Chapter 6
Chapter Six
“ C ome on, boy.” Brielle’s voice was a lot softer than her nerves wanted it to be. She’d just pulled into Ryan’s apartment complex, and her pulse was speeding like a greyhound at the races. “That’s it.” She helped her furry companion out of the front seat and onto the asphalt. It was easy to see that he was hurting today.
Each day was a little different. There were times when he had tons of energy and Brielle rejoiced in taking him for a walk or run. And there were days like today where it seemed that everything was wrong. He was shaky, panting and only wanted to sleep.
Ryan’s cryptic message that the results of the blood test weren’t good had only added another weight to her already heavy load. Antony and his family had been on Brielle’s mind ever since her chat with Maeve earlier that morning. Having Ryan call with bad news within just a few hours had nearly taken Brielle down for the count.
She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. No. That wasn’t the type of person she wanted to be. She was strong. Stronger than people gave her credit for.
She’d been powering through obstacles and difficulties her whole life, she could manage this. She knew Sparky was getting old and that complications would come. She knew that Antony had a chance of getting hurt. She knew that the creatures and the people in her life wouldn’t always be there. Except for her sister Aurora, there didn’t seem to be any way to get rid of her, which was a pity.
Clenching her jaw, Brielle forced herself to walk up the steps, taking it slow for Sparky’s benefit and pressed the doorbell.
It only took a moment for her to hear Ryan’s footsteps before he pulled open the door. He was dressed casually in a white t-shirt and low slung jeans, but Brielle felt her stomach swoop at the sight. His jaw was a little stubbly and his hair a delightful disarray of dark strands. When his lips curled into a boyish grin, the same one that had convinced her to let him steal a kiss so many years ago…she knew she was in trouble.
How could someone look like a fancy french dessert when it appeared that they put almost no effort into it? Brielle spent hours trying to tame her red curls and that was on a good day!
Note to self. Never let Ryan see my hair in crazy mode.
She wasn’t even going to begin to examine why that would matter to her.
“You made it,” Ryan said with a smile. He stepped back. “Come on in. Sparky, good to see you.”
As Brielle stepped inside the townhouse, Ryan squatted and gave Sparky a proper greeting. She couldn’t help but smile as her dog panted happily and his tail wagged as Ryan found his favorite spot, right underneath the dog’s chin.
“Such a good boy,” Ryan said with a chuckle. He winced as he stood up. “I’ve got a dog bed he should fit on if he wants to lay down.” He waved an arm farther inside, and Brielle cautiously followed.
“Are you hurt?” she asked. Ryan was slightly favoring his right leg, and that combined with the face he’d made when he stood, said that something was wrong.
Ryan made a face and rubbed the back of his head. “No. Not really. ”
She waited. There was obviously something wrong, or he wouldn’t be trying to pussy foot around a direct answer.
Sighing, Ryan dropped his hand and shrugged. “I might be a little sore from the run yesterday. Happy?” He held his hands up to the side. “I’m old and out of shape, and yesterday’s run kicked my butt.”
Brielle pinched her lips between her teeth. She tried to hold it in, she really did, but the look of disgust on his face and the situation just couldn’t be contained. A loud snort escaped, which led to her freeing the laughter that had been building in her chest. She didn’t even care that the snort wasn’t ladylike. Her mother would have had a conniption, but her mother wasn’t here and Brielle totally let herself enjoy the moment where Ryan had been bested by himself, of all people.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, with a wave of his hand. “Go ahead and laugh. You’ll get this way someday too, you know.”
Brielle shook her head and wiped at her eyes. “Ryan, I’m only a year younger than you.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t go to vet school,” he said with a scowl. “Do you know how hard it is to do something like that and stay in shape?”
That took all the fun out of the moment, and Brielle sobered. So she hadn’t gone to college. Her mother and sister held it against Brielle, but it just hadn’t been her thing. “I have a good career,” Brielle said, hating the defensiveness in her tone. She shouldn’t have to defend herself, but it felt like that was all she ever did.
Ryan stilled and tilted his head. “I never said you didn’t have a good career.”
“Maybe not, but you implied it,” she snapped, then bit the inside of her cheek. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with so I can take Sparky back to the house.” She ushered her dog to the bed, and he got settled before she took the leash off his collar. She wound it up and set it on the floor next to the cushion.
“Brielle,” Ryan said softly. “I think we’re off on the wrong foot.”
Brielle stiffened her spine and put her chin in the air. “It doesn’t really matter. It’s not like we’ll see each other after the race and everything with Sparky is done.” She forced her tone to stay calm. “ So…you said his prognosis wasn’t good.” Another deep breath. “How much time does he have?”
Ryan’s eyes went soft, and Brielle could practically feel the sympathy oozing off of him. It made her want to soften in return. Not everyone cared whether or not her dog was sick, but Ryan did.
Of course he does. He takes care of animals. This is his job.
She held herself as distant as possible. Losing Sparky was going to change her life dramatically, and though she wasn’t naive to think it would never happen, that wouldn’t make it hurt any less.
Ryan closed his eyes for several seconds before opening them again. “I can’t say,” he responded softly. “I felt some tumors on his hindquarters when you were in the office, which is why I ordered the blood test. He has an extremely high white blood cell count and that means we’re dealing with an infection or inflammation, but it can also…” He trailed off, and Brielle swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry.
“Cancer, right?” she croaked. “You’re saying he has cancer.”
Ryan’s shoulders fell. “The blood test doesn’t tell us that exactly. But it’s a possible indicator.”
Brielle opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had to pause, breathe and try again several times before she could continue the conversation. “How…how do we find out for sure?” Her hands trembled in her lap as her world buckled underneath her.
The amount of pain she was experiencing at the moment was the only excuse she could give for not moving when Ryan stood from his chair, sat beside her on the couch and pulled her into his chest. He might not have been in the same running shape he was when they were younger, but his broad, firm chest against her cheek told Brielle that he hadn’t slacked off completely.
His arms were heavy and his body warm, and without conscious thought, she collapsed into his hold, her entire body trembling as he rubbed her back and held her up. She had stood on her own two feet her entire life, but maybe…maybe this once, it was okay to let someone else help handle the burden .
Ryan might not have been her first choice, but the longer he held her, the less Brielle cared about their past. He felt good. So good that it eased the sharp pain in her sternum, and her body began to relax. For just a few minutes, she gave herself permission to not only be vulnerable, but to put down her burdens.
Ryan had to hold back a stupid, girly sigh. It had been instinctual to try to comfort Brielle. He hadn’t thought twice about it. But now that he was holding her? Yeah, that spark in the office definitely wasn’t his imagination.
He could feel her shivering slowing down, and it almost ticked him off because it meant she would probably pull back in a moment and he wasn’t ready for that. Her hair smelled like apple blossoms, and she fit so perfectly under his chin. He wanted to tug her closer, bury his face in those curls and just…exist.
“I’m sorry.” Brielle pulled back, wiping at her face. “I don’t usually fall apart like that.”
Ignoring his desire to reach out and pull her back, Ryan forced his hands to his side. “It’s fine. I get it. Pets are family members, and it’s never easy to hear that they’re hurting.”
She swallowed. “So, you didn’t actually answer the question?”
“Oh. Yeah.” Ryan rubbed the back of his head. “The only way to know for sure is to take a biopsy of the tumors,” he said. “It’s more invasive, so I wanted to do the blood tests first.” He made a face. “I hate to bring this up, but from my experience, it sometimes makes a difference.” He hesitated, but knew he had to continue. “If you don’t have pet insurance, it’ll be costly. Especially if the worst case scenario is true and you want to continue with treatment.”
Brielle didn’t respond, but her pale face was enough to make him sick. He hated that he had been the one to do this to her. Was she willing to see that he was just the messenger? Or was she going to blame him for it all? He was risking any chance with her by doing this personally, but he really didn’t regret it. That had only been the second time he’d ever gotten to hold Brielle, and it had been just as amazing as when they were teenagers.
She rubbed her forehead, her stiff shoulders collapsing a bit. “I really don’t know,” she croaked. “I…I don’t have a lot, but I hate to give up if something will help him.” Her bright eyes locked onto his. “Do you think there’s a chance to save him?”
Ryan shrugged. “I’m not sure. The fact is, we know something’s wrong and I definitely have my guesses, but I won’t know anything for sure until after the biopsy, provided you want to do one.”
“Yes,” she said quickly. “I at least want to do that.”
“After we have a real diagnosis, then we can talk about plans and whether or not treatment will have a chance.” He bit back what else he was going to say. Maybe leaving her with a little hope was the best thing he could do right now, but Brielle wasn’t about to let him get away with it.
“But you don’t think he will.” It was a statement, not a question.
Ryan sucked a deep breath in through his nose. “If it’s cancer,” he said as gently as he could, his fingers twitching with the desire to grab her hand and hold on, “then I think his age needs to be taken into consideration. I don’t like it, but there are some cases where it’s more humane to make them comfortable, than to go through weeks of harsh treatments to extend their life by only a few months.”
A shiver wracked her body, and Ryan leaned forward instinctively, pulling back at the last minute when she didn’t respond in kind. “I hear what you’re saying,” she whispered. “I’ll consider that if we come to it.” A tremulous smile pulled at her mouth. “After all, you said you weren’t sure. The blood tests aren’t conclusive. This could all be one big misunderstanding, right?”
Crud. What was he supposed to say to that? Omitting answers to give her hope was one thing. Flat out saying it was another.
Brielle closed her eyes and hung her head before he could do anything more than hesitate. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. I know what we’re looking at isn’t good.” She twisted and watched her sleeping dog. “He’s just been the only one, you know?”
Ryan frowned. “The only one? I don’t understand.”
Brielle looked back at him and immediately dropped her eyes as if she were embarrassed. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Sparky just means a lot to me.” She took in a shuddering breath. “I think every pet owner knows this is coming, but I don’t think it makes it any easier.”
“It doesn’t.” Ryan shook his head and pushed a hand through his already messy hair. “I’ve seen it happen slow from disease and quick from accidents. Both are heartbreaking.”
Brielle nodded and finally shifted so she was leaning against the back of the couch. “You know, I don’t think I ever knew you were into animals. What made you become a vet?”
Ryan smiled. “You didn’t ever meet Harrison?”
Brielle frowned. “Harrison?”
“Yeah. I think I’d had about fourteen of him by the time I graduated.”
Her brows were still pulled together, but a smile was tugging at her lips. Her very, very kissable lips. They were slightly swollen from her crying, and Ryan’s mind just couldn’t seem to let go of the idea of tasting them again. Knock it off! He mentally growled at himself. You’re acting like a weirdo.
“Fourteen?” A snort mixed with a chuckle slipped out from her throat. “That’s pretty impressive.”
Ryan nodded sagely. “It was. The fact that the goldfish looked the same every time my parents replaced it was even more impressive.”
“Oh my word.” Brielle put her hands over her mouth, her laughter building. “Did you ever catch on?”
Ryan’s smile grew, and he leaned forward. “What they never knew was that he was dead before I went to school, but I didn’t know what to do with him, so I left it. When I got home, boom!” Ryan made an explosion with his hands and raised his eyebrows. “ Brand new fish.”
“And that happened fourteen times?” Brielle’s shoulders were shaking now. “You’re totally making that up.”
Ryan shook his head. “It’s absolutely true. You can ask my mom.”
Brielle’s eyes closed and she swung her head from side to side, still laughing softly. “So a goldfish that came back to life fourteen times is the reason you wanted to be a vet? Did you think being an animal doctor would give you the power to resurrect other animals as well?”
Ryan put his hands in the air. “It’s not like it’s my fault that my parents built that dream. They could’ve just told me the truth, rather than making me think I was a wizard.”
Her laughter broke free again, and Ryan let the sound wash over him. He hadn’t had so much fun with a woman in years.
Eventually, the laughter eased, and Brielle watched him, something visibly churning in her brain.
Ryan waited her out. He could tell that she had something on her mind, but he could be patient through this. He really enjoyed the warm feeling in his chest when she was around and the way she fit so perfectly against his chest could easily become addictive. Sure, she could be a little prickly, but she was going through something difficult with Sparky, so it was understandable, and Ryan had seen a softer side to her, giving him hope that he might have a chance.
Things with Sparky were tricky and the ragnar run might maim him before all was said and done, but in this moment, Ryan had a glimmer of hope that his loneliness was about to find a fantastic end.