Chapter 39 - Faolan
THIRTY-NINE
FAOLAN
Istood watching the camp wake, feeling strong and healed.
I’d been able to shift my wings back days ago, and now mostly healed wounds dotted my upper back and shoulders in place of where they were in my wings.
Shifting with injuries was a strange business, for it was one body with two forms, and wounds and scars didn’t just vanish when the anatomy changed.
I was no longer bandaged, though, and the strength in my wings was returned.
I had snuck out before dawn, not waking Caly, and with Ryuu’s blessing, I had trekked beyond the camp’s wards and shifted for a test flight under the cover of darkness, with the promise that if I was attacked by waiting enemies, I would draw them away and never return.
They would deliver Caly to the palace safely on my behalf.
Goddess be praised, none of that happened. I flew well and returned to camp with a feeling of gloom that today would be our last day. Not just in the camp, but together.
A small, warm arm appeared around me, she slipped under my arm as I lifted it, and then pressed a steaming brew into my hands to ward off the chill. I took it and wrapped my arms around Caly as well, so we were both facing out over the camp. I rested my chin on the top of her head.
“How was your flight?” she asked softly, not taking her eyes off the morning prep going on around us.
“Much needed but stiff. Newly grown scales are always tight. I didn’t think I’d woken you,” I murmured in reply.
“You didn’t,” she glanced up at me. “But I felt the thrill of finally being able to use your wings. It pulled me from my slumber.”
“My apologies—”
She cut me off. “Some things you can’t help broadcasting.”
“Too true.” Would this connection span space and time after I left? Would I feel her joy and sorrow, her best and worst moments with him? The idea was unbearable.
She smiled and then returned her eyes to the camp.
I sipped the tea, and we shared a moment of tranquility together. But the feeling of impending doom was not going away, and I knew she felt it too.
When I finished the tea, I stepped back and inclined my head to follow back to the tent. We walked in silence, but the presence of all the words we hadn’t spoken followed us like an oppressive thunder cloud.
When the tent flap closed behind her, she inhaled to begin speaking, and I paused, shoulders tensed. “Please don’t.” I hadn’t turned around. I didn’t think I could say what needed to be said while looking at her.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t say what I know you’re going to say.”
“How would you know what I’m about to say?”
“I feel it, Caly, and I can’t bear it if you say the words.”
“Before you reject it, I know that saying it doesn’t help us. But I’ll never have this again, and I know what lies ahead for me, so please let me have it for just this moment.”
A single tear tracked down my cheek, and I turned to face her, finding her eyes swimming with tears, too.
“It’s going to kill me,” I admitted.
“Me too,” she nodded. “But better to say it while we can than never have the chance.”
“Is it?”
“You know it is. Denying it won’t make it hurt less.
What I feel for you will never be matched.
It’s all I can do to keep it inside at this point.
Living the rest of my life without it will be the hardest thing I ever have to do.
So why not let me be in love for just this one perfect day?
Why not love me back so that I can feel it forever? ”
I tensed at the words, but I was done fighting it.
“That’s right. Love, Faolan. That’s what I feel for you. I love you. It’s in my heart and if I don’t share it with you now, I might die. So let me have this, please.”
I stared at her through my tears and wondered how I would go on after today, but today came first, and I could give her that.
“You can have anything,” I choked out, and she rushed into my arms. I tilted her face up to mine and pressed a kiss to the first tear that fell.
“I love you too, Caly.” I whispered. “Always.”
I lifted her off her feet, needing to be as close to her as I could possibly be, and strode for our bed. We’d touched and stroked, and there was that thing with her mouth, but she had kept me at arms’ length because she feared setting back my healing. But now, I would not be deterred.
She held my face in both her tiny hands. peppering kisses on all the parts of me she could find with her lips. When my shins met the bed, I lowered her down, and we stripped, not hurriedly, just with purpose.
When we were both bare, I rose over her, taking in her perfect, curvaceous body. I knew I was setting myself up for more hurt, but now that we were here, I had to know every inch of her so that I could keep it with me all my days.
We took our time, learning each other. Discovering what drew those pleasured sounds from the other and doing it over and over. By the time I was seated fully inside her, rocking to the shared beats of our hearts, we were both slick with sweat and gasping for air between moans.
Hours later, we dressed in silence, our fates hanging heavy in the air.
I helped her with the last buttons of her tunic, then collected her hands in mine.
When our fingers laced, I instantly regretted it.
Suddenly, even after our day of love making, her touch was too much. How could I ever walk away from her?
It stuck in my throat to say it, but I said what was on my mind anyway. “It’s time to go.”
We both knew she belonged to him the second we landed in the First Kingdom, and I would be leaving.
“We’ll find some way to keep it alive.” She sniffed.
“How? He’ll make sure I’m nowhere near you ever again.
” I sighed, stroking her hair and framing her face with my hands.
The risk was too great, but I wouldn’t say it to her.
She’d be willing to risk it, but I couldn’t.
I knew what males like him were like. He’d torture her if he even had the inkling her heart belonged to someone else.
“Can he really control me like that?”
“Didn’t your father? Can you imagine him being any better?”
“Surely as queen, I’ll have freedoms…”
“Deep down, I think you know he will. Even if he hates you, you’ll be his property, and he’s not letting anyone else near that.”
She was quiet for a long time. “I know you’re right.”
“And you’re still okay going back?”
“I have to be. Right?”
“No. Say the word, and we can leave.” A moment of hope bubbled up. Everyone probably though us dead or captured by now. We could disappear. “We don’t have to return. Ryuu took the tracker off. No one ever has to find us.”
Instead of excitement and love, her eyes reflected sorrow. I cupped her face and kissed her forehead, knowing the answer before she said it. She closed her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks. I wiped them away with my thumb and brought it to my lips.
“I can’t. I have to be with Nova if she is there. I won’t leave her in their hands alone. I don’t want you to resent me, but I have no choice. I can’t abandon my duty and leave her to my fate. I’d never forgive myself.”
“And won’t you resent me for leaving?” I whispered.
I already resented myself enough. How could I leave her to that?
But I saw no path forward. She had to marry him, and I couldn’t stay away from her if I stayed, which would end up in both our ruins.
I could deal with my own consequences, but I couldn’t put her through that.
“I won’t. I could never resent you. Even if this was the only time we get in this life, I’ll be thankful for it.”
I took her in my arms, pulling her into my chest. “I don’t think the rest of our lives would be enough, but I’m thankful I got to be with you as well.” I cringed, not meaning for it to sound like I was already putting us in the past.
I heard footsteps on the dry ground, coming our way, and let her slip from my arms. “Ryuu comes.”
She dried her eyes with the backs of her fingers and straightened up. It smelled like we’d been fucking for hours in here, but what could we do?
I opened the flap of the tent as he approached and held it aloft for him.
“Came to bring you this, before you leave,” he said to Caly, handing her a crystal. It’s a stone native to Light, yes?
Caly looked at the rock in her palm and nodded.
Ryuu inclined his head in acknowledgement. “So they shouldn’t take it from you if it’s in your possession. It can be used to send a distress signal. If your life is in danger and you have no other option, I can’t guarantee we can get to you, but if it’s possible, we will.”
“How do I activate it?” she asked, closing her fingers around her lifeline. I felt sick that she needed one and utterly helpless.
He held his hand out and she relinquished it as if it was already her most treasured possession. Then he held it in his hand and spoke an old incantation. It was shocking to hear such words spoken in these Kingdoms, but my kin used the magic, and now we knew that underground, Caly’s kin did too.
The crystal shimmered and glowed softly, then returned to its normal state. “Thats it?” she asked.
Ryuu nodded, returning the crystal to her.
“How will we talk?” Caly asked, pocketing the crystal.
“If you wish to pass information, or get a message out, you can signal for a meeting by leaving your chamber slippers on your bedclothes rather than the floor.”
“Someone from the rebellion is that deep in the palace?” I asked, slightly shocked.
Ryuu looked at me as if I were too naive for my own good.
“What happens then? How will I know the signal has worked?” Caly asked, staying focused on her instructions.
“A contact will make themselves known to you. It may never be the same person, but someone will always respond within a week. They will show you some sign of the Light. We don’t know yet how watched you’ll be, but once they learn the routines, they will find a way.
Stay vigilant and safe. Trust no one. And may the Sun God shine his light on you.
” Ryuu bowed his head. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder, gave it a squeeze of commiseration, and I thanked him for all he had done before he left us.
“That’s it?”
“The way rebellions last is they don’t give anyone enough to destroy themselves. We are all small pawns in the bigger picture.”
“Okay. I’ll do what I can.”
Alone, Caly and I faced each other.
“This is it then?”
I nodded.
Neither of us would say goodbye, but that didn’t change a thing.