Chapter 22 #2
Dahlia walked up onto the curb, feeling her insides toss and tumble.
She took a swig of Shelter Island air, and blew out her worst fears.
What would she say to him? “Noah, I was wrong,” and pray for his forgiveness?
The steps going up to the Hive suddenly seemed too steep.
Dahlia’s hand gripped the wrought iron banister, hoping it would hold her anxious body up.
Just as she hit the top stair, she glanced up and saw Gretchen through the large window, waving eagerly.
Now, let’s hope her brother was that happy to see her.
The door was slightly ajar, but her push still felt labored.
A medley of excitement and nerves ensued.
A waft of sweet and savory greeted her, and suddenly, her shoulders dropped every so slightly.
Who could be anxious in a place like this, yet she was.
Muted jazz played in the background, bringing ease to her tight face.
As she closed the door, she heard “Dahlia, you came” among the chatter.
And with that, a warm embrace wrapped her like a cozy blanket.
Of all the times she’d walked into a party in Greenwich, she’d never been greeted like this.
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss this,” Dahlia said with a smile that felt forced.
There was no way to know what would happen.
Sure, his note was a good sign, but there were still so many things to say and share.
She glanced around the room, scanning the faces for that special one with eyes the color of oceanic bliss.
It was a hearty crowd, but it appeared low-key, not like the Hamptons, thank God.
She glanced at the unfamiliar but welcoming faces, and her jitters slowly melted like ice cream on a summer day.
“Gretchen, I feel like I’m in a little French café off a cobblestone street.
” Dahlia spotted the botanicals stacked on the wall behind the bar.
“Lil’s paintings.” She hesitated, knowing the storm she’d just survived had left debris in its wake.
Dahlia’s nose tingled, and water pooled in her eyes.
This time, they were happy tears. Tears that came from pride. “They look perfect.”
“Oh, don’t cry. She’d be happy. Wouldn’t she?” Gretchen asked.
“She would be tickled pink.” Dahlia blotted the corner of her eye with her finger.
“Come, I have someone I want to introduce you to. He took a liking to Lil’s paintings. He owns a gallery in Southampton.” Gretchen hooked her arm around hers and led the way. “He could be a good connection for you. I told him that you worked at MoMA.”
“Okay, sure,” Dahlia said, looking up, praying her makeup hid her swollen eyes. She gulped so hard she thought the entire room full of people could hear.
And then Noah’s bright gaze met hers from across the room, and a bolt of lightning shuddered straight through her body.
God, he was a sight, so much so that her cheeks instantly grew warm and most likely red.
She wanted to swim in those eyes and never leave.
He nodded toward the back door, and that was all Dahlia needed to end her torment. “Gretchen, I’ll be there in a minute.”
Gretchen looked at Noah and snickered. “Go. This guy will be here for a while. And I know that guy”—she pointed to Noah—“can’t wait.”
“Thanks. Be back in a few.”
Even though Gretchen was five years younger than her, Dahlia knew she was wise beyond her years too. Childhood pain and trauma did that to a person, and that was part of their connection. They were warrior sisters, and maybe for that reason, Gretchen liked them together.
She rubbed the folds of her floral dress as she walked over to his beautiful, chiseled face, tucking her curl behind her ear. Why did she feel so awkward suddenly? “Hi.”
“Hey,” Noah said with a crooked smile, pulling his body off the wall. He was wearing a chambray button-up, and all she wanted to do was yank it closer. “Can we talk outside?”
“Sure.” Dahlia could feel her veins pulse in her throat.
She followed him down the back door steps to the landing overlooking the vegetable and herb gardens.
The air was stagnant, with a hint of warm dill and basil that clung to the air.
Her chest thumped wildly, and her eyes landed on his Adam’s apple, bobbing most likely in anticipation of what was next.
“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time.
“Oh, gosh.” Dahlia shook her head. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“But I do.”
“You don’t. I assure you.” Dahlia tried to find the right place to start.
“I kept something from you that I shouldn’t have.
I was wrong, but I want to explain why I didn’t tell you I have a daughter.
” She took a breath, and he nodded, giving her the floor to continue.
“You and I and what we’ve shared these last few weeks have been beyond anything I could have ever planned or hoped for.
I wasn’t looking for anyone when I arrived at Lil’s.
All I wanted was to heal and find me again while I packed up the last of my family’s memories. ”
He stepped closer; she could feel the heat emanating from his body. All she wanted to do was get lost in his arms, his eyes, and his presence, but she needed him to understand.
She collected herself and resumed. “But then I saw you in the barn, and everything I thought I wanted vanished into thin air.”
“I assumed you hated me that day.” He laughed, raising one brow.
“No, that was me flirting. And doing a very bad job at it.” She grimaced playfully.
“I wanted you so bad I could taste it. In the days that followed, I’ve never felt so seen, protected, and helped in all my life.
I felt like I had a do-over of my twenties.
” She gazed at him with sincerity. “And I didn’t want to let that feeling go. ”
“I wouldn’t have been upset if you told me, D.” He reached for her hand. “I was just angry you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
“I should have.” She wanted to say more, but let him talk.
“I was so damaged when we met. I could never really trust anyone after the childhood I had, and then Josie used it all as a weapon. But you made it easy. I felt safe with you too. It blindsided me, and I was triggered. It brought me back to the lies my mother, the addict, told us daily. And the messed-up part is she believed them, every single one.”
“Noah, I’m so sorry. My heart breaks that I brought you back to that place.
And I do trust you.” She laced her fingers with his, telling him in her touch what she felt.
“Me omitting this vital detail was about me leaning into a time in my life I skipped altogether.” She exhaled.
“I found out I was pregnant with Daisy at eighteen, right before college. I’d accepted a full ride to RISD, and I was eager to start a new chapter in Rhode Island.
When I found out, it was like I was pushed off a cliff and left to fly without wings.
” Dahlia’s eyes burned, and her throat closed.
Talking about it brought her right back to the day.
“I grieved; there was so much shame and guilt. I told Spence right away, and he didn’t want a baby. So I had her on my own.”
“That son of a bitch,” Noah said with a pinched face.
“No, I wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything.
He came back later when she was five and offered us a chance to be a family.
It didn’t feel right, even then, but I was so tired.
Tired of working two jobs making ends meet, going to school at night, and feeling the weight of the world solely on my shoulders.
” She shrugged. “I was just a kid, and in the blink of an eye, I was a mom, responsible for another tiny human. There were no more teenage years, college days, travel with friends abroad, or drunken fun twenties. I let it all go. And I don’t regret it for a second. ”
“Baby, you don’t have to explain.” He slid his hand around her neck and under her hair and kissed her like the world was ending and starting at the same time.
It was like a promise of what was to come.
He cupped her face with his strong, capable hands.
“You’re an amazing person. What you gave up to be a mom …
your daughter is very lucky to have you. ”
“Thank you.” She wrapped her hand around his, still tucked in hair. She knew he saw motherhood through a unique lens. One that made him more than qualified to give her such a compliment.
“I mean it, D. Everyone should be that lucky,” he said adamantly.
“Noah.” She rested her head on his. “I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to be me for a change. You made me forget all the heaviness. And selfishly, I liked it. And a small part of me thought if I told you about her, you’d see me differently,” she said, closing her eyes.
“God, never, ever.” He caressed her cheek with his thumb.
It was tender but also laced with yearning.
“Look at me. I want you to hear and see me say this. If anything, I care more about you because of this. Whatever you went through, it led you here to me. Don’t you see?
” he asked, his eyes locked with hers in a plea that said more without words.
“I do,” Dahlia said, feeling like all the bumps and detours brought her here to him. She glanced toward the garden in thought and sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “Noah, I’m falling hard and fast for you. It scares me.”
“Me too, D.” He pressed his mouth to hers again, and their tongues collided. This time deeper, with a longing she’d thirsted for over the last few days. Her body flooded with warmth. Every morsel of skin craved him, and her core pulsed with need.
“God, I want you so bad.” He kissed every inch of her face. “I’ve never wanted to skip out on a party more in my life.”
“Me … too,” she said breathlessly while imagining Gretchen’s wrath, knowing they couldn’t.
“I missed you like crazy. And I should have come home sooner,” he said, slipping his hand around her waist. “I almost woke you up this morning on my way through the barn, but you looked so peaceful.”
“Home. I like the sound of that.” She smiled.
“Listen, I wasn’t there for you, and I am sorry.” He looked away. “I talked to Penny yesterday, and then Kara reached out to me on Instagram last night.”
Ride or die, no matter what. Kara always had her back. “She did?” Dahlia couldn’t wait to talk to her and tell her everything. And to apologize.
“She knocked some sense into me. Told me how lucky I was to have you. And I am a total arse.”
“No, you’re not.” She laughed. “But maybe it was good that I went through the last few days alone, to break through the noise of everything. It was a lot.”
Noah gave a light head shake. “I don’t know much, just that what you found was shocking and that you needed me.”
Thank God for these girls. Between Kara, Gretchen, and now even Penny, she was starting to feel like she belonged to a tribe. It was something she envied other girls for but never thought she’d have.
“You don’t know the half of it. Are you ready for this?” Dahlia asked quietly as a server walked past.
“Let’s go over here.” He pulled her into the section of woods in the back, as if what she was about to share was top secret. In a way, it was.
“I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this out loud. Aside from Harry, you’re the only person I’ve told.”
“Okay,” he leaned closer. She could smell his musk, with hints of the sea and sandalwood, and her knees weakened. If she was going to make it through this tell-all, she had to lean against the tree.
She inhaled a whiff of him and blurted. “My grandmother didn’t have an affair. It was Lil. She had the baby with a man named Gene.”
Noah yanked back in shock. “So wait, what are you saying exactly?”
“That Lil was my grandmother.” Dahlia felt the tide rise in her eyes.
“I found the key. The safe-deposit box held a letter to me and her journals. Noah, she was sixteen when she got pregnant, and madly in love. Her father was a monster. She didn’t have a choice but to let my gran and pop raise my mother.
Otherwise, she would have lost her to the system forever. ”
“That’s incredible.” He took a long pause, most likely because it hit close to home. “Sounds like your stories were similar. You and Lil.”
“You have no idea. Lil was the only one who stepped up to help me in the beginning. I was so alone when I found out I was pregnant, and she gave me hope.” She smiled through the tears that threatened to spill.
“Now you know why.”
Dahlia nodded. “I owe her so much.”
“So who’s Gene? Penny said she gave you a solid lead but didn’t say who it was.”
“If there were a nearby stump, I’d tell you to sit down.”
“Spit it out. The suspense is killing me.” He laughed.
“It’s Charles Halston.”
Noah was speechless. He just stood there blinking. “What? The guy from Shotgun and all those old westerns.” Noah’s eyes widened, and he cocked his head like something had just occurred to him. “Yeah, now that I think of it, he was in the movie The Best Man.”
“And friends with Ol’ Blue Eyes,” Dahlia said eagerly. There was a substantial age difference. She had to remember to ask Gene about it at another time, and how it came to be.
“Is that right?” Noah’s mouth still hung open.
“Want to know the best part? He’s a kind and sweet man, and boy, did he love Lil something fierce.”
“You spoke? Damn, you’ve been busy, girl.” His voice elevated.
Dahlia gave a light chuckle. “You know it all feels very serendipitous, like a plan from above.”
“It does.” He gently tugged her from the tree and into his strong hold. “Thank you, Lil.”
Dahlia was settling into her new set of circumstances.
And with that, she went on to tell him about the job in Charleston and how she had some decisions to make.
He took it well and said he had faith it would all work out.
They kissed for what seemed like days under the sycamore until they heard Gretchen calling them.
After Dahlia spoke with Tomas, the gallery owner, they snuck out.
They drove back to Meadow Lane in Noah’s truck, enamored with one another the entire way.
They camped on Lil’s sleeping porch and made love like it was their very first time.
Dahlia didn’t know if this was love, but she knew this was the closest she’d ever come.
But she was still on a tightrope, walking the line between having the strength to move on and finding the courage to stay. Regardless, it was progress.