Chapter 21
Endless Interruptions
Jade
Iopened my eyes to the sunrise. The light blasted through the window, but gently. As if afraid to disturb. As if afraid to start the day and bring me into consciousness. Because that would mean remembering everything that happened yesterday.
And that would mean coming to terms with it.
Alex was part of The Nightcrawlers. No, he was at the top. And his heavy arm was wrapped around my waist, my back pressed into his chest, his steady breaths tickling the back of my neck.
And I fucking kissed him last night. No, no—it wasn’t a kiss, it was the breaking point. An admission of something I was deathly afraid of while trying to actively drown in.
We don’t have to rush.
I know how to be gentle.
I promise.
Just let me.
His words echoed in my head as I tiptoed to the bathroom, discarding last night’s clothes in the laundry hamper.
I sat on the floor of the shower and thought about it all. Alex, me, my father.
My father. The hot water beat down on me, taking with it all my rage and leftover guilt. I was going to betray him. I was going to ruin everything he worked so hard for, and I sent all my doubts trickling down the drain.
Obedience and fear—that was his parenting method, but ultimately, he failed. I wasn’t his victim and I would never be a victim again. I was a force to be reckoned with, and he would get his reckoning.
Painfully and bitterly.
I pulled on my white linen pajamas and wiped away the last of my tears before opening the bathroom door, about to shuffle back to bed, when—
“Good morning.”
I jumped back at the sight of Alex, sleepy, no shirt, and an incredibly silly and delightful smile on his face. His hand was raised, as if he was about to knock.
“Sorry. I don’t know why I wanted to knock. The shower turned off a long time ago and I…”
He trailed off, but I lost no time—I jumped into his arms, knowing that he would catch me.
And he did.
He stumbled back toward the bed, all of me wrapped around him, both of us laughing—in our secret world.
He was so warm, so big, so comfortable, and I drowned in his kiss.
His lips were the softest on the planet.
His touch was gentle and reverent, and finally, his fingers traveled under my shirt.
Oh God, my tongue licked his, and I just wanted him to touch me.
My body tingled with anticipation, all of me demanding it, but… he redirected his hand to my back.
I pulled him further into the bed, my mind frenzied and my hand slipping down his chest to what I so wanted to finally fucking see and hold in my hand. Alex pulled back slightly, looking down to where my fingers hovered right at the band of his sweatpants.
"Jade?” His voice cut through the air, cruelly interrupting my actions. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
I blinked at him, registering the doubt in his voice. Did…did he not? Maybe he didn't.
The realization that I completely misread the situation screamed inside my head. I swallowed, pulling my hand away.
“I-I’m confused,” I admitted, albeit with great difficulty. “Do you not want to?” I whispered, noticing his eyes filled with as much uncertainty as his last question.
At this, he slumped down on the bed in front of me, exhaling loudly and burying his face in the sheets. I sat there frozen, looking at him lying between my legs, his hands over his head, my mind collapsing on itself.
“I want you so much, I can barely breathe,” Alex spoke into the sheets, his words muffled, yet very clear.
He quickly lifted his head up, wrapping his arms around my calves, finally meeting my eyes.
"I just…I don’t want you to do anything because you think this is what I want, because I want it, but…
” Alex trailed off, talking in circles. “I don’t want to do something that you’re not sure about.
I don’t want to do anything that you won’t enjoy or will make you uncomfortable. ”
The clock ticked in the silence between us as I stared down at this man—the huge man—sprawled out in front of me, looking like a damn puppy.
Very interesting. This had never happened to me before. For someone to lay it out like that. For someone to double—even triple—check. For someone to make sure I was still sure.
“I’m not a virgin and I'm not made of glass.” I joked for my own sanity. “I won't shatter if you squeeze my boob, but…are you a virgin? Because I swear, just from one look at you, women probably send you their thongs in the mail!" I giggled, the remark mildly relaxing me.
I was facing a deadly combination: Alex was tall, dark, and handsome. And caring. And considerate.
I was ready to combust, just focusing on breathing in enough air not to moan. Not to beg. I looked him over, my body flooding with sensations of what it would be like to have him against me. Sweaty, panting, gluing me to him.
Jesus Christ.
"That's only happened a few times." He pulled me out of my thoughts with his silly comment. "I'm thirty-four, but I’ve never felt…what I feel for you, Jade. And I’ve never been this apprehensive.” His eyes spelled out the issue, but he sat up and pulled in closer, clasping my cheeks in his hands.
“I want everything. I want all of you, fuck, I—”
He broke off, his eyes begging me to understand.
“But I can’t touch you…until I know exactly how you want it.
And if you put your hand in my pants, I won’t be able to—” We both struggled to breathe, the deprivation killing us.
“I won’t be able to stop.” He finally finished his sentence, his lips ghosting on mine.
We sat there, a millimeter away, but a barrier between us, and I held back my tears because Alex was so worried. For me. It would have been so easy for him to take anything he wanted, but my past had meaning to him.
And that was everything to me.
“You’re not the man who hurt me,” I whispered into his cheek, settling into the pillows and dragging him onto me.
“I just want…” My fingers were on his lips, feeling how hot he was.
How much he held back. “Maybe if we just start slow.” I gulped, the thought both ridiculous and genius. “Like teenagers.”
He shut his eyes and chuckled, sitting up and swiping back his dark hair. Waiting. I leaned against the headboard, my eyes on his, my fingers on the buttons of my pajama top.
“See? Like this?”
The top button popped open in the heavy silence of the room, and Alex’s eyes were trained on me. I reached for the second button, half in a trance.
One button.
Two—the loop stretched and opened, revealing more of me to him.
Three.
Four…
…there were no more left, but I didn’t open the shirt.
Instead, I ran my fingertips down the edge of the fine fabric, showing just enough skin to tease the hell out of him. It was working—Alex looked starved…but he stayed back, only allowing himself to watch.
And that’s the moment it hit me like a fucking freight train. This is what he was talking about.
This. Was. Power.
I could pull back and button up my shirt at any moment, and he would keep his hands away. He waited...for me. To be comfortable. To trust him. To show him. He needed that, but most importantly…I needed that.
He wanted it to start right. He wanted to know that I was sure about who made the decision.
Me.
And so I opened the shirt, intently watching the way his pupils were blown wide, but his hands stayed put.
“Touch me,” I said softly. Not a question or a request. My decision.
I’d never felt more powerful than half-naked, sitting on the bed in a house I was forcefully locked in. Sitting in front of the man who kidnapped me.
Alex didn’t move, just looked me over, his eyes half-lidded, his naked chest taking quick breaths in. I reached for his hand this time, feeling the wild rhythm of his pulse, and placed it on my waist.
And it was like magic. His fingers touched my skin, effortlessly sliding up and around to my back, arching me into him. It all disappeared. The only feeling in the universe was his hot lips on my neck. His tongue licking down, down…
“Just like that…” My voice shook and my jaw fell open as I watched his tattooed hand close over my breast, his tongue swirling over my nipple.
I gasped, the simple action somehow the hottest thing that had ever happened to me. My mind was altered. In his kiss, in his embrace, I finally felt safe, easy, weightless, and…free.
"Jesus fuck, Jade."
His voice. The way he said my name—the way he always said my name.
Just as I reached for his cheeks, desperate to taste him again, a loud and angry knock reverberated through the entire house, ruthlessly shattering the fragile moment we’d just built.
Alex paused and pressed his forehead into my chest with a loud sigh. “Should I just murder him?” he asked, both of us shaking with a small laugh.
Reluctantly, we climbed off the bed.
Looking a little disheveled, Andrei burst into the house before Alex could even fully open the front door.
"Can I ask you a question?” He spun around toward Alex after giving me a quick nod. I plopped down on the couch, all the buttons on my pajama top now closed. It felt too early for this.
"If you're actually going to ask me a question, then just ask.” Alex’s sarcasm was riling Andrei up to the nth degree. “Unless your question is rhetorical, in which case, the answer is of course, ye—"
"Have you been setting Knox’s dealerships on fire?"
The question got stuck somewhere between us all and my blood froze. I whipped my head to Alex, who stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, the smallest hint of a smile on his face.
"What are you talking about?" He shrugged, the confusion on his face not in the least believable.
"Brother.” Andrei laughed, but not in a funny way, more like in a I-will-murder-you way. “We have so many issues on our hands right now. Please don't tell me you've been pouring literal gasoline on our blazing fire."