Chapter 9 Faolan
NINE
FAOLAN
Iacted like nothing was awry on the way to our chambers, but as soon as the heavy wooden door clicked closed behind me, I growled out a frustrated breath.
Fuck.
Panic surged in my chest as I searched inside myself for some other explanation for what I was feeling. Something else…anything.
There was nothing. No other reason my entire being was calling out to go to the soon-to-be princess who I was here to collect and deliver to her prince. You know, the son of the King who would have me quartered for such a betrayal.
I wanted it not to be true, but I knew in every fiber of my being that it was. That stunning female back there was my ryder.
I knocked my head back against the door with brutal force.
This could not be happening.
Fuck the voyage home. Fuck my promise to Nyx.
I could not spend a fortnight or longer with her on the ship.
I did not have the strength to stay away and fight the pull if I was trapped on the same vessel.
The draw to her had only just begun. Surely if I put half the kingdom between us immediately, it would never have a chance to grow?
She was not a dragon, so she would not have sensed it yet.
She would be none the wiser, and she could live out her destiny as the next Queen, and I could continue on with my life.
Dragons from Kerani scarcely had ryders. I now understood that it was because they were cut off from the lands where most of their Goddess’s chosen ryders existed. They would never know the call, because the magic of the Wild Mountains prevented it from reaching them. The lucky bastards.
I never thought for one moment I would wish to be back in Kerani, but here I was. I wanted more, but this… this was more than I could handle. She was the betrothed to the heir of the Twelve Kingdoms. She could NOT be my ryder!
I knew what a ryder would mean for me in this society.
It would be worse than a death sentence for me.
I could not hide it. I might have managed to evade notice by living in the shadows and disguising my scent here and there, but a dragon with a ryder could not be disguised.
And I could not live the life that came with the discovery.
I would not.
I searched the room for ideas. I had to leave, and I had to do it now while everyone was distracted.
They’d probably have guards at our doors, or maybe just in the halls.
But they would be there, so we wouldn’t leave this wing.
No matter how much goodwill and diplomacy came with this trip, they would still guard the duke.
We were strangers to this palace and there was always the risk of betrayal—I knew how these things were handled.
I checked the windows and found a small but usable balcony. It would do. I’d have to dive off and shift in the air, but I’d done worse with less height. I could shift in time.
I shoved off my clothes and balled them up, looking for a place to stash them. I hid them behind a chair, hoping it would take time before anyone noticed. It is what it is. If one of them chased me down, so be it. I would at least get a head start.
I climbed up on the edge of the stone balcony. An intense pang of longing threatened to pull me back, but I resisted. I could keep resisting, I was sure. The cool breeze blew in my hair, and I could taste freedom.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Nyx barked. His was the last voice I wanted to hear when arse naked and about to jump off the balcony.
“Leaving,” I conceded. There was no point in lying about it.
“Why would you do that? What if someone sees you?” Nyx barely restrained his anger, but kept his voice low so as not to draw attention to us out where we could be seen on the balcony.
How could I even explain this to him?
“I need to go.”
“You agreed to help me,” he hissed. “I cannot do this without you. What if we’re attacked on the return? You’re the only other dragon to help protect the prince and their betrothed?”
I turned around slowly. “Excuse me? Your brother is also a dragon, is he not?” Did he forget? Or did he not trust Kol any longer?
“You know he’s affected by the poison, and it’s not fully resolved. He’s not himself.”
“You don’t trust him, do you?” I already knew it in my gut, but I was finally putting the pieces together. “That’s why you kept him close rather than leaving him unattended in the capital and why you wanted me here.”
“It’s not his fault, but we still don’t know what they did to his mind. He’s different.”
“You think they still have a hold on him? Like he’s their spy or something?”
“No,” he snapped. His lips said one thing, but his expression told me another.
“You’re not telling me the full truth.” I couldn’t put my finger on it before we left, but now it was crystal clear. He didn’t trust his brother.
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“That goes both ways,” I growled, knowing I was pushing my luck.
Nyx’s willingness to let me be my own dragon would only extend so far. He studied me. “What changed?”
“Nothing,” I hedged. “I came as a favor to you, and now I need to leave. Kol will back you up if there are any problems. You’ll be fine.” I turned to face the sky again, but his words stopped me.
“Need to leave? This suddenly? I’ll ask you again, what changed?”
I hung my head and tried to find any words that would shake him off my back, but I realized I was cornered and perhaps he would help me out of this before it went too far. I turned to him, not stepping off the balcony rail. “It would seem that I have a ryder.”
Nyx’s eyes widened.
I held up my hand. “Before you speak, it doesn't matter what the Goddess has decided. It can’t happen, and I’m leaving before it really takes hold.”
Nyx shook his head and chuckled. “Faolan, take it from someone who spent a lifetime with a call that went unanswered, there is no fighting this, and the pain of not completing the bond when those connections have been sparked is unbearable. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You can’t run from this.”
“I can try,” I countered. He didn’t know everything. There were potions on the black market you could take to numb that pain.
“For what? Because you don’t want to be tied down to the King and be put in the service of the kingdoms? Faolan, I respected that choice while it was yours to make, but now things are different. I can’t let you fly away from a ryder. It will hurt you both too much.” His understanding riled me.
“That is not the reason,” I growled.
He folded his arms and tilted his head. “Then why? You see it as shackles to a cause you don't support, but it is the Goddess who controls our fates, and she has chosen you for this pairing. You have to believe in Her will.”
I finally snapped. “Fuck the Goddess!”
Nyx stepped back in complete shock at my words, but I hopped down and stalked towards him.
“She must be fucking with me if this is Her plan. Because bonding me to a ryder and tying me to your kingdom for the rest of my life is one thing, but what kind of sick joke is binding me to your future queen?” I jabbed my finger in his chest, seething with fury.
I wanted to burn down the realm and make this all go away.
Nyx’s mouth fell open. “Calytrix?” he whispered.
“If that’s her name. The one betrothed to that fool of a prince who fucks and drinks his time away, while squandering enough gold a day, to see his kingdom always fed and healthy.”
“Goddess,” was all he could muster. He turned away from me then, pacing into my suite. Thinking. Attempting to problem solve. I could sense it. Jaxus was the same. Why could they not see that sometimes fleeing was best for all concerned?
“I can’t let this happen,” I told his back.
He turned. “The Goddess puts your ryder in front of you when the time is right.”
“That is nonsense. This isn’t the right time for me or her. There is no right time for this. I won’t let anything trap me into another life like the one I just escaped. You knew that.”
“It’s different now, you have a ryder.”
“Why now? I’ve been out of Kerani for nearly a year. And I’m suddenly called? It’s suspect. Why not right away, when I left the protection of the Wild Mountains?”
“You don’t get the call as soon as you are available. Not all are called as younglings. Some are called much later, look at Hazel. I can’t tell you the Goddess’ mind.”
“The time is not right for this. I can’t see a time it ever would be. You know who she is. I can’t have my ryder be the betrothed of the heir to the crown. Are you mad?”
“The King knows we need dragons on the front lines. He won’t care who your ryder is, you are valuable to him,” he insisted.
“I do not believe your judgment on this one. The prince will end me.” I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t see all the problems this would cause. He had to be delusional.
“I am the Dragon of the Night, head of the Dragon Council.”
“And does that come with knowing the mind of the King or his son?”
“I know what the King needs and how he prioritizes. So I can assure you, your bond with Calytrix will come before any royal protocol. The prince will be told to accept it. There is no other outcome.”
“Bullshit, there is no way. He wouldn’t put a Queen out on the front in a war.”
“He damn well would because he knows that any fae matched with their dragon in battle has more magic than he could possibly find anywhere else in the realm.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe any of this.” I was pacing then, feeling unhinged from the madness of it all. “The Goddess you all want me to trust has clearly fucking lost a grip on Her senses. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I thought I had it all figured out.”
“Can you believe the way he’s speaking?!” Nyx growled, a whisper of smoke floating out of his nose to punctuate his rage.
“Who are you even talking to?” I stopped pacing and eyed him.
“The Goddess.” Nyx scoffs.
“Oh, quit with that! You can’t guilt me into this by trying to conspire with someone who has never once answered back to anyone who has called on Her.
I’m no youngling. I work on facts, and the fact is, I’m dead if I set foot back in the First, claiming its future Queen as my ryder.
And if I’m not dead, then I will, without any doubt, wish I was. ”
Nyx seemed to grow in stature as I spoke. A physical challenge, as his words were not netting him results.
I squared my shoulders. He may be able to intimidate others with the dragon act, but he has a match in mine.
“I don’t care who you are,” I told him carefully, so he heard me loud and clear.
“I owe no allegiance to you or anyone else. I am not staying to fight a war I have no stake in or be killed for something I had no control over. This is not my war, nor my King.”
“The call to your ryder won’t go away. You can’t outrun it,” he warned.
“I can damn well try.” I turned and ran, jumping off the edge of the balcony, swan diving as I let my dragon fly.