Chapter 24 #3
My breath hitches as he takes my hand into his and leads me closer toward the edge. I was more than ready to experience this only a few moments ago, but now I’m feeling everything too much, like even the trees around us are squeezing in closer and the air is pushing harder.
Zane goes to release his hold on me, but I reach back, giving him a tight squeeze.
My eyes widen as I silently plead for him to stay, as the tears return to my eyes, and I’m unsure of my sudden fear.
He gives me a nod that silently says You can do this before he steps back, dropping his hands to his sides.
I turn around, allowing my eyes to trace over the scene before me. I think about everything I’m ready to let go of. The anger I’ve been dragging around, the belief that I was abandoned, the shame of the choices I’ve made, and the grief of being left.
I’m done carrying it all.
God, this is it. I want to let this hurt and pain go. I want to move forward with forgiveness and grace. I want you in my heart. I want to give it all to you and trust in your plans.
I breathe in deeply, but instead of screaming right away, I decide to surrender with my whole heart, opening wide, much like the scenic view on top of this mountain.
When I finally scream, my voice breaks open, releasing everything I’ve been holding onto for years.
When it fades, I inhale deeply, focusing on filling the empty spaces with grace, and peace, and the certainty that I’m not alone. I never was.
Warmth blooms inside me, spreading fast, down my spine, through my chest, into my hands and feet. My skin tingles, like every nerve ending has woken up all at once. I recognize it as love, its presence pressing in from everywhere. And for the first time ever, I feel whole.
I fall to my knees, the force of it surprising me, overwhelmed by this feeling.
Tears come fast, slipping down my cheeks and dripping down onto the dirt below.
I don’t fight them anymore. I welcome them with opened hands, palms up, surrendering in the most honest way I know how.
My head bows, and a prayer spills out of me.
I stay there for a long time. Long enough that the world softens around the edges, as my chest finally loosens, and the tightness uncoils with every breath.
At some point, I sense Zane beside me. He doesn’t say a word as he places a steady hand on my shoulder and bows his head also, meeting me in the stillness.
We stay like that for a long time, until my tears slow and my chest loosens. I take a final deep breath, exhaling the remainder of the weight inside of me, and inhale a new life. As I do, a smile spreads across my face, and I turn around until I can see Zane.
A laugh jumps out of me, and it surprises us both. It breaks whatever lingering tension remains, the sound ringing brightly against the quiet of the mountain. Zane watches me like he can read whatever is written plainly across my face, his own expression easing with every second.
We both rise to our feet, and without overthinking it, I step into him and kiss him. It’s a promise pressed quietly against his lips that I’m choosing him. His hands come up instinctively, holding me like he already understands more than words could even explain.
As I pull back, my eyes trail up the long line of his throat, along the stubble covering his jaw, until they focus on the golden flecks in his eyes. His heart beats against my chest, mirroring my own.
Eventually, we start down the trail, hand in hand this time. The descent feels easier now—and not only because it’s mostly downhill. We pass a couple on their way up, both of them seeming determined and nervous. I give them a thumbs up, and the woman chuckles softly, returning the gesture.
When we reach the truck, we climb inside, and neither of us moves for a few seconds so we don’t interrupt the moment. The air is peaceful as things finally settle into place.
Zane sits back in his seat, his gaze fastening on mine, and his brows arch.
“How’d it go?” he asks, finally breaking the silence.
“It went well.” I pause, my face splitting into a wide smile. “I rededicated my heart to Jesus.”
The relief that washes over him is immediate. His shoulders sag as a soft exhale leaves him. He tips his head back for a second, closing his eyes, his lips moving in a silent thank-you meant for God. When he looks at me again, his gaze is full of adoration.
“And I’m falling for you too,” I whisper.
Zane turns to me, his chin dipping until his eyes lock on mine again. Any breath in my lungs hitches as my confession bounces around us. My vision narrows to only him, to this moment, a blip in time that I want to remember for the rest of my life.
Something fierce and tender breaks across his expression.
His hand comes up to the back of my neck, his callused fingers warm against the sensitive skin there as he pulls me close.
His forehead rests against mine, his breath uneven, and in one quick move, he reaches for me, tugging me against his chest, claiming my mouth in a kiss that tells me everything words cannot.