Chapter Sixteen
Is it love
“Come again? You think he’s in love with you?”
I bite at my nails, pacing back and forth in Cassie's apartment.
“Oh my god, babe, if you don't sit down and tell me what happened on your little trip I'm going to pull my hair out.” she snaps at me, and I stop walking.
“We kissed, Cass…and not like a normal soft peck on the lips. This was a full on passionate kiss like you see in movies, and it woke up places in my body that haven’t been awake in a very long time.”
Her eyes go wide, and her mouth hangs open.
“How was it?” she asks, leaning in.
I plop down on the couch next to her, and cover my face with my hands.
“It was absolutely incredible. Cass, I’ve never in my life been kissed like that. Not even with Sam.”
I sit up and face her.
“What do I do? I need you to tell me what to do.”
“What do you mean, tell you want to do? You like him right?”
I pause, not sure how to answer that. I’ve been shoving any feelings I have for him deep deep down and trying to smother them.
“I dont know.” I finally say. And it's true. I don't know how I feel about him, not really.
But that look in his eyes. I could just feel it.
I tell Cassie everything; from the ice cream, to the nightmares, to him telling me I’m the calm to his storm.
By the time I finish, her mouth is hanging wide open. She doesn't say anything for a long minute and then she finally says, “Is the only thing stopping you Sam?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, then look down at my feet.
“It just doesn't feel fair to him.” My voice is so low I’m not even sure she heard me.
“Charlie. I’m going to say this once, and I need you to know I mean this with love. Ok?”
I nod my head, looking up at her.
“Sam would want you to experience love again. He would want you to be happy. I just know it.” she pauses, “And I think he’d approve of Logan.”
That sentence brings tears to my eyes, and I quickly blink them away.
She puts a hand on my leg, attempting to comfort me.
“Just, don’t completely dismiss him. Ok?”
“I could be wrong, anyways.”
“Wrong about what?”
“Logan. He was telling me about his friend he lost when he was deployed. Maybe the look I saw in his eyes was because of that, not me.”
She tilts her head side to side as if contemplating it.
“Maybe, but he was looking at you.
My heart tightens, and I know she’s right. I can’t talk about this anymore. I need to go home and figure everything out.
I stand, and start grabbing Pudding's things. “I probably need to get home, call the insurance company and all that.”
“Ok babe. Call me if you need anything ok? And do me a favor?”
“Hm?”
“Don’t shut him out. I know that scared look in your eyes, and that's usually how you look before shutting someone out.”
I give her a tight smile, because that's not something I can promise right now.
She gives me a hug, and Pudding and I start walking home.