Chapter 33 Lainey
One minute I’m partying on a yacht; the next minute I’m waking up in a strange bed, staring at fluorescent lights. The room is freezing, and cool air is flowing into my nose.
I try to look around, but my eyelids are too heavy. So I listen instead. I can hear the low-pitched whir of a motor, a steady beeping sound, the rattling of wheels rolling along a hallway, and voices speaking Italian. Some are near, others are farther away, still others sound like they’re coming from a television or radio.
The din is eerily familiar, taking me back to the end of my mother’s life. I don’t know what happened to me, but my body feels numb—like it’s not my own. It crosses my mind that I could be paralyzed. Or dying.
When I finally open my eyes, I see Tyson’s face. Then Hannah beside him. They are both peering down at me with expressions that scare me. I ask where I am, my voice coming out in a scratchy whisper. My throat is dry and sore. Tyson confirms that I’m in a hospital. I can’t remember how I got here, but I’m guessing that it was my fault. I drank too much. I may have done drugs, too. I remember dancing with the Croatian girls that I met on the Piazzetta. I remember having sex. I remember falling. After that, my memory is a black hole.
Overcome with regret, I stare into Tyson’s eyes and whisper that I’m sorry.
“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s all going to be okay.”
I try to reply, but Tyson stops me, telling me I need to rest.
I do as I’m told, closing my eyes.
I can’t tell whether it’s morning or night, but at some point, a doctor comes to talk to me. Standing at the foot of my bed with aclipboard in her hand, she informs me that I fractured three ribsand my humerus. I look down at my right arm, now in a fullcast, as she explains that they were able to do a closed nonsurgical reduction to set and realign the bone in the two places I broke it.
She goes on to say that I suffered acute alcohol poisoning. She tells me that if I hadn’t been brought into the hospital when I was, I may have lost my life. My heart and liver were that distressed.
As I stare at her, trying to process everything she is telling me, she clears her throat, then says, “Lainey, you also had some bruising and bleeding that can be consistent with sexual assault. Were you assaulted?”
I shake my head.
“So the intercourse was consensual?” she asks.
I nod, choosing to believe that it was. I can’t bear to consider the alternative.
She gives me a look like she isn’t sure whether to believe me, then asks if I have any questions.
My mind races as I look down at my arm. “How long will I have this cast?” I ask.
“Ten to twelve weeks,” she says.
I nod, fighting back tears, knowing that I will likely have to give up my movie role.
“How much longer will I be here?” I ask her.
“That depends on your bloodwork and other tests. We want to make sure you’re stable before we discharge you. For now, you need to rest.”
I nod as she gives me a small smile, hangs my chart on a hook, then walks out of the room.
A short time later, Hannah and Tyson appear in my doorway with furtive expressions.
“Good morning,” Hannah says. “We brought you a cappuccino. Extra hot.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I’m dying for some coffee.”
She hands me the cup and I raise it to my lips, inhaling the delicious scent, then taking a long sip.
“That might be the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” I say.
“Wait till you try these croissants.” Tyson smiles, then asks how I’m feeling.
“A bit sore,” I say.
“I bet,” he says.
I don’t know what to say, so I give them a rundown on my doctor’s report, minus the sex part. They both nod, listening intently. When I’m finished, I brace myself for the inevitable questions about what, exactly, happened. At the very least, I expect them to mention our argument or explain how they found me.
But they don’t go there with any of it. Not that morning or during any of their following visits that day. At first, I’m relieved, but as the hours pass, their silence is unnerving.
Maybe they know how ashamed I already am. Maybe they feel too much guilt of their own for lying to me about my sister. Maybe they are just waiting for me to broach the subject. I know I need to—and that I also need to call my agent—but I can’t quite find the courage.
That evening, Hannah and Tyson get permission to take me outside in a wheelchair. The sky is filled with stars. There has still been no mention of our fight or anything else that happened during those blacked-out hours. As we sit in silence, enjoying the night air, Alessandro walks up to us with a big pink teddy bear.
“You’re just the woman I’m looking for,” he says, handing me the bear.
I cradle it in my arms and tell him thank you.
Alessandro smiles, then pulls a Sharpie out of his breast pocket. “May I be the first to sign your cast?”
“Yes, please,” I say, watching as he uncaps the pen and scrawls his signature across my forearm.
“You know, Lainey,” Tyson says, “this guy led the search for you.”
It’s the most detail I’ve been given about those missing hours of my life, and I am filled with simultaneous shame and gratitude.
“Thank you,” I say. “So much.”
“Prego,” he says with a small bow. “We’re just happy that you’re okay.”
We chat for a while longer before Alessandro says he has to go. Once it’s just the three of us again, my heart fills with increasing dread, and my stomach turns in somersaults. I can feel the conversation coming, and I know that even if they don’t bring it up, I need to face the music. All of it.
“Well. I guess I better call my agent tomorrow,” I say.
Tyson nods, then says, “Yeah. You probably should do that.”
“I’m going to lose my role,” I say, glancing down at Alessandro’s signature on my cast.
I look back up in time to see Hannah’s sympathetic expression.
“Yeah. I don’t remember the Pigeon Girl having a cast on her arm,” Tyson says. At first, I think he’s attempting to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t smile. Clearly nothing about this is a joking matter.
“And I’m guessing the Paris leg of our trip is out, too?” I ask.
“For now, yes,” Hannah says.
After a painfully long stretch of silence, I give my friends a pleading look. “Guys. Please. Talk to me. Lecture me. Yell at me. Say something.”
Tyson stares into my eyes and says, “We’re not going to do that, Lainey. This has to come from you.”
Hannah gives a somber nod in solidarity.
I take a deep breath, searching for the right words. Any words.
“I know I drink too much,” I finally force myself to say. “At least I do when I’m upset.”
Tyson nods, then says, “It’s a relief to hear you say that. Because we’re really worried about you.”
“Worried how? Do you think I’m an alcoholic?”
“Do you think you are?” Tyson replies.
“I don’t think so…. I mean, I don’t drink alone or in the morning or at work…. And there are some days when I don’t drink at all,” I say, although those days are few and far between.
Tyson nods, studying my face.
“Do you think I am?” I ask him.
He sighs. “I don’t know, but you definitely have a troubled relationship with alcohol. And I think it’s all a very slippery slope.”
Hannah nods, then says, “There are definitely some red flags. Once you start drinking, it seems hard for you to stop. And too often, you can’t remember things.”
“You should never be blacking out,” Tyson says. “It’s so dangerous.”
“I know,” I say, then confess that I sometimes use alcohol to numb myself.
Tyson bites his lip, staring at me intently. “Look. Maybe you justneed to talk to a good therapist. Maybe if you sort out some ofthe underlying issues—the stuff you’ve been through with yourfather and losing your mother—you won’t feel the need todrink when you’re upset. There are so many better ways to cope.”
I nod, then say, “I’m so sorry for putting you guys through all of this.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Hannah says. “I wasn’t a good friend to you—”
“Yes, you were,” Lainey says. “You always are.”
Hannah shakes her head. “No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t forthright with you. But there are a few things I need to explain.”
I stare at her, ready to listen.
“For one, Olivia was already in Italy when we got here. She’s here for tennis. Training with a new coach. It was a complete coincidence,” she says.
“Oh,” I say, thinking that softens the blow of her deceit a bit.
“Also,” she says, clearing her throat, “Tyson didn’t know Olivia was coming to Capri. I wasn’t forthright with either of you.”
I look at Tyson. “You really didn’t know she was with Hannah?”
He shakes his head and says, “I tried to tell you that—”
“Wow,” I say, filled with mixed emotions. As much as I regret not giving him the benefit of the doubt, I’m also relieved that he didn’t lie to me.
“There’s one more thing. Something I haven’t told either of you.” Hannah takes a deep breath, wringing her hands. “So…I don’t know how it happened…or what it is, exactly…. But somehow…Olivia and I seem to have…a connection—” She stops suddenly, looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen her.
“Um. Yeah. About that,” Tyson says. “I think I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see. In the bar.”
I look at Tyson, then Hannah, completely lost. Then I remember how Hannah and Olivia were sitting together when we found them. They were so close.
“Holy shit. Are you and my sister…?” My voice trails off, thinking there’s no way. Hannah is as straight as they come.
She gives me a sheepish, starry-eyed smile. “I don’t know,” she says, her cheeks turning pink. “Maybe? I really like her.”
“Well, damn,” I say, blinking. “I didn’t see that coming.”
“I know. Believe me, I didn’t, either. And I know you didn’t want me talking to her, but we just clicked…. Then she asked to come see me here in Capri. And I said yes. I was afraid to tell you.” The words come rushing out of her.
I stare back at her, speechless, as she continues. “I’m telling you because I want you to know why I didn’t leave well enough alone when you asked me to. It’s not an excuse—just an explanation. I made the wrong decision—and I take full responsibility for what happened.” She sighs.
“I wish you hadn’t lied to me. But it’s not your fault that I almost killed myself. I can’t put that on you—and you can’t put that on yourself.”
Hannah takes a deep breath, as if to brace herself. “Your sister is wonderful, Lainey,” she says. “If you ever decide you want to know her, I am positive you will love her. But that’s your call entirely.”
“I trust you,” I say, then look at Tyson. “I trust both of you.”
“Good. Because we will always have your back,” he says. “Even if we make some mistakes along the way.”
I nod. I know I have a lot to work through, but I also know that anything is possible with these two at my side. They’re all I need to get by. “I have both of your backs, too,” I say, tearing up.
“We know you do,” Hannah says. “You’ve helped me more than you could ever know. This trip has meant everything to me.”
“Me too.” Tyson nods.
My heart skips a beat as I think of the intimate moments we shared. I wonder if we will ever have more of them.
“God, Lainey.” He swallows, a visible lump in his throat. “We almost lost you.”
“But you didn’t. I’m here.” I force a smile. “A bit broken and battered, but I’m still here.”
“We’ve all been through a lot. We’re all a bit broken and battered,” Hannah says. “But the important thing is that we kept our promise—”
Tyson nods. “Yes, we did.”
“Summer would be so proud of us,” Hannah says, staring up at the velvety sky.
“Yes, she would. All three of us,” Tyson says.
I take his hand in mine, then gaze up at the stars. For the first time since Summer died, I can feel her with us. I can also feel tears running down my cheeks.
I try to wipe them away, but they come too fast, and I finally just let them fall.
“It’s going to be okay,” Tyson says.
“Better than okay,” Hannah says.
I nod. Because I believe them.