33. Comparisons Are Odious
Everything is going Rhode’s way. “Green Flag / Red Flag” was selected by Best American Short Stories, and his story “Mr. Fantabulous” was so well received that Adam Ross, editor of the Sewanee Review, asked if Rhode had any other work to submit.
(Rhode doesn’t, but it’s almost summer, he’ll be able to crank another story out, no problem.)
Rhode’s first interview with the Head of School selection committee went very well, and his enthusiasm for taking the position has increased exponentially now that Jesse Eastman will be staying on.
Jesse is sitting on the committee; he seemed impressed by Rhode’s publishing success and by the fact that Rhode himself is a Tiffin alum.
“It’ll look good to prospective students and their parents, not to mention potential donors,” Jesse said.
“I took the liberty of checking out some of your classmates. In-house counsel, surgeons… and the Head Prefect your year, Adrienne Walbridge, is a minority owner of the LA Rams. Lots of successful alumni! They might be more responsive to an appeal coming from you rather than from me.”
Rhode thought but did not say: Or, they might be less responsive.
Although he knows everyone he graduated with, he would not say many of them are still friends, or even friendly.
Adrienne Walbridge and her bestie, Christine Morera, once made merciless fun of Rhode because he put “Achy Breaky Heart” on a mixtape.
But Jesse Eastman doesn’t need to know this. If he thinks Rhode’s status as an alumnus is a big deal, Rhode will lean into it.
The next good thing that happens arrives in the form of a text message from Yardley. It says: I’m interviewing at Tiffin for the history position on Thursday morning. Are you free for a drink or dinner Wednesday night?
Sure am! Rhode says. He asks Kent Wully to cover the dorms so that Rhode can take Yardley to the Alibi.
He considered choosing someplace fancier—the Hobgoblin or the Wooden Duck—but the truth is, money remains tight for Rhode, and, he reasons, Yardley should probably experience the real Haydensboro, which means the Alibi.
Yardley exclaims over the quirkiness of the dive bar and seems impressed that Jefferson knows Rhode by name.
(Finally, Rhode thinks.) She orders a bourbon just like Rhode and seems happy about her burger and loaded tater tots.
She even feeds quarters into the jukebox, playing “Fool in the Rain,” one of Rhode’s favorite songs.
They talk about Tiffin. Yardley obviously asked to have dinner with Rhode because she wants inside info—and Rhode is happy to provide it.
He decides to come clean and tells Yardley about his crush on Simone Bergeron the year before, then tells Yardley that Simone was conducting a secret relationship with one of the students.
“She was let go,” Rhode says. “And Dr. Coopersmith was hired. But now he’s moving to New Orleans to be closer to his daughter.
” Rhode finishes off his bourbon, Yardley does the same, and before Rhode can raise a finger, Jefferson sets down two more.
(Inviting Jefferson to work at the 115th-anniversary cocktail party worked wonders, Rhode thinks.
He owes Cordelia a thank-you for that.) “Our Head of School, Audre Robinson, and Dr. Coopersmith are dating, and Audre is leaving Tiffin to go with him.”
Yardley tightens her blond ponytail and runs ChapStick over her lips, giving Rhode a chance to appreciate how fresh and natural her appearance is. “Why does Tiffin sound like a soap opera?” she asks.
She has no idea, Rhode thinks. Though if she takes the job, she’ll learn.
It’s not until they’re back in Yardley’s car returning to Tiffin that Rhode feels brave enough to broach the topic that’s been on his mind all night.
“Why did you not want to see me again after our first date?” He clears his throat. “What was the red flag?”
Yardley laughs. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re going there.”
“I thought we had a great time,” Rhode says. “I thought there was chemistry.”
“There was definitely chemistry,” Yardley says. “It was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.”
“So then what was the red flag?”
“You were only in New York for the summer,” Yardley says.
“The rest of the year you’re all the way out here, a four-hour drive from the city, which isn’t that bad except you told me you don’t have a car, so it would have been me doing all the traveling.
I didn’t want to pursue a relationship that would have ended up a long-distance nightmare. ”
Now, it’s Rhode’s turn to laugh. “I thought I did something wrong!”
“Nope, you did everything right. It’s just… the distance.”
“So, if you get the job here, and I’m here, we won’t be long distance.”
Yardley pulls into the Back Lot and parks. Rhode checks Mr. James’s “security office,” and finds it dark and deserted.
“That’s right,” Yardley says. She turns off the ignition and turns to face him, then reaches out to touch his cheek.
Rhode leans in and kisses her, which turns into a full-blown make-out session. He should probably tell her that he used their date as the subject for a short story (an award-winning short story), and he should give her the heads-up that he’s applying for Head of School.
But those things, he decides, can wait for another day.
New York City is home to more than eight million people, but it can also feel like a small town.
Somehow, Jesse Eastman has heard that Chef Haz received offers from three restaurants and has, after a tortured deliberation, decided on the Crying Lion in the West Village.
Haz is just waiting for a lawyer to look over the paperwork when he gets an email from Jesse Eastman.
Subject line: Before you do anything drastic, read this.
What fresh hell? Haz thinks.
Dear Haz—
I heard from Fred Hahn, one of the investors in the Crazy Lion—oops, sorry, I mean the Crying Lion (Fred calls it Crazy Lion because apparently the partners have serious personality conflicts)—that you’ve tentatively agreed to serve as their executive chef.
I have to say, I’m disappointed you didn’t come to me first. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this was because you thought I was on my way out.
But I am so back, baby!
Here’s my offer: I’ll triple your salary and, as a bonus, gift you the down payment on a house.
O’Malley found a two-bedroom, two-bath bungalow in Capulet Falls with a spacious backyard (room for a vegetable garden!) and a pond stocked with trout.
I’m happy to arrange for you to see it anytime. I’ve attached the listing sheet here.
I know Capulet Falls isn’t exactly New York City (haha!), but as a mentor and a friend, I have to say I think the campus and country life have been good to you.
When you do feel the need for a city fix, you’re welcome to stay in the apartment I keep for friends and family on West 68th Street, right at Lincoln Center.
Should you ever want to catch the opera, it’s yours anytime.
Believe me when I say that Tiffin is the envy of the New England boarding school community because of you . More importantly, the students love and appreciate the way you nourish them (three times!) each and every day.
I know I speak for all of Tiffin when I say: We want you to stay.
All best, J.E.
This isn’t at all what Chef expected from Jesse. He expected a veiled threat. After all, with one phone call to Fred Hahn mentioning Haz’s embezzling of the Dewberry Club’s funds to cover his gambling debts, he could quash the offer from the Crying Lion as well as from the other two restaurants.
But it seems clear that Jesse is merely asking Haz to stay.
Offering to triple his salary! Giving him the down payment on a house!
(Chef can’t help clicking the link. The house in Capulet Falls has exposed beams in the great room, new stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, a claw-foot tub in the upstairs bath, and Haz is pumped about the pond stocked with trout.) The offer of a pied-à-terre in New York is tempting as well. Maybe Haz will go to the opera!
But none of these are the reason Chef will agree to stay.
He will stay because Jesse is right about the campus and the country being good to him.
When he arrived at Tiffin, Haz thought it was his penance.
Now it has become his purpose. He feels a deep relief at not having to say goodbye to the kids.
He loves them is the thing.
Since he won’t be going to New York, he’ll bring New York here. Next year, he’s doing a Torrisi pop-up!