Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
E veryone had gone crazy! Including herself. Estelle couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact that she was letting Crew lead her up the stairs to take cake to her brother while Aspen blended up a cake smoothie for their dad.
Who did that?
People who want to enjoy life.
Estelle winced, grateful that Crew was facing forward and couldn’t see her reaction to her own words. Everyone else was acting like this was normal and fine. Did they really not see why this wasn’t a good idea?
Or am I just so far gone that I don’t understand what it’s like to have fun anymore?
“Remind me, which door is his?” Crew asked, pulling Estelle from her heavy thoughts.
She forced her concerns aside, and pointed. “Second on the left.”
“Thanks.” Crew led the way, still pulling Estelle’s along, for which she was grateful.
“I haven’t been in yet this morning,” she admitted quietly .
“Oh.” Crew stopped. “Do we need to do something first? Before we can go in?”
Estelle shook her head. “No. But he’ll probably be a bit…cranky.”
Crew gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m here.”
Did he have any idea how much those words meant to her? Estelle doubted it. He’d said them several times in the past half hour, and each time, they’d sunk a little deeper into her heart. She felt like she’d been taking care of everyone for so long that the idea of someone being there for her was almost unimaginable, almost. She’d already imagined him as a saving angel, however, knight in shining armor might be more appropriate in this case.
Forcing herself to focus, Estelle knocked, then opened the door. “Hey, Antony,” she said softly. “Aspen brought a treat for you. Are you up for eating?”
Shifting and grunting answered her, so Estelle turned on the light. “Geez, Stelle.” Antony threw an arm over his eyes. “Warn a guy.”
Heat rose up Estelle’s neck and not the pleasant kind that Crew’s touch gave her. “Sorry,” she responded. “You remember Crew?” Maybe that would help Antony calm down a little.
“Right.” Antony glared at them, then turned his head to the side.
“Would you like the cake?” Estelle took the package from Crew who stayed in the doorway, looking conflicted. She wasn’t sure if he was finally ready to run away from her broken family, or if he thought something would happen if he stepped in further, but she left him for the moment, bringing the cake to Antony’s nightstand. “I think it’s chocolate mint.”
Antony didn’t respond.
“Good to see you, Antony,” Crew said carefully. “Would you like help sitting up?”
Antony’s head jerked back, and he glared again. “Why are you here again?”
“Antony,” Estelle scolded. “Stop it. He’s helping.”
Antony huffed. “Helping who? Me or you?”
Estelle’s nostrils flared, and her fists clenched. She’d been patient, oh, so patient with Antony’s fits and anger since his arrival home, but right now, she wanted to slap her brother across the face. Being a jerk to Crew was too much.
“Knock it off,” she warned. “You’re going too far, Antony.”
Antony shook his head. “It’s like we’ve got an open-door policy now. Are we just hanging our family’s dirty laundry out to dry for the entire neighborhood to see? Is the paparazzi dying to get a picture of my stub?”
“Antony!”
“Hey,” Crew said, coming up behind her. His hands landed on her upper arms and Crew rubbed his palms against her skin, the touch immediately soothing, but her heart still burned in anger and pain. “It’s alright,” Crew whispered in her ear. “Let it go.”
Estelle tried to push her frustration down, but apparently, Antony wasn’t feeling as generous.
“Oh, I get it…” Antony sneered. “He’s helping himself.”
Crew’s hands fell from her arms, and the room went uncomfortably quiet. As moments passed, Estelle’s labored breathing grew harsh and shallow. “How. Dare. You,” she ground out.
“It’s fine, Estelle,” Crew said from behind her. “I’ll just go.”
“Wait.” Reaching back, she held onto Crew’s forearm but kept her focus on Antony. “Apologize.”
Antony huffed and looked away.
“I’m serious, Antony,” she said, stepping forward a little. “Apologize.”
“Why should I?” Antony shot back. He waved an arm toward them. “He walked in here of his own free will, on two legs I might add. And I’m the one who should apologize? If he doesn’t want to deal with me, he doesn’t have to be here. He can take his two legs and walk right out the door.”
“Your injury isn’t his fault.”
Antony’s face contorted. “Not his fault?” He leaned forward and pounded his fists on the mattress. “Of course it’s his fault! It’s your fault too! I’m here because I was trying to protect you, to protect this whole stupid country and look what it got me?” Antony pounded his chest. “I’m useless, Stelle. I can’t walk, can’t get out of bed, can’t do anything. Heck, I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself!” he roared. “Yes, it’s your fault. It’s everyone’s fault!” He fell back against the pillows, his chest heaving and sweat draining down the side of his face.
“At least you’re alive,” she whispered harshly. “At least you’re home.”
Antony’s lip curled in derision. “Right. Because being dead is worse than this.”
Estelle shook her head and backed up a few steps. “Do you have any idea what Dad would give to be able to say he still had life?” Another step. “Have you taken any thought to the fact that you’ll see the grandchildren he never will? You’ll get to see them take their first steps, and you’ll get to see them open their first Christmas presents.” She sniffed and moved closer, Crew right behind her. “Or maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll actually get married, and he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle? Or what about celebrating another wedding anniversary with Mom? Or visiting Nana in Italy?” Her anger began to boil again. “You get to see all those things, Antony, and you don’t even want them. So yeah, being alive with one less leg is better than being dead. And if you’d wake up from being such a jerk, you would see that you’re surrounded by people who love you and want to help, but you’re too far gone to appreciate it.”
Estelle shook her head, not willing to listen to anything else from Antony. She’d already said too much, and Crew was probably thinking about how horrible she was. But the words had been simmering for too long, and now they were out. Where she would go from here, Estelle had no idea, but she was too deep to stop now.
Dropping Crew’s arm, she turned. “Your therapist will be here soon,” she shot over her shoulder. “I’m sure they can help you with what you need.” Without another word, she marched out, hoping that Crew would follow and not hate her for breaking her brother even more than he already was.
Crew looked back and forth between Estelle’s retreating back and Antony’s scowling face. Unsure of what to say, he simply nodded at Antony and left on Estelle’s heels. It appeared that his angel had a bit of a bite when provoked far enough, and Crew was slightly amused at it.
If he had to guess, he would say that Estelle had finally reached her breaking point, which was absolutely normal. From what he’d gathered and witnessed for himself in the last few days, she’d been under a level of stress that no one person should ever have to deal with for an extended amount of time, and all he could do was wonder how she’d lasted this long.
After closing the door to Antony’s bedroom, Crew looked over at Estelle to find her shaking with her arms wrapped tight around herself, as if she could stop the tremors. “Ah man,” he muttered, stepping forward and pulling her into his chest. He sent a grateful prayer heavenward that she didn’t fight him, instead falling against him in a way that told him she trusted him and Crew’s confidence in their chances soared.
“I’m sorry,” she said through chattering teeth, even as her hands fisted in his shirt. “I shouldn’t have said all that, and I didn’t mean to?—”
Crew squeezed a little tighter to get her attention. “No apologies,” he said firmly. “None.” Leaning his head to the side until he caught her eye, he raised his eyebrows and waited for her to acknowledge him. “Do you hear? None.”
Estelle’s cheeks were wet, her eyes puffy and red. “I shouldn’t have said all that to him,” she whispered thickly. “He’s healing. He needs love and help.”
“He also needs a reality check once in a while,” Crew said softly, his hand rubbing up and down her back. “He’s an adult, Estelle. An adult male. Sometimes we’re idiots. Yes, life is rough. No one is going to begrudge him struggling with the loss of his leg or a few heavy pity parties, but you were right…he’s still here. At some point, he needs to realize that life goes on and that he has a family who loves him.”
His fingers grazed her cheek and tucked a piece of hair back that was stuck against the moisture. “Heck, my family is a complete mess. If I’d gotten hurt as a kid, my parents wouldn’t have done anything to help except hire a doctor. They wouldn’t have helped me get to the bathroom or do everyday chores or ever degraded themselves by playing servant to my needs.” He grunted a laugh. “And here you are doing it to two men in your life. I know your mom helps and I know Aspen and Maeve are around, but you’re doing the bulk of it and there’s no room in your charity for your brother to treat you like dirt.”
“Hurt people hurt people,” Estelle responded, rubbing at her face. She gave a long sigh. “I really shouldn’t have snapped. I should apologize.”
“Or…” Crew hedged. “You could let yourself take a break and then come back and apologize, if you still feel like you need to.”
She frowned.
“First of all, I don’t really think you should apologize for telling him the truth. Second, I think you’ll be able to handle the rest of the day better if you walk away for a bit.”
“But I’m needed here,” she insisted.
“Aspen’s here,” Crew reminded her. “And Ethan. And your mom.” Crew shrugged. “Surely, they can handle it for the next hour or two?”
Estelle pinched her lips together, her brows deeply furrowed. “Maybe,” she said hesitantly. “I guess we could ask.”
“Great idea.” Stepping back, Crew took her hand and guided Estelle toward the stairs. The more he thought about it, the more he knew it was the right choice for this moment. She needed to breathe, and Aspen and Mrs. Harrison needed a chance to help. Crew wasn’t blind to the way Aspen had ignored Estelle’s rules. Odds were, Aspen wanted to do more, but Estelle had set her heart on running the fort. Mason, as the oldest of Crew’s family, had done the same thing many, many times, which allowed Crew to recognize it in Estelle. The best he could do for her now was get her to walk away and give the other family an opportunity to step in.
After fifteen minutes of finagling and sweet talking Estelle, he finally had her walking down the front porch steps with him. The air was warm and fresh, and the salty tang of the ocean could just barely be caught in the breeze.
“Where do you want to go?” Crew asked, pausing in the driveway.
Estelle looked lost. Her brows were still furrowed, and her eyes wide and round with dark half moons under them. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I haven’t even thought of taking a break in a long time.”
With a slight tug, Crew pulled her toward his car. “No worries. I’ll be in charge. Your job is to obey.”
Estelle laughed softly as she sat down in the passenger seat. “I should probably use this time to design Layla’s cake.”
Crew shrugged. “If we get to that, great. If not, we’ll still figure it out.” He shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side, slipping in easily and starting the engine. Less than ten minutes later, he pulled the car into a public parking spot. “The ocean always makes me feel better,” he said with a grin. “How about a walk?”
Estelle’s forehead had relaxed, and her lips were curled ever so slightly at the corners. “I think that sounds nice,” she admitted.
Crew’s smile was about to split his face as he got out and walked around, glad to see she had waited long enough for him to be a gentleman. Opening her door, he held out his hand to help her up, but didn’t release it when she was standing. Instead, he tweaked their hold so their fingers were entwined and walked them toward the path through the tall grasses.
They didn’t speak for several minutes, even upon reaching the beach. After removing their shoes, Crew took both sets and placed them off to the side before holding her hand once more and walking closer to the water.
The breeze grew cooler as they drew nearer to the cold Pacific Ocean. There was never a point during the year when this water would be welcoming and warm like the waves in Hawaii or along the southern edge of the country. But despite its temperatures, the grandeur and majesty of the ocean never failed to help Crew feel grounded.
Closing his eyes, he let himself focus on two things. The sound of the waves and the feel of Estelle’s dainty fingers in his. The waves rushed in and out, roaring with power and making Crew feel small but amazed. Estelle’s hand, however, had the opposite effect.
Heat from her skin crept into his, climbing his wrist and forearm and heading straight for his chest, which wanted to puff up like a knight of old at the way she firmly grasped him. Instead of small, Crew felt like he was ten feet tall. Like he could slay every dragon that Estelle faced.
Daphne had once teased Crew about being a knight who saved damsels in distress, but nothing could have prepared him for how much his attraction to Estelle would drive his need to help make her life better.
Injured or not, Crew had been ready to put a fist into Antony’s nose if he’d tried to speak to Estelle like that one more time. It was completely uncalled for, even if the guy was a mess. Instead, however, Estelle had stepped up for herself, which had made Crew so proud, he felt like a peacock puffed up in front of a crowd.
When she leaned against his arm, Crew’s eyes finally opened, and he glanced down. Estelle’s eyes were closed and a contented smile played on her face as she leaned into him.
For just one moment, Crew had a fleeting feeling that, though he might have been raised in purgatory, he was getting a very good glimpse of what real heaven was like.