17. Shemaiah
SHEMAIAH
Iknock at the door to Pippa’s rooms to escort her to dinner.
It’s been a couple of days since our agreement, and so far, it’s done what I hoped—kept Anna at bay.
It’s also forced me into Pippa’s proximity more than ever.
I can’t deny the attraction I feel toward her, but I’m experienced enough to know attraction doesn’t equal love and wise enough to know acting on attraction would just ruin our friendship. I have no intention of doing that.
Her door opens.
My breath catches.
Fuck, why does she have to make this harder than it already is?
Tonight, Pippa isn’t in one of her usual frocks.
She’s dressed in something pink that covers her petite frame.
Her shoulders are bare, the sleeves a slice of fabric resting on her upper arm, the rest swooping low, offering an unhindered view of her neck and the upper swell of her breasts.
The dress hugs the rest of her, draping and flowing around her like spun sugar.
The skirt pulls tight around her legs and gathers into a bustle in the back.
My mouth dries out, and my fangs emerge.
I clear my throat, wrangling myself into control, and offer my arm. “You look beautiful. Is that a new dress?”
“Ruby gave it to me.” She takes my arm, her gloved hand sliding over my jacket.
“It’s lovely on you.”
“Thank you,” she says with a demure smile.
“Perhaps you would like to go for a walk after dinner?”
She tilts her head to look up at me, that tantalizing verbena scent hitting me as if I were the bullseye of a target.
I still find the scent of her illness off-putting, though I’ve grown accustomed to it more and more.
And there are some moments, like this one, when I’m almost glad for it.
It’s a bucket of cold water thrown on my need to taste her.
“Alright,” she says.
When we reach the dining room, I pull out her chair for her before taking the seat next to her. With others around, my pursuit needs to be believable, so I tilt my head and speak into her ear, “What made you change your mind?”
She turns toward me. “About what?”
“Wearing one of Ruby’s dresses?”
I note Anna’s gaze, and commit to leaning closer, one arm resting on the table, the other across the back of Pippa’s chair.
When my breath tickles her neck, I see the chills raised across her skin.
My glance follows the fall of soft curls from her updo.
I have a strange impulse to press my lips to the tender skin behind her ear.
Pippa shifts in her seat, adjusting her bustle. There’s a soft blush on her fair cheeks. “I figured it should appear I’m open.”
Open to me. To being a Roan. To the farce of my supposed love.
She turns away once more, leaving me to ponder her words. And though it’s not expressly forbidden, more a gray area in our agreement, one I justify because of our audience, I press my lips to her shoulder, breathing in her essence.
Her heart picks up speed. The sound excites me, but I straighten, drawing away, aware that micro-dose of her isn’t enough to quell my sudden craving.
Jafeth takes a seat across from Pippa and lifts his wine glass. “To the new lovers.” He grins and takes a sip.
“That isn’t necessary, Jafeth,” Pippa says dismissively, clearly not liking the attention.
“Oh but it is,” he answers. “It isn’t every day that a Mavarri falls in love. But Shemaiah. Twice?”
“Twice?” Pippa’s eyes jump to me.
“Jafeth,” I warn before taking a sip of my wine. “Be careful. You sound bitter.”
“Oh, but I am. I’m supremely jealous. And sorry, I thought you would have told your lady-love all your secrets.”
“What secrets?” Kay asks, all innocent curiosity.
Jafeth’s sardonic smile pierces me. “Let’s not taint such a happy occurrence with tragedy.”
I bite my lips to keep from growling at him.
What the hell is he doing? I thought he wanted me to move on, or is he just jealous enough to try to sabotage me now that he sees what he doesn’t have?
I never thought he wanted a real relationship.
But there’s acidity in his voice, and it makes me wonder what’s changed.
Noah clears his throat.
Pippa’s gaze lingers on me until the first course is served—a decadent root soup. She changes the subject. “Noah? Did you hear back from the inspector?”
“Yes,” he says. “He signed off on the death certificate.”
“That’s good news.” She blows lightly on a spoonful of soup, lips puckered in a way that has me adjusting in my seat.
“It was so nice to see Lucy.” Ruby sets down her spoon and smiles at her husband. “I’m hoping she and Emelia will visit soon.”
Jafeth snorts a contemptuous laugh.
“Do you have a problem with my friend, Jafeth?” Ruby picks her spoon back up and waves it in his direction with a reprimanding look.
“Only that she’s an insufferable tease and a prude.”
“She’s nothing of the sort.” Ruby glares at my brother. “She’s lovely. And a dear friend.”
“I said nothing about whether she was lovely or not. Our Anna here is lovely as well.”
“I’m afraid not everyone thinks so.” Anna’s eyes jump to me, then away again.
I want to deny it, but I don’t want to do anything to encourage her, so I focus on my soup.
“Their loss,” Jafeth says with a flirty grin. “My gain.”
Anna snorts. “But you aren’t looking for love, Mr. Roan. You’re looking for something quick, easy, and temporary. None of which helps me.”
“Oh, but I can help you.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “I can help you feel such pleasure.”
I hear Pippa’s pulse quicken and turn to notice her cheeks redden at Jafeth’s frankness.
Anna snorts, then takes a sip of her wine.
I haven’t actually seen Anna much since announcing my fake affection for Pippa.
Now that I look more closely, I notice dark circles under her eyes, a limp lack of effort in her hairstyle, a paleness to her cheeks, a slowness to her movements.
This is the look of someone who’s given up hope.
Guilt wrings my gut knowing that my lie has done this to her.
Jafeth laughs off Anna’s subtle rejection. “On second thought, I prefer my women with a less sour scent.”
“Jafeth,” Noah warns.
Anna stands, head held high. “And I prefer my men with manners.” She leaves the room without looking back.
“You’re in rare form, Jafeth,” Zarah says. “Are you truly that jealous of your brothers?”
He scoffs. “Of course not, sister. I’m more jealous of you. You’ve managed to win the attention of the most innocent flower here.” His gaze shoots to Kay. “She’d be the most fun to defile.”
Ruby and Pippa gasp in unison. Zarah growls, claws extending.
“Out!” Noah commands.
Jafeth stands with jerky motions and a stunned expression. “With pleasure,” he says just before leaving the dining room.
We all sit in stunned silence. Jafeth’s strange mood, in addition to Noah using his patriarchal control to banish him, has everyone on edge.
It’s the first time Noah’s exerted his dominance in this way since the day our father died and the ability passed to our oldest sibling.
He reaches for his wife’s hand. “Forgive me.”
“He deserved it.” Zarah pops a blueberry into her mouth.
I nod in agreement.
If Noah didn’t look wary and shaken by his own power, I might be more concerned, but as it is, his use of his ability to defend against my brother’s disrespect makes me more convinced he’s worthy of it.
No one speaks during the rest of the main course.
Unable to take the uncomfortable silence any longer, I stand before dessert and hold my hand out to Pippa. “Ready for our walk?”
She nods, standing with an awkward glance around the room. I escort her out, tucking her hand into my elbow.
“I think I might be too tired to walk,” she admits once we’re in the hall. “That was… taxing.”
“I’ll carry you if I must.”
She snickers. “That desperate for my company?”
“And to move.” After the stifling dinner, my muscles are tense. I could use a bit of exercise. And I’m not ready to say goodnight.
“Alright. I think I can manage for a little while. Where to?”
I’d planned on a turn in the gardens now that the weather is warmer or perhaps a walk around the house if she was up for it. But after Jafeth’s comments, there’s somewhere else I want to take her.
When I scoop her into my arms, her laugh is a merry bell. “I thought you were joking about carrying me!”
“There’s something I’d like to show you. Are you alright with going outside?”
The moment she nods, I run down the corridor and out of the house. Normally, I’d take my time walking this path, using the excursion to think, but tonight, I use my Mavarri strength and speed, so it only takes a few minutes to bring her to the edge of the clearing.
Just outside the meadow, I set her on her feet.
The sun is almost at the horizon, casting the sky in hues of orange and red.
Both moons are already making their appearance, thin crescents heralding the approach of another new moon.
It’s a beautiful night, springtime warmth warring with the lingering chill of winter.
With my hand riding her lower back, I escort Pippa into the meadow.
She takes a deep breath, her head swiveling to take in the wildflowers that have just started to bloom. “It’s beautiful.”
“Breathtaking,” I reply, looking at her. When she turns toward me, I look up at the sky. “I come here often. When I need to clear my head.”
“Is that a gravestone?”
Rather than answer, I lead her closer. When she shivers, I remove my coat and drape it over her shoulders. She stumbles, and I wrap my arms around her to offer her my strength.
Neither of us speaks right away when we reach the grave. We stand shoulder to shoulder as the sun sets behind us.
“Vivienne Langford,” Pippa says, reading the plaque. “Who was she?”
I swallow my reservations. It’s important that Pippa understand where I’m coming from. “She’s the only woman I ever loved.”
I almost leave it at that. Letting her believe I still love and grieve another would be the best way to convince her I won’t love again.
But when her hand tightens around mine, I find myself wanting to tell her more.
“Like your relationship with your son’s father, it was a one-sided affection. I felt more than she did.”
Her gloved fingers brush against mine, but she doesn’t speak, just waits.
“What Jafeth said at dinner…” I pull my hand away and untie my hair, digging my fingers through the tangles, anything to occupy myself as I recall this pain. “This is why he doubts us… he knows I can’t… I won’t love again.”
“Will you tell me what happened? How she died?”
“She wanted the power and abilities that come with being the Roan matriarch.” I can’t keep the bitterness out of my voice even though it’s been years since I’ve felt it. I’ve never talked about this with anyone before. The only people who know are those who were there.
“Matriarch?” I can see the gears turning in her mind, piecing it all together. “She wanted to be with your father?”
“She was with my father.” I walk a few paces away. “Behind my back. I didn’t know until Solstice, when she asked him to bite her instead of me.” I let out a derisive laugh. “The irony is she might have lived if I’d been the one to do it. But she chose him.”
I want to discount the pain I felt all those years ago, discount the bitterness that rose within me like a sea, pulling me under, but I don’t. No matter how long ago it was, I won’t pretend it was alright. I’m fine now. But the pain was real. And it taught me. It made me stronger.
Pippa steps up next to me and places a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Shemaiah.”
I look down at her lace-covered fingers on my sleeve. So delicate. So feminine. So easily breakable, yet I feel as if she’s the one who could break me if I’m not careful.
“Thank you for telling me,” she whispers.
“Jafeth was right.” I sigh. “If I loved you, you’d know this story.” That’s why I told her. To keep up the ruse. That’s all.
The meadow is a dark mirror to the night sky, tiny white flowers gleaming like stars in the light of the moons. It’s colder than it was when we arrived, and Pippa holds my jacket tightly around her.
“I should get you back,” I say.
“Wait.” She places a hand on my chest, then immediately pulls it away. “For what it’s worth, she was a fool for not choosing you. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met.”
My throat feels tight, so I simply nod.
She opens her mouth as if to say something more, then closes it. Her fingers rub her lips like she’s thinking, trying to decide something. I can see the moment she comes to a conclusion. Her hand falls, and she looks away from me, up to the starry sky. “Can we stay for just a few more minutes?”
“We can stay as long as you like.” I pull her into my side and rest my cheek against the top of her head, suddenly so very content to stand here with her among the stars.