Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
E stelle bit her bottom lip until the sharp pain felt like it would bleed. The rush of tears in her eyes was coming, and she couldn’t let them fall, no matter how much she was hurting.
“You’re going to be fine,” she whispered hoarsely to her father, smoothing back his hair. Her seat on the edge of the bed was precarious and her thighs were burning with the effort of staying upright, but she couldn’t move. Not after the episode he’d just had.
Her father’s body twitched and contorted, his forehead pinched in pain no matter what she did to try and soothe him. Her hand was clammy and shook uncontrollably as she continued to smooth his hair, hoping her touch would calm his anxious muscles, but nothing was working.
Estelle glanced across the bedroom to a small cot where her mother was curled on her side, finally sleeping after a night filled with terrifying episodes. There was a point before the dawn that Estelle was positive her father wouldn’t make it to sunrise, and yet here he was.
But that didn’t mean all was well .
Her mother was broken and exhausted, unable to stay awake even with her husband’s hours ticking away. Estelle’s head was throbbing so hard she could barely see straight, and she hadn’t managed to make it up to Antony’s room yet. No doubt her brother was desperate to reach the bathroom, but Estelle wasn’t sure she even had the ability to help him this morning.
Sometimes, he could get his crutches and clomp over on his own, but she couldn’t remember if his crutches had been left next to the bed or not. He might very well be stuck in a mess, and Estelle couldn’t pull herself away from her failing father.
How such a bold, vibrant man could be reduced to this was something she wouldn’t have believed if she hadn’t watched the decline for herself. He was literally half the man he was.
His weight was that of a teenager, and his body was folded and contorted in ways that looked uncomfortable, all while he never stopped shaking and moving, as if he had too much energy though that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
She took in a shuddering breath, biting her cheek this time, hoping the pain would wake her from her depression. Its weight was too much this morning. She could barely breathe, and yet she had things to accomplish.
Last night, at the church, had been the stuff of dreams. Crew helped her decorate all day long, and then Mom had taken over caring for Dad so Aspen, Maeve and their husbands could all come to the church in order to have a casual dinner with their friends before the reception tonight.
Without a nap, Estelle wasn’t sure she’d be able to stay on her feet long enough to serve cake, but where would she find time to take a nap?
She jerked when a knock came at the front door. “Crew,” she breathed, knowing immediately who was there. The weight on her shoulders felt the slightest bit lighter at the thought that he was there, but the guilt in her stomach only grew thicker.
It wasn’t right that should have to come spend all his time helping her. That wasn’t what relationships were supposed to be like. They were supposed to be like last night. Fun dinners, sweet kisses, flirty banter… Nowhere in the handbook for dating did it say to spend time taking care of dying fathers or holding your girlfriend while she bawled because she wasn’t strong enough to handle her life.
A few tears was one thing, like the tears that came from a sad or exceptionally happy movie, but tears that came every day because of depression, sorrow, and anxiety were another.
Why in the world had Crew stuck around so long?
“Knock, knock?” His voice filtered through the bedroom door, and Estelle forced her shaky legs into action.
She bit back a groan when she stood, her legs jerky and jelly all at the same time. Her gait was awkward, but she forced herself through the bedroom door, only glancing at her father one time before slipping out.
“Stelle?” Crew called, his voice a little louder as he wandered farther into the house.
“I’m here.” Her voice was barely a whisper so she cleared her throat, stepping into the family room. “Here,” she called out more clearly.
Crew came from the foyer, a grin on his face that quickly faded. “Stelle,” he said softly, his pace picking up speed. “What happened?” His arms immediately surrounded her, and Estelle slumped into his chest. “Is your dad?—?”
His words cut off, but Estelle knew what he was asking. “Just a rough night,” she managed. Her arms shook, but she reached around him, holding on with all the energy left in her body. She needed this. She needed him . If Crew ever decided he was tired of the relationship, Estelle wouldn’t survive the heartache.
“Define rough night,” Crew demanded, his tone harsh. “Have you slept at all?”
She shrugged. “Maybe an hour or two over several short naps.”
Sighing, Crew tightened his hold, burying his face in her messy hair .
When was the last time she washed it? Her body relaxed a bit when she realized she’d showered yesterday before heading to the church. Though Estelle was sure she needed another one, at least it hadn’t been something crazy like a week.
“Why don’t you lay down?” Crew rasped, rubbing her back. “I’ll take care of things for a while.”
Estelle shook her head and immediately pulled back, even while mourning the loss of his heat and strength. “No. I can’t do that. I’ve got the reception tonight, so I’ve got to get things done today and I’m sure dad is gonna need extra help.” She swallowed the hard lump in her throat. “And I haven’t even been up to Antony yet. He’s probably ready to break something.”
Crew shook his head right back at her. “I’ll take care of your brother. Sit down. Close your eyes. At least for a few minutes, okay? You can’t keep going like this. You’re going to end up in the hospital from extreme exhaustion, and then you won’t be able to help at all.”
Estelle felt her bottom lip begin to tremble, but she bit it until it was under control. “I don’t know how to stop.” Dang it. She hadn’t meant for that to come out of her mouth. She’d been having difficult thoughts about her behavior, knowing it wasn’t healthy, but she couldn't bring herself to change.
The idea of stepping aside so others could help made her nauseous. Everyone else had a life, a family, a full time career. Estelle was the oldest, it was her responsibility to take on the hard things, to take care of her family. Besides, she didn’t have a husband, and her cake decorating was still only part time, giving her extra time to give to her parents and her brother.
It would kill Estelle to have someone else going through all of this. But she hadn’t meant to tell Crew that.
“Sweetheart,” he crooned, stepping toward her and cupping her face. “You can’t keep going like this. You simply can’t.” One side of his mouth pulled up in a wry grin. “Despite what the rest of us think, you’re mortal. You’re human. You have limits. You’ve got to let us help. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” One eyebrow went up. “I’m not going to force and I’m closer to begging than I’d like, but seriously, Estelle. Please…sit down.”
There was no way to stop the tears this time. She tried biting her lip and her cheek again, but all she got was tears plus the pain. Why was she such a wreck? How come she couldn't handle all this? And how could she continue to ask Crew to step up to make up her lack?
It wasn’t right, but she also didn’t know how to turn him down. “Okay.”
Crew let out a very quiet, relieved breath. He’d never seen Estelle so ragged. Her eyes were bloodshot, her lids puffy, her cheeks red and flushed, while her clothes were rumpled and set off balance. Normally, he’d be a little too gleeful for the glimpse he saw of her bare shoulder from the wide neck of her sweater, but right now, all he could do was clench his fists and try to keep from punching something.
Estelle was running herself into the ground. Why hadn’t she called someone last night? Why didn’t she call him ? He’d said he’d be there. He’d promised and she wouldn’t let him live up to that promise.
Why didn’t she let her sisters or some of the neighbors or friends from around the town come in and help? Surely, after living here for so many years, the Harrison’s had those who would come sit for a night. If she would just spread out the responsibility, no one would get burned out.
Why couldn’t Estelle see that?
It was the first time he’d really found himself angry at her, but he pushed it down. He didn’t agree with her choices, but it also didn’t change the fact that he found her stunning and amazing. No one was perfect, so Crew knew he wouldn’t let this come between them.
But if she didn’t start to take care of herself, there would be no relationship because Estelle would drive herself into a severe depression, both physical and mental.
“Right here,” he soothed, helping her to the couch. She shook under his hands, and it sent another string of hot, bubbling anger through his stomach. “That’s it. Lay back.” Grabbing one of those yarn blanket things from the back of the recliner, he laid it over her lap. “Now stay put, you got it?”
Estelle gave him a sarcastic smile. “What am I? Five?”
Crew wasn’t going to share what he really wanted to say in response to that question. “Age is just a number,” he retorted. “But right now, I’m gonna take over. You rest. It’s your turn. I know how to handle your dad and brother.”
When her face crumpled as she nodded, Crew’s anger began to dissipate. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t have to do this. I?—”
Crew put one hand on the back of the couch and leaned in for a quick kiss to cut off her lamenting. “None of that,” he said, knowing his tone was a little too harsh. It took his full effort to pull it back. “I’ve already told you I’m here. Now stop apologizing and just relax for a minute.”
Without giving her another chance to argue or himself another chance to get angry, Crew immediately headed for the stairs. Maybe dealing with Antony first was the best way to go. Antony always had an edge of combativeness to his behavior, and it might give Crew a much needed outlet at the moment.
“Knock, knock,” Crew said as he rapped on the frame, then opened the door. The room was still dark as the curtains were pulled, but Antony was sitting up in bed. “Heard you haven’t had much help this morning.”
Antony sneered as Crew turned on the light. “It’s easy to overlook the cripple.”
Crew hesitated, but decided to let that one go. That fight he was looking for was going to come to a head quicker than expected. “Estelle was up all night with your dad, so you got me instead. ”
“Great,” Antony continued in his sarcastic tone. “I always love spending time with the whipped boyfriend. It tells me where my sister’s spending her time. Good thing it’s not on her family.”
Crew paused next to the bed, his blood boiling with repressed anger. He knew he didn’t quite understand all that Estelle was going through, but he was getting a good glimpse this morning and Crew was already ready to throw punches. “You know…you can call me all the names all you want, but as soon as you start ragging on your sister, you’ve crossed a line.”
Crew leaned forward. “Do you have any idea what she puts herself through to take care of you?” He continued before Antony could give another snarky reply. “She’s downstairs on the couch, barely able to stand because she’s run herself into the ground, using more energy than she has to keep your father alive and soothe your mother through the night.”
Antony’s nostrils flared, and his fists clenched.
“She marches up these stairs every day,” Crew added. “I know because I’ve watched her. Up and down, up and down. You’re constantly on her mind and even though her body is breaking and her mind is ready to melt, do you know what she worries about? You. You and your ungrateful attitude. You and your father. You and your mother. You and your sisters and Aspen’s baby.” Crew snorted. “Not one second of the day is spent on her own health.”
He slapped a hand against his chest. “Maybe I am the whipped boyfriend, but just once, I’d kind of like to see her put her own wellbeing first. Because you know what? By the time all is said and done, I’m half afraid that there’ll be three lost people in this family instead of just two.”
Spinning on his heel, Crew grabbed the crutches from the corner and dumped them on the side of Antony’s bed. “Do you need help getting to the bathroom?”
“Not from you,” Antony ground out, grabbing the crutches and already starting to shift himself.
“Good.” Crew turned and left. He didn’t glance over his shoulder like Estelle would have done. He didn’t let himself worry that Antony might have a hard time. If the guy could bad-mouth the very people who loved him the most, he could very well get himself to the toilet.
“How is he?” Estelle asked weakly.
Crew fought to keep his anger from his tone. “He’s going to handle himself,” Crew explained. “I made sure he had his crutches.”
Estelle sighed. “I worry he does too much. I don’t want him to hurt himself.”
“He’s not going to live here forever,” Crew said, his tone still a little tighter than he wanted. “He needs to learn to be independent.”
Estelle sighed and nodded. “I know.”
“I’ll go check on him soon and make sure he’s not overdoing it, okay? If he wants to come downstairs, he won’t come down alone.”
Her smile was exhausted but grateful. “I don’t deserve you.”
Crew sat on the edge of the coffee table, ready to offer a little flirting when his phone went off. Grabbing it, he frowned. “Hang on.” He opened the call. “Hey, Daph. What’s up?” His eyes met Estelle, who was watching him curiously.
“Hey, Mr. White Knight,” Daphne said cheerily. The sound was so bright it almost made Crew wince. Daphne’s happiness was the absolute opposite of everything else going on in his life right now. “I need a favor.”
“Yeah? Name it.” Crew put his hand on Estelle’s knee, rubbing his thumb across the top of it. She was still shaking. He’d need to make her some breakfast as soon as he was done here. Her blood sugar was probably dangerously low after staying up all night.
“Can I borrow your truck?”
Crew made a face at Estelle while answering Daphne. “My truck? That’s like asking to borrow a man’s masculinity, Daph. What the heck do you need it for?”
“I need to haul a new bookcase to my classroom. I’m teaching summer school so the school’s open to me, and I’d like to get it done before I have a full class next fall. Plus, school’s only a half day right now, leaving me plenty of time to get it all ready.”
“If you promise not to lift it yourself, I’ll let you borrow it.”
“Ah, the knight comes out even when we aren’t together,” Daphne teased.
He rolled his eyes at Estelle, knowing she could hear the conversation. “Seriously, Daphne. Get help, okay? The keys are in the bowl by the front door.”
“This isn’t like the wax that was supposed to be in the garage, is it?” Daphne teased.
“No,” I said slowly. “If my keys aren’t there, someone stole them. So make sure you put them back.”
“Will do, Sir Knight. Thanks!”
“No prob. Talk to you later.” Crew hung up and sighed. “Daphne teaches school,” he explained. “If I was back in California, I’d probably be the one helping her, but since I’m here, I’ll let someone else break their back.” He smiled, trying to help Estelle see the humor, but her face remained stoic.
“Sir Knight, huh?” she finally whispered.
Crew shrugged, standing and stuffing his phone in his back pocket. “I like to help when I can.” He tucked the blanket around Estelle a little tighter. “Hang on. I’ll get you some breakfast, and then you can order me around to your heart’s content okay?”
She gave him a wan smile. “Okay.”
Leaving a light kiss on her forehead, Crew headed for the kitchen, feeling a little lighter. Sleep. She just needed sleep and food. He could do that and then they could spend a little time together at the reception tonight. Maybe he’d even find a dark corner to steal a few kisses. This was the life he wanted with Estelle, and while he was here, he’d help her find balance. She could help him figure out how to be part of a tight knit group, and he could help her learn to prioritize herself.
Together, they’d make this work. They had to.