9. Candice
CANDICE
“H ey sweetie,” Sophia says when I climb into the car.
“Hey.” I give her a weak smile before reaching into the back seat and running my hand affectionately down Maddie’s leg. “Hey, baby girl.”
“Jax!” Maddie screams as she points out the window towards the tattoo parlour.
Turning back around in my seat, I look in that direction and see him standing at the glass door, watching us.
His hands are shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and the look on his face only serves to make me sadder.
I feel bad about the way I’ve been acting today, but I’m hurt.
I’m not even interested in stupid Jason.
What upsets me the most is the fact that Jax doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. That’s so unfair.
I snap my face forward and stare out the front windscreen. “Take me home.”
“Are they tears in your eyes, baby?” Sophia asks as she places her hand on my leg. “Did you two have a fight?”
“No. I’ve just had a crappy day.” I didn’t tell her what happened yesterday, I lied and said Jax had to head back to work, and that’s why he couldn’t make dinner.
“You didn’t say anything to him, did you?”
“What? No, of course not. There’s no point. Like you said, things are best left the way they are.”
She gives my leg a comforting squeeze before putting the car into drive and pulling away from the kerb.
“Jaaaax!” Maddie screams.
Damn, this whole situation to hell. Reaching into the backseat, I gently rub Maddie’s leg to soothe her as I clench my eyes shut, trying to stop my own tears from falling.
Poor little thing, I hate seeing her upset.
I can’t believe how quickly she’s taken to Jax.
She’s not usually good with strangers, especially men.
Being surrounded by only women will do that I guess.
What is it with Jaxson Albright and his spell on us poor unsuspecting Crawford girls?
After we eat, I bathe Maddie. She always makes me smile. I’m not sure how I would’ve survived the last few years without her. She’s my happy place.
“Read, Sissy,” she says once she’s dressed in her pyjamas. Toddling to her shelf, she grabs her favourite book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar , and hands it to me. I’ve read it to her so many times she knows it by heart.
Lifting her off the ground, I nuzzle her chubby cheek. “Let’s go downstairs and say goodnight to Mummy, and then I’ll read to you.”
“No Mummy—Phia.”
“Yes, Sophia.” I laugh.
There have been times over the years that I’ve wished Sophia would let me call her mum, but at the end of the day, it’s just a title. Sophia’s a mother in every sense of the word—she’s proved that over and over again. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for me or Maddie.
I step off the bus and head down Kings Street towards the tattoo parlour. I’ve chosen not to drive to work. Finding somewhere to park in Newtown, is pretty much impossible. If I don’t get a lift home with Jax, Sophia picks me up. She’s not comfortable having me travel on public transport at night.
I’ve barely slept. Jax remained in the forefront of my mind all night.
We’ll never be together the way I want …
it’s just a pipe dream, so I’ve decided it’s time to let this infatuation go.
The look on his face, as we drove away last night, hurt my heart and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.
I don’t want to put a wedge between us. I’ve let him suffer enough.
When and if I’m ready to start dating, he needs to respect my wishes.
As long as my heart still pines for him though, I can’t see that happening.
It’s going to be a good day, I tell myself. Positive thoughts and all that. I love my new job, but more than anything I love being around Jax.
I get that familiar flutter in my stomach when I see Jax ahead. I stop walking and hide behind a street pole to watch him cross the road. I feel like a stalker, but I’m curious to see what he’s up to.
I grin when I see him heading towards the same homeless man he gave food and money to the day we reconnected.
I place my hand over my heart and sigh when he passes the old guy a takeaway coffee cup and a small paper bag.
This is one of the reasons why I can’t help but love him. He has a beautiful, kind soul.
I wait until he’s entered the shop before I make a move. He’s a modest man and would probably feel uncomfortable if I made a fuss over what I just witnessed.
Jax is standing behind the front counter counting out the float when I come through the door. “Morning,” I say in a chirpy voice.
He looks up, and the beautiful full smile that crosses his face takes my breath away. He always seems genuinely happy to see me. It’s surprising how one simple look from him can affect me as much as it does.
“Morning. You’re here early. Did you wet the bed?”
I let out a small laugh “No. I came in so we could talk.”
“About what?” he asks, giving me his undivided attention.
“Us.”
“Shit,” he mumbles as he walks around the counter, guiding me to the black leather sofa. “You’re not quitting are you?”
“Of course not,” I reply, taking a seat and tapping the space beside me. “I love working here.”
“Thank Christ. Because I love having you here.”
I place my hand on his leg once he’s seated. “Jax, you know you’re my best friend, right? That will never change.”
He sighs as he glances down at the floor. “I know.”
“I don’t want either of us to do anything that will jeopardise that. I don’t want to lose you again. I couldn’t stand it.”
“Me either.”
“I was thinking that maybe we need to set some ground rules.”
“Such as?” he asks as his eyes flick back to me.
“I wasn’t going to bring up … you know … that night, but maybe I should. I think we need to clear the air and get it all out in the open.”
“What night?”
“The night you left.” And crushed my heart into a million tiny pieces , I want to add, but I don’t.
“Oh … that night.” He clears his throat as he removes his cap and runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.”
“What do you mean? Walking away, or what we did?”
“Both.”
I have to fight back the tears when he says that.
I had contemplated telling him everything I went through after he left, but now I know there’s no point.
It won’t do any good. I don’t regret one second of that night.
I hate that it tore us apart, but it was one of the best experiences of my life.
I’ll never regret him being my first. It was everything I’d hoped it would be.
There’s been nobody else since him. I was so busy with beauty school and helping Sophia with Maddie that there wasn’t time for men. To be honest, I wasn’t interested anyway.
Jaxson Albright owns my heart. I wish he didn’t, but he does.
We need to be on the same page if our friendship is going to survive this. I was good at masking my true feelings for him before we crossed the line, and I’m pretty sure I can do it again.
“I care about you, Jax …” I pause, I’m afraid my voice is going to crack.
I don’t want him to see how much he’s upset me.
“a lot, but you’re right. What we did was a mistake.
” Those words taste so bitter in my mouth.
“We’re friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.
If I want to see other people, you need to respect that.
And I’ll show you the same courtesy. Okay? ”
He springs to his feet and starts to pace, fighting some kind of inner battle. He halts and goes to say something, but then thinks better of it. I sit there in silence as he continues his path back and forth. It makes me feel uneasy. When he eventually stops, his eyes meet mine.
“Okay.”
Geez. All that for one word?
“Great.” When I go to stand, he holds out his hand and helps me up.
“So, we’re good?”
I place a soft kiss on his cheek. “Yes. We’re good, Jax.”
Over the next few days, everything goes back to the way it was.
Well, kind of. Jax still isn’t coming over after work, for dinner.
He hasn’t mentioned it, so I haven’t either.
He’s been completely normal with me, but I get the feeling he’s trying to put some distance between us.
Maybe it’s for the best. Pretending I’m not hopelessly in love with him all the time is hard work.
I’m sitting behind the front counter when a pretty brunette enters the shop.
She’s dressed to kill and doesn’t look like the type who would be interested in getting a tattoo, but I could be wrong.
We have a lot of clients who I wouldn’t have picked as that type.
Last week we had a sixty-five-year-old grandmother come in to get her first-ever tattoo, a tiny dolphin on her hip. I thought it was pretty cool.
“Hi,” the brunette says when she approaches the front desk.
“Hi. Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Jax. Is he here?”
“Do you have an appointment?” Looking down at the diary in front of me, I see his next appointment is with someone named Matthew. It’s safe to say that’s not her.
“No, I don’t. I just wanted to see him quickly … if he’s free?”
“He’s with a client, but if you want to take a seat, I can let him know you’re here.”
“No, that’s fine. I, um … I don’t want to disturb him.
Can you give him this for me?” She plonks her designer handbag on the counter and her perfectly manicured hands dig around inside before retrieving a man’s black leather wallet.
“He left this at my place last night. I found it this morning on the floor beside my bed. It must’ve fallen out of his jeans while he was getting dressed.
I thought he may need it.” She laughs nervously as she passes it to me.
I force out a sweet smile as my already battered splits in two.
“Sure. I’ll give it to him.”
But what I’d really like to do, is ram it up his double-standard-hypocritical-arse.