4. Jax
JAX
T wo years later …
As I head back to my parents’ house, my stomach churns.
It’s a three-hour drive to Canberra from Sydney, so I have plenty of time to think about what I’m going to say when I get there.
My parents moved to the capital when my brother and I were small.
It’s where Parliament House is, so naturally it’s where my father wanted to be—since he lives, eats and breathes fucking politics.
It’s the first time I’ve been home since I left to go to uni.
I’ve always made excuses not to return for the holidays—there was nothing left for me there.
Not even Candice. My family certainly didn’t give a shit.
Each year, my mother simply said, “Have a nice Christmas, Jaxson,” and a week later she’d deposit some money into my bank account: my present.
At least I took the time to buy them all gifts and post them home.
I never got a thank you though. My family suck.
My younger brother, Brent, started at the same university as me last year, but I haven’t heard a peep from him.
I’ve seen him a few times on campus and the cock just nodded his head as he passed.
What’s with that? We may be different and have never been close, but I’m his flesh and blood.
He thinks more of his pansy-arse mates than he does of me.
As I pull into the driveway of my parents’ estate, all I can think about is Candice.
I should be worried about what I’m about to face, but she’s only a few blocks away, and this is the closest I’ve been to her in two years.
Two years … it feels like an eternity. I’ve slowly gotten used to not having her in my life.
Who am I kidding? I still struggle. I’m hurt by the way things played out between us, but my feelings for her haven’t diminished in any way. I’m still hopelessly in love with her.
Pushing all thoughts of Candice out of my mind, I climb the front stairs before raising my hand to knock on the door. Although this is supposed to be my home, I’ve never truly belonged here and I don’t feel comfortable using my key.
“Jaxson,” my mother says in a surprised voice when she opens the door.
“What are you doing here?” I roll my eyes when she gives me an air kiss.
She’s never been the maternal type. I used to love watching Candice and her mum together when I’d hang out at her house.
I always found myself wishing my mum was like that with me.
Sophia was a touch dramatic on occasion, but she’s a good mum.
There’s no denying she loves her daughter.
“Hello, Mother.” Nervously sliding my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I give her a pleasant smile when our eyes meet. “I came to speak with Father. Is he home?”
“Yes, he’s in the study.” She steps aside so I can enter, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that she never asks how I am, or how I’ve been. Figures. “Is that an earring in your eyebrow?” she shrieks when I pass.
“Yes.” She may not like the person I’ve become, but I’ll never be ashamed of who I am.
Her eyes move downwards and when they reach my ink she gasps. “Are they tattoos on your arm?”
“They are.” I don’t even flinch when a look of disgust crosses her face. I expected as much. I love my tattoos, they’re a true expression of me.
“Your father was right; you won’t be satisfied until you ruin the Albright name. How do you expect to ever get elected into parliament looking like a thug?” She shakes her head and gives the same redundant spiel. “You’re such a disappointment. Where did we go so wrong?”
Blah, blah. It’s nothing I haven’t heard a thousand times over.
Ignoring her comments, I make my way down the long corridor to my father’s study.
Nothing seems to have changed in this house since I left; it’s more like a display house than a real home, something to show off to all their guest when they have their stupid dinner parties: Oh, look at us …
see how rich we are . It’s sickening how they carry on sometimes.
I roll my shoulders and take a few deep breaths when I reach the door. I knock once before entering. My father is sitting behind his desk. He’s on the phone and eyes me sceptically as I remain in the doorway, waiting for him to finish. He doesn’t look pleased to see me, but I kind of expected that.
“I’ll call you back,” he says abruptly before ending the call. “Shouldn’t you be in Sydney?” he snaps at me.
“I’m heading back to my apartment tonight, I just needed to speak with you in person.” I should’ve just called and given him the news over the phone, but that would’ve been the coward’s way out. I’m man enough to do this face-to-face.
“About what?” he asks as I take a seat opposite him.
“I’ve dropped out of uni.” No point sugar-coating it. It is what it is. I’m done. This man can no longer control or dictate my future. I’m twenty-one years old, for Christ’s sake. My life is my own, and that’s exactly how I intend to live it from now on.
“You what?” He bangs his fists on the desk as he leaps to his feet. There’s a murderous expression on his face as he leans towards me.
I don’t budge. I refuse to let this man intimidate me anymore. “I quit. I’m not cut out to be a politician. I never have been. I tried to be the person you wanted me to be. I gave it two years of my life, but I can’t do it anymore.”
“I don’t give a damn what you want,” he spits, leaning across the desk and fisting my shirt in his hands before pulling me off the chair and towards him. “Get your fucking arse back to that university now.” His face is bright red and I can see a few veins protruding on his neck.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” He can no longer control my life. My mind is made up. There’s no turning back.
“Don’t screw with me, boy.”
Prying his hands from my shirt, I step away from the desk. “This isn’t the life I want. This isn’t the person I want to be. Why can’t you see that?”
“What you want to be!” he screams as his red face goes a few shades darker. “I don’t give a shit who you want to be, this is about who you’re destined to be. Politics is in your blood. You’re my son and you don’t have a choice in the matter.”
I shake my head as disappointment fills me. I was kidding myself if I thought he’d understand. He’s too selfish to ever see past his own wants and needs. “That’s where you’re wrong, Father. I’m twenty-one years old and you don’t have a say in my future.”
“If you want to be a part of this family, I do.”
Family? What a joke. “This family doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“What a load of crap.”
“Really?” I’m trying to keep my cool here, but failing miserably. “It was my twenty-first birthday last week, do you even know that? Do you even care ? My so-called family didn’t even call me to wish me a happy birthday.”
He falters slightly but recovers quickly. “Well, I’m too busy to worry about things like that—that’s your mother’s department.” He flicks his wrist, dismissing the subject.
It may be nothing to him, but it was a huge wake-up call for me.
Not one person wished me a happy birthday, not even Candice.
I’ve never felt as unloved or unimportant as I did that day.
I think that’s the moment I finally decided that enough was enough.
If I wanted happiness and acceptance, I needed to go out and find it.
I certainly wasn’t going to get it from my family.
“This family revolves around your stupid career. That’s all you ever talk about. There’s more to life than damn politics.”
“My career means everything to this family, you ungrateful little prick.”
“Not to me.” Turning, I head for the door. “Goodbye, Father.” I’ve got everything I needed from this visit—confirmation that in the grand scheme of things, I mean nothing to them.
“If you walk out that door, you’re dead to me,” he hisses.
His words cut me to the bone, but I leave anyway.
I grab my backpack and other stuff out of my car, put the keys to the Alfa Romeo in the letterbox and walk out the front gate, ready to start my new life. A life without my family. A life all alone.
Walking away with nothing is the only way—I don’t want to be indebted to my parents.
They paid my way while I was attending uni, so I saved every cent I earned while working part-time in a local tattoo parlour.
I also have a reasonable trust fund as a backup.
It was left to me by my maternal grandmother; she was the only decent family member I had.
She passed away when I was twelve, but I couldn’t access the trust fund until I turned twenty-one.
And while I’d prefer to do this on my own, the money is there if I need it.
It was no secret my grandmother wasn’t fond of my father. She never condoned the way he bullied me and tried to turn me into a carbon copy of him. I was just a kid, but even back then she knew how unhappy I was. I know she’d want to see me use that money to follow my dream.
Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I pull my baseball cap out of the back pocket of my jeans and slide it onto my head.
I exhale slowly as I make my way down the street.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt by the way things had just gone down, but in my heart, I had no expectations of a good outcome.
My father’s a selfish bastard, and my mother is his puppet. It’s always been his way or no way.
Well, no more. From now on it’s going to be my way. I’m going to be the man I want to be, the one I was destined to be all along.
Despite everything, I look forward to my new beginning. I have a fresh start. I may fall flat on my arse, but at least this time it’s my choice. Something I didn’t have until now.
I had no intentions of seeing Candice before heading back to Sydney, even though the thought did cross my mind a million times on my drive down here, but that’s exactly where I head. Old habits die hard.
I’m gutless, though. I’m not going to knock on her door.
She’s already rejected me once, by returning the letter I wrote her, and I’m not going to give her the chance to do it a second time.
I intend to casually stroll past her house on the way to the bus stop.
It will be for the last time because I won’t be coming back here.
If lady luck is on my side, I may see her.
Who am I kidding? Shit like that doesn’t happen to disappointments like me.
Besides, seeing Candice again is only going to dredge up all those feelings. But I hate that this is what we’ve become and I miss her, so I’m willing to take that chance.
I want to know why she returned my letter. It’s something I’ve struggled to wrap my head around. Despite everything that’s happened, I honestly thought our friendship meant something to her. Yes, I fucked up, but when I tried to make things right, it was too late.
I’m doing my best to get on with my life, but I still think of her often—I’m constantly wondering how she is, and what she’s up to.
I even followed the Miss Australia Pageant, although I was stoked to see she wasn’t in the running.
She’s so much braver than I am. She knew what she wanted, and did what she needed to do to make it happen.
I’m wondering if she still has her pink hair, the thought brings a smile to my face.
Running my sweaty palms nervously down the front of my jeans, I turn into Candice’s street.
It’s funny, I’m more worried about possibly seeing her than I was about breaking the news that I’d quit uni to my father.
My heart beats faster the closer I get. When I’m a few houses away, a silver Mercedes-Benz passes me, slowing down to pull into her driveway.
The windows are tinted so I can’t see who’s inside.
Neither Sophia nor Candice drove a car like that before I moved, but things change.
I reach the bottom of the driveway just in time to see a man in a suit get out of the car. Who is he? Candice’s boyfriend? He looks too young to be Sophia’s partner. My heart sinks.
My questions are soon answered when the front door opens and a small boy and a woman exit the house. “Daddy!” the kid squeals as he runs across the front lawn towards the man.
“Hey, buddy,” the man replies, ruffling the kid’s hair. He slides his arm around the woman’s waist, drawing her in for a chaste kiss.
I feel like a voyeur standing here watching them, but I can’t bring myself to turn away.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” I hear the woman say as the three of them turn and head inside.
My shoulders slump as disappointment floods me. Candice and her mother must’ve sold up and moved. She’s gone .
A crushing pain settles in my chest as I shove my hands into my pockets and continue down the street. It’s like déjà-fucking-vu, the exact feeling I got last time I was here—the night I realised I was hopelessly in love with Candice.
The same night I lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me .