figure some things out with my faith.”
It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud to anyone. I’ve been circling the questions alone for weeks, in the privacy of my own head. Saying it to Zane makes it more real, and there’s no taking it back now that it’s sitting between us.
Zane’s expression softens. “And how’s that going?”
I think about the mornings on the porch. About the prayers I’ve started whispering again. About how different this summer looks from the one I thought I’d have.
“I think…” I hesitate. “I think God’s been a lot more patient with me than I’ve been with Him.”
“Yeah,” he says. “He’s pretty good at that. If you ever feel up to it, you’re welcome to come to church with me sometime.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that,” I reply, rocking on my heels again. “This evening felt like an answered prayer. I’m grateful for the invite.”
“Of course,” he replies. “Earlier…it, uh…it was nice to have been missed. Most days after I’ve worked a long day, I’m worn out. I don’t have anyone missing me when I get home, except for Sven, but he’s a dog, so his standards are pretty low.”
Warmth spreads through my chest at his words.
Zane continues, “But tonight, knowing you missed me? It was…nice.”
My breath stumbles, and then I feel it again. The familiar pull toward him. I know exactly where this feeling will lead, and I can’t feed into this. I shouldn’t feed into this. However, seeing the soft sincerity in his gaze makes it harder to remember why.
“You’re nice to be around.”
The corner of his mouth lifts with a grin. “Get home safe, Max.”
“You too. Goodnight, Zane.”
I slip into my car before my resolve breaks, easing the door shut. As I drive away, the feeling chases me down the road…that I belonged there. I didn’t just fit in or “made it through the evening without embarrassing myself.” No, I belonged in a way I haven’t felt…ever.
Back home, my so-called friends scattered within a week of Derek and me ending things. I told myself I was fine so many times I almost believed it myself. But tonight, people who’ve just met me folded me into their dinner plans like I’d always had a seat at that table.
I smile the whole drive back to Ashton’s cabin, and somewhere past the second turn, the smile slips. Because I know exactly what happens to the things I let myself want too much.