Chapter 24
The ‘Emma-less’ days at the shop were awful.
It wasn’t as if it was hard work. I’d been honest with Richard that there wasn’t really enough to do to justify two full-time workers.
But the fact that I could handle the workload alone easily didn’t change the fact that I missed having Emma around.
Missed our chats and our jokes, the companionable tea breaks and watching her rearrange her crystals and charms around the place. I missed my friend.
The shop had literally never been cleaner or more organised.
I tried to distract myself with all the little tasks that would normally take me a week or so to get round to.
But by the middle of day two, I really had nothing left to do except sit and wait for customers to come in.
The crochet kits were moving, but slowly. All in all, not a great time.
It was only made worse when Margaret popped in.
I came out of the back room and she was just…
there. It had been so long since I’d seen her anywhere else that I’d sort of started to believe she couldn’t leave the charity shop, as if it was a crypt warded with holy symbols that kept her locked up.
When I came out and saw her, I actually shrieked.
Peering over her varifocals, Margaret favoured me with a stare of disapproval.
‘Not wise to leave the till unattended,’ she said.
‘No… I suppose not,’ I said, not wanting to risk starting a conversation by pointing out that I’d been two feet away, behind a bead curtain. It wasn’t as if I’d left the shop or been sat back there, drinking shots with my headphones in.
She wandered around, poking at various items before selecting a single needle-threader from a basket of them on the counter (fifteen pence), which she paid for in small change. She left without another word and I was genuinely torn between finding the entire exchange amusing or irritating.
Things at home weren’t much better than they were at the shop.
Richard and I were back together and that was…
fine. Things were back to normal and our routine was as easy as ever to get lost in.
But I couldn’t quite seem to convince my body to let go of all the stress and annoyance that had built up towards Richard in our time apart.
For example, on Saturday, the last day that I would be running the shop without Emma, I was making breakfast when Richard woke up.
Just a quick feta omelette with a handful of spinach wilted on top.
He went straight for the Nutribullet and made himself his morning shake but, as it was blending, he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
And I flinched.
He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and let me go, but I could tell it bothered him.
A lot. We hadn’t had sex since getting back together and I’d been reluctant to cuddle in bed because he kept trying to initiate.
I just wasn’t ready. Worse, I kept thinking about Cooper and how I’d brushed against him in the book-nook.
That thrill of excitement it had sent through me.
I couldn’t feel that for Richard right now.
I didn’t know if I ever would again and that was really depressing.
Once I’d eaten, he made me a coffee in my travel mug and our hands brushed as he handed it over.
They were warm and soft as always, but the goosebumps that rose up on my skin weren’t from excitement.
They were a side effect of my skin crawling as I tried to smile gratefully and take the cup from him.
It was a relief to get out of the flat and walk to work.
It had only been a few days. Things would get easier eventually, I was sure of it.
Maybe it would be a good idea to ask Mum how long it had taken her to let go of the past and be present with Dad again after he’d cheated on her.
Just to get a ballpark idea of when this awkwardness would end.
On my way in, I quickly checked Facebook and found that no one had messaged me about Charlie.
So either his owners weren’t on Facebook or they weren’t looking for him.
A quick check of my chat with Emma showed that she had still not responded to my message but she had read it. That was all I could hope for.
‘Morning.’
I nearly dropped my cup and my phone when I heard her voice.
I stopped short and looked up at Emma, who was waiting outside ‘Ewe and Me’, looking a bit sheepish.
She was wearing an ombré jumper I’d crocheted for her in purple and grey.
Her hair was piled up and glittering with crystal clips and she had two cups of coffee in her hands.
‘Hi,’ I said, then had to clear my throat and try again. ‘Hi – I thought you were off until Monday?’
‘I was going to because, honestly, I was really angry with you. To start with. But… I’ve sort of run out of things to clean at home and I…
missed you a bit. A lot. We haven’t really gone more than a day without talking since we met.
’ She shrugged as if trying to pass that observation off as casual, when in fact it meant everything to me.
She was right, we were almost constantly in contact.
Emma flicked a loose strand of hair over her shoulder.
‘I got your message… thanks. It meant a lot that you didn’t want me to spend my time off obsessing over what would happen when I came back. ’
‘I’m really sorry,’ I said, unsure if it was okay to move in for a one-armed hug or not.
‘I wanted to bring you in breakfast on Monday and apologise properly but… I am really, really sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you when you were trying to be there for me and I shouldn’t have said what I said. I didn’t mean it.’
‘You sort of did,’ Emma shrugged a little. ‘I know all the woo-woo stuff isn’t your thing and that I’ve been bringing it to work and that probably made you uncomfortable…’
I felt awful all over again. ‘No! No, it really, really didn’t. I love your “woo” – and okay, so, even if I don’t believe in it – it’s still appreciated. That you’re putting so much effort into the shop when you don’t have to.’
‘Just because it’s not my shop doesn’t mean I don’t want it to succeed,’ Emma said. ‘But thank you for apologising and, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for prying. It’s not my business if you decide to get back together with Richard. You’re a grown-up and you don’t need to explain yourself to me.’
‘You definitely practised that,’ I said, before I could think better of it. Fortunately, this made Emma laugh.
‘Just a few times on the drive over,’ she admitted, then her expression turned serious again.
‘Tabitha… look, I don’t want to create more problems, so this is the last time I’ll ask but…
getting back together with Richard… Are you absolutely, one thousand per cent sure that’s what you want?
You were just so hurt before and I hate that he did that to you. ’
I felt my shoulders slump. A few days ago, when the decision was freshly made, and I was so convinced it was the right one, I’d been more than ready to fight for it. What a difference a few days could make!
‘I don’t know that I’m one thousand per cent sure but… I’m at a reasonable eighty-five per cent and… I think I just need a bit of time to work on things. We both do. After three years, I think I owe that to us, you know?’ I sounded pleading, even to my own ears.
Emma looked at me for a long moment and my stomach seemed to chew on itself in anxiety. Then she nodded.
‘All right, if you’re committed to forgiving him, then I am here to support you.’ She moved in for a quick hug. ‘But I am equally here for whatever you decide to do next, okay? You don’t have to explain it or justify it. I’m in.’
‘Really?’ I asked, hardly daring to hope that at least one person in my life would support me no matter how many times I changed my mind about the future.
‘Absolutely. Look, you might not believe in my woo-woo but you respect that it’s a part of my life. And I can give that same respect to Richard if he’s going to be part of yours.’
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I fully believed her.
There was a tiny part of my mind that was whispering that having a few crystals around was less taxing on me than tolerating Richard was on her.
I knew she didn’t like him, even before the cheating.
But at least she was offering to try. That was something.
‘And,’ Emma continued, ‘I know that if tomorrow I were to become a Buddhist or a reiki healer or a… vicar, you’d only need to know that it was what I wanted to do to be supportive of me.’
That was true. I would. A few years ago, Emma had got really into ghost hunting around Leaford’s historic buildings – from the old forge to the crumbling church ruins.
I’d kept her company on several drizzly nights while she set up her Ouija board and EMF detectors, sitting in a darkened room with a flask of hot chocolate, crocheting.
‘Well… I appreciate it. Thank you. I really missed my best friend the past few days.’
‘Missed you too.’ Emma gave my arm a squeeze, then nodded at the shop. ‘Shall we?’
‘We shall.’ I unlocked the door and let her in, glad that we were somewhat back to normal after the biggest argument we’d ever had since she lost her car keys on a visit to Tintagel and we had to climb the whole bloody cliff again to find them.
And that one had been settled with a pub lunch and a knickerbocker glory.
‘Wow, it’s looking pristine in here,’ Emma said, looking over the militantly arranged shelves. ‘I should take days off more often.’
‘Please, no,’ I pleaded jokingly. But also meaning it. ‘It was very dull without you. And besides, you’re my favourite employee.’
She set the drinks down on the counter and raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m your only employee.’
‘That too.’
She clocked the remaining brown bags lined up on the shelf under the counter. I’d finally got rid of enough of them that we had the break room back.