7. Tiffin Talks Senior Speech #2
In a more serious tone, he says, “My mom calls me her ‘sensitive child,’ because I think about things a lot, probably too much, and I feel things deeply.”
Taylor bows her head.
“As many of you know, I was very close to Cinnamon Peters. From the moment I met her at the Move-In Day cookout, we were inseparable. She used to call us simpatico.” He scans the pews.
“Davi, I think she learned that word from you. It means ‘in sync, compatible.’ We told each other everything. I told Cinnamon things about myself that I was afraid to tell my parents, my brothers, my teammates, my coaches, my other friends. I told her my most guarded secret, and when she died, she took it with her.” Dub gazes down at his notes long enough for Taylor to wonder: What is Dub’s most guarded secret?
That his father had an affair with one of his rafting guides and got her pregnant and now lives in Telluride with her and the baby girl?
Both Taylor and Hakeem know this. Is it something as basic as Dub coming to Tiffin on scholarship?
Surely lots of people know this—and it’s not a big deal anyway.
Finally, Dub raises his head. “For a long time, all of last year basically, I thought it was best that my secret was buried with her. But some things happened this summer that changed my mind, and I now understand my secret should be unearthed. Should be spoken.” He clears his throat. “Should be shared with all of you.”
Taylor scoots forward in the pew. She is, literally, on the edge of her seat.
Dub straightens to his full height, sets his shoulders back, then leans into the microphone as though he’s going to take a bite of it and says, “I’m gay.”
What? Taylor thinks.
Whispers ripple across the chapel. When Taylor turns, she sees looks of confusion. Is he joking? It would be in very poor taste if so. But… can it be real? Is Dub…?
Dub says it again. “I’m gay. I’m coming out to all of you here, in my senior speech, because I want to live my truth. I want to be my authentic self my final year at Tiffin.”
Suddenly, Taylor understands. Dub and Cinnamon weren’t lovers. They weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend in the traditional sense. Last year, when Taylor was so in love with Dub and he knew it and he didn’t even touch her, this is why.
He’s gay.
Someone starts clapping. Taylor looks over: It’s Benj, the fourth-form offensive lineman. He stands. In the next instant, Davi is standing, and East and Charley, and Willow Levy and Royce Stringfellow. Even the new kid, Liam, is standing.
Taylor jumps to her feet. She claps with her hands above her head so everyone in the chapel can see her supporting her friend. In the next moment, the entire chapel is giving Dub a standing ovation. The applause sounds like thunder.
Next to her, Hakeem is hunched over his knees, holding his face in his hands. Taylor rubs one of his shoulders. It’s a lot to process for everyone here, but especially for her and even more so, she supposes, for Hakeem.
Taylor leans over to whisper in his ear. “You okay?”
He locks eyes with her; his expression is inscrutable. Then he stands up and puts his hands on Taylor’s waist so he can slip behind her.
“Where are you going?”
“I need a minute.” He slides out of the pew and heads down the side aisle out of the chapel.
What the fuck? Taylor thinks. She catches Dub’s eye and knows he saw, but nothing can dim Dub’s light in this moment. He is smiling in a new way. He looks like a brand-new person.
Cordelia Spooner, who is stationed at the back of the chapel, cheers along with everyone else after Dub Austin says the words “I’m gay.”
She’s shocked by the pronouncement—this is the first time a Tiffin student has come out during a senior speech—but she’s not necessarily surprised by the information.
She harbors a keen sense of other people’s proclivities because she’s gay herself—and she has always wondered about Dub.
He and Cinnamon were high school sweethearts, but there was something chaste about their relationship.
Cordelia and Audre had commented more than once about how they seemed like a couple from a different century.
Cordelia is nearly brought to tears by the warm reception of Dub’s peers.
She’s proud of Tiffin’s student body. When Cordelia was in high school, identifying herself as gay was unthinkable.
Cordelia is still in the closet; every student here knows her as “Mrs. Spooner.” Twenty-three years ago, when Cordelia applied for head of admissions, she fabricated a dead husband, and has clung to the fallacy ever since.
None of the students know about her two-year love affair with Honey Vandermeid.
To the kids, she knows, she appears matronly and sexless.
But Dub Austin’s courage, his conviction, makes her question her own choices.
Cordelia is so self-absorbed (should she come out? What would that even look like? Audre knows Cordelia is gay, does anyone else matter—or care?) that she nearly misses Hakeem Pryce sneaking past her, out of the chapel.
Where is he going? Cordelia wonders. Why isn’t he supporting Dub like everyone else? Hakeem serves as president of Insight, an affinity group that celebrates diversity and inclusivity at Tiffin. Besides which, leaving Chapel before the final hymn is an infraction. Should Cordelia go after him?
No, Cordelia thinks. Instead, she watches as the rest of the school gathers Dub in a group hug.
We all crowd the altar to give Dub a high five, pound his back, tell him he’s all good, we’ve got him. Coach Bosworth cuts through the mayhem to shake Dub’s hand, saying, “Now that’s how you show leadership, young man. Proud of you.”
Yes, we think. Last year, the Zip Zap app made us believe our secrets were shameful. This year, it seems, will be about claiming our truth.
Dub Austin is an example to us all.