Chapter 22
LOUISA
She wasn’t supposed to be on an island somewhere between the coasts of England and France; she was supposed to be on holiday with a group of friends in Devon on their annual girls’ getaway. And while she was missing out on some fun, there was no place she’d rather be right now.
Louisa had taken a while to get up the confidence to talk to Gayle Rafferty the first time she came to the island six weeks ago.
She’d found out that Gayle owned and ran the Sweet Life Café on Bay Street, so it had seemed simple at first: arrive on the island, go to the café, enter and announce herself.
The reality, however, had been far different.
She’d stood outside for ages, looking at staff on the balcony and wondering whether any of them were Gayle.
Eventually, she’d gone inside and ordered the apple crumble, not knowing whether it was even on the menu.
She’d practically run to the booth at the farthest end, which had just been vacated, waited for her pudding and ate it slowly, all the while trying to pluck up the courage to approach Gayle.
It had taken her almost an hour, a second order of crumble and three soft drinks to finally speak up when Gayle herself came over to the booth to take away another empty dish. Her heart had been in her mouth as she blurted out, ‘My name is Louisa Miller and Harry Rafferty was my father.’
Gayle had just looked at her, expressionless for a moment, and then slowly she’d sat down in the seat opposite, the table separating them, and looked across at her. Louisa knew then that this woman knew nothing of her existence.
‘I’m sorry,’ Louisa had said, ‘there was no easy way to tell you so I thought I should just come out with it.’
Gayle took a few more moments to gather herself before she asked, ‘May I ask how old you are?’
It was obvious why she wanted to know. Harry’s wife had died before him but not long after she was conceived, and depending on Louisa’s age, Gayle would know whether Harry had an affair or only embarked on a new relationship once he was a widower.
‘I’m thirty-two,’ she told Gayle.
Further realisation dawned for this poor woman.
‘My mum, Lily, met Harry outside a café in Oxford.’ She watched Gayle’s face take on emotion, but she couldn’t decipher what her pained expression meant. ‘I believe it was outside what was once the family business.’
Gayle’s shoulders sagged and there was an air of acceptance or relief, Louisa had no idea which, when Gayle said, ‘It originally belonged to our parents. Harry took it over.’ She paused for a minute. ‘I had my own dreams.’ She looked around her as if it explained everything.
‘Were you close to him?’
‘At one point, Harry and I were very close, but I’m afraid he wasn’t happy with me when I decided to do my own thing.’
‘Mum told me she was at the café for a job interview one day,’ she began to explain. ‘It hadn’t gone well. She took a coffee outside and sat at one end of a bench. A man – Harry – was at the other end, just staring at the café, and they got talking.’
‘He took it hard when he lost the business,’ said Gayle after a pause. ‘I can imagine him sitting there, wishing things had been different.’
‘Mum said he was really miserable that day. He’d talked about working in a job that paid the bills but said he had no interest in it.
They went their own separate ways after their conversation, but bumped into each other again shortly after, and they went for a drink.
Harry confided how distraught he’d been to lose the family business.
Mum said he was so sad.’ She had rehearsed telling Gayle all of this.
She was pretty sure she was making a mess of it, but she had to keep going, get it all out.
‘They slept together once, and Mum, Lily, didn’t know he was married until afterwards.
He was cut up about what he’d done and Mum hated that she’d slept with a married man.
She didn’t want to split up a family. And that’s why, when she found out she was pregnant, she didn’t try to get in touch with Harry. ’
Gayle shook her head. ‘I never thought Harry would ever have an affair, even a brief one.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s hardly your fault.’
After what felt like an unbearably long amount of time – in reality, probably less than a minute – Gayle began to smile.
‘There’s no doubt about the genetic link.
’ She indicated Louisa’s cascade of blonde curls reaching down her back between her shoulder blades.
‘I had curly hair just like yours when I was your age.’
Louisa smiled. ‘Mum always said my curls didn’t come from her side of the family.’
‘Harry had the same hair type. Your mother wouldn’t have known that unless he told her, because he always had his hair cut so short you could never tell – not unless he let it go too long between appointments.’
It felt odd hearing about her dad, talking about his hair and hers when she’d never even met him.
‘My niece, Addie, has curly hair still. Her older sister, Susanna, did once, but hers has gone straight now, like Cynthia’s was.’
That was another thing. Not only did she have an aunt, she also had two half-sisters who may or may not appreciate her existence.
She explained to Gayle about the letter her mum had sent to Harry. The letter should’ve arrived before he died but may have coincided with time in hospital. She had no idea. ‘Do you think Harry even read the letter?’
‘Going by the date he died and the date you say your mother wrote to him, he was still in what we believed to be good health. So I would expect he did read it. Unfortunately, things turned rather quickly. Not long after that date, I saw him at the hospital, and the news was devastating.’
‘I’m sorry.’
Gayle nodded. ‘He might have received the letter but had no idea what to do. And then…’ She chose her words carefully.
‘Harry was the sort of man who would have faced up to his responsibilities, but I imagine your mother’s letter would’ve been such a shock that he would’ve needed to take a bit of time to think about what the next step might be.
He loved Susanna and Addie, and I believe that his first thought would’ve been his girls and what it would mean for them.
’ She shook her head. ‘He just got sick so fast, went downhill so rapidly, he never would’ve got the chance to do the right thing, even if he wanted to. ’
Louisa was heartbroken all over again that she and Harry never got the chance to meet.
Gayle suddenly gasped. ‘I remember something.’
‘Something important?’
She put her head in her hands. ‘It makes sense now.’
‘What does?’
‘Before he died, he said your name.’ She placed her hands firmly on the table. ‘Of that I am certain.’
‘Are you really sure?’ Louisa felt her pulse quicken, a small modicum of hope daring to enter her heart that the father she never knew had thought about her.
‘Absolutely.’ She recalled, ‘One day he asked me to find Louisa. I thought it was one of the nurses so off I went, but there was only a Louise or a Loulou when I asked the staff. I was going to ask him if he meant one of those names, but he was asleep by the time I reached his bedside again. I didn’t wake him and then I forgot all about it. ’
Gayle leaned back against the booth seat. ‘That was thirty years ago. I’m not sure why it just popped into my head, but it did. I’m positive he said your name, which means…’
‘He read the letter.’ Louisa didn’t realise she was crying until Gayle passed across a tissue.
‘I really think he would’ve found a way to include you in his life,’ said Gayle. ‘I only wish you’d had the chance to meet him.’
‘What was he like?’
That day, Gayle had told her all about the man who was her father, starting with stories from their childhood, continuing into their days working at the family café and on to when Harry got married, and the arrival of Susanna and then Addie into the world.
He might have had an affair, but it didn’t dampen Louisa’s view on the man, the connection that existed, even though he’d never got the chance to be her father.
Over the last six weeks, Louisa had continued to get close to Gayle, even after she returned home to England.
They’d talked on the phone a lot, and Gayle had told her more and more about Harry and his two other daughters.
And when Gayle first mentioned the idea of a living funeral and that it would hopefully get the girls to the island, she’d also told Louisa that it might be the right time for the truth to come out and for her to meet them both.
Louisa had been terrified at the thought.
What if the girls hated her given what she represented – an affair!
What if they were suspicious of her motives?