Chapter 17
Portia and Noah dozed together in the afterglow, wrapped in each other’s bodies, in front of the fire.
‘You want to go and look, don’t you?’ he asked. To her surprise, there was affection in the tone. ‘In the caves.’
She couldn’t deny it. ‘I just… I don’t like things I don’t understand.’
‘Of course you don’t. You’re Professor Portia Starling. Why don’t we get dressed and go and have a look? Besides which, we can’t stay here. Someone will find us eventually.’
She could have kissed him. In fact, she intended to do a lot more once they got back.
He understood her in a way few people did, she realised.
And that was a blessing. She ran back to her room, pulling on her clothes and met him down by the back door.
He wrapped his arm around her as they headed out into the night, holding a lantern high in the other hand.
The cave was dark and empty. It didn’t go back as far as Portia remembered, and here, now, with the moonlight streaming in through the trees, with all the patterns of shifting leaves moving on the ground, it didn’t look like the place of magic and wonder she remembered.
She stopped in the entrance, staring, her heart dropping to her feet.
Like August had told her, it wasn’t much bigger than her bathroom in the castle. There was no second cavern.
‘It doesn’t make any sense,’ she murmured. Moving to the back wall, she pressed her hands against it as if searching for some kind of hidden door or secret entrance. But there was nothing. Exactly as Noah had said.
She looked back at him over her shoulder, but he didn’t say I told you so. He was watching her with a curiously intent expression.
‘It was magic,’ he told her. ‘Maybe that’s why I couldn’t see it.’
‘But you’ve seen me do magic.’
‘I’ve seen you do it, the outward effects, but the thing itself, the way you described it? I’ve never seen that.’
He sounded almost heartbroken at the thought. He wanted to believe her, she could tell that. More, she realised, he wanted to see magic for himself. The same way he wanted to see the great dragons. Perhaps the two were intricately entwined.
‘Maybe it’ll come back,’ she murmured. ‘Maybe… maybe it has to be under certain circumstances or conditions? The storm, or a particular night or…’
He gave a half laugh. ‘Not that it would matter. It’s all right, Portia. I am wholly at peace with the mundane nature of my soul. We should be getting back. Your family will—’
‘You are not mundane and neither is your soul,’ she exclaimed, with a vehemence that surprised even herself. ‘Don’t say such things about yourself.’
He looked taken aback. ‘I… I’m not… I’m not like you and your family. I’m not—’
‘You are a skilled and highly qualified veterinary specialist. You’ve worked hard at everything you’ve achieved. There were no magical shortcuts for you, nor any doors held open by family and associates. That in itself demands respect in this world.’
He looked entirely lost, standing there in the mouth of the cave, surrounded by moonflowers. As if, not long ago, he hadn’t shown her more pleasure than she’d ever experienced in another.
‘I…’ He stopped, as if unable to find the words.
He swallowed hard and she was captivated by that movement in his throat again.
The urge to pull him into her arms and kiss him again made her breath shorten.
No, the parlour was one thing. This was a cave…
although, she thought wickedly, no one was going to walk in here.
‘Thank you,’ he said at last. ‘Portia, perhaps we should… should talk about… earlier…’
Was it regret or warning in his voice? Oh great Wenn, he was obviously regretting it now. She hadn’t thought they’d lurch to this so rapidly. She’d hoped… well, what did that matter now. It had been a moment of madness, that was all. And now… oh, lord, this was awkward.
‘Don’t worry,’ she told him as carefully as she could. ‘I won’t put you in a situation like that again. I shouldn’t have—’
‘No,’ he countered in a rush. ‘No, it isn’t that at all.
I don’t regret… I mean, I wanted… I wanted you.
I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t…’ He blurted out the words as if he couldn’t keep them in any more.
His face turned scarlet. ‘But I… I won’t be here forever.
I have a promise of funding for an expedition, to go to Elanholm.
I can’t stay on Starling Island and it isn’t fair to ask you to—’
Ask her to do what? Wait for him?
‘Wait,’ she countered hurriedly. ‘Wait, Noah, I’m not asking anything of you. You don’t have to stay here. I’m not staying here.’
She wasn’t trying to trap him here and she definitely wasn’t going to hang around mooning after him when he left, or anything of the sort. It had been sex. It had been… awesome, incredible, mind blowing…
Stop it, she told her body. It had just been sex. A release of desire and needs. That was all. She had to believe that.
‘I didn’t mean that,’ he countered, his voice rising in something like anger, or pain. She didn’t know, not any more. ‘But I can’t make any promises to—’
Oh, this was just too much. What did he think she expected from him?
‘I’m not asking for promises either. Not from you.’
He stiffened as if she had slapped him in the face and drew in a slow breath. He’d gone pale, all of a sudden and the openness in his face faded, right in front of her.
Maybe she could have phrased that better. But hadn’t she just told him how much she respected all he had achieved? And without the benefits of magic?
‘I see,’ he replied, all formality again. It was like watching a mask fall over his handsome face. One carved from marble. ‘Of course, Lady Portia. That was presumptuous of me.’
And that was when she realised what particular barb she had managed to strike.
She was nobility, one of the Starlings. He was just a vet from Alincourt, a nobody. He looked like he’d been expecting this all along. The thought alone made her furious.
‘Noah, I didn’t mean it like that.’
But he wasn’t listening to her, not now. ‘We should go back to the castle. It’s late. People will worry.’
He was already turning his back on her.
‘Noah, please, listen to me.’
His shoulders tensed and she sensed him taking another calming breath and letting it out in a long rush. ‘I don’t think we have anything to talk about. I have dragons to attend to and your family will worry if you stay out here alone so late. Please, Lady Portia—’
‘Stop that,’ she snapped.
‘Or what? It’s your title.’ He laughed and it wasn’t the joyous noise she loved.
It was bitter and sad. ‘You have a title. And I don’t.
Leave it. Please. Our lives are very different and we both have our own plans.
Maybe we should focus on them. I’ll be leaving the island as soon as possible anyway. ’
She pushed past the infuriating man, fuming with him and herself, and stalked back up the hill as fast as she could.
When she got back to her room, Jade was waiting for her, swooping down from rafters to scold her for leaving.
Portia threw herself on the bed and lay there, staring at the ceiling through her tears.
* * *
Portia spent most of the next few days documenting everything, and checking every aspect of the remarkable recovery of all of the teacup dragons.
But her triumph was dampened by the knowledge that Noah was avoiding her now.
Just as she was avoiding him, if she was honest. Sleeping with him had been a mistake of monumental proportions so when the memories kept surging up in her mind, or haunting her dreams, it really didn’t help.
She wrote to Milo and awaited his replies eagerly, walking down to the post office rather than waiting for Harry to trail up every day.
His next letter was all excitement as he expected to begin his own experiments at once.
She walked back up, reading his enthusiastic scrawl with delight, so engrossed in it that she walked straight into August at the door.
‘Where have you been? It’s Iris. She wants you. Come quickly.’
What was wrong with Iris? The surge of panic almost knocked the breath from her.
The letter forgotten, Portia followed him up the stairs at a run, to the snuggery where she found her great-aunt with her flight of dragons all around her, her eyes shining and a smile of delight spread over her elderly face.
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
From August’s expression, she’d thought Iris had been taken ill but she looked better than ever.
‘Nothing is wrong, my dear.’ Iris beamed at her. ‘Quite the contrary. Look, the acceptance came. I’m entering our dragons in the Royal Show in Tesh, just like I planned. It will help us fundraise and promote the sanctuary. Isn’t it wonderful?’
It was a cream card with elaborate gold decorations all around the edge and sweeping calligraphy dominating the centre.
Portia stared at her as if she’d taken leave of her senses. She’d thought Iris had forgotten all about that. She should have known better. Iris didn’t forget anything. ‘Why?’
Iris paused, admiring Ripple and making some notes in her little pocket book.
‘Why? I told you when you first came home. Because we need the money, my love. And imagine the publicity if we won. The world will see that the rescue dragon is a vastly superior beast, that when cared for with love and understanding, the teacup dragon flourishes. Look at what wonderful work you’ve done here, you and Noah. Noah, where are you?’
He was leaning against the ancient bookcases on the far side of the snuggery, looking distinctly uncomfortable and avoiding looking directly at Portia.
Why was he still here? Hadn’t he more or less announced that he was leaving soon? Had he just not told Iris yet? It was going to break her heart.
Just like it broke yours, came the treacherous whisper in the back of her mind.
She bit her lower lip uneasily. And tried to drive away the memory of him doing the same thing when he was unsure.
‘Iris, have you been sampling the elixir?’
‘So, what if I have. You did.’