23. Jax
JAX
“J ax,” Sophia says with surprise when she opens her front door. I feel bad when I see hope in her eyes. “Is everything okay? Do you have news?”
I was going to call her before heading to Carter’s for the weekend, just to see how she was doing, but after Beau and James left last night, I felt something I hoped I wouldn’t feel again—complete and utter loneliness.
I despise that feeling . Sophia is one of the few people I have left, so I felt compelled to come here.
“No news, I’m afraid.” I can’t bear to see the look of disappointment on her face. “I’m heading to Newcastle for the weekend, I just wanted to see you before I left.”
Her brow furrows as she studies my face. “What’s wrong, Jax?” she asks softly, as she runs her hand down the side of my arm.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. You can’t fool me, I know you better than you think. Come in and have a cuppa before you leave.”
“I’d like that.”
Now that my girls have gone, I hate being in this house. It holds too many memories. This place seems so big and quiet without them. I don’t know how Sophia can stand it.
“Sit,” she says when we enter the kitchen. “I’ll make the coffee, then we’ll talk.”
“I’m okay, honest.”
Sophia glances at me over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. She doesn’t speak a word, but I already know she can see straight through my lie.
She places a mug of coffee down in front of me before taking the seat opposite. “Talk to me, Jax.”
“I don’t want to burden you with my problems, you have enough of your own.”
“Jaxson Albright, I love you like a son. I’m here if you want to talk. Always. No matter what shit I’m dealing with.”
I exhale audibly before I speak. “I just felt lonely,” I say, shrugging. “Carter has moved away, Beau’s gone to Perth to live with his son, and my girls aren’t here—”
She cuts me off and reaches across the table to place her hand on top of mine. “The girls will be back.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I know it in my heart. Candice just needed a little space. Letting me raise Maddie wasn’t easy for her.”
“Then why did she do it?” This is the first chance I’ve had to ask her.
When Candice ran off, I was angry and devastated, but not knowing the truth was eating away at me.
If only I’d heard her out the night before she left, or at least returned her calls or texts.
I’ve been constantly kicking myself for that.
“It’s not my story to tell. When she comes home, she’ll tell you why.
Please know I played a huge part in her final decision.
I was only nineteen when I gave birth to her.
I knew firsthand how hard it was going to be.
I didn’t want that for my little girl. I wanted her to experience life.
To do all the things I couldn’t. Being a single mum isn’t easy, Jax. Especially at such a young age.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive her for keeping it from me. I had a right to know. I would’ve done the right thing by her … by both of them if I knew.”
“I’m sorry,” Sophia says, reaching for my hand again.
“She didn’t do it to hurt you. There’s a lot more to it.
We thought we were doing the right thing at the time.
You left, remember? You were studying to become a politician.
” I bring my mug to my lips. I have no response for that.
Yes, I left, I get that, but I still think they should’ve told me.
“Listen, why don’t you start coming around for dinner again?
Even if it’s only one or two nights a week.
I could use the company as well. We have to stick together. ”
“Don’t you have a boyfriend now?”
“Kind of.” She shrugs. “We’re taking things slow.
Like him, I haven’t been on the dating scene for years.
Brendan and his ex-wife divorced a few years ago.
This is all new to us, so we don’t want to rush it.
Well, I don’t. It’s nice though. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this about anyone. ” She gives a contented sigh.
“Does he make you happy?”
“Yes—yes, he does. I’ll let you meet him one day. That’s if things work out. We haven’t even had sex yet.”
I cough and splutter. Why did she tell me that when I had a mouth full of coffee? More to the point, why did she tell me at all ? Just the thought of her in that way makes me want to bleach my brain.
Sophia comes around to my side of the table and taps my back. ‘Shit, Jax. Are you okay?”
“I will be if you stop talking about your sex life,” I reply, trying not to hack up a lung. She throws back her head and laughs. I’m glad she thinks it’s funny. I must admit, being this carefree suits her. It reminds me of Candice. I hate myself for missing her so much.
“Sorry. You’re the only person I have to talk to … Brendan’s been great anyway. He said he’d wait until I was ready.”
“Again with the TMI.” This time I put my hands over my ears, just in case she feels the need to elaborate further.
“I’m sorry.” She reaches for my hands, removing them from the side of my head.
“You can talk to me about anything, as long as it doesn’t involve your sex life.”
“Duly noted,” she says with amusement, picking up my empty mug. “Would you like another coffee?”
“No, I’d better hit the road. I have a long drive ahead of me.”
“Two pairs,” Carter says smugly, placing his cards down on the table.
Huh. Two pairs, is he kidding me? “Full house, fucker. Read ‘em and weep.” I retort, equally as smug.
“Cockhead,” he snaps, rising from his seat.
I slide all the money from the centre of the table to my side. “Glad you were going to wipe the table with me tonight,” I say. “You’ve won, like what? One game out of ten.”
“Fuck off,” he grumbles. “Want another beer?”
“Sure.”
He comes back a minute later and places a bottle in front of me. “That’ll be ten bucks.”
I bark out a laugh. “Keep dreamin’, dickhead. I’m not paying you ten bucks for a damn beer.”
“It was worth a try,” he says with a chuckle. “Wanna go check out that new club after we finish these?”
“Yeah.” I grab a handful of nuts out of the bowl and shove them in my mouth. I know exactly why he wants to go, but he’ll be the only one picking up tonight. I’m not interested.
I groan and bury my head further into the pillow when I wake.
Opening one eye a fraction, I immediately close it again when I’m almost blinded by the bright light flooding the room.
My head hurts like a bitch, and my whole body aches.
I feel like I’ve run a damn marathon. I try to swallow in an attempt to ease my parched throat.
Carter and his bright ideas. I lost count after our eighth or ninth shot last night. I’m certainly paying for it now.
My eyes spring open when I hear a soft moan. There’s a naked blonde lying beside me. I raise my head off the pillow. Christ, and a fucking brunette on the other side of her. I scan the room. I’m not even sure where I am, but I’m not at Carter’s house. How did I even get here?
My brain goes into overdrive as I try to retrace the steps of last night.
Nothing . I remember being drunk, that’s about it.
Everything is foggy. Carter and I were having fun.
There were girls at our table—are these the same girls?
Shit. Guilt floods me. Although I haven’t seen or heard from Candice in six months, I can’t help but feel like I’ve just cheated on her.
We aren’t even together.
We’ll never be together again.
We’re finished, that I’m sure of.
Despite my feelings for Candice, I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Trust is everything in a relationship. Again I’m filled with sadness at the realisation that I’ve lost the love of my life.
I slowly try to get out of bed—I need to go.
Maybe nothing happened. Who am I kidding?
Two hot chicks are lying next to me, naked—of course, something happened, if only I could remember what.
I pause when I realise that my arm is positioned under the blonde’s neck.
Fuck. How am I going to get out of here without waking her?
The moment I try to slide it out from underneath her, she stirs.
Now I know what guys mean when they say they’d chew their arm off to escape because if it meant getting out of here without any drama, I’d damn well do it.
I hate awkward goodbyes, hence why I don’t do sleepovers.
Do you want my number? Can I see you again? Nope and nope.
It takes a good couple of minutes before I finally free my arm, inch by inch, and slowly climb out of bed.
Apart from the fly of my jeans being undone, I’m surprised to find myself fully dressed.
The only thing I’m not wearing is my shoes.
Is that a good sign? I hope so. Maybe I was suffering from a case of whiskey dick last night, but I’m not about to stick around and find out.
If I was so drunk, I can’t remember coming here, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I couldn’t perform.
I groan when I reach down to scoop up my shoes before making a hasty retreat into the hallway. I don’t want to be anywhere near those girls if they wake up.
Leaning against the wall because I’m a little unsteady on my feet, I slip into my shoes and feel for my wallet, which astonishingly is still in my back pocket. Whiskey dick is looking more and more like a possibility. I never thought something so horrific would be so … pleasing.
I have no idea what Candice is up to, or who she may or may not be with, but it doesn’t lessen the guilt I’m feeling. Even if nothing happened, I obviously came here with other intentions.
She could be shacked up with someone for all I know, playing happy families with my damn kid. Christ, I hope that’s not the case.
When we finally agreed to make a go of our relationship, I swore she’d be my one and only. She was all I wanted. All I’d ever wanted. That was before she ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. Eventually, I may be ready to move on, but today is not the day.