Chapter 6
Chapter Six
R iley had nearly chewed the inside of her cheek raw. They were just pulling up to Antony’s apartment, and there’d been no talking on the way back…at all.
After that quip about people being weird, Antony’s face had gone solemn. Had he taken the comment personally, or did he just think it was a dumb joke?
Ms. Evers had laughed, but Antony looked like he’d bit into a sour lemon. Of course, right now he always looked like he’d bitten into a sour lemon. And after Riley had touched him at the store, it was a struggle to pinpoint his mood.
That moment…it still lingered. Her heart had been in her throat, and it was a miracle that she hadn’t thrown up all over Antony’s impressive chest. It was clear now why he grew his hair out. She’d seen it over and over as they walked and he turned his head, using his hair as a curtain.
He was hiding from the world, and Riley was trying to pull him back up to the light. But what happened when the person being pulled didn’t want to come ?
“Here we are,” she sang, dread already crawling through her belly. “If you’ll grab Griffin, I’ll grab the bags.”
“I can do it,” Antony grumbled, shoving open his door. He rocked back and forth a couple of times until he had enough momentum to stand up, stabilizing himself against the car door until he managed to finagle his crutch out of the door.
“You know…” Riley mused as she also stood up. The fall breeze was getting colder, and it was too bad she’d forgotten her jacket. “You might find it easier to move around if you have two crutches.” Riley walked around to Antony’s side. “You know. The ones that wrap around your forearm? Have you ever seen those?”
Antony’s scowl never shifted as he reached for the back door. “Out, boy,” he said gruffly, waiting until Griffin had dropped onto the pavement.
Riley’s shoulders fell, but she headed toward the trunk. This seemed so useless. No wonder Aspen had given up. Getting through to Antony was like beating her fist against a brick wall. Riley was feeling bloody and bruised, but still the wall never moved an inch.
She glanced over as he rubbed between Griffin’s ears, heat blossoming in her chest as the two interacted. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t walk away. Antony was stubborn, but so was she. She’d already won several small skirmishes. She’d eventually win a battle, and if she was lucky, it would do something to break that permanent scowl on Antony’s handsome face.
“I got those.” Antony reached into the trunk and grabbed a couple of bags, looping them over his arm, then reaching for a few more.
“Men,” Riley huffed. “Is it a genetic defect that you all need to only make one trip with the groceries?” she teased.
Antony didn’t even look up.
Pinching her lips, Riley forced a smile. “I’ll grab those last ones.”
“I got it,” Antony responded gruffly. “You can go home and put your groceries away.”
“I didn’t get anything cold,” she said breezily, not missing the clenching of his jaw. “Besides, I need to clean the rest of the apartment.”
“Riley.” Antony straightened as best he could with his one arm loaded down with bags. “You’ve done enough. I can take it from here.” He took a long slow breath. “Thank you for your help, but you’re free to go.” Shuffling awkwardly, Antony turned and began to hobble around the car, heading toward the gate in the fence.
Riley watched him go, a sharp ache in her sternum. The dismissal had been clear and final. But would she be able to live with herself if she walked away? Would Antony ever know how much his friends and family wanted to have him back? Would he ever come out of the dark long enough to build a life?
Riley shook her head. “No,” she whispered. She was probably ruining any chance she ever had with him. If she kept poking the bear, eventually the bear would attack. And even if she was able to help him live again, he wouldn’t come looking for her when he wanted to create a future. She would always be that girl. The one who was too stubborn and too nosy for her own good.
“It’s not like you had a chance anyway,” she whispered to herself. “He never saw you as more than a friend, so it’s not like you’re truly losing anything.” Slamming her trunk, she jogged until she caught up with Antony. When he glared at her, she grinned. “I told you. I wasn’t done cleaning.” She leaned over. “Plus, I still need to train you with Griffin.”
Antony closed his eyes and shook his head. “Ri…”
“Tone,” she mimicked. “Seriously, what do you have to lose?”
“My dignity,” he shot back. They paused and worked their way through the fence. “Has it ever occurred to you that I hate feeling helpless?”
“Has it ever occurred to you that no one sees you as helpless?” Riley stopped just inside the fence line, hands on her hips.
Antony stopped and turned his head over his shoulder. “All anyone does any more is help me,” he ground out. “I need help getting groceries. I need help cleaning my house. I need help driving. I need help getting dressed.” He turned until they were facing each other and shook his head. “It’s demeaning! I’ve spent my entire life taking care of others, and now I can’t do anything for myself.”
Riley pinched her lips when she watched his jaw work back and forth in obvious frustration.
“You seem to think that by cleaning my apartment or giving me a dog or making sure I eat, that somehow all that help is going to fix things.” Antony’s head shook harder. “Nothing is going to fix things,” he said in a darker tone. “I’m broken, Ri. No one seems to get that. I’m not fixable. My leg will never come back. My skin will never be normal. I’ve lost everything, and no amount of bleach or vacuuming is going to make it otherwise.”
Riley hated that she was crying, but her tear ducts seemed to react to anger just as easily as sadness. Walking forward, she got right in his face, just like she had in the grocery store. “I realize that we don’t understand everything you’re going through,” she said bluntly. “None of us will truly understand, it’s true. But you’re missing a lot too, buddy.” She poked him in the chest. “No one is trying to ‘fix’ you. We’re trying to help you. Why? Because we love you. Because when you care for someone, you do your best to see they have what they need.”
Antony jerked his head to the side, his teeth squeaking as he ground them together.
Leaning over to follow, Riley refused to let him go. “You say you’ve taken care of people your whole life? Well, then tell me. If your sister was wounded and unable to live the life she was used to, would you be able to watch her hobble around in a depression, pushing everyone who loves her away? Would you be able to stand by and watch her nearly starve herself to death? Or what about watch her in physical pain? Would you be okay with her sleeping on the floor when you knew that it was painful for her to do so?”
Antony glanced back for a second, but then turned back to the yard.
“Well?” Riley demanded. “Would you? ”
His shoulders drooped just the slightest amount. “No.”
“What was that?” Riley pushed, closing a few more inches between them. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”
Antony’s head whipped back, and their noses almost brushed, startling Riley. His proximity did funny things to her heartbeat. She’d run races and marathons, but nothing pushed the boundaries of that organ like being near Antony Harrison’s fierce, dark eyes.
“No,” he said, his voice surprisingly soft.
Riley nodded slowly, still not backing away. “Then how can you expect different behavior from us?” she whispered. “One by one, you’ve pushed everyone away. Aspen calls me and cries about how worried she is for you, but they’re all terrified of hurting you more by forcing themselves into your life.”
Antony chuckled darkly. “You don’t seem to have the same reservations.”
Riley brought one shoulder up and let it drop, trying to force a smile before she uttered words that were like fileting her own heart. “Unlike them, I’ve got nothing to lose.”
If someone had thrown a bucket of ice water at Antony’s face, he probably wouldn’t have noticed. He was drowning too deeply in Riley’s parting shot.
I’ve got nothing to lose.
All that talk about loving him, about him being family, and touching his face in the store, but she wasn’t afraid to push him because there was nothing to lose between them.
Antony hadn’t even realized that a tiny flame of hope had been flickering in his gut concerning Riley. She was so beautiful, so vibrant. It was completely natural for a broken man like himself to be drawn to the brightest star in the sky.
But he was an idiot to think this meant anything, and she’d just put him in his place. Clear as crystal .
The place where she’d rested her hand began to burn, and Antony dropped his head down, letting his hair fall in front to hide any redness that might be rushing across his skin. “I need to get these things in the fridge,” he croaked.
“Antony,” Riley said, her tone much softer than before. “Can I help you put them away?”
He shrugged and hefted his arm that held the bags. They were digging into his skin, and their little delay had only made them heavier. Each moment was forcing him to realize just how out of shape he’d gotten, and he hated himself a little more.
“Come on, Griff,” Riley continued after relieving Antony of half the bags. “Where are your keys?” she asked him.
“In my pocket.”
Riley raised an eyebrow. “Which pocket?”
When a smirk arose, Antony almost couldn’t bring himself to stop it. The old Antony would have made some kind of flirty quip, but the new Antony couldn’t have that kind of fun. It would only lead to more pain.
“My jacket. Give me a minute.”
“No worries.” Riley stepped back and patted him down until she found them, dangling them in the air while Antony pretended he could still breathe. “Got them!” She practically danced down the ramp, unlocked the door, and pushed it open before looking back up at him. “Well? Are you coming?”
“Yeah,” he choked out. Adjusting himself on the crutch, Antony made his way down the ramp, the bags banging against his thigh and Griffin walking sedately at his side.
The dog really was well trained. He hadn’t given a peep of protest at being put in Antony’s hands. Instead, the canine had stuck around quietly, nudging when necessary and waiting for Antony to acknowledge him.
“So…what’s Griffin’s story?” Antony asked, trying to cover his panting as he wedged past Riley and into the apartment.
“His story?” Riley asked .
“Yeah. Did you get him from the shelter? Why did you train him?” Since there was no dining table, Antony hefted his bags onto the counter and took a moment to catch his breath.
“Oh.” Riley tilted her head back and forth. “Griffin came in as a puppy about a year ago.” She glanced at Antony before going back to unloading groceries. “He was terrified of everyone and half starved.”
Antony pursed his lips. “I’ll bet you get a number of those kinds of animals a year. What made you decide Griffin was worth training?”
“I do get a lot of those,” Riley said, nodding slowly. She sighed and turned to face Antony, resting her hip against the counter. “There was something about that tiny dog that tugged at my heart.” One side of her lips pulled up. “He looked so forlorn, yet there was something about him that I couldn’t walk away from.” She huffed a laugh and turned back to the groceries, shoving some cereal in the cupboard directly in front of her. “I began to work with him. Gaining his trust, teaching him to eat and walk around. Essentially, I helped him learn how to live again.”
Her description was starting to hit a little too close to home. Did Riley view him as one of her strays? Like a dog that needed food and wound care? It raked across Antony’s chest, and a sharp pain began to dig at his sternum.
“Once I realized how calm and steady he was in his personality, I was already watching you try to recover.” Riley’s smile was sad as she looked at Antony again. “But I wasn’t sure how you’d react. At first, I started training him to be a running partner, but as things went along, I just kept going.” She looked over her shoulder where Griffin was lying in the corner napping. “Now he’s actually ready to be certified as a service dog. I haven’t registered him yet, but he’s been through all the proper training.”
“And you want to give him to me,” Antony said flatly.
Riley’s smile widened. “I think he’s already decided he belongs to you. Griff didn’t even blink when I handed you his leash.”
Antony didn’t have a response for that, since he’d had the same thought, and he studied the dog. Despite being a mutt, he was kind of a pretty dog, but Antony was such a mess, already. “I don’t know if I can take care of him, Ri,” Antony said, his voice softer than intended. “You’ve already pointed out that I can barely take care of myself.” He jumped when her hand landed on his arm, his scarred arm. How did that not bother her?
“Then let him take care of you first,” she instructed. “Animals are good that way. But I already told you, no one thinks you’re helpless. You’re just going through a difficult time. But you’re loved, and there’s plenty of support if you’re willing to accept it.” She stepped closer. “You took care of us. Now let us take care of you. Someday, the tide will turn again.”
Antony looked down at the stump of his leg, not trusting himself to look at her face. He was still feeling far too much around this woman, despite her declaration that she didn’t have those feelings for him. “I’ll never get my leg back,” he argued, though there was no heat in his tone.
“Your leg has nothing to do with it.” Riley stepped back, taking her touch with her. “Just because you’re having to reinvent yourself doesn’t mean there’s nothing good to come. It just means you have to figure it out.”
He huffed. It was timeto change the subject before he became an even bigger mess than he was. “So, running buddy? You’re still plodding on the streets?”
Riley laughed. “Still leaving footprints. I can’t seem to stop.” Her voice grew softer when she turned away, letting Antony watch her without looking eye to eye. “My mom says my legs are too long for walking, so I have to do something else with them.”
Could a man help it if that drew his eyes down to those legs? They were encased in jeans, but still…
Antony shook his head. “Any races coming up?” he asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
“The Summer Fling is in a few weeks.” Riley reached for another bag. “That one’s always crowded, but I like it.” She shrugged. “Charity races are my favorite.”
“Is that the one with every age group?” he asked, an idea beginning to percolate in his head.
“That’s the one. I’ve seen everyone from babies in strollers to older speedwalkers take that one on.”
“Hmm…” Antony nodded. He wasn’t going to say anything. There was more thinking to be done, but Riley might have just handed him the very thing he needed to finally get out of this rut.
And if Griffin was a running dog, then…it might change everything.