34. Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Four
Alden hasn’t let go of my hand for the last half hour. His excuse was that he didn’t want me to fall behind because of his long strides. But I think he doesn’t want to let go of me, to stop touching me. I laughed and told him I would be fine and that I would catch up eventually. But, ever the smart-ass, Alden replied with I want to keep an eye on you, make sure you don’t disappear on me. I shut up pretty fast after that.
The waves lap at the shore methodically, and it’s the perfect background as we walk along the beach. The sun blazes in the sky, its warmth trickling down on us. But everything seems secondary. It feels like we’re the only two people on the beach, or I want us to be.
Alden stops us, and I turn to look at him. My hair whirls around my face from the wind. “There were so many times when I wanted to reach out, to tell you how much I missed you. I wanted to hop on a plane and fly to Florida, if only so I could be near you. Even if you didn’t want to be near me. But I knew that would only push you away more.”
Grabbing my hair, I twist it into a low ponytail, but stray pieces escape.
“Sometimes, I think I’m too stubborn for my own good. I wanted to fix the situation so badly that I just let you go… I let everything we could have been go.”
Alden’s eyes trap me as the light hits them just right. He squeezes my hand tighter and brings it to his lips, kissing the back of it.
He shakes his head. “I won’t let you keep punishing yourself, Monroe. There were two people that day. So how it ended, it ended because we both played a part in it.” His eyes crinkle as a slow smile forms. “But we don’t have to think about it anymore. I don’t want to think about it anymore, because I’m here with you now. And that’s all that matters.”
Vulnerability coasts through me. “Even when I push you away, you still want me?”
Alden’s lips close in on mine. “Especially then.” He gives me a peck. “Because I won’t stop pushing back. Every single time. I’ll be here to guide you back, to pick up the slack when you need help believing again.”
His words feel tender against my skin, and I relish the feeling and lean into it. Alden finally kisses me, and I’m whole once more. When my mind is dragging me down, telling me how undeserving I am or how I’m not anywhere near good enough to be loved this much, Alden’s voice rings through, telling me I am. He shows me how true it is. At this moment, he’s a beacon of hope in the dense fog. He guides me home and makes sure that I’ll always return safely.
My hands fist his shirt and hold him closer. But I still feel like he isn’t close enough.
My cheeks are aflame when I pull back. “What did you get up to over the last couple of months? Aside from buying my apartment complex. I still can’t believe you did that, by the way.”
Alden’s thumb runs over my bottom lip, and his other arm comes to band around my waist.
He heaves out a sigh. “I took a step back from AVOD. I sold all my shares.”
I stop moving, shocked by his news. “What?”
“I’m not the CEO anymore.”
“But why? I thought you loved it.”
He shrugs. “Maybe, in the beginning, I did, when I was using it to distract me from everything I didn’t want to deal with. But it all became overwhelming—the pressure from the board to perform, to get high-profile clients to sign. And it became the main cause of my stress. I knew it wasn’t good for me anymore, not when it was taking a physical toll.”
Watching the weight drain from his eyes when he talks about leaving his position flares something in me, and it makes my heart skip. He’s happy. And I feel relieved for him but also concerned. How long until he gets bored with this new freedom? Of me?
“I did this for me, Monroe,” Alden says as if he can read my thoughts. “I did it because I was miserable.”
“I’m glad you did it, Alden. You deserve to put yourself first.”
He snickers, and his fingertips mindlessly brush along my palm. “You sound like my therapist.”
Alden and I walk in step with each other. I have my sandals in my left hand, letting the shoes dangle from my fingers, and his hand in the other.
“You have a therapist?” I eye him.
He nods gingerly. “I thought it was about time that I saw someone. My mental health has never been my main priority until now, and I still have a lot to sort through. It’s new and terrifying, but I’m proud of myself for taking this step.”
This version of Alden makes my heart swell. “I’m proud of you, too.”
Alden hums, kissing my hand. “Thank you.”
We walk some more, making quiet conversation against the backdrop of the beach. Sand curls around my toes, and I sink further into it as we stop near the water, the waves lashing at our ankles.
“Can I run something by you?” Alden asks, breaking the silence.
“If you have to.”
He scoffs playfully, grabbing my chin. I scrunch my nose and laugh.
“You’re such a little shit.”
I bat my lashes, grinning. “And don’t you ever forget it.”
Alden’s touch migrates to my cheek, running his thumb along my cheekbone tenderly, like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him. His gaze dips to my lips, and he kisses me softly.
“Tell me what’s on your mind,” I say.
“I think it’s time that I took a vacation. A proper one this time.”
He just got here, and he wants to leave again. I grimace but keep my smile. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“Even though I’m out of that world, I still don’t feel quite free from it. I think some distance from New York, from everything, is what I need right now.”
Distance. I feel a surge of anxiety, and I force my nerves back down my throat. Does he want distance from everyone? My light expression falls, so I fix it. I don’t know where Alden and I stand, but I know that if he needs this, I won’t protest.
I lick my dry lips. “Do you have any plans yet?”
I feel unsettled, and I don’t know where this will leave us. If Alden leaves now, when will I see him next? An alarming realization takes hold of me. Do we even stand a chance?
Alden smirks, eyes gleaming. “I might.”
“If this is something you want to do, then I want it for you. I’m sure you’ll have a great time wherever you decide to visit.” I pull at the collar of my tank top and paste on a smile.
Not wanting to bring down the mood with my internal crisis, I continue to walk, but I’m yanked back. Alden isn’t moving, and he has a cheeky grin on his face.
“You didn’t let me finish,” he says. “Again.” My face blanches. Oh god, there’s more? “I’m not just going on vacation alone. You’re coming with me.”
The blood stops pumping through my veins, and all the air punches from my lungs. Is this really happening? Did Alden just ask me to go away with him? The idea settles, and I imagine how wonderful it would be to travel the world with him. We could have a real do-over. But the rational side of me comes sweeping in, and I can’t look at him anymore.
“Alden, as amazing as that sounds, I can’t,” I say, finally.
“Why not?” He’s still smiling, his eyes still full of hopefulness.
My heart thunders. “Be realistic. I just got back on my feet. I have a new job, and I like it, and it’s just… it’s too soon.”
He lifts a brow. “Too soon?”
“You know what I mean.”
Alden’s smile fades. “If you really feel like it’s too soon, then I won’t ask you again. But there’s something to be said about taking risks, about being brave. I want this to work, Monroe.”
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek until I taste copper. We’ve known each other for years, and I want this. I know I do. But I’m hesitating.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly.
Alden gives me a look. “You work yourself to the bone, Monroe. When was the last time you took a day for yourself?”
When was the last time I just stopped and did something for myself? A faint smile touches my lips. It was when I started sleeping with Alden. That was the first time in a long time that I was truly motivated to do something because I wanted it, not because anyone had influenced it.
“It has been a while since I had a proper vacation,” I admit. “I don’t think a work trip to Orlando where I had my wallet stolen really counts.”
Alden chuckles. “You deserve one. And I want to be the one to give it to you.” He pauses, gauging my reaction before he continues. “You deserve to put yourself first. I think you told me that.”
I roll my eyes. “You can’t use my words against me.”
“You put everyone else first, and as selfless as that is, it can be exhausting. You’ve been taking care of everyone and yourself, but I think it’s time you handed that torch over to someone else. Let me have that responsibility now,” he continues.
Emotion clogs every one of my senses. “Alden…” I trail off and rise on my toes to kiss his cheek.
“You deserve this. You deserve to have every wish in this lifetime and the next one granted, Monroe. I’ve told you this before, and you’re going to hear it again. Because you’re worth it.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I’ve never felt like I do now. Cherished. Loved . The dam breaks, and all the words he’s said a thousand times finally penetrate, and I understand now. I feel light and worth every single one of his sweet words.
“You know…”—my arms wrap around his neck—“you can say some pretty sweet things.”
“And I mean every single one of them.”
My breathing is shaky, and my heart is filled to the brim with emotion. But this time, I don’t hesitate. “Let’s do it.”
I hold him tighter, and out of habit, I search Alden’s eyes. But I know I won’t find any sign of doubt from him.
“Okay.”
Alden’s face is full of joy. He kisses my cheek, then the other, the tip of my nose, and then my lips.
Jumping in with both feet has never come easy to me, but with Alden by my side, I know I can do it. The kiss intensifies, and I let it sweep me under.
Alden’s voice is low when we part. “Is that ache in your chest still there?”
It comes as naturally as breathing. “No, it’s not. And I don’t think it’s ever coming back.”
If this moment is the only one I can get in my entire lifetime, I’ll take it because I think I’ll be satisfied forever. Alden loves me. Even if he hasn’t said it yet, I feel it. It radiates off him like a warming fire. I feel it when he looks at me and when he holds me close. And in the small moments, I know I am loved.
The End