19. Tessa
F or reasons only she knew, Tessa was still reeling after yesterday’s… situation with Crista. It wasn’t that Crista was having some possible pregnancy symptoms, although that did kind of throw Tessa off a bit.
No, it was the fact that yet another person had told her what a great mother she would have been. No one understood why that stung. And she was so tired of carrying her secret around. Maybe she’d tell Kate when she came in next weekend. Maybe she’d tell the whole world. Maybe they’d stop reminding her of a decision she could not undo.
For the past two hours, she’d been able to put the emotions on a backburner while she and Lacey had a long and incredibly productive meeting at Lumière. After it ended, they stepped into the sunshine of Miramar Beach, riding high from how much Akari loved the plans for the fashion show event.
Lacey darn near skipped over the cobblestone sidewalk with untethered joy, as exuberant as Nolie would be.
“We were awesome!” she sang as she clutched the packet of notes and reference photos Akari had given them, fanning herself dramatically with the stack of papers. “Did you hear how excited she was? I swear, we are so good at this.”
Tessa chuckled at her, turning the corner to catch the rays of a sun dipping toward the horizon, casting an ethereal glow over the rows of upscale boutiques and cafés.
“Wow, what an evening,” she said, taking a deep inhale.
“It’s amazing,” Lacey agreed. “Let’s go celebrate with a glass of wine. Isn’t that cute place, Vin’tij, on the next block?”
“It is,” Tessa said, trying to decide if she wanted to settle into the bistro and bask in Lacey’s happiness. Normally, nothing would have stopped her, but her heart was still unreasonably heavy.
“Come on.” Lacey tugged her arm. “One glass of something bubbly to toast our enormous success.”
Tessa shook her head. “One client does not an enormous success make, my young protégé.”
“We have the Bat Mitzvah next month, and you’ve had three new business leads,” Lacey replied. “Akari said she gave our name to several people looking for wedding planners. You can plan a wedding.”
“In my sleep,” she said, letting Lacey lead her. “All right, all right. One drink. Let’s go.”
Vin’tij Wine Boutique & Bistro was a perfect spot—trendy but relaxed, with a cozy, artsy atmosphere. They grabbed a high-top table near the window, each ordering a sparkling rosé. They decided to split a baked focaccia because Tessa never met a triple cream brie she could resist.
The place hummed with soft jazz music, and the pink-hued sunset spilled through the large windows, making the ambiance feel even more charmed.
Tessa sighed as the drinks were served in tall flutes, their deep rose color looking so refreshing.
Lacey raised her glass. “To Tessa Wylie Events—the best company I’ve ever worked for.”
Tessa clinked her glass against Lacey’s, laughing. “You’re either wildly optimistic or drunk on the smell of the stuff.”
“Neither one,” Lacey insisted. “I just can’t believe how smoothly everything is coming together. Akari was so excited about the show.”
“We need everyone involved to catch the vision,” Tessa said. “I’m not sure Eli and Jonah are thrilled about their new careers in male modeling.”
“Jonah is still pretending to be annoyed, but I swear I saw him checking his reflection before we left today. He’s into it. Uncle Eli, though? That’s gonna take some convincing.”
They laughed about it while the appetizer was served, wafting the aroma of warm brie and caramelized onions between them.
“And we’ll need more brides, of course,” Tessa added.
“You need to step up, Tess.” Lacey pointed at her with a slice of cheese-covered bread. “Why don’t you want to wear a wedding dress?”
Tessa groaned, putting her own bread back down on the small plate in front of her. “Oh, Lace, don’t start.”
“It’s just that you’re so pretty and you have a great figure. Honestly, for that ‘second brides’ collection? You’re perfect. In every way, you’re perfect.”
“Kate will do it.” She took a bite and tried to enjoy the rich flavor.
“You should, too.”
Tessa wanted to roll her eyes, but Lacey studied her so intently, she suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“What?” Tessa asked, touching her lips. “Do I have cheese on my face?”
“I’m just thinking…” Lacey leaned back in her chair, her smile stretching. “Tessa, can I just say that I love this job?”
“Oh, Lacey, that’s?—”
“No, no, let me get this out. I’ve had two sips, so it’s not the rosé talking. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m actually doing something. Like I wake up and want to work. That’s never happened before.”
“That’s because you’ve finally found something that excites you,” Tessa told her, knowing the feeling all too well. “You’re not just punching a clock for a paycheck, especially considering the paltry sum I’ve paid you. But you’re building something.”
“All that’s true, but it’s more than that.” Lacey leaned forward, her expression turning more serious. “I never met anyone like you. I just love you, honestly. I believe in you, and I trust you.”
Tessa stared at her, the echo of old Gerry’s voice and offer still in her ear, knowing that if she took it, this girl would be hurt.
“Because nothing good ever lasts in my life,” Lacey continued. “I can’t seem to get traction and I’m going to be twenty-five. Twenty- five .”
Tessa knew she should laugh and make a joke like, “Oh, to be twenty-five again,” but the number hit with a little more impact than it should, making Tessa look down. She’d been twenty-five herself…and that was twenty-five years ago, so…
“I mean, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Lacey plowed on. “I’m a bit of a quitter…or at least I have been when it comes to work. But this? I don’t want to quit. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
Tessa sighed, a punch of guilt making her want to be honest—she had to be honest.
“It might change, Lace,” she finally said. “You need to know that.”
Lacey froze, her chatter quieting. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She huffed out a breath. “I have to be straight with you. The Ritz has offered me my old job back.”
“ What ?” Lacey mouthed the word, turning a little pale.
Tessa took a long sip of her drink, delaying the news that would truly affect Lacey. Finally, she exhaled.
“Nothing is definite or decided, but I have agreed to think about it.”
“What’s to think about?” Lacey shot back. “They treated you so unfairly! That isn’t where you belong! You’re here and…we’ve got a business and…this is so much fun and….” She swallowed. “Please don’t leave, Tessa.”
The words pressed on her heart. “Lacey, it’s a really good job with benefits and I live in luxury for nothing. I wouldn’t have to worry about where I’m going to be sleeping in six months.”
“You’ll be living with us at the Summer House!”
“We can’t be sure about that,” Tessa said. “Crista hasn’t agreed not to sell yet and…you don’t know what’s going on in her life. She could change her mind and take the cash.”
Tessa was already certain that’s what Crista would do if she had another baby. They’d sell the Summer House and have a nest egg for two kids.
Lacey shook her head furiously, as if she just didn’t want to hear that. “My mom and Uncle Eli will convince her. And even if they don’t, we could stay here and build the business. Find a place to live and?—”
“Or I could try and get you a job at the Ritz.”
She closed her mouth and stared. “I…I…I don’t want to work at the Ritz,” she admitted softly. “Thank you for that, but I don’t love the corporate world. There’s something about being in this together, with no boss—well, you, and you’re amazing—and the freedom of owning a piece of something built from nothing. It’s just so thrilling to me.”
“Then you could start your own business,” Tessa said.
“Not without you! Tessa! I love you!”
This time she said it loud enough that half the restaurant probably heard, and a few people chuckled at the heartfelt admission.
But not Tessa. She couldn’t laugh. She couldn’t. The words scraped over the most tender place in Tessa’s heart, opening an old wound and making it bleed.
Probably because that wound had resurfaced lately.
“Lacey, please, I?—”
“No, no, you have to know this. You can’t think about going back to the Ritz. We need you here. I need you here. Forget friend. Forget aunt. Forget mentor. You’re like a second mother to me, Tessa. That’s how much I love you. And you would have been?—”
“Stop!” Tessa rasped the word. “Please don’t say that again.”
“Oh, my—Tessa! You’re crying!” Lacey was up in a flash, rounding the small table, wrapping Tessa in a hug. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say something to upset you. And if you have to take the job?—”
“No, it’s not the job, Lacey.”
“Then what? What did I say?” She frowned, thinking hard. “That we need you? That I love you? That you’re like a second…mother?”
“Just…don’t say that,” Tessa whispered. “It’s hard for me to hear.”
“Because you’ve never had a child?” Lacey drew back, nothing but concern in her blue eyes. “That doesn’t make you…” She let out a breath. “Or is it…”
Tessa closed her eyes, a tear spilling. Tears she never shed except when she thought about…
“Or is it because you have had a child?” Lacey finished on the softest breath.
Tessa froze, silent and unable to lift her gaze and meet Lacey’s.
All Tessa would have to do was look at Lacey and the secret would be out. It would no longer be something that only Tessa and her father knew. And someone, somewhere, with a twenty-five-year-old adopted son.
The only person on the face of the planet who knew Tessa’s truth was gone. The person who’d flown to her side and taken her to the hospital and arranged everything, the whole time keeping her secret—and keeping it until the day he died—was gone.
Oh, Dad. I miss you.
Now she was alone with her old history pressing down on her shoulders like a lead weight, lifted by this sweet girl who wasn’t her daughter but might as well be.
After what felt like an eternity, she looked up and stared at Lacey, who had no more questions in her blue eyes. Only love, sympathy, understanding, and…more love.
“Have you…had a child, Tessa?”
Tessa swallowed and surrendered. “How did you know?” she asked on a breaking whisper.
“I don’t know. I just…sensed it. You change when someone talks about you being a mother. The light kind of goes out of your eyes and I…honestly, I really don’t know. I felt it, though.”
“Very intuitive of you,” Tessa murmured. “I’ve never told Kate or my mother. They never guessed.”
Lacey snagged her barstool and pulled it so close, their legs were touching when she sat down. “Tell me everything. I will never repeat it to a soul, but you need to share this.”
She nodded. She was right. Tessa needed to share this more than anything. And she trusted Lacey, deeply.
“It happened when I was twenty-four,” she started, then smiled. “Exactly your age.”
“What happened?”
“I was working for Carnival Cruise. Nothing glamorous, believe me. I was a waitress on a ship that sailed out of Port Canaveral, over on the east coast of Florida. I met a guy who was on a party cruise with his buddies, and we hit it off and…” She lifted a shoulder, not proud of her past. “I did some dumb things—chief among them not using protection. A couple months after that, I realized I hadn’t gotten my period and…” She made a face.
“Oh, Tess. Did you tell him?”
“Please.” She looked toward the ceiling and scoffed. “I didn’t actually like him enough to give him my number. How’s that for irony? I don’t even remember what town he was from. It was essentially a weekend hookup and…” She groaned. “Ah, Lacey, I’m so ashamed.”
“Don’t be. What did you do?”
She closed her eyes, going back to those terrifying days. She’d had options, but none of them felt right.
“I turned to the only man who understood right from wrong, and who wouldn’t judge me.”
“Artie Wylie,” Lacey guessed.
Tessa nodded. “He was my, you know, go-to parent. Not my mom. But Dad? Yeah. He came down to Florida, and we talked and talked, and he helped me figure out what I wanted to do, and that was to arrange an adoption through a local agency.”
Lacey just squeezed her hand, quiet.
“I had a baby boy. And here’s the sum total of what I know about him: He was seven pounds and ten ounces, nineteen inches long, and born at seven sixteen PM on February 19, 2000, in Holmes Regional Medical Center in Melbourne, Florida.”
“Oh, he just had a birthday two months ago.”
Tessa gave a soft laugh. “Yes, and that was the day I got fired from the Ritz. I was driving aimlessly up the coast, crying my fool eyes out like I always do that day, and I saw the sign for Destin and I…”
“Wanted comfort,” Lacey finished, rubbing Tessa’s hand gently. “Do you know his name?”
“Nope and I don’t want to,” she said. “I pray he’s happy, healthy, and well-loved.”
Lacey just let out a long sigh, leaning closer and dropping her head on Tessa’s shoulder. “You poor thing, carrying that around all alone.”
“It was easier that way. I couldn’t tell Jo Ellen or Kate. I didn’t want to be a disappointment, but my dad?” She gave a dry laugh. “For some reason, it was impossible for me to disappoint the man. God knows I tried, but his love was unconditional with a capital un .”
“And the adoption? You never tried to?—”
“No. No, no, no. I couldn’t insert myself into his life. No, he’s better off not knowing me.”
“How can you even say something like that?” Lacey asked. “You’re the most amazing, beautiful, wonderful person ever.”
Tessa laughed. “Oh, keep drinking, Lace. Pretty soon I’ll be a saint and not…” Her smile faded. “A dumb blonde disappointment.”
“You are so wrong,” Lacey said. “You have the absolute most wrong sense of self-worth. I meant it when I said I love you.”
“And I must love you right back,” Tessa said. “Your mother thinks I’m joking when I say I want you for my daughter…but I think there’s truth in all humor.”
“Tessa. You’ve been through so much. So much.”
Tessa blinked rapidly, trying to keep the flood of tears at bay. “Just a life, Lace. A complicated life driven by decisions I can’t undo.”
“Do you wish you’d kept the baby and raised him yourself?” Lacey asked gently.
“I don’t like to travel that road not taken,” Tessa said. “Regrets are foolish and not fun. I like fun.”
Lacey laughed softly, but grew serious. “Is this why you like fun? Because you gave up a baby?”
“Pffft. I like fun because it’s fun. But, if I’m being completely honest, I do wish I had a grown son right now. It would be nice. Maybe to be a grandmother someday.”
“Hottest one ever.”
She pointed playfully at Lacey. “Hey, maybe you, my pretend daughter, will give me one.”
“Not soon, but yeah. Someday.” She squeezed Tessa’s hands again. “You could probably find him, you know. It wouldn’t be?—”
“No.” She narrowed her eyes. “And I don’t want anyone to know this, Lacey. Not your mother, not my sister, no one in the world. Can you keep my secret?”
“Yes, I promise not to tell any of them. Are you sure your dad didn’t tell your mother?”
“Positive. He could keep a secret like no one’s business. And I mean it—Kate would be devastated to find out I went through that and never told her.”
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Lacey asked. “You two are close.”
“Close… ish ,” she replied. “At the time, Kate was in grad school and…we weren’t that tight, since I was out to sea so much on that cruise ship. We frequently went long, long times without seeing each other. She never questioned my being out of sight all that time.”
Lacey settled back on her seat, picking up her flute. “I won’t toast to little seven-pound Holmes.”
Tessa laughed. “That was the name of the hospital. I told you, I don’t know his name.”
“Don’t you want to know?” Lacey asked, clearly struggling with that. “I mean, aren’t you curious?”
“Sometimes, but I feel like this is better. My dad was very clear that I signed a contract, I gave the baby up for adoption, and that was legal and binding.”
“He was a law ethics professor,” Lacey said.
“He was also my rock,” Tessa added, then smiled. “And now you are.” She made a face. “No pressure or anything.”
“I don’t feel any pressure,” Lacey assured her. “But…”
“No buts, Lace. I’ve made my decision, and I will live with it.”
“ But …” she continued. “You cannot take that Ritz-Carlton job or…”
Tessa’s eyes widened. “Are you blackmailing me?”
“Never.” Lacey laughed. “But don’t do it, please. I can’t stand to lose you.”
Tessa smiled, deeply happy she had this young woman in her life and pretty sure she couldn’t stand to lose her, either.