Chapter 33
KALLIE
The next few days were much the same. Kallie lay in her bed in the infirmary, watching dawn rise as the sun lit the room. Medenia would come in the early mornings after Kallie had received a warm breakfast and would force her out of bed to walk the grounds.
The first few times, they came across no one but guards and Nyrri during their stroll, which Kallie didn't entirely mind. She found comfort when she was in the presence of the dragon-wolf.
However, Kallie quickly deduced that Medenia had chosen the enclosed garden for a couple reasons. Privacy was one of them, as civilians were unable to see into the area due to the large hedges that surrounded it. The other was the very lack of privacy it offered in actuality. The windows of the infirmary looked over the garden, and guards were stationed throughout the enclosed space and nearby outlooks.
The moment Kallie and Medenia stepped outside, the women standing guard straightened, their hands flexing near their weapons.
"Are all of the queen's guards truly women?" Kallie asked one morning as they sat brushing Nyrri's fur.
"Indeed," Medenia replied with a nod. "It has always been the case since the first leader. Because of her past, she did not trust men easily. When she came to power, she requested an all-female guard for her own comfort.
"Unlike many other territories at the time, and even to this day, my people have never prevented women from training with a blade. Men and women alike are equally trained here. However, the number of women outweighs the number of male guards throughout Tetria. Other kingdoms often underestimate us because of that fact."
"Does that not upset you?" Kallie asked, setting the brush aside.
Medenia shrugged a shoulder. "Honestly, no. They can doubt us all they wish, but when our blade is pressed against their throat, their hesitancy will be their undoing."
"The king once told me how foolish Tetria was for having the queen's guard entirely female. He had said it put her at risk."
Medenia snorted. "If anyone even got within range of my mother, they would be dead within minutes. The queen's guards undergo intense training and must meet several qualifications even to be considered for the position. Even if an enemy were to get past one of the guards, my mother is just as deadly as the rest--if not more so."
Kallie didn't doubt that for a second. She had felt the queen's power ripple from her when Kallie had sat chained to the chair. She could only imagine what it would be like to confront her as an enemy.
On the fifth day, Kallie was already up, awaiting the princess when she arrived. While Kallie talked very little, and even the pieces of information Medenia offered Kallie were carefully chosen, she was beginning to enjoy the company. Or at least she found some semblance of peace during their daily strolls.
Everywhere she looked, nature bloomed, weaving over and up buildings like a living entity. All around her, life existed and thrived.
Yet, as Kallie would amble her way through the garden, she couldn't help but notice how the vines and branches wrapped around the spires of the castles, almost as if strangling them. The castle had been built around the ancient oak tree.
While she had learned from Medenia that the choice to build around the tree was meant as a sign of respect, it pained her at the same time. The tree had little room to grow. It was confined, trapped. It tried to find ways to persevere despite its surroundings, to grow in different directions, but the results were mangled limbs twisted at odd angles. There was no way for it to thrive, not with the world pressing in around it.
Kallie had never been surrounded by so much nature before, and yet she couldn't help but see the cage she lived in. The Pontians thought they had freed her. And to an extent, she supposed they had. Her mind was finally hers. Yet...
Yet she still felt lost despite their efforts.
The only thing she knew was she had to keep moving forward. No matter how much she wanted to get lost in the past and the world behind her.
But how was she supposed to move forward if she still didn't understand the truth?
Why did Domitius take her? What did he want with her? Why did her mother not come for her sooner? Why wait? Why let Kallie live with a foreign king for so long? They were the same questions that had plagued her mind for the past few months, yet they felt different to her now.
Before, Kallie didn't want to know the truth. She evaded the truth any chance she had. She made excuses for Domitius. But while she now saw through his wicked manipulations, she also struggled to move past them.
Who was she now that she wasn't the Princess of Ardentol? Who was she now that she wasn't his daughter? Who was she now that she wasn't the king's weapon?
She was lost.
Purposeless.
Hopeless.
Before, Kallie at least had an objective, but ever since her mind had been fractured, she was confused about her purpose. Without a purpose, Kallie struggled to keep her eyes forward and set on the future.
"Is something wrong?" Medenia asked, pulling Kallie to a stop.
Nyrri halted beside them, and when Kallie peered up at the castle once more, searching the windows, she could have sworn Nyrri did too.
Medenia held up a hand as she squinted in the direction she was looking. "What is it?"
Kallie, however, found nothing amiss as she searched the castle's walls. Still, the uneasy feeling dwelling within her continued to prickle at the back of her neck, an awareness she couldn't shake.
Finally, Kallie dropped her gaze, confusion twisting her features. "It's probably nothing."
Medenia hummed as she stared a moment longer at the windows, tightening her arm around Kallie's and guiding them forward. "I believe our bodies often know more than our minds do."
Kallie snorted in a very un-princess-like manner. "These days, I am not sure my mind knows my left from my right," she retorted.
Medenia tapped Kallie's arm gently and offered her a small, knowing smile. She assured, "Do not rush it. You will feel normal again soon."
Normal , Kallie thought bitterly. Such a simple word, and yet...
Kallie no longer knew what normal was for her. She supposed this was normal: walking through the gardens with a practical stranger with guards at the ready in case she attacked the princess or ran. All the while feeding dead rabbits to the beast that walked with them.
Perhaps Kallie's new normal was a sense that someone was watching, for the feeling never left as she and Medenia continued their stroll around the enclosed garden.
A couple of days later, Kallie sat beside Nyrri, staring up at the cloud-covered sky, when Medenia had been pulled away by a guard named Ophelia.
After the two women whispered to one another for a while, Medenia returned to Kallie and Nyrri, a sad smile gracing the princess's lips. Ophelia stepped beside her, her hands folded behind her back.
"We will have to cut today's walk short," Medenia said apologetically as Kallie sat up. "I am needed back inside."
"Oh," Kallie whispered, then looked to Nyrri. "Is it all right if I stay for a little longer?"
Medenia and Ophelia exchanged glances, an unspoken conversation passing between them. Finally, the princess's shoulders dropped. "I don't think--"
"I can walk her back in a little."
Kallie went rigid as Terin approached from behind them. She cleared her throat and began to rise to her feet. "It's quite all right. I do not want to impose," she said carefully.
"It's no imposition," Terin said, waving off her concerns. When Kallie's lips parted, an objection on her tongue, he smiled. "Really, I don't mind."
"Thank you, Terin," Medenia said with a grin. The princess turned to Kallie. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"
Before Kallie could say anything, the desire to flee rising in her bones, Nyrri laid her large head across Kallie's lap with a final huff. Kallie narrowed her gaze at the creature. Nyrri squinted an eye open, peering at her before nuzzling against her lap.
Traitor.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kallie nodded.
Once Medenia and Ophelia left, Terin shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Mind if I sit?" he asked.
Kallie shook her head, her voice suddenly stripped from her throat. Terin had visited her often in those first few days when she lay in the infirmary. But since she had joined Medenia, he had not come to see her.
Medenia mentioned that Terin had been pulled away in other discussions with the queen, but Kallie didn't press her for more information.
Until this moment, she hadn't realized just how much she dreaded coming face-to-face with him, but there was no escaping it now. Nyrri made sure of that.
Terin cleared his throat. "How are you?"
Kallie shrugged, feigning a casual air. "Fine, all things considered."
Terin nodded, picking at the grass absentmindedly. "I..." He hesitated, his brows drawing together as he stared at a pile of blades in front of his lap. "I'm sorry."
Kallie snapped her gaze up. "For what?"
"For letting them do that to you," he admitted.
"Do not be sorry for that," she mumbled. "It had to be done. I was a danger to all of you. If I had been in your shoes, I would have done the same thing."
Terin offered her a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm glad you see it that way. Not everyone does."
Kallie wanted to ask who, but for some reason, she couldn't. Instead, she shrugged.
"But if you won't accept my apology for that, I apologize for forcing you unconscious again without your permission," Terin added.
Kallie pursed her lips. "You do seem to have an annoying habit of doing that."
He chuckled softly, but the sound was short-lived as it fell away on the breeze. An uncomfortable silence followed, full of unspoken words neither dared voice.
Kallie swallowed. "The dreams have stopped. That is your doing, I assume?" she asked.
Terin exhaled, but Kallie did not look at him. Her attention remained fixed on Nyrri as she stroked the top of her head.
"Yes, it is," he confirmed.
"Did you...did you see them?"
Terin could have lied to her, but he didn't. "I did. It was a violation, and I am sorry for that, too. I do not take enjoyment out of glimpsing one's memories."
Kallie nodded and bit down on her tongue as she faintly recalled the various dreams that Terin had called forth.
"So you know what he did then?"
"The king?"
Kallie nodded again.
His hand fell on top of hers, and Kallie stared at it. His gentle touch surprised her, but what surprised her even more was that she didn't remove her hand from beneath his.
"If you ever want to talk about it," Terin whispered, "I am here."
"Thank you," she said, though her words were barely audible as her throat grew thick from recalling the years of abuse and torment under the king's care.
She did not wish to talk about it at that moment, but perhaps eventually...when she could make sense of everything. When she could truly feel the weight of her past rather than the emptiness that currently consumed her.
As if knowing this, Terin squeezed her hand once before removing his from hers.
Kallie peered up at him, and another question slipped from her lips. "Was that truly him?"
"Fynn?" he asked, his brother's name a whisper.
Kallie nodded. A cold snout nudged her hand, and Kallie began petting Nyrri again, happy for the small distraction.
"Yes," Terin said with a long exhale. "A version of him, anyway."
Kallie released a heavy breath, her shoulders rising and falling with it. "I'm still confused as to how that is even possible," she admitted.
"It is hard to explain."
"But Dani truly doesn't know?" Kallie asked.
When Terin did not answer immediately, Kallie looked at him.
"She does now," Terin mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.
"How?" she asked, eyes wide.
He weighed his words for a moment. "It's a long story."
"Has she talked to him?"
Terin shook his head. "Fynn does not want her to live in the past."
"So he has said," Kallie sighed. She turned her head toward the sky and watched as the clouds swam across the blue expanse. "Is that really either of your choices?"
"I..." Terin paused. "I am not sure it would help."
Nyrri shifted in Kallie's lap, her snout nudging her calf.
"It might not, but perhaps Dani still has things to say to him. We do not often get a second chance at speaking to those we have lost."
Terin hummed but said nothing more.
The silence that followed, while still thick, was less uncomfortable than it had been moments before. Perhaps the uncomfortable was simply becoming comfortable.