Chapter 20
GAYLE
When Gayle stepped through the front door to her cottage she was devastated to see a suitcase in the hallway.
They were going? They really didn’t want to stay, even after they’d come into the café?
Perhaps that had been their goodbye.
It was only when Addie came out of the kitchen and put her arms around her that she realised she’d stumbled. Had she been about to faint?
‘Come and sit down,’ Addie urged. ‘Susanna! Susanna!’
Footsteps descended the stairs, and her eldest niece came into the kitchen, her face etched with concern.
In that moment Gayle realised she meant something to her eldest niece and she felt her heart soar.
Except then her spirits depleted. Even if she meant something to Susanna and to Addie, they were still leaving.
‘I’m fine,’ said Gayle. ‘Stop fussing.’
‘Drink this.’ Susanna handed her a glass of water. ‘And I’ll put the kettle on, make you a sweet tea.’
‘I don’t want tea. I just want to go to bed.’ She couldn’t hear about them leaving, she couldn’t watch it happen. Not again.
The day Susanna had packed her things and they’d all gone to the harbour to see her off for a new life with university on the mainland had felt like it was underlining her failure.
She’d lost one of them. And then the day Addie left after all those months of happiness before Gayle remembered her promise and never let Addie follow her baking dreams, at least not alongside her, had almost broken her.
Nancy had had to look after the café for an entire week.
Gayle had spent most of it with flu-like symptoms, Nancy had called a doctor, and he’d concluded it was most likely stress.
‘We’re having salmon for dinner, I was about to start making it,’ said Addie. ‘Why don’t you rest for a bit then you’ll be able to eat some.’
Gayle didn’t say a word. She barely glanced at the suitcase in the hallway as she made her way past, climbed into bed and pulled the duvet so high she was buried beneath it.
She hadn’t fallen asleep – she’d barely dozed – when a knock came at her door.
‘Dinner’s ready.’ Addie poked her head around the frame.
‘Give me a couple of minutes.’
‘Are you feeling better?’
‘I am, thank you.’
She got out of bed after Addie left the room. It was time to face it. The girls were leaving. They’d never really wanted to be here in the first place.
‘Susanna and I have news,’ said Addie the moment Gayle went into the kitchen.
She sat at the table, a plate of salmon, vegetables and scalloped potatoes in front of her. She wasn’t sure how she was going to stomach any of it.
She braced herself.
‘We’re going to Guernsey tomorrow, then on to Sark,’ said Susanna, sprinkling a little bit of salt across her own dinner.
‘Addie and I decided that as we’re almost done with Dad’s boxes and the weather is still so nice, and we don’t get much time together these days, that we would make it into a bit of a holiday. ’
If someone had waved a feather at her head, Gayle was sure it would’ve knocked her down.
‘Is that all right, Aunt Gayle?’ Addie asked. ‘I mean, we’ll be back the day before your event.’
‘Yes, it’s fine.’ Still in shock, she barely knew what to say. But she appreciated Addie’s use of the word ‘event’. The term living funeral, or rather the second word of the phrase, had begun to haunt her, never more so than when she’d felt faint at the sight of the suitcase.
Gayle managed a few mouthfuls of food. The girls had gone to a lot of effort to make her a meal, and she could summon some appetite now she knew they weren’t running away.
‘We thought we might do some shopping on Guernsey,’ Addie went on. ‘Although that’s more Susanna than me.’
‘We’re doing other things too,’ Susanna put in. ‘Addie wants to spend more time near the water, so I’ve promised we can try out paddleboarding or snorkelling or whatever she likes. Within reason.’
‘I’ve got some savings,’ said Addie. ‘They’re put away for a house deposit eventually but I’m nowhere close to buying anywhere, so…’ She shrugged, just about turned both palms upwards, knife in one, fork in the other. ‘I’m making the most of the time, put it that way.’
‘Good for you.’ It was almost as if they were all on the same wavelength, making the most of their lives, doing things before it was too late.
They chatted more over dinner about what the girls planned to do. It was the most animated conversation that had happened under her roof in a long time.
Gayle managed to eat most of her dinner too, which was a first. But she found fish light and whoever dished up must have been sensitive to the fact she didn’t eat much and had given her a smaller portion.
‘I’m afraid I didn’t bring back a pudding this evening,’ said Gayle and once again, just like every other night, the girls insisted they wash up.
‘I can whip up something,’ said Addie. ‘As long as you don’t mind me raiding your pantry.’
Gayle wanted nothing more. ‘Go ahead.’ Susanna looked just as happy about it, which meant more than her eldest niece would ever know.
Over the next hour, Gayle and Susanna watched Addie bake a type of mille-feuille.
Gayle longed to leap up and help but she was afraid she might feel dizzy or light-headed and really, watching her niece was a joy in itself.
She had skill, that was for sure – she made puff pastry from scratch and took it out of the oven when it was lovely and golden, all ready to make the French-style dessert with layers of pastry and cream.
She used the electric beaters to get the cream as thick as it needed to be before she added the custard, she prepared the strawberries, blueberries and raspberries to decorate the dessert.
She did all of it without so much as a glance at a recipe and it made Gayle both happy and devastated at the same time.
Her niece had held the same passion as her, but she’d followed a different path when she could’ve stuck to what she loved.
After they finished their dessert and went off to bed, Gayle felt the happiest she had in a long time. It felt like her family was back together and she only hoped that what she still had to tell the girls wouldn’t ruin what they had only just managed to find.
* * *
While the girls were away for four days Gayle had split her time between the café and the cottage, where she rested. She wanted to embrace the girls’ return and then her living funeral. It was as if both things were a last hurrah, but right now, she didn’t care. She was excited.
This morning Louisa had picked fresh blue asters for the vase in Susanna’s room and pink asters for the vase in Addie’s.
She’d been up early, ready to go to the café and put in way more hours than they’d agreed on account of Gayle’s increased absence, but she didn’t seem to mind.
And Gayle would be there later on, just as soon as she’d caught up with her nieces.
Gayle put the vases in their rightful places upstairs and then went to sit down in the kitchen to wait.
She only got up when she heard the letterbox go and was over the moon to see a postcard from Guernsey from the girls.
To get it here that quickly they must have written it as soon as they arrived, and she clasped it against her chest, briefly relieved that they had been thinking of her as well as taking some time by themselves.
That night in the kitchen over the mille-feuille – which incidentally had been one of the best she’d ever tasted – the girls had asked whether she wanted to join them on their holiday, and if it hadn’t been for her persistent headaches and the nosebleed she’d had shortly before the pudding was ready, all of which sent her into a tailspin about her health, she might have said yes.
She’d cited how busy the café was – an excuse – and she’d despised herself for it because it was the biggest peace offering yet.
But she hadn’t been able to bear the thought of having to hide her symptoms, which would be near to impossible if they were all together on a holiday.
Plus, she suspected the girls needed the time away, that actually it might be better if they did it without her. They could enjoy themselves, be young, reflect and come back to her cottage to spend more quality time together.
The hour left to wait for them to get back home ticked by so slowly she’d thought she’d go mad until she heard the sound of a key in the lock, the chatter of female voices, and there they were, her nieces.
The three of them had never quite had the relationship where they hugged a lot, although as soon as they came in both of them hugged her tightly and couldn’t wait to recount their adventures.
‘Guernsey was wonderful,’ said Addie. ‘Susanna shopped a lot – boring work clothes.’
‘Hey!’ But even as she said it, Susanna looked more carefree than Gayle had ever seen her.
‘Did you get our postcard?’ Addie asked.
She pointed to the fridge where she’d popped it beneath one of the cookie magnets which had faded over time. It used to be where she put reminders for the girls – don’t forget P.E. kit, I’ll be home later this evening, let me know what pudding you’d like after dinner, that sort of thing.
‘Guess what we did right after sending that?’ said Addie. The postcard had detailed a bit of shopping, the views and the delightful little restaurant they’d found where they’d eaten fresh lobster.
‘What did you do?’
‘We had a kayaking lesson,’ said Addie, her face filled with excitement.
And as Gayle listened to them describe the best parts, the challenges and the fun, she knew she couldn’t ask for anything more. She’d got them here to the island, but they’d done the rest – they’d slowly allowed themselves to settle and feel comfortable, and there was no feeling quite like it.