Chapter 5
Five
I pace through the living room. What the fuck does Kyler know about Connor?
I run my hands through my hair. My gaze wanders to the clock; eleven-thirty.
With a sigh, I turn off the lights and walk up the stairs.
Carefully I open Rebel’s bedroom door and stare at the blond hair, the same color as Connor’s, fanned out over her pillow.
What had her father gotten himself into?
Tiptoeing over to her bed, I press a kiss to her forehead and head to my own room.
After changing my clothes, I crawl under the covers and stare at the ceiling.
My brain keeps mulling over Kyler and Connor.
Who killed him? How on earth am I supposed to trust Kyler with information about Connor’s death?
If I tell him exactly what I heard and it gets to the wrong person, Rebel’s life might be at stake.
I can’t take that risk. For now, no one knows we were in the house at the time it happened, so how does Kyler know Connor was killed?
If someone does know we were home at the time, I’m not sure Rebel’s still safe.
I turn from side to side, drifting in and out of sleep, while seeing every hour pass on the clock.
With my latte and breakfast, I sit at the small wooden table waiting for Teagan. I slide the scrambled eggs around on my plate and impatiently tap my foot on the floor.
Reluctantly I take a bite; in spite of everything I still need to eat.
My stomach protests as the food goes in, but I ignore that and bravely take another bite.
It’s certainly not because of the eggs on toast, which tastes delicious.
My anxiety makes me nauseous. Bravely, I push on and just as I slide the last bite into my mouth, Teagan arrives.
My best friend raises her hand, and a few minutes later she plops down across from me as she sets down her mug.
“Hey.” She heaves a big sigh and looks up at me. “What’s the matter?” She brings the cup to her lips and carefully takes a sip.
“You’ll never guess who showed up at my door yesterday,” I whisper to her and cast a cursory glance through the bakery.
Wide-eyed, she swallows the coffee and sets her cup down so hard it’s a miracle the drink stays in. “Shit. Seriously? Did you let him in? What did he want?”
I lean on the small wooden table with my elbows, and bend toward her. After glancing through the store again and noting that it’s practically deserted, I say softly, “I pulled him in hoping no one in the neighborhood saw him.”
“You do know that his motorcycle was still in your driveway, right? Or did you drag that into your hallway, as well?”
I stared blankly, despite her valid point that hadn’t occurred to me the day before. “He started talking about Connor.”
“Connor?” Teagan’s gaze turns a tad absent, as if she’s trying to figure out what’s going on.
“At first he just asked if I knew more. About… Connor. Finally he slipped up and said they found a link to another MC. But why are the Renegades looking into it at all?” I sip my now cooled latte. “Why are they interested in him? I don’t get it.”
“The Renegades I can understand, but that other MC…” Her gaze slides thoughtfully to the ceiling and a thinking wrinkle appears on her forehead.
“How so?”
Teagan sighs and waves her hand meaningfully through the air. “Oh, come on, Layne. Everyone knows Kyler’s still checking up on you.” She rolls her eyes and takes another sip.
“What?!” I exclaim. Immediately I cringe and glance around fleetingly, hoping I haven’t attracted attention.
My best friend rubs her forehead. “I was just talking to my colleague the other day about how striking it is that Kyler never had another relationship after you. At least, not one that anyone took notice of.”
With wide eyes, I stare at her. “Why are you talking to a colleague about this?” My voice rises.
“No idea. We were chatting, and the conversation meandered.”
“It doesn’t explain why another MC was interested in Connor, or why they would be interested in me now.” I bite my lip. What had Connor gotten himself into anyway? None of this sounded like him at all and I don’t understand.
“True. Do you know if he somehow was connected to the underworld?”
“Who? Connor? No. God, Teagan, Connor was as ordinary, nice, and boring as they come. I didn’t want to continue living the MC life.
I saw so much with my father and Connor made me feel like I could escape that.
He offered me safety and loved me.” An enormous sigh leaves my chest and my gaze shifts to the tabletop.
Absent-mindedly, I trace the grain with my index finger.
“And what? Is that the only reason you broke everything off with Kyler?” Teagan tilts her head.
My cheeks burn and I dodge her gaze by looking behind her at an older couple.
“Layne, is that it? I always thought you didn’t love him anymore, that Connor made you happy.
” She shrugs. “That he’d somehow stolen your heart. ”
I press my lips together and continue drawing circles on the tabletop.
“I loved Connor,” I mutter softly. And I really did—do, even if it’s different from how I once felt about Kyler.
Connor was my safe haven and I’ve been wondering from the start if Connor was right, just before he died.
When he exclaimed they had the wrong guy.
“Oh, thank god, because he wasn’t that much of a jerk that he deserved to be married to someone who didn’t actually like him,” she blurts in a sarcastic tone.
“No, I did.” I let out a deep sigh. “Kyler and I are… God, how do I explain this.” My eyes go to the ceiling before I dare look at her.
“You guys are like fucking fireworks. You think I was blind all these years? I never understood why you dumped him, but then again, I didn’t know what else was going on between you, either. I always assumed something happened between the two of you, but now…”
“Kyler knows the reason I chose Connor, if that makes it any better,” I whisper.
Her eyes grew wide. “What, you told Kyler you were moving on with Connor because he was in the MC?”
I shrug. “Sort of. I told him I didn’t want that kind of life.
That I was looking for something more stable, where I didn’t have to worry about my husband getting shot every day.
That I loved Connor, too, and he could give me that.
Isn’t it ironic?” Look where that got me. My eyes burn and I look away quickly.
“Shit, Layne.” She puts her hand over mine and squeezes it gently.
Why did I tell her this? It’s something between Kyler and me. And actually Connor, because he knew the reason too. I had told him I loved him, but I also loved Kyler. And now Teagan knows, too.
“You know,” I start. “It’s for the best if I let it go.
I know nothing about Connor’s death and I probably won’t see Kyler now that he knows I don’t know shit.
I need to focus on Rebel and on the future.
Let the police do their job. Hopefully, I’ll finally get justice for Connor one day.
” An ugly sound similar to a sob comes out of my mouth.
No idea where that suddenly came from. As the daughter of the former vice president of the Renegades, I’ve always been told you can’t rely on the police.
Teagan snorts and shakes her head.
“What?” I look up at her, wrapping my hands around my empty coffee mug.
“You really believe you won’t hear from Kyler again?” Her eyebrows rise.
“Why should I hear from him again? We’ve got nothing in common anymore.”
“Because I don’t think the whole thing surrounding Connor’s death is over.
How could it be? And besides… you know Kyler.
” She brings her cup to her lips and she takes the last sip, tilting her head back.
“Plus, I just explained to you I don’t think he’s ever gotten over you, and now that you’re telling me this, I think he thinks he’ll get his chance. ” She puts the cup down hard.
I chew on my lip. “First, Connor’s barely dead for two months.
I was fucking married to him, I loved him, Tea.
I didn’t just choose the first person I met to get over Kyler.
And if, if I finally give this a chance and open myself up to him—which would be really ridiculous, because I’m not the only one I need to think about anymore, Teagan.
” I exhale deeply. My worst nightmare for Rebel has come true: she has to grow up without a father.
Teagan looks at me expectantly and so I continue.
“Let’s say I somehow start a relationship with Kyler and she gets attached to him, that he becomes a stepfather of sorts, which, by the way, I can’t imagine at all.
” I gasp. “Then what if what I was afraid of years ago actually happens?” I drop against the back of the chair.
“Then, she suffers another loss, losing someone she loves when they are still relatively young.”
“That’s what you’re afraid of? That she’ll’ have to lose a parent like you did? Two?” she frowns.
“I guess so,” I sigh.
“Laynie, you can’t protect her from everything. Besides, neither of your parents died because of the MC life. So do you want her to never have a father figure again, or never see how happy her mother can be?” My best friend puts her elbows on the table and leans toward me. “Is that what you want?”
No, that’s not what I want, but at the same time, I don’t know what I do want, either.
They haven’t even found Connor; his death is a mystery, and he deserves better.
I loved him and I don’t want… I can’t just start a new relationship.
Not to mention what it would mean for Rebel.
I put my chin in my hand and look at my best friend.
“I don’t know what I want.”