14. Jax #3
Reaching up, I use the pad of my thumb to wipe away the tears under her eyes. Her skin is so soft, just like I remembered. I’ll never forget that night we spent together. It’s up there with some of the best moments in my life.
I should know from past experiences that being so close to her is a bad idea, but again I seem powerless to stop the inevitable. Just like that first time we kissed all those years ago, something shifts between us. Before the logical side of my brain even registers, my face is inching towards her.
Her eyelids flutter close just as our lips connect.
Her hand’s fist in the back of my T-shirt, drawing me closer and her soft moan travels straight to my cock.
I’d like to say my body’s instant reaction is because I haven’t been with another woman since the wallet incident, but I’d be lying.
This is entirely her. She’s still my fucking kryptonite.
Lacing my fingers through her hair, I groan into her mouth as I tilt her head back further and deepen the kiss. I’ve dreamt of doing this again since the moment I walked away all those years ago.
“Jax,” she whimpers.
I’m not sure how long we stay lost in each other, but this kiss is scorching hot. My rock-hard cock straining painfully against my jeans is proof of that. It’s like we’re starved for each other.
Every feeling from our one night together that I buried years ago, comes flooding to the surface. I’d like to throw her on that bed so I can devour her luscious body inch by inch, but I can’t. That’s exactly what got us into this mess in the first place.
Those thoughts send me into a panic. I can’t lose her again. My internal freakout is the equivalent of a bucket of ice-cold water being thrown on me. In an instant, it extinguishes the flame that’s burning within. I abruptly pull out of the kiss and retreat a few steps. I need distance.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what came over me,” I ramble. “I—”
When she raises her hand, I don’t utter another word. “Don’t.”
I see her entire body deflate before my eyes. She turns hastily, as though to leave. I can’t let her go. I need to know that we’re okay. I hope I haven’t fucked things up again.
“Candice, wait.”
She pauses but doesn’t turn around. “What?”
“Look at me, please,” I beg. She’s pissed, and she has every right to be. Why did I go there? Why can’t I control these damn feelings? “Let me explain.”
“Explain what exactly?” she barks as she spins to face me. “That I’m not good enough for you? That you don’t feel that way about me?”
“Is that what you think?”
“It’s what I know.”
“You’re wrong. If anything, you’re too good for me. You’re more than I deserve.”
I sigh as the realisation creeps back in. It’s something I thought about a lot when we were apart, and even more so since Candice has come back into my life. She deserves way more than I am capable of giving. I can’t give her what she wants—I just don’t have it in me.
How can a person who’s never known love be capable of truly loving someone else?
Candice needs to be cherished and worshipped.
I’d like to be that person, but in my heart, I know I’m not.
I’ll never be. My parent’s words are always at the forefront of my mind.
You’re such a disappointment. I’d eventually disappoint her as well, it’s what I do best. I couldn’t live with that.
I take a few steps forward, closing the distance between us. “You’re everything to me, Candice,” I say, cupping her face. “Fucking everything! You’re my family … you’re all I have.”
“Family, right,” she scoffs. The hurt in her voice tears me apart.
Shit, that didn’t come out the way I’d hoped.
When she whirls around to try and leave again, I reach for her arm.
“You’re my world, Candice. Don’t you get that?
” Her back is still to me, so I place my hand on her shoulder and turn her.
“Our friendship is forever, but this,” I say, gesturing between us, “may not work out. Relationships break up all the time. I can’t take that chance … I don’t want to lose you again.”
“We could make it work.”
“Fuck,” I growl, scrubbing my hands over my face. “That might be true, but it’s a chance I’m not willing to take. I’m not even sure what a healthy relationship looks like.”
There’s so much more I want to say, but what’s the point? The love I feel for her is hopeless … it’s a one-way street to nowhere.
She exhales sharply before eventually saying, “You’re right.”
“You’re the only real friend I have.”
She smiles as she reaches for my hand, but the sadness in her eyes is like a sucker punch to the chest. “Friendship triumphs love any day.” Her words sound so bitter and I can tell she doesn’t believe them.
When her grip on my hand tightens, it feels like she’s squeezing the life out of my heart.
“I don’t want to ever lose what we have, Jax. ”
With that, she lets go and walks away.
I want to scream.
I want to punch something.
I want to be so much more than just her friend.
Fuck my life !
I steer clear of Candice for the rest of the day—as much as I can anyway. Maddie spends her time moving between my studio and reception. She’s been no trouble. For the last few hours, she’s been with me while Candice finishes getting the garage sorted for Beau.
I’m grinning to myself as I watch Maddie climb down off her chair in the corner before toddling over to me.
“Taoo like, Sissy?” she says, extending her arm to me.
“I can’t give you a tattoo.” I chuckle as I lift her into my arms. “Tattoos are only for big girls.”
“I big,” she says as her bottom lip starts to quiver and tears fill her big brown eyes. How can I resist that face? Talk about a heartbreaker, and she’s not even three yet. I pity all the guys when she gets older. They’re not going to know what hit them.
“Okay. Just a little one though.”
Her face lights up as she wraps her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight.
Burying my lips into her chubby cheek, I kiss her sweet face as I walk to the reclining chair on the far side of the room.
After gently placing her down, I drag the stool towards me and sit.
I rifle through the top drawer of the cabinet beside me until I find a black permanent marker.
“What kind of tattoo would you like?”
“Puppy,” she squeals, straightening her arm and holding it out to me. Of course, she wants Puppy, she’s obsessed with that damn thing. Prying the stuffed toy out from under her arm, I sit it on her lap so I can use it as my muse.
The moment the marker connects with her skin she squirms. “Tickle.”
“I know it tickles, but you’ve got to stay still or Puppy is going to be all wiggly.”
Her eyes move from her arm to me. “Kay,” she says, grinning.
She’s so adorable.
She manages to stay reasonably still until I’m done. I drew a picture of Snoopy standing. He’s holding a heart in his hands that says, I love Peanut .
“There you go,” I say, putting the lid back on the marker.
“Puppy,” she squeals. I can tell by the expression on her face she loves it. It does look pretty damn good. “Taoo, Sissy.” When she extends her arm proudly and looks towards the doorway, I swing around in my seat and find Candice standing there watching us.
Pushing off the frame, she walks across the room, coming to a stop beside me.
She makes eye contact with me briefly before focusing her attention on her sister.
Christ, I hope that kiss from earlier isn’t going to make things awkward between us again.
I feel like our relationship is all over the place these days …
way too many highs and lows for my liking.
I want things to be the way they used to be … easy, and fun.
Why can’t I keep my hands—and mouth—to myself when she’s around?
“Aww,” Candice says when she looks at Maddie’s arm. “Puppy. Do you know what that says?” Maddie shakes her head. “It says, ‘ I love Peanut’ .”
She smiles as she lifts her arm to her face, kissing the drawing. “I wuv you too, Puppy.”
Sweet Jesus, could this kid get any cuter?
“Thank you,” Candice says, bumping my arm with her hip. When I hear her whisper, “Cutie-pie,” I growl, and she laughs. I’m not a damn cutie-pie.
She lifts Maddie off the reclining chair and into her arms. After kissing her cheek, she looks down at me. “I just finished setting up the garage for Beau if you want to come and take a look.”
“Okay.” This time we’ll have Maddie with us, so we’ll be safe.
“Jax,” Maddie says, reaching for me when I stand. I smile as I take her out of Candice’s arms. She likes her Uncle Jax. This kid has good taste.
“Christ,” I say when I walk into the garage.
“You like?”
“I do. You’ve done a great job.”
When my eyes find her, she’s smiling. I can tell she’s proud of the work she’s done here, so she should be. The last time I was in here there was only a bedframe, a mattress, a few cobwebs, and a hell of a lot of dust. In two hours, she managed to transform it into a room.
We picked up a second-hand bed on Gumtree.
The guy lived locally and even delivered it for us.
I gave Candice my credit card and sent her out to get whatever else she thought Beau would need.
She went above and beyond. The bed now has linen, including a pillow, sheets, a blanket and a comforter.
She chose a dark navy colour. Considering the state of him, that was a wise choice.
I wish there was a bathroom here so he could shower, but there isn’t.
And that’s an expense I can’t afford right now.
There’s a hand basin in the corner, so at least he has running water in case he’d like to wash.
I pray Beau turns up tonight. I don’t want him out on the street. He’ll be safe and comfortable here.
“I picked up the bedside table, chest of drawers and lamp at an op shop. Everything is second-hand, except for the linen of course.”
Putting Maddie down, I walk around the garage, taking it all in.
The bed is on the far side of the room. On the adjacent wall, Candice has hung a small mirror.
Under that stands a chest of drawers that has a large metal basin sitting on top.
Opening the top drawer, I find a hairbrush, scissors, a razor, shaving cream, a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, deodorant, and a bar of soap.
The drawer beneath houses a few towels and face washers.
“You’ve thought of everything,” I say, turning to face her. “Thank you.”
“It would be cool if we could pick up a cheap bar fridge. We could stock it with food and drinks. Oh, and a kettle so he can make coffee or tea. In winter we should invest in a heater. It’ll get cold in here.”
She’s talking enthusiastically and I love that she’s just as invested in this as I am. “They’re great ideas. That can be your job tomorrow.”
She scoops Maddie into her arms. “Okay. We better get going—I want to check on Sophia. Are you coming over for dinner? We may have to get takeout on the way.”
“Nah. I’m gonna stick around and see if Beau shows up. I wanna make sure he’s okay, and I’d like to redress his wounds before I leave.”
“You’re a good man, Jaxson Albright.”
“You’re not too bad yourself, Miss Crawford.”
I’m happy that things still seem normal between us—for the interim anyway. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Heading back into the shop, I lock up once everyone leaves. Gus offered to walk Candice and Maddie to the car, which I was grateful for. After cashing up and putting the takings in the safe in my studio, I head out the back. It’s just after seven, and it’s dark outside. I hope Beau shows.
I’m rooted to the spot when I reach the garage. The door is open, and Beau is standing in the centre of the room. His shoulders are slumped and his head is bowed. I give him a moment before I enter.
“You came?”
He faces me slowly. That’s when I see the tears that are cascading down his face. “You did all this for me?” he whispers, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“With the help of Candice. Well, she did most of it.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. I’m just glad you’re here. I can rest easy knowing you’ll be safe tonight.”
“Thank you,” he says, stepping forward and extending his hand. “And thank that little lady of yours for me too. You have no idea what this means to me…”
I smile as I wrap my hand around his. I only wish she was my little lady.
In my heart, she always will be .