Chapter 10
ADDIE
After Susanna had stormed out of the cottage, Addie had got up and left the front door on the latch.
She’d then texted her sister to let her know she could come back in that way.
Funny – she’d been away for twenty years and some things were still second nature to her.
She knew to turn the door knob and secure it, she knew the cold tap in the utility room ran colder than the one in the kitchen, she knew there was a dip in the bathroom floor upstairs near the sink, and that the windows on this side of the house always rattled in a storm.
Addie hadn’t known what to say to Gayle, who had apologised repeatedly when it was just the two of them, so she’d taken herself off as well and gone for a walk up to Bay Street.
She knew Susanna would’ve gone towards the track – she’d done that a lot when she was meeting Mateo because it was another way of getting down to the marina – and she wanted to give Susanna a bit of space to think because that was what she needed herself.
Addie had reached the Sweet Life Café and stood opposite it for a while, fifty metres or so from the entrance door, not too close, and just stared.
And then, ten minutes ago, she’d come back to the house to find Gayle sitting in the same place in the kitchen.
Gayle had made her a cup of camomile tea and they’d sat there in silence, waiting for Susanna.
When Susanna came back to the cottage, Gayle was rinsing out their cups. She turned around from her position at the sink and announced, ‘Your rooms are made up.’
Susanna shook her head. ‘We’ll stay at the inn.’
Without looking at them again Gayle simply said, ‘If you like. But your rooms are ready, they’re free, and you have fresh sheets and towels. There’s shower gel in the bathroom, bath salts too.’
‘You were that sure we’d come?’ Susanna demanded before Addie could even get out a thank you.
‘I wasn’t sure at all,’ Gayle said defeatedly, finally lifting her gaze. ‘I’m going to turn in. You girls will want to talk. And I’ve got—’
‘An early start,’ Susanna finished for her, turning away to face the window that looked out over Evergreen Close.
Aunt Gayle had always been an early riser.
Even if she didn’t immediately go over to the café, she would be doing something related to the business, whether it was talking to one of her staff on the phone about supplies or baking puddings here at the cottage to transport over there.
Addie suspected operations still worked in much the same way – nothing but raw ingredients brought in, every pudding made from scratch, just the way the customers liked it.
‘Goodnight,’ said Aunt Gayle.
‘Goodnight,’ said Addie in return.
Susanna said nothing, and when Gayle had gone, she sat down at the table.
When they heard the groan of the pipes as Aunt Gayle used the bathroom at the end of the corridor, she asked, ‘What did she have to say for herself when I was out?’
Addie didn’t want to admit it, but even with the silence between them it had felt wonderful to sit in front of this woman who had tried so hard over the years.
Addie wasn’t sure Gayle ever stood a chance with two sisters who had lost so much, who’d agreed they would one day leave, and one of whom pushed against being here right up until the day she left.
Addie had followed in her sister’s footsteps when she hadn’t had to.
She’d done it partly out of loyalty but also because she was scared to do anything else.
It had always been the two of them, sisters together, united, who could take whatever was dealt to them.
‘We didn’t talk,’ Addie explained.
‘But you must have talked a little.’
‘No, we just waited for you.’
‘I’m surprised she didn’t want to talk about her death.’ Susanna harrumphed.
‘You’re angry—’
‘Aren’t you?’
‘Sshhhhh…’ Addie kept her voice low. ‘Yes, I’m annoyed. But—’
‘But what?’
Aunt Gayle’s bedroom was downstairs, and she didn’t want their voices heard through the walls. ‘Why don’t we go upstairs out of the way and talk there?’
‘So we’re staying?’
‘It’s late, the rooms are right there, and they’re free.’
‘I guess we might as well then.’ Susanna led the way, hauling her suitcase and bags up the stairs, Addie behind her.
‘I’ll put my things in my room and come into yours,’ said Addie.
It was the way it had generally worked when they were younger.
Addie’s bedroom was above Gayle’s, and they’d been well aware of making too much noise so they usually met in Susanna’s.
Addie had slept in there for a while when they’d first moved in, and Susanna had let her.
Her big sister had comforted her every time she’d had a bad dream, like the recurring dream about their parents being out of reach on a bridge, with her below calling up to them.
Even now, thinking about that dream made her feel nauseous and scared of it happening again.
But it hadn’t happened for years. Instead, every once in a while she had pleasant dreams about their parents, mostly about their dad, and sometimes woke smiling like she’d seen him for real while she was asleep.
On the way up the stairs, Addie wondered whether her room would have all sorts of paraphernalia dotted about, things Gayle didn’t know what to do with.
Everyone had one of those rooms or cupboards, didn’t they?
She had one at the flat, a big cupboard with shoes littering the bottom and five or six deep shelves.
She called it her no-bloody-idea cupboard, which Isaac had picked up on, and she had to admit that although it wasn’t good to teach him naughty words, it always sounded so hilarious when he said it with an air of seriousness as if that was its real name.
She pushed open the door to her old bedroom.
It was as though time had stood still in here.
The furniture was all in the same spot, even the wicker chair in front of the small dressing table still had its blue and white checked gingham seat with the small area of out-of-place stitching from a part of it that Gayle had had to sew up for her more than once.
It was oddly comforting to know that in all this time Aunt Gayle hadn’t wiped away the last traces of the Rafferty girls.
She hung up her coat and got out her pyjamas and washbag, both of which she put on top of the chest of drawers, and then she went into Susanna’s room.
Her sister was taking her make-up off in front of the same mirror that had always been on the back of the door.
It was full-length and Addie had often come in to check her reflection as she only had the mirror on top of her dressing table and so could only see herself in it if she stood on the bed.
Susanna looked into the mirror to meet Addie’s gaze as she wiped an eyelid gently with a piece of cotton wool.
‘Sorry I’m so grouchy.’ She smelled of the same Diptyque perfume she’d used for years, a scent fragranced with water lilies and another floral bouquet.
Addie usually stole some when she was visiting, it was so luxurious compared to her cheaper supermarket-bought versions.
‘It’s understandable. I’m a bit all over the place myself.’
‘You handle it better than I do.’
‘Finally, something I can do better than my big sister.’ Addie grinned.
Susanna turned to face her. ‘You can do a lot that I can’t do – be a mother, for a start. You’re wonderful at that. My nephew is living proof.’
Addie took a deep breath. ‘How desperate must Aunt Gayle have been to not call us and let us know of the mistake?’
Susanna turned back to the mirror to do the other eye. ‘She should have done though, that wasn’t fair.’
‘She seems lonely.’
‘Lonely?’ Susanna wasn’t convinced. ‘She was never lonely. She had her business, her staff and friends… She was always so busy.’
‘It’s not the same, though, is it? We both know that.’ Just like living with Aunt Gayle wasn’t the same as being with their mum and dad. ‘She’s our family, Susanna. And we don’t have much of that left.’
Susanna put the top back on the make-up remover and came to sit down next to her sister on the bed. ‘I’m not sure where we go from here.’
‘I say we sleep on it and tomorrow is another day.’
‘Part of me wants to walk out of here and never come back,’ Susanna told her.
‘Usually, you know exactly what to do.’
‘Are you implying that I’m bossy?’
‘Yes, and I’m happy for you to be – takes the pressure off me.’
Susanna adjusted the headband that was holding her dark hair away from her face. ‘Mind if I do my teeth now?’
‘Go for it.’ The main bathroom was downstairs but up here there was another one with a toilet and a sink. ‘Mind if I steal some cleanser?’
‘I brought extra, I knew you’d want to use it.’
Addie hugged her sister tightly. ‘Things will be all right, you know.’
‘Yeah.’
But Susanna didn’t seem all that convinced as Addie left her to it.