Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
R iley turned on the car and immediately cranked the heater. “Oh my word, it’s freezing,” she stammered, rubbing her hands together. Antony was silent in the passenger seat, and she glanced at his stoic face, Riley’s heart dropping to her stomach.
The walk to town had been hard on him. His leg and arm were hurting, and he still tired faster than Riley did, a fact which seemed to annoy Antony, though he was trying to hide it. But the recent rain had brought in a cold snap, and now that the sun was down it was downright frigid. When Riley had begun to shiver, Antony’s hand had tightened on hers, his jaw locking with the movement.
She wasn’t sure why he was so upset, but it was causing a rift between them and Riley was struggling with ideas on how to get past it. They’d just begun this relationship, and she wasn’t ready to let it go.
The question was, was he ready to have a relationship at all?
Had she pushed too fast? Was he feeling indebted to her? Maybe that was why he kissed her?
Riley’s hands shook as doubt crept into her head, and she didn’t know what to listen to and what to ignore. Asking Antony didn’t seem like the right plan right now, but she wanted to go back to the easy peace they’d have last night and earlier this evening.
Putting her hand on the back of his headrest, she pulled out of the parking lot and got them on the road, heading toward Antony’s apartment on the other side of town.
The cab of the car was dark and quiet but filled with tension and not the good kind. Riley chewed on her lip, seeking something to break the ice, but nothing came to her.
“I’m sorry.”
Her head whipped his direction, then back to the road. “Sorry? Whatever for?”
Antony deflated in the seat and rubbed his forehead. “For everything.”
Bile rose in Riley’s throat. This was it. They’d only been together for twenty-four hours, and Antony was already calling it quits. She swallowed hard, trying to move the lump in her throat, but it was like a granite boulder.
“I’m sorry that I can’t hold your hand like a normal guy,” Antony said gruffly as he shifted his weight in his seat. “I’m sorry I don’t have a car. Heck, I can barely drive a car even though I’ve done it a few times since getting home.” He threw his head back. “It’s worse than being a poor college student. No job, no money, no prospects, but at least then I had a future. I knew where I was going, and I wouldn’t have been afraid to take a girl with me. But now...”
A tear ran down Riley’s cheek. Her first instinct was to reach over and take Antony’s hand. To show him that everything was fine, that she didn’t care about any of those things, but she knew he needed to get this out. The anger he’d had since getting home was finally coming to a head, and once again, she knew that it quite possibly meant she’d never get her happy ever after because until Antony resolved it, their relationship would struggle.
She hated how much experience she had with this, but he was so similar to the wounded animals that arrived at her shelter. They never got better until they stopped being afraid and they began to trust. Antony was making progress, but he didn’t trust Riley yet and more importantly, he didn’t trust himself.
“Now I’m broken, in more ways than one,” Antony ground out. “I can’t walk, I can’t run, I can’t hold your hand, I can’t-”
“Stop,” Riley whispered before she could stop herself. While he needed to get this out, he was burying himself in a way that wasn’t going to help anyone. “Antony,” she said, giving him a quick look, her hands tightening on the wheel. “I don’t care about any of those things.”
“But I do,” he insisted. “I hate how one-sided our relationship is.” He threw up his hands. “If you even can call it a relationship. You take care of me. Like some invalid.” He sighed. “Like the cripple I am.”
“You’re not crippled.” Riley’s frustration was building, but she pushed it down. Shouting was the wrong move. “You’re hurt.”
“Permanently hurt,” Antony shot back. “Ergo, crippled.”
Biting her lips between her teeth, she took a long breath through her nose. “Tone…I don’t want to argue. But I’d like to offer that I don’t see things that way.” She pulled up against the sidewalk in front of his apartment and put the car in park before turning toward him to give him her full attention. “What I see is someone who’s in a phase.” She shrugged. “I’m also in a phase, one that’s a little different than yours, but that’s how life goes.” She leaned in a little, trying to make him see her point. “Just today, you helped me feel better after I lost a couple of animals.”
Antony huffed.
She reached out, grabbing his forearm. “I needed that, Antony. And you were there. Right now, you might need a little more help than normal, and I want to be there for it.” She squeezed a little before letting go. “But you won’t stay in this stage, Antony. Someday you’ll have another job. Someday, you’ll have the right equipment to get around like you want to. Someday, you’ll have it all, but right now isn’t that time. ”
She couldn’t see his eyes in the dark, but she saw the tightness of his silhouette relax a fraction and that helped the churning of her stomach ease as well. Maybe they could still make this work?
“It really doesn’t bother you?” he asked.
“Why would it bother me?” Riley shot back. “I’ve known you for years. What in the world could bother me about this?”
“The leg, for starters,” Antony snapped. “The skin, the scars, the…anger.” His voice got quieter toward the end as if he were afraid to admit his own emotions. “The whole package, really. I-I don’t know who I am anymore, Ri.”
Her heart jumped into her throat. She wanted to pull him into her arms and never let go, to reassure him that it would all be okay and that she knew exactly who he was. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t because who Antony decided to be wasn’t up to her.
A completely inappropriate giggle rose in her throat, and she barely managed to swallow it down. Who knew that working with abandoned animals would give her such insight into people as well? Maybe she needed to start advertising psychology services along with her rescue work.
Antony pushed a hand through his hair and leaned against the window.
“Who do you want to be?” Riley asked softly.
He didn’t answer for a long time and Riley began to think the question had been too much, but it was too late to bring it back. Finally, just as she was about to apologize, he broke the tension.
“I don’t know.” His hand landed on her knee. “But I do know that I’d really like you to be with me as I figure it out.”
Her hand landed on his, and Riley tried to hide the relieved sigh that broke free. “I’d like that,” she admitted. “A lot.”
“After all,” Antony’s tone had shifted from depressed to playful in a heartbeat. “I’ve heard that kissing a beautiful girl can help a guy figure out a lot of things in life.”
“Yeah?” Her lips pulled into a smile. “Like what?”
He turned his hand and grabbed hers, tugging her closer until Riley was leaning all the way over the console, precariously balancing across the car so that their faces were close. “Like why he should keep trying,” Antony whispered in a husky tone.
The words sent a shiver down Riley’s spine, but his hand on the back of her head, guiding their mouths together sent an electric current through her entire body and she barely managed to keep herself upright as every limb wanted to go as limp as a noodle.
Several minutes later, breathless and burning up, Riley pulled back to breath, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to shift all the way back to her own seat.
“Will you come in?” Antony asked, his breathing just as heavy as hers. “I bought ice cream today.”
She finally let the laughter bubble through her mouth. “Who needs kisses when you have ice cream?” As she tried to pull back, Antony held her in place, leaning in once more.
“Me,” he said against her mouth. “I need kisses more than ice cream.” He stole her breath once more before pulling back. “But I might need something to cool me off right now, so ice cream it is.”
If that car had gotten any hotter, Antony would have melted. As it was, he tugged on his collar as they walked inside and glad the heater wasn’t running.
“Griffin!” Riley called out, rushing over to let the dog out of his kennel. She knelt down, ruffing his ears and giving him attention while the dog whipped his tail in excitement.
“Never thought I’d be jealous of a mutt,” Antony teased as he headed toward the freezer.
Riley’s laugh followed him, keeping him warmer than he should’ve been. It seemed that she was forever pulling him out of his dark pit, and Antony was trying not to add that complaint to the multitude he already struggled with.
She simply had an answer for everything, including the fact that he was still sitting jobless and carless. He’d thought a walk to town would actually be kind of romantic, but between the awkward hand holding, the temperature and how quickly his endurance waned, it had been a bit of a disaster.
He pulled the ice cream out of the freezer, letting the cold air wash over his skin. It had been freezing coming back from dinner, but their little make out session in the car had been like a hot July afternoon.
The skin on his neck twinged at the cold, and Antony shut the door, shuffling to get bowls out of the cupboard.
“Have you contacted the insurance?” Riley asked from right behind him.
Antony looked over his shoulder. “For?”
“For arm crutches.” She leaned her hip on the counter, folding her arms. “I really think we can get a doctor to give you clearance for them. I’m actually pretty surprised you weren’t already. Insurance can’t really fight that, can they?”
Antony shrugged. “I kind of…” He trailed off, not sure what to say. He’d already admitted more than he wanted to, but somehow, Riley’s kindness brought out his every vulnerability. But admitting that he’d refused some of the appointments the doctors had wanted him to come to wasn’t easy.
Maybe they would’ve moved him to better crutches, but Antony had stopped going as soon as he had managed to start walking again. He’d been too angry at feeling like an invalid and hated calling on others to help get him to every appointment. As soon as he could get out of it, he did.
“Kind of what?” Riley pressed.
“Kind of stopped going,” Antony admitted under his breath. He couldn’t look at Riley, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes, which would explain why he wasn’t prepared when she stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle.
“When you’re ready, I’m here,” she whispered against his back.
Antony stopped scooping the ice cream and put his hand on top of hers. He’d kissed Riley, several times now, and it had been earth shattering. But something about this moment felt more intimate than their kissing.
Her declaration and the hug struck him to the core, and Antony found himself melting into it. While he desperately wanted to give back to Riley, he hoped that she never stopped amazing him like this. She was one of a kind, and Antony couldn’t believe that she was still single after all this time, though he was grateful for it.
“Ready for ice cream?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly. Antony cleared his throat, turning to avoid his embarrassment.
“Always.” Riley let go and stepped to his side, hands out for the bowl. “I didn’t ask what flavor you got.”
“Cookie dough.” He stuck his spoon in his mouth, picked up the bowl with his left hand, and the crutch with the right. After a few steps toward the couch, he paused and looked back.
Riley was shaking her head, watching him. “Did you know that was my favorite? Did you really remember that?”
Antony widened his eyes and pushed his eyebrows up, then slowly nodded his head, letting her know he was absolutely lying. He hadn’t remembered anything. Cookie dough was his favorite, and he’d gotten lucky.
Riley shrugged and laughed softly. “Well, kudos to you anyway.” She walked up and kissed his cheek. “You did good.”
Antony stood and savored the moment for a few seconds. Every touch. Every time. It was perfect.
“Antony!”
He hobbled in a circle.
Riley was giving him a look. “I didn’t even notice! You got a tv!”
He shrugged and came the rest of the way so he could sit and get the spoon out of his mouth. “I know I might seem hopeless, but I’m working on it.”
“You’re not hopeless,” Riley scolded, scowling at him. “Don’t say that.”
Antony grinned. “You’re cute when you’re angry. ”
“I’m not angry.” Her furrowed brows said otherwise, and Antony reached over to brush the line between them.
“You’re going to get wrinkles.”
Riley rolled her eyes and plopped back on the couch, picking up her spoon. “So, a couch, a tv. Please tell me you got a bed at some point? It would be just like a guy to get a television before he bought a mattress.”
Antony chuckled. “I guess you can go see, if you want.” Riley nudged her knee into his, and Antony stared. It was his missing leg knee, and he was once again struck at how at ease she was with his broken body.
“I’m sorry,” Riley quickly said, pulling back. “Did that hurt? I’ve heard that people with missing limbs will sometimes have pain, like they call it phantom pain or something because the limb isn’t really there but?—”
“Riley,” Antony said, shaking his head and sitting more upright. “It didn’t hurt. I just…” He made a face. “I’m just surprised it doesn’t bother you.”
Her shoulders fell. “I’ll say it one more time. Why would it bother me?” Putting up a hand, she stopped anything he might have argued. “That was rhetorical. Seriously, Antony. I like you. All of you. Nothing that has changed since you were a teenager has anything to do with my feelings.”
Griffin came sniffing at Antony’s knee, putting his nose at the unmanned bowl in Antony’s lap.
“Not for you,” Riley scolded, her attention immediately drawn away as if their conversation was completely casual. She nodded toward the bowl. “Better move it, or you’ll lose it.”
Antony pulled the bowl back and stuffed a half melted bite in his mouth. “Wanna watch something? Or do you need to get home?”
Riley looked at him from under her eyelashes. “Are we really watching something? Or is this guy code for kissing?”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Why, Riley Sumner. What kind of a dirty mind do you have?” He put a hand over his chest. “I’d never plan something so sneaky.”
Sniffing, Riley put her nose in the air. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Antony leaned over, thoroughly enjoying their flirting. How long had it been since he’d had the attention of a beautiful woman? Well before he ever left home. On one hand, he felt rusty, on the other, he was lapping it up worse than Griffin drinking after a run.
“I’m not a monster,” he teased. “Of course there’ll be kissing.”
“In that case,” Riley leaned forward, dropping her voice. “I think I better go home. My mother warned me about boys like you.”
“Oh? And what did she say?”
Riley’s lips twitched. “That they were dangerous.”
He tilted his head, a curl falling in his face. “Do I look dangerous to you?”
Riley hesitated before answering, the moment becoming more serious. “Very dangerous,” she rasped.
Taking her bowl, Antony set them on the floor, not caring if Griffin cleaned them out. Reaching over, he wrapped an arm around Riley and tucked her into his chest, then pushed the power button on the remote.
After handing her the device, he settled her more comfortably against him and kissed the top of her head, loving that she sighed and melted right in. “I’m a mess,” he whispered against her hair. “But you’re safe with me, Riley Roo. Safer than you’ve ever been before.”
Antony knew how much he was coming to depend on Riley, how much he needed her to keep helping him. The danger in this relationship wasn’t him. It was when Riley finally realized she could do so much better.
His heart was the one on the chopping block, and the worst part was, if she decided to move on, he wouldn’t blame her a bit.