Chapter 7
GRAESON
As the group rode north the next morning, Graeson's focus constantly strayed from the path ahead, lingering on Barinthian and the consequences that awaited him once they arrived in Tetria. Finding Kalisandre and stopping the wedding, he realized, was the easy part. The hardest part was yet to come.
"We should stop here," Ellie said after a while of riding. "The horses need a break, and we need to refill our canteens while we can."
Graeson peered through the towering oak trees that littered the landscape. The leaves rustled softly, disturbed only by a few birds bouncing between the branches, their delicate melodies light in the air.
"I'll scan the area," Dani said, grabbing the reins. "We should be quick about it."
As Dani and her horse disappeared within the brush, everyone else dismounted.
When Emmett's boots hit the ground, he groaned in discomfort as he kicked out his legs. "Have I mentioned how no one bothered to tell me how much horseback riding would be needed on this little escapade?"
"It's better than walking," Sylvia countered with a shrug. They brushed their hands through their auburn hair, plucking a leaf from it. "On a mission to Kadia a couple of years ago, we had to walk most of the way once the river ran dry."
"And the knowledge of this factoid is supposed to help me how?" Emmett asked in response, rubbing his thighs in discomfort.
Graeson rolled his eyes and made his way toward the trickling stream, leaving the two to prattle back and forth. When he reached the water's edge, he dropped to his knees and scooped up a handful of water. Splashing it onto his face, he washed away the dust and weariness and took a calming breath.
"We'll have to boil this," Ellie said, having joined him at the stream.
"We don't have the time," Graeson sighed, running his damp fingers through his jet-black hair.
"How much water do you have in your canteen?" Ellie asked, brow arched.
Graeson unbuckled his canteen from his belt and shook it near his ear. Water sloshed against the sides of the container. He pursed his lips. By the sound, he was nearing empty.
"That's what I thought."
"Fine," he said, giving in. "If Dani gives us the all-clear, we'll start a fire."
Ellie nodded. "We should cook some fish while we're at it. While Medenia may be happy living off berries, I know the rest of us are not."
"I do not live off berries," Medenia called back, having heard them further down the stream as she plucked red mulberries from a thin branch.
"Sorry, I stand corrected," Ellie said with a playful jest. "Let's not forget your endless supply of nuts."
Licking the juice from her fingers, Medenia said, "Don't forget mushrooms, eggs, and--"
"Yes, yes," Ellie said with a wave, chuckling softly.
Soon, they were all resting along the riverbend. Ellie and Medenia were rolling their eyes at something Emmett said. Terin sat against a tree while Sylvia stood by, watching over him and Kalisandre.
Graeson remained by the river. Although he wanted to go to Kalisandre, he felt pulled to stay where he was. As he stared at the water sloshing by the shore, his thoughts twisted and turned.
Fighting this only makes it worse.
Graeson gritted his teeth. And yet, the god's words only made memories Graeson wished would disappear rise to the surface.
His knees and palms pressed into the wet concrete as the sound of the waterfall flooded his senses. Then, all at once, there was nothing.
A cold breeze brushed Graeson's neck, sending a chill creeping across his skin.
"Pontianius," Graeson said in greeting, keeping his head low and eyes fixed on the ground.
The god laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls. "Why do you fight it? Giving in would be so much easier."
Graeson shook his head, tousling his hair as shame and anger colored his cheeks. "Because I am not him ."
Pontanius sighed. "I understand your distaste for my brother--"
"Distaste?" Graeson hissed with a scoff. "Barinthian abandoned my mother when she was pregnant with me. He only cared to produce a replica of him."
"Are you?" the god drawled.
"Am I what?" Graeson asked, his brows furrowing.
"A replica of my brother."
" No ," Graeson snapped.
"Then why do you fight it?"
"Because!" Graeson shouted despite being in the presence of a god.
Pontanius was different from the other deities. Unlike Graeson's father, Barinthian, Pontanius did not constantly lash out in anger, did not pit mortals against one another, and did not seek to take over the mortal world. Graeson actually liked Pontanius. However, whenever the topic of Graeson suppressing his godly nature arose, he couldn't bear to be around his uncle.
Still, he kept seeking Pontanius's guidance.
"Because if I let go of my control, who's to say I won't become him?" Graeson asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Who's to say I won't--" Graeson swallowed, unable to ask the question that plagued him.
"You won't what?" Pontanius prompted.
Graeson rubbed his hands over his face. "Who's to say I won't lose the piece of her I have left?" he whispered.
A hand, cold and almost nonexistent, brushed Graeson's shoulder. "You will not lose your mother by becoming who you were born to be."
"You do not know that," Graeson argued.
The god corrected, "Nor do you know whether you will turn into Barinthian. But that does not mean you should continue to torture yourself."
When Graeson said nothing, Pontanius sighed. "When will you learn?"
"Learn what?"
As water dripped from the ceiling, time seemed to stand still as he waited for the god's reply. For a moment, he questioned if Pontanius had left him. However, even though his eyes were still fixed on the ground, Graeson could still sense Pontanius's presence. Goosebumps skittered across his skin as the god watched him.
At last, Pontanius clicked his tongue. "Fighting this only makes it worse."
"Come on, Gray," Ellie called out, dragging Graeson's attention from the river coiling through the woods before him. "You need to rest, too."
Graeson snorted but said nothing.
"That's not a suggestion," Ellie added.
Graeson frowned at the river but trudged over to Ellie before she could harp on him any further. He had barely slept last night, and while he was exhausted, he wouldn't be able to rest until everyone he cared about was safe.
Suddenly, hooves pounded the ground, and branches snapped one after another. His hands instinctively reached for his scimitar on his back.
A few seconds later, Dani burst through the trees. But while the others sighed in relief, Graeson's grip did not waiver.
A stray braid hung in front of Dani's face, having fallen from her bun. Sweat dripped from her furrowed brows. But her frazzled appearance was not why Graeson pulled his weapon from its sheath. His attention was locked on the blood-stained dagger hanging from Dani's hip.
"We've got company!" Dani shouted.
Medenia hurried toward Kalisandre. "Let's get her on the horse."
"No time," Dani argued, tugging on the reins of her mount only a couple of yards away before jumping off. Dust motes flew into the air as her feet hit the ground.
"We're staying to fight?" Sylvia asked, causing Emmett's face to pale.
Ellie pulled two throwing knives from the belt strapped over her right shoulder.
"It's our only choice," Dani said.
"How many?" Graeson asked, taking out his second scimitar.
Sylvia tried handing one of their daggers to Emmett, but he shrunk away from the blade, refusing to take it.
"Shut up and take it," Sylvia spat, forcing the dagger into Emmett's hand and folding his fingers over the hilt.
"Two squads," Dani said in response to Graeson, "about fifteen in total."
"Shit," Emmett hissed and cradled the dagger closer to his chest.
Graeson's jaw flexed as he glanced at Kalisandre's unconscious body from the corner of his eye. "How long?"
"Only a few minutes, if that. I tracked the group to the river south of us. I ran into one of their lookouts and quickly dispatched him before he could alert the others. Unable to take them all by myself, I hurried back. But a horse galloping through the woods isn't the most discreet form of escape. They'll be on us sooner rather than later."
"Best we take them head-on anyway," Ellie determined, bouncing on her toes. "They were bound to catch up to us at some point." She shrugged.
"How did they even find us? I thought we covered our tracks?" Medenia asked, short sword in hand.
Dani stepped forward, teeth bared. "Are you questioning me, Princess?"
Graeson spun the scimitars in his hands. "It doesn't matter how they found us, only that they did ."
"Medenia, you good to fight?" Ellie asked.
"Always," the princess said, her expression hardening.
Dani nodded. "You and Sylvia will stay close to the three of them," she ordered, pointing to Terin, Kalisandre, and Emmett.
Terin stepped forward. "I can fight. I don't need someone to--"
She snapped, "Do not argue with me about this, Terin. Not right now. By the gods, fight if you are attacked, but we do not need you running into the fray."
"Dani's right. You and Kalisandre must be protected," Graeson said.
"And what about Medenia?" Terin argued.
Medenia snorted, a look of pure steel shining in her eyes. "I can handle myself."
Dani peered into the forest, as if expecting intruders at any moment. "With that settled, Ellie, you and I will take the borders. Graeson?"
"I know my place," Graeson said, twirling his two blades. Dani nodded before walking toward the perimeter of the area they occupied. He looked to Terin and the others. "Stay safe."
"We've got her," Terin assured him, but Graeson wasn't sure if he felt any better.
Graeson turned away and closed his eyes as the others prepared themselves. At some point, the birds had grown silent.
The soldiers were close.
He could feel it in the way the air shifted around him, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
For years, Graeson had envisioned the moment he would save Kalisandre.
The queen had warned him that it would be more complicated than he thought. While he hadn't doubted Esmeray, Graeson had never imagined that he would also lose some of his closest friends in the process. He never imagined so much betrayal and so many secrets to reveal themselves, either.
He trained to be stronger; he trained to be better. He had done everything right . He had gained control over the beast within, learning to lock the god inside him where he couldn't harm anyone.
Back home, everyone feared him because of the rumors that weaved their way through the kingdom. Because of that fear, Graeson hid who he was. He tamped it down. He shut it away.
He shut himself away.
But Graeson was so tired of hiding who he was.
He was so fucking tired of locking that part of himself away. Because as much as he detested the god within, it was a part of him. There was no hiding from that.
In the distance, hooves and boots pounded the ground.
Graeson exhaled and opened his eyes.
Ellie and Dani crept forward ahead of him, weaving through the forest on either side of the small camp to cut off the enemy.
He once told Kalisandre that he would not be merciful to those who tried to take her away from him, and he had meant every word.
Graeson's fingers flexed around the handles of the scimitars, and a rumbling stirred in the back of his mind. Red coated the corners of his vision, but this time, instead of pushing it away, he welcomed it.
When the first soldier appeared, brandishing a longsword, metal armor shining in the sun, and the Ardentolian crest brandishing it, Graeson didn't hesitate.
He attacked.
He raged.
He became the monster he was born to be.