28. Summer
SUMMER
E very minute I’m away from RJ feels like torture.
How did it happen this fast? A month ago, I was fine.
Okay, I was still secretly pining for the boy next door from afar, but I could go about my day without being consumed with thoughts of him.
Now, I can’t go more than an hour without wanting to text him or hear his voice.
There’s so much we need to talk about. How will we tell Raven? What will our living situation be like? How are we telling the kids? Will they be excited?
Once I’m finished showing my listing, I race to his house, not wanting to be apart from him for one more minute. When I turn into the driveway, he’s sitting on the porch. I race up the steps to him, and he wraps me in a huge hug, lifting and spinning me so my back is to his front door.
I’m still in his arms when he pulls back, looking down at me.
“I need to talk to you about something.” There’s a distant look in his eyes, and I have trouble reading him.
Is he upset about something? Does he know?
Did he change his mind about us? Is he about to walk away again?
Every insecurity I’ve ever had races through my mind.
It’s just your emotions getting the better of you, Summer . I take a deep breath as I peer up at him. “Okay, but just know that I love you, and I know I was only gone for a couple hours, but I missed you so much. Like a stupid amount.”
A grin breaks out on his face, like my words have eased the burden he was carrying. My nerves settle as he sweeps me up into a kiss. I melt into him right as a car door slams. When I peer around his bicep, Raven is walking toward us.
I shove RJ away in a panic. “Raven! This isn’t what it looks like.”
“Really? It looks like you’re sucking face with my idiot brother.” Her tone is calm. Too calm.
Panic floods my gut. This isn’t how I wanted her to find out. I had a whole speech prepared, but I’m at a loss for words. “Okay, this is what it looks like. But I can explain.”
I look at RJ for back up, wait for him to chime in, but he just blinks at me, a hurt expression on his face. Is he upset? Then he turns and steps in front of me as if he’s protecting me from his sister. “What are you doing here?”
“I was sent to find you. Hardy said he’s tried calling and texting, but you’re not answering your phone.”
“Shit. I took a shower, and I must’ve left my phone and watch on the counter,” he mutters as he runs in the house in search of his phone.
Why didn’t he tell her about us? Hurt consumes me. It feels like high school all over again. I’m being irrational, but I’m overwhelmed with emotions, and I just wanted him to tell her that he loves me. Is he going to run again now that she knows?
I stand there staring at Raven awkwardly.
She crosses her arms over her chest as if putting her shields up.
I suddenly feel naked without RJ by my side, and I fumble for the right words to say, wishing I could remember the speech I’d planned.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I didn’t mean for this to happen. This was a mistake.”
She looks over my shoulder, and I turn to see RJ standing there, phone in hand with a defeated look on his face. Shit, I’m messing this up. Did he hear that?
RJ brushes past me muttering. “I’ve got to go. There’s a fire, and they need help.” He turns, looking at his sister over his shoulder. “Lock up when you’re done.”
Why isn’t he saying something to her? Is he picking her again?
He won’t look at me, and a pit forms in my stomach. “RJ, wait. Please don’t go like this.”
“The guys need me.” He climbs into his truck and backs out of the driveway.
It feels like a slap to the face, implying that they need him but I don’t.
I hope I’m reading into it, and I know I’m being selfish.
He’s a firefighter; he puts himself at risk to save lives for a living.
I know there will be times where he’ll have to leave me for his job, but I can’t help but wish we were back in our bubble at the beach house when it felt like his whole world revolved around me.
“Fuck!” I shout as I grip the metal porch railing and drop my head. Emotion clogs my throat as I try to fight back the tears.
Warm hands slide around my waist as Raven’s head leans against my back.
I freeze, unsure what to do. Raven doesn’t hug people.
I can count the number of hugs she’s given me on one hand.
That’s all it takes for the tears to flow, and I sob uncontrollably as she turns me in her arms, wrapping them around my neck.
I try not to cling to her, careful not to overwhelm her with too much physical touch, but when she pats my back, I squeeze her, just not too tightly.
“It’ll be okay,” she says against my hair. “He’ll be okay.”
I don’t want to argue with her, so I nod and cry. After a few minutes, she releases me and motions for us to sit on the concrete porch steps.
“Thanks for the hug. I know it’s not your thing,” I say, unsure where to start.
“I’ve never heard you curse like that. And you’re normally a feelings person, but that was a lot of emotions even for you, so I figured you must be overwhelmed and need comfort.”
Nodding, I swipe at my tears, trying to compose my thoughts.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It never felt like the right time when we were still trying to figure things out and I wanted to talk to you in person.
The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like we were keeping something from you.
I should have told you as soon as we got back, but I got caught up in the romance of everything once we got home.
And I have so much on my mind.” I stare down the driveway at where RJ just left.
“And now RJ thinks I regret what we did, when really I meant that it was a mistake not telling you right away.”
“He’ll be fine. I’m sure he’ll understand once you talk to him. And if he doesn’t, he’s an even bigger idiot than I thought. Though it might be a while. It sounds like there was a pretty bad fire.”
I look over at her. “Really?”
“Yeah. You know it’s bad when Hardy reaches out to me to find my brother.”
“How would he know to call you?”
“I’m RJ’s emergency contact.”
“Oh.” I shift awkwardly, unsure of what to say next. Dropping my head in my hands, I let out a shuddering exhale. RJ’s face fills my mind. “He looked so hurt. I hate that we left it that way. What if he does something stupid?”
“RJ’s a smart guy.”
I let out a watery laugh. “But you always call him an idiot.”
“Because he’s an idiot. But only when it comes to you.”
Turning my head, I examine her closely. “What are you talking about?”
“I knew he liked you, back in high school. And I also knew what you two were up to that week after the party.”
My mouth falls open in shock. “You did ?”
“Of course I did. I was RJ’s ride. And for about a week after that party he kept showing up late to the car after school with a dopey grin on his face and his backpack strategically placed over his crotch. Teenage boys are gross.” She shudders as she relives the memory.
“Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed.”
“At first, I was mad he kept making me late. And then it felt like he was stealing my friend. Part of me was jealous. I’d never felt that way about someone before.
But I knew there was something between you two.
As smart as he is, my brother’s an idiot when it comes to you.
I still don’t understand why he walked away from you back then, and I got really mad at him. ”
I bite my lips, and she tracks the movement.
Her eyes narrow. “What do you know?”
“You should probably talk to RJ about it.” She smiles, and while it’s small and out of character for her, it immediately fills me with warmth.
“I figured his teenage hormones got the best of him. And look, I love my niece and her mom. I’m glad that they’re part of my life.
But I hate how he hurt you back then. I was secretly glad he moved away, and you moved on.
But then you got divorced and then he moved back, and both of you kept badgering me about each other.
So, I had this plan to send you to the summer house at the same time. ”
“You set this up?”
She nods.
“So you’re not planning on selling it?”
“No.”
“Do you know how many pictures I took? I was building a listing for you. Hell, I was trying to figure out if it was worth getting licensed in Florida for the commission.” My mind is racing at her admission. “And all the things we fixed. And the inspection! I was so stressed out!”
“You scheduled a fake inspection as a ruse for staying at the house for an extra week kid-free.”
I freeze, gaping at her. “Oh my God, do you have cameras in there? Were you watching us?”
“Gross, no. But I know everyone on that island and dug into the inspector after you gave me his name.”
“I know I should’ve told you sooner.”
Raven shrugs. “Probably.”
“I spent too much time with someone I thought was stable. He had a steady job, he provided for us financially, but I never felt secure because part of me was still chasing an emotional steadiness he never provided. But RJ…”