Chapter 40
KALLIE
While Kallie braced against Ellie's swing, Graeson burst from the castle, his eyes blazing silver.
As she followed him with her eyes, distracted, Ellie shoved her and then knocked her legs out from under her.
Kallie barely registered the fall, only momentarily feeling its sting as she fixed her attention on Graeson. "Where is he going?"
"Huh?" Ellie asked, turning towards where she was looking.
Even yards away, Kallie could practically sense Graeson's entire body vibrating with an untamed energy.
"Should someone go after him?" Kallie urged.
Terin, who had been observing Kallie's training, extended a hand, and Kallie took it. As he helped her up, he said, "I don't know. I don't think it'll help."
Mouth agape, Kallie snapped her attention to him. "You're just going to let him run off?" she exclaimed.
Terin scratched his head and shrugged.
"Trust me," Ellie said, her tone weary, "whatever is going on, he does not want company right now."
Kallie's lips parted, but she was at a loss for words.
Were these not Graeson's friends? Were these not the people who should care about him? The ones who should run after him and make sure he was okay?
Kallie shook her head in disappointment. "I didn't want company either, yet that never stopped any of you from barging into the infirmary and talking my ear off."
"Graeson is...different," Terin said, as if that explained everything. "You have to tread lightly when he's like this." He frowned.
"Tread lightly ?" Kallie repeated, her voice raising in disbelief. "He is your friend!"
"And as his friends, we know him best," Ellie said, folding her arms over her chest.
"Bullshit," Kallie spat.
And then she was off, chasing after the one man who had always come running after her.
Boom.
A thunderous clap ricocheted through the trees, and Kallie halted, her breath catching in her throat. Graeson had managed to go deeper into the woods than Kallie had initially thought. Cautiously, she turned toward the sound and peered through the never-ending brush.
"Graeson?" Kallie asked, his name no more than a whisper on her tongue.
Graeson stood with hands pressed against the beaten bark of a tree, his head slumped, and his hair falling, shielding him. His shoulders were tense as he mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.
Kallie took a hesitant step forward. "Are you...are you all right?"
Graeson still did not respond, and before she knew what she was doing, she was only a few feet away when she slapped a hand across her mouth, covering a gasp.
Blood was smeared across the bark of the tree, and his knuckles were stained red, raw and ghastly.
Without thinking, she ran forward.
Body trembling, she placed a hand on the back of his head.
"We need to take you to a healer." Concern creased her forehead as the blood continued to drip down his fingers and fall onto the roots of the tree.
Kallie looked around them, but there was no one within shouting distance.
She looked back at Graeson and bit her lip. "Stay here. I'm going to go get help."
Kallie began to pull away, but as her hand slipped from his shoulder, Graeson grabbed her wrist.
"Stay," Graeson whispered, the word almost inaudible. Kallie would have questioned if she had heard him correctly if it wasn't soon followed with a gut-wrenching, "Please."
Kallie hesitated, her heart a loud echo in her chest. "You need help."
"No," he gritted out. "I'll be fine."
"Fine? Graeson, you're bleeding," she protested.
" Was ."
Kallie blinked, her brows furrowing. "What?"
"I was bleeding, little mouse. I am no longer."
"But there's--" Kallie's words disappeared into the air as she inspected his hand once more. It had just been dripping blood, yet the raw skin only appeared to be scratched, the wounds already congealing. "How--" She shook her head, taking a deep breath. "You still should see a healer. By the looks of it, you've lost plenty of blood, and you could get an infection if not properly treated."
Graeson released her wrist and chuckled as he turned and leaned against the tree as if he needed it to stay upright. His eyes were shut, and his expression was pained. Yet there was a flicker of a smirk on his face.
"Funny how things can change so quickly, isn't it? One day you're trying to kill me with your own two hands, and now you worry over a few scratches," he mused.
"That's not--" Kallie swallowed as she brushed her fingers across her wrist, still tingling from his lingering touch. "That's not funny."
Graeson let loose a heavy sigh and pushed his hair back with his hand, smearing blood across his forehead. "I suppose it is a little early for those jokes, huh?"
"A little," Kallie mumbled, though she knew he said it with no malice. "Either way, a healer surely should take a look at you."
With a rough snort, Graeson shook his head. "A healer will find nothing." He finally met Kallie's gaze then, and Kallie stumbled backward.
The hue of Graeson's eyes was nearly as white as snow. Their normal smokey gray color had nearly vanished. And despite the shadows cast by the foliage of the trees, they pierced through her very soul as they glowed.
Her heart pounded, and she could not decide whether it was from worry or fear. Part of her wanted to run, but another part of her urged her to reach out.
Kallie gulped. And after a moment that seemed to span time, she finally asked, "What happened?"
"It's complicated," he shrugged, the picture of ease.
Kallie blinked, her mouth falling open. " Complicated ? What is so complicated about this?"
Graeson chuckled as if the entire situation was comical. "Nothing is ever simple."
She tried to protest, "But--"
Graeson groaned out in pain, his eyes squeezing shut. He pressed his head back against the trunk of the tree and hissed.
"Graeson!" she gasped.
He leaned away from her, but there was nowhere for him to go. "Go," he gritted out through clenched teeth.
"Excuse me?" Kallie's eyes widened.
"Leave." His fingers dug into the tree's bark as veins protruded from his neck, and his complexion reddened.
Kallie scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. He would not push her away. Not that easily.
She raised her chin. "No."
"Please, Kalisandre," Graeson begged, but the tone of his voice had shifted. Kallie could no longer tell if he was pleading for her to leave, to listen to him, or if he was begging for her to stay. Either way, she would not leave him.
Kallie didn't know who Graeson was to her; she didn't know if he was her enemy or friend. Truthfully, she barely knew him at all, yet she felt like she understood him. Whatever was happening to him was coming from inside him. That much was clear as he clawed at the bark, and his brows twisted together in pain, deep wrinkles creasing his forehead.
Kallie stepped closer and grabbed his arm. His skin was cold to the touch, yet she didn't let go.
"Tell me what to do," she whispered. "Tell me how to help you."
Graeson grimaced. "You can't," he rasped.
"Then tell me what's happening."
"I told you," Graeson said, groaning as if merely speaking was painful. "It's complicated."
The bark cracked as he pressed the back of his head further into the tree.
"Graeson," Kallie said, gasping, "you're hurting yourself."
"I'll heal," he mumbled, a noncommittal sound.
"You do not know that!"
"I do!" Graeson shouted, startling her. Black strands of hair fell in front of his face, and sweat coated his forehead. His breaths were ragged, his chest rising and falling hard with every intake.
"Graeson," she whispered.
Graeson turned his head away from her. "You need to leave."
"I already told you. I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't want--" Graeson swallowed, the lump in his throat dipping as Kallie caressed his cheek and gently turned him toward her. He looked at her, his eyes burning silver and twisting with pain. "I don't want to hurt you, Kalisandre."
"You won't hurt me."
"You don't...you don't understand." He shook his head, shaking his hair. "In this state, I'm--I--I don't have control."
"What state?" she pressed.
Graeson stared at her with such intensity that something broke within her. At that moment, she couldn't help but wonder if anyone had ever come for him. If anyone had ever fought to stay with him.
"Am I supposed to be afraid of you?" she asked.
Graeson's gaze bounced across her face. "You should be."
"Why?" Kallie's head tilted to the side. She recalled all the fights they had been in and knew, without a doubt, that Graeson had always held back when it came to fighting her. She had seen him take on multiple soldiers without breaking a sweat. But with her, he was always careful.
"In this state, logic and reasoning vanishes. I...I could hurt you. I'm a monster, Kalisandre."
But before Kallie could say a word, Graeson screamed out. His head slammed against the tree again, and the birds sitting among the branches scattered, the leaves rustling as they flew away.
" Run ," he said through clenched teeth.
But Kallie didn't move.
She was not afraid of him. Not now, not ever. For once in her life, despite the past that divided them and begged to force them apart, she knew that she was safe with him.
Kallie wrapped her hands tightly around his, squeezing them, and stayed right where she was, her feet firmly planted on the ground.
Because while Graeson might have thought he was a monster, so was she. He hadn't abandoned her when she told him to. Instead, he always came back for her even when he shouldn't have. Even when she gave him no reason to.
And for that, if nothing else, Kallie wouldn't abandon him either.