Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
“ D id it have to be so hot?” Riley muttered, stretching and shifting as the sun beat down. She normally loved running during the summer months, but after the cold front, the coast had heated up earlier than normal. What should have still been pleasant warmth was closer to late July weather.
“It’ll only get worse,” Antony muttered. His hands were shifting back and forth on his wheels, giving away his anxiety, while Griffin sat perfectly still, only his lagging tongue moving.
Bending over, Riley left a kiss on Antony’s cheek. “You’re going to be amazing.”
He gave her a half-hearted smile. “I’m just hoping to make it to the finish line.”
“We will together,” she assured him.
After glaring at the person to his left, Antony looked up at Riley. “I’ll make you a bet.”
“Okay…”
“If I get across that line?—”
“ When you get across the line,” Riley corrected .
If anything, his scowl deepened. “If I get across the line, you have to wear your hair down for the dinner.”
Riley grabbed her ponytail. “What?”
One side of Antony’s mouth pulled up. “It occurred to me the other night that I never see you with your hair down.”
He was right, of course. Riley never wore her hair down. First of all, her hair was long. She almost never cut it, and it would get in the way at work. Second, something about wearing her hair down felt…off. Like she was trying to be beautiful and feminine and all the things that girls were, and yet Riley wasn’t any of those things. Trying to be pretty made her feel like a fraud.
She wasn’t upset with how she looked, but trying to be more was weird. Even Antony had never told her she was beautiful. He said she was sunshine, rainbows, and light. He never said he liked how she looked.
Those were the type of comments Riley had always gotten, and somehow, she’d simply accepted over the years that she wasn’t meant to be the rose in the garden. More like a daisy. She made people smile, she didn’t make them swoon and gush.
Antony raised his eyebrows. “Do we have a deal?”
Riley swallowed. She doubted Antony had any idea what he was asking of her. She was the woman who scooped poop for a living, not the pretty, pretty princess. Still, she’d asked Antony to step out of his comfort zone a thousand times in the last month. Surely she could do it once.
“Deal,” she whispered.
Antony nodded, and Riley wiped at her neck. He frowned. “Do you want a cooling towel? We can probably find something to help.”
Riley shrugged. “It’ll be fine. It’s just warmer than usual.” She bounced on her toes. “I can see the guy up front. He’s about to start the announcements.”
Antony nodded and shifted back and forth in his chair.
Riley wished she could ease his nerves, but she wasn’t sure how. And it wasn’t helping that people couldn’t seem to stop staring at their little group.
Whether it was the dog, the wheelchair, or Riley’s “got miles?” shirt was a toss up, but whatever drew their attention, it was making Antony nervous.
“Any moment now,” she assured him.
Antony grunted.
Should she hug him? Put her arm around him? Rub his shoulder? She was afraid he’d think she was being condescending, especially with so many people around. But something had to give.The anger practically oozed off Antony’s person.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket, sending a text to Aspen. They’re just getting started. Give us about 40 minutes.
Aspen responded quickly with a thumbs up, and Riley glanced at Antony, who was still on edge. He had no idea that his family was planning to be here at the finish line when the race was over. They were excited and wanted to support, but with all the babies, they decided meeting him at the end would be best.
“On your mark! Get set! Go!”
The gun went off, and Riley realized that she’d missed all the announcements. Sending a quick prayer heavenward that she hadn’t missed anything important, she began to move forward.
The crowd pressed in, and Riley quickly found herself separated from Antony. “Whoa!” She stopped moving and slipped in between a couple of runners. “Excuse me,” she murmured as she found her way back to the wheelchair. “Geez.” Riley smiled at Antony, who looked angrier than ever. “I think everyone else was too—Oof!” She caught herself on Antony’s shoulder when someone bumped into her from behind. “Sorry.” Straightening she planted her feet, standing guard around the chair. “Let’s wait for the bulk to clear out.”
Antony’s jaw was clenched and he didn’t respond, but he also didn’t curse and roll off, so Riley counted it as a win.
As the groups of runners grew thin and the walkers began to move, Riley nodded. “Ready? ”
With a hard shove against his wheels, Antony began, not bothering to answer.
Reminding herself to be patient, Riley fell into step with him. Their pace was a little fast, but Riley didn’t worry about it. Starting nerves hit everyone, and Antony would eventually settle into a rhythm.
“At least the sun’s shining, right?” she said, smiling down at Antony. “I don’t know what it is about the sun, but everything feels better when it’s shining, even if it gets too warm.”
Antony grunted, his hands continuing to push on the wheels as he sat hunched forward.
“Are you gloves holding up okay?” Riley asked. They’d gone through several pairs at this point, none of them lasting long as he used them against the wheels over and over again. This last pair was one she’d brought with her the night they’d shared cake…in his lap.
Forget the sun, all Riley needed to do was remember being brazen enough to sit on Antony’s lap and feed him cake, and she was toastier than she could ever wish to be.
Blinking heavily, she came back to the present when she heard Antony curse. Looking down, Riley realized he was starting to struggle. Sweat was already building up on his neck and dripping into the collar of his shirt. “Tone?” she asked. “Do you want to slow down?” He didn’t answer right away, and Riley debated whether or not to repeat the question. Did he not hear? Or was he too angry to talk?
“No,” he spat. “I’m fine.”
She opened her mouth but shut it and faced forward again, slowing her pace to match his and hoping he didn’t notice. That jump out of the gate had been too much, and she belatedly realized she should have said something.
“Sorry,” Antony ground out. “I shouldn’t have snapped.”
“It’s fine,” Riley assured him, even though hurt from his harsh tone still lingered in her chest. She frowned when a group in front of her parted. The race was on a different stretch of street this year, and Riley hadn’t thought to ask ahead what the course would be like. A fact which was coming back to bite her in the tush. “Uh, Antony?”
“What?”
“Are you sure you don’t want to slow down?” Riley pressed, fearing his response.
“I said I’m fine,” he replied, anger still lacing his tone.
“Well, that’s good,” Riley said. “Because there’s a hill coming up, and it’s going to be a doozy.”
The English language didn’t have enough curse words to fit what Antony was currently going through, and for the first time in his life, he wished he knew another language.
“Hey,” Riley said, her tone annoyingly chipper. “We’re almost done! Remember that big hill? We’re just about to go down it. That’ll be the last half mile.”
Antony didn’t even bother to answer. His jaw was locked in place to prevent him from saying things Riley didn’t need to hear. This whole thing was a disaster.
Not two minutes ago, a group of women with strollers… strollers… had walked past Antony as if he was standing still.
His shoulders felt as if they were coming out of socket, his forearms were on fire, his hands were bleeding, and he was moving at like two miles an hour at this point. The only thing keeping him moving was sheer stubborn pride, of which Antony had less with each push of the wheelchair.
He wanted to quit.
He wanted to curse.
He wanted to run over every other racer in front of him and prove that he wasn’t useless.
Yet none of those were actually viable. Which also made him want to curse.
“You’re doing great!” Riley cheered .
Antony bit his tongue. He was going to bite it in half at this point. He wasn’t doing great. He was barely doing. It was only the fact that he didn’t want Riley to leave him that kept him from exploding at her.
Riley was the only person who had stuck around when he’d been at his worst, and if he blew up now, he knew he’d lose her forever. He loved her. She didn’t know it yet, but he did.
She was the only good thing in his life, and what tiny shred of self preservation he still had kept him from throwing out everything because of one stupid race, though it was harder than it should have been.
If Riley had any self preservation herself, she would walk away after this. Why would someone like her stick around when she now could see just how pathetic he truly was?
It was no wonder he had no job and no prospects.
Why did he ever want to take this on? It would’ve been better to stay in his room and just let the world happen without him. He didn’t need to be here. He shouldn’t have to prove himself. He?—
“Careful,” Riley said, her voice closer than before.
Antony came to a jerking stop, his wrists twinging when Riley grabbed the back of the chair. His chest heaved as he gulped in air. “What are you doing?” he growled, glaring over his shoulder.
Riley’s lips pinched, and her cheeks, which were already bright red, became darker. “You weren’t paying attention to the hill,” she stated in a low tone.
Facing forward again, Antony realized that if Riley hadn’t stopped him, he’d have plunged straight down the hill and lost control of the chair. Swallowing hard, he tried to work a “thank you” out of his mouth, but it wasn’t coming.
Maybe letting himself crash was the best thing. Maybe this time he wouldn’t escape with only road rash.
He jolted and grabbed the sides when the chair started to move. His breathing quickened, but Riley had a firm grip.
Griffin walked languidly beside the chair, not even breathing heavily from the race. It took everything in Antony to keep from bellowing his anger to the heavens.
Why was he here? Why had he come back from service? Why hadn’t he died with his fellow soldiers? Why would he have been left half a man, a half that couldn’t even manage his own mobility?
“There we go.” Riley stopped at the bottom of the hill, but the chair rolled slightly when she let go and Antony’s hands went to the wheels, pulling it under control again. “Are you up to finishing it from here?”
Antony glared at the trail ahead. They still had a half mile to go and there was no one around, but a few wandering racers who were cooling down.
“You can do it,” Riley said, her voice soft and hesitant.
He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t face her. Why was Riley here? She touched his scars and soothed his ego and yet…it wasn’t enough. Not even Riley could look past the disaster of this situation and everything that it said about Antony.
“No,” he ground out.
Riley didn’t respond for a moment. “What?” she finally asked.
“No,” Antony reiterated, still not looking up. “I’m not doing this.”
“Antony,” she breathed. “You’re so close.”
He clenched his jaw again. Don’t shout. Don’t shout. Riley just didn’t understand. No one understood. While he eeked forward an inch in his chair, she walked forward without a second thought. She would never get just how difficult his life had become. She was too good for him. Too much for him to handle.
He might know that he loved her, but right now that love was a curse.
Jerking on his wheels, he turned and moved off the path.
“Antony!” Riley called. “Hey, don’t do that!” She ran up to his side. “Antony, seriously. We’re so close. You can do it. I’ll push if you need, or Griffin can pull. I taught him?—”
“I said no,” Antony growled. “This whole thing was a farce. There’s no point in it. It’s a disaster, and I’m done. Done . ”
“You have help,” Riley reminded him, keeping pace as he bumped over the grass. “You don’t have to do this alone. Let me?—”
Antony’s head whipped around so fast that he almost thought he broke something. “Don’t touch me.”
Riley’s eyes widened, and she froze, looking like a green-eyed deer caught in front of a truck.
“I’m done.” Facing forward again, he pushed, ignoring the pain in his arms. He’d have to wheel his way home, and that was going to be worse than the race. But there was no way Riley was driving him home after this.
What little piece of his heart still existed was left pounding so hard against his ribs he thought it would burst. Physical pain assaulted his senses, nearly overcoming the pain in his arms, neck and shoulders.
“My car is this way.” Riley whispered, stepping up just enough to point to a parking lot a few blocks down.
His heart nearly stopped. She was still willing to take him home? Why would she do that? Glancing up slightly, Antony swallowed his growl and said, “You don’t have to do that.”
Her smile was shaky and her lips trembled, making Antony feel like the cur he was. “I know.”
He’d hurt her. A lot. But she was still here. This horrible, dark world was no place for the likes of Riley Sumner.
Huffing, he went back to focusing on the chair. “If you’d drop me off, I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course. I’m always happy to help.”