Chapter 16 #3
Everyone bows their heads, and I follow a second slower, my hands folding loosely in my lap.
I don’t close my eyes all the way, not at first. Instead, I glance sideways toward Zane.
His head is bowed, expression calm, with his hands resting loosely against his lap.
Then he reaches over and takes one of my hands, lacing our fingers together.
His thumb brushes lightly over my skin, making my heart rate ratchet up a notch.
All I can focus on is the anchor of his hand in mine as Will’s voice continues in prayer, and I let my eyes close fully this time.
I inhale a deep breath and force myself to listen to his words.
As the prayer ends, voices begin to rise and fall around the room.
When Zane releases my hand, I immediately miss the comfort of his touch.
The group shifts naturally, a rhythm they’re all used to, except for me.
And because of that, I remain quietly in the background, happy to simply observe the group and how they interact with each other.
I enjoy watching and listening to the conversations of the group.
The way they interact feels like a language I used to know.
Before I realize it, an hour and a half has passed, and the group is over.
I stand and drift toward the edge of the room while I wait for Zane and Ashton to finish talking with the pastor.
Around me, a few people stack chairs, while others exchange hugs and promises to see each other on Sunday. No one seems in a hurry to leave.
I watch them for a moment, and my smile drops quickly, because I think about my mom and how different life might have looked if she’d had people like this after Dad left.
She could have used a friend to sit beside her in the loneliness and a community that would remind her she wasn’t carrying everything alone.
Maybe she wouldn’t have felt like she had to hold on so tightly to Ashton and me if she’d had a community to hold on to instead.
This place is proof that church was never supposed to be only a building people visited on Sundays.
It’s supposed to look like this, like a family.
I can picture us both fitting right into this place, but this isn’t her home, or is it mine.
There’s a whole different life waiting for me back home and college classes that I’ll be starting soon.
The truth settles heavy inside my gut, dulling the edges of everything that felt so clear only moments ago.
“Hey,” Zane’s voice snaps me away from my thoughts, and I glance up to find him standing a few steps away, hands tucked into his pockets.
“Hey,” I echo.
He takes a step closer, his gaze searching mine. “What did you think about it all?”
“I had a good time.”
His shoulders ease as he asks, “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Edna might be my favorite person.”
“She’s everyone’s favorite.” Zane chuckles before adding, “I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.” And I mean it.
Zane nods toward the door. “Are you ready to head out?”
I glance around the room one last time before I reply, “Yeah.”
The humid night air wraps around us the second we step outside, thick with the scent of summer and freshly cut grass. Zane and I walk side by side toward his truck, not quite touching but close enough that I’m aware of him with every step.
“Do you want to come back with me on Sunday?” he asks.
I stop walking now that we’re next to his truck. He must sense the way my body tenses, because he moves closer, until we’re lined up completely. He reaches out and takes my hand.
“Yeah,” I reply, my voice almost a mere whisper.
A grin kicks up one corner of his mouth as his eyes settle on me and he leans forward. For one reckless second, I think he might kiss me. The thought blindsides me, especially when I don’t move away. In fact, I find myself waiting for him.
His eyes flick briefly to my lips before he reaches past me and pulls open the passenger door.
“Oh.” Heat rushes to my face as realization crashes over me.
I climb into the truck, the seat warm from the sun, and stare out the windshield while my thoughts tumble over themselves. Was I really about to let Zane kiss me? The answer comes far too quickly.
Yes.
My stomach flips as I realize that a part of me wishes he had—which is exactly why I need to be careful.
I spent years building my life around Derek, even putting my degree on hold because I thought our future mattered more than my own dreams. I won’t do that again.
Especially when Zane and I aren’t even together.
We’re friends. New friends, at that. Whatever is growing between us is still fragile and undefined, and I refuse to make life-altering decisions based on feelings I barely understand, no matter how much I’ve fallen in love with Covewood lately.
College matters too much. So, no matter how badly a small part of me wishes I could stay in Covewood longer, I already know what has to happen.
At the end of summer, I have to go back to Westbridge.
The thought should bring me some relief. Instead, it settles heavily inside me, as though my heart and my head can’t agree on what’s right anymore.