Chapter 44
KALLIE
Kallie wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand as Ellie and Terin sheathed their weapons. They had been training in the gardens for a little over an hour. The warm rays of the autumn sun poured down on them, casting a golden glow over the orange and yellow mums surrounding them.
"You're getting better," Terin said with a small smile.
"Yeah, we only knocked you on your ass, what? Five times?" Ellie remarked with a snort.
Terin's eyes widened, a rebuke forming on his lips, but Kallie only laughed.
"That's only because it was one versus two," she said. "If it was just you and me, Ellie, you would have been the one hitting the ground."
"Ha! Only because I would feel sorry if I kicked your ass too many times."
Kallie rolled her eyes.
When the laughter died down, Terin cocked his head to the side, his brows furrowing. "But you're still holding back," he noted.
Kallie snapped her head in his direction. "I am not."
"Really? Then why have you not manipulated us?" Terin retorted wryly, folding his arms over his chest. "You could have easily won numerous times and saved yourself from a couple of bruises."
Mouth agape, Kallie averted her gaze as her tongue grew heavy. She cleared her throat, trying to find the words.
"That would uneven the playing field," she muttered at last.
Terin snorted as Ellie asked, "Uneven the playing field? And what happens if you were to come across an enemy? Someone who wishes to take you?"
"Oh, like all of you?" Kallie retorted, her comment sounding more snarky than intended.
"Fair point," Terin mumbled, scratching his head with a frown.
"But it still does not warrant you holding back," Ellie argued, the tip of her sword digging into the dirt as she leaned on it. "We're not only taking the time to re-train you to help your recovery, but we also must prepare you for what is to come."
"Oh, and here I thought this was all just a fun distraction," Kallie said, trying to change the topic. Her efforts were futile, however, for Terin pressed forward.
"Ellie is right. Domitius will not give up his search for you."
"I think you all overestimate my worth to him," Kallie countered, rolling her eyes.
"And you under estimate it," Ellie said. She took a step forward, and the tension between them increased ten-fold. "There was a reason he took you, remember?"
Kallie pursed her lips. "He hasn't come for me yet, has he?"
Almost two months had passed since her wedding had gone up in flames. Other than Terin and the others running into a group soon after they had left Frenzia, they had not encountered any further issues. Although Kallie had heard rumblings of search parties wandering Vaneria, there was no immediate threat of danger.
Perhaps Domitius had finally given up on her or found another way for his plans to come to fruition. The king was not a patient man. He would find a way. After all, he had made it clear that she was only a tool to be used. He would craft another, and perhaps he already had, Kallie thought as her mind wandered to Myra.
Terin shook his head. "While it has been quiet in recent weeks, we should not take the bull king's silence for complacency. He took you once. He will take you again."
Kallie tossed her head back, and frustration colored her voice when she asked, "What need does he have of me?"
Terin and Ellie exchanged wary glances, but it was Ellie who spoke. "That remains to be determined, but I hope for all our sakes that we never find out. Still, we would be foolish to think that this game of his is over so easily. He told you he wanted to control the seven kingdoms. As far as we know, his goal has not changed."
Terin nodded and added, "He gave you up to us with little to no fight. There has to be a reason. Something we are missing."
Kallie huffed, for she already knew why. "The reason was he believed I would kill you all in anger."
"Would you have?" Terin asked, brow arched.
Kallie pursed her lips, but she could not lie to him. "I--I do not know. I cannot say for certain. When I awoke in the woods, I was angrier than I had ever been before when I saw Graeson. It was as if something had come over me. I didn't realize at the time that was exactly what was happening, that Myra had manipulated my feelings toward you all and increased my rage and anger. I almost killed him then."
Kallie turned away from Terin, unable to bear his gaze any longer.
If she had been successful, it would not have been only her hands that would have been covered in Graeson's blood, but Terin's, too, as her command filled his veins.
Kallie cleared her throat and turned to Ellie. "But you and the queen fixed that, did you not?" she asked.
She didn't know why she needed to ask, but perhaps she feared Domitius still held her in his trap, as if she were still running through one of his mazes, lost with no trace of an exit.
Ellie nodded. "We did," she said softly.
"So what are you afraid of?" Terin asked.
"I am not afraid," Kallie corrected, squeezing her clammy fists together.
" Yet ," Terin said, the word drawn out as his stare bore into her, "you hold yourself back."
Kallie rolled her eyes. "I see no reason to manipulate Ellie. I shouldn't rely on my gift in a fight in case it fails me."
"Have you tried?" Terin pressed.
Kallie's tongue became lead in her mouth as her gaze bounced from Terin to Ellie. She cleared her throat. "It's a violation. It would be wrong."
"It would be good practice," Ellie piped up.
Kallie's entire body burned as they stared at her, waiting for her to admit they were right. But Kallie wouldn't; she couldn't.
"I really shouldn't," she said after a moment. "It's--"
"Have you tried at all since you woke?" Terin interrupted.
Kallie rubbed a slick hand across her throat. She felt as if the air was swept away, as if the world had been stripped of all the oxygen.
"Kallie?" Terin urged.
Unwillingly, she looked at her brother.
"You haven't, have you?" Terin asked as if he could see the truth behind her gaze.
Kallie bit down on her tongue as she squeezed her throat slightly with her hand. She hesitated in answering him, for she found it hard to find the words.
When the intensity of his stare did not lessen, she relented, forcing a weak explanation out. "I just--I do not wish to use it."
"Why not?" Ellie asked, frowning.
Kallie stared at the sky. A light hand touched her shoulder. Whenshe looked at Terin, he was watching her carefully with only empathy shining in his brown eyes. He squeezed her shoulder, and Kallie sighed.
"You do not understand. I've done horrible things. For as long as I can remember, I was the king's puppet. He used me; he used my gift, forcing me to manipulate anyone who spoke out against him. He didn't just wish for their obedience, though." Kallie took several steps away from the other two when she grew silent as the memories of past assignments surfaced.
"What did he make you do?" Ellie asked softly.
Kallie rubbed her throat, and she could feel her skin becoming raw beneath her palm. She dropped her hand but kept her back turned toward them, unable to look at either of them as she relayed what the king had forced her to become.
Domitius may not have had his claws in her mind, but his shadow still loomed over her past. And while Terin, no doubt, knew some of what the king had done, she didn't know how much he truly knew.
Certainly, if he knew everything, he would no longer look at her with empathy.
"Manipulating them to obey, while still immoral, would have been one thing," Kallie said, her voice shaking slightly. "It would have been easy, but nothing with Domitius is easy. He did not wish his opposers to get away with disagreeing with him. He wanted them to suffer. And...I think he wanted me to suffer a little bit, too.
"When I was younger, I argued with him constantly, trying to find logic and reasoning in his actions. Sometimes, I argued with him when he denied a citizen more food rations after court. He would say I was too emotional, too easily swayed to feel sympathy for others who did not deserve it. Then, he would send me on an assignment. Sometimes, he'd force me to manipulate a man into entering a brawl."
"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Ellie said hesitantly.
Kallie shook her head with a huff and turned, facing her. "I would command them to lose the fight, to get injured purposely. Other times..." She paused, the memories choking her. She pressed forward. "Other times were much worse. My hands may not have ever driven a sword through someone's heart, but I might as well have. Death has been a shadow that has followed me far longer than I care to admit."
When Kallie met their gazes with hesitancy, horror blanketed Ellie's and Terin's faces.
Kallie took a step back. Then another.
She shouldn't have told them.
The urge to flee thumped in her chest.
Yet she forced her feet to remain plastered to the ground because, if nothing else, they deserved to know the monster they had welcomed into their home, the monster they rescued.
"So you see," Kallie said, her voice hoarse, "I do not deserve your kindness or your trust. My gift is no more than a curse, and it is not one that I wish to use."
Terin stepped forward, his brows knitting together and deep grooves creasing the center of his forehead. "What Domitius made you do is horrendous, Kallie. No one should ever be forced to use their gift, especially in such a wicked way as he made you use it. But..." Terin hesitated, twisting his hands together. After thinking about his words briefly, he straightened and held his fists at his sides. "Our abilities need to be nurtured, Kallie. If they are not--"
Kallie shook her head and cut him off. "I will not manipulate anyone again," she breathed.
"But you must," Ellie said, taking a step forward, her eyes wide. "If a war is coming, your gift will be more useful than you can imagine."
"I said no!" Kallie dug her heels into the ground, fury quickly rising in her throat and forcing the words to come harsher than she had intended. "I will not be used again. Because it is not just my gift you wish to use, it is me."
"And if war comes?" Ellie pressed, brows raised and her hand tensing around the hilt of her blade. "If Domitius marches his troops across the seven kingdoms? If he spreads the destruction he has already caused in Pontia? What will you do when the Frenizians give the bull king their grenades to use? What will you do when more creatures like Nyrri, but more feral and ravaged, take to the skies? What will you do then, Kalisandre?"
Ellie was toe-to-toe with Kallie now, her chest rising quickly.
But she wasn't the only one angry. Every muscle in Kallie's body vibrated. As Ellie continued to stare down at Kallie, Kallie tipped her chin up and spoke past the tears burning the back of her eyes. "I will not be a weapon for another kingdom. I cannot. I refuse to do so."
"Ellie has overstepped," Terin said, stepping between them, forcing Ellie backward. "No one will force you to do anything."
Despite the sincerity within Terin's words, Kallie did not miss the shock across Ellie's features, the way her lips parted and the whites of her eyes enlarged.
Terin continued, "I only asked about your gift because it can be dangerous to keep it bottled up."
"Dangerous how?" Kallie asked, her stomach twisting.
He grimaced. "Your emotions can be hard to control."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Kallie mumbled.
Terin's grim expression, however, suggested otherwise. "I have never experienced it myself, but from what I've read, it is not pleasant. I would be careful if I were you."
His warning turned over and over in her mind. There was much Kallie still did not understand about her gift, but she meant what she said. She would not manipulate someone again. To manipulate someone was to control their will.
No one deserved to have that kind of power over another.
At night, memories of Domitius's assignments would infiltrate her dreams. Somehow, she knew instinctively that Terin hadn't put them there. They felt different, more haunted.
Kallie never recalled fearing her gift before. The headaches were unbearable after extraneous use, but she had always felt strong and powerful when she used her gift and felt its honeyed tendrils wrapping around her.
As Kallie looked inwards, she instantly recoiled, unable to even reach for her power.
"I think that's enough training for today," Terin said after tense silence permeated the air. He nodded toward the castle as he tossed his jacket over his shoulder. "Are you joining us for lunch this afternoon?"
Kallie bit down on the inside of her cheek as the previous conversation still hung in the air uncomfortably. She had only taken Terin up on his offer to join him and the others for lunch twice. Both times, she had sat there in silence, her attention bouncing between Terin and the others. Their conversations were so easy, and Kallie felt a foreign longing to partake.
But she wasn't one of them. She didn't share their inside jokes or know the places Emmett and Sylvia spoke of back in Pontia.
The recent argument aside, training with Terin was one thing, for there was never a need for small talk. But sharing a meal with him? With all of them? Kallie couldn't quite stomach it, especially today.
While she may have wanted to dismantle the wall that still existed between them, she couldn't quite get herself to remove the first brick.
Kallie looked toward the tree line that bordered the castle's property, and something beckoned her toward the woods, as if telling her today was not the day.
Finally, she shook her head. "Not today."
Terin nodded before turning on his heel. Although guilt rose in her throat, Kallie could not call Terin back as he and Ellie walked away.
Kallie sighed and headed toward the forest, listening to the pull of the wind.
The breeze brushed through Kallie's hair, pushing through the long chestnut locks and sweeping them off her shoulders.
She could feel the guards watching her as she made her way to the forest. And for a moment, she hesitated. She shouldn't wander too far from the castle. Everyone still mistrusted her, yet her feet propelled her forward as if a rope was tied around her waist tugging her deeper and deeper into the woods.
When she glanced over her shoulder, she could barely make out the castle within the spaces between the trees.
The guards had shifted closer, but none made to follow her. Her brows furrowed, but she did not stop to think on it long as the wind ruffled the leaves and swept a caress across her face.
She curled the stray pieces behind her ear and continued.
Then, as the woods swallowed her, she froze as light, unfiltered laughter filled the air.
Kallie squinted.
There, through the trees, she spotted Nyrri in a small opening, her tail whipping back and forth. The dragon-wolf jumped, her large wings beating and lifting her higher as she snapped her large jaw.
Nyrri landed with a loud thud, sending a dust cloud into the air.
"That's a good girl."
Kallie's heart thumped in her chest as Graeson came into view and scratched Nyrri beneath her chin. Nyrri tipped her chin up, her tail beating against the ground as she received his praise.
Out in the woods, he looked a little unruly, wilder, less contained. But the fear that existed when she found him bleeding and trembling before was nowhere to be seen.
He looked...good.
A blush heated Kallie's cheeks, and she stepped backward.
A twig snapped beneath her foot.
"Shit," Kallie hissed under her breath.
Graeson's gaze immediately found hers, and his hand fell from Nyrri's chin, which caused the creature to whine and push at his hand, which was now limp at his side. Surrendering to her pleas, Graeson lazily patted Nyrri's snout, but his attention was fixed on Kallie.
"Sorry," Kallie mumbled, scratching the back of her head. "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"You're not interrupting," Graeson said perhaps a little too quickly. "We were only training."
"Training?" Kallie asked as she walked over.
Graeson hummed. "The Tetrians are still a little nervous around her, but she needs to be stimulated. If she sits in the garden for too long, she'll grow restless. It's the same thing for horses or dogs. You have to entertain them and exercise with them. Restlessness and boredom aren't good for an animal."
"Is that what Ellie, Medenia, and Terin are doing with me?" Kallie mused darkly as she began petting Nyrri.
"That's not--" Graeson sighed, raking his hand through his hair. "They're only trying to help, but if it is a bother--"
She waved him off. "I'm only joking. I don't mind them dragging me out of the castle."
"Are they treating you well?"
Kallie could feel his gaze on her, but she did not look at him. "Yes. Ellie has knocked me on my ass several times, but it at least gives me something to do. I feel...well, useless," Kallie said.
"You're not useless," Graeson said, his tone serious.
"Ever since I woke up, I have felt lost. It's strange." Kallie peered up at him and shrugged. She wasn't sure why she was telling him this, yet it felt good to say it aloud. "I don't know. For so long, my objective has been showing Domitius that I was capable of more, that I was worthy of him."
"You've always been worthy, Kalisandre," Graeson assured her. "You never needed anyone to tell you that, especially not him."
Kallie could hear the conviction in Graeson's voice, but she couldn't quite bring herself to believe him. While she no longer sought Domitius's approval or validation, his words still felt wrong.
"You may not believe it now," Graeson said as if he could read her mind, "but one day, you will."
Kallie offered him a sad smile but remained silent.
Graeson tipped his head toward Nyrri. "Do you want to see what we've been working on?"
Kallie smiled and nodded, thankful for a change of subject.
"Sit over there," he said, pointing to one of the nearby trees.
Kallie did as he instructed, and then he was commanding Nyrri.
Once Graeson had exhausted the dragon-wolf with his commands, Nyrri curled into a large ball between Kallie and Graeson. And for a time, a comfortable silence befell them, punctuated only by birds chirping.
As Kallie sat there, her mind began to replay the conversations that occurred recently, and one thing Dani had said kept repeating over and over until Kallie couldn't take it anymore.
"Graeson, can I ask you something?" she asked, sparing him a glance.
"Hmm?" Graeson hummed, his eyes still closed as he rested his head against the trunk of one of the trees. His black hair was a stark contrast against the white bark of the trees.
When Kallie hesitated, the question stuck in her throat as she watched him. He arched a brow, waiting.
Kallie finally forced the words out. "What is a soul bond?"
Graeson's eyes snapped open. "I'm sorry?" he stammered.
"A soul bond, what is it?"
Nyrri, as if sensing the tension, stood and trotted away. She curled into a ball in a spot in the sun. As she laid her head atop a paw, a red eye peered at them.
"Dani mentioned it a few weeks ago when she and I were fighting," Kallie added, plucking petals from a flower with a shrug.
"Why are you bringing it up now?" Graeson swallowed.
"Why are you avoiding the question?" she retorted with a playful smirk.
Graeson shifted and sat up straighter. He twisted one of the gold rings on his fingers. "Soul bonds are a type of connection between two people. Your mother and father were soul bonds."
"But what does that mean ?"
"For some people, there is a thread that connects them to others. According to the stories, Pontanius had created bonds to help strengthen people's abilities. But it's more than that; it's a deep connection between a couple, stronger than a mere marriage. It does not always exist, but when it does, it is a powerful connection that is hard to ignore once realized. "
Kallie weighed his words, then asked, "Were Fynn and Dani soul bonds?"
Graeson nodded. "They were."
"When did they discover the connection?"
A small smile flicked over his mouth. "Your brother, being his arrogant, egotistical self, did not realize it for a long time, actually." He chuckled and scratched his chin. "Dani has never said as much, but I believe she discovered they were soul bonds much sooner, probably when we were all children."
"What happens when you lose a soul bond?" Kallie asked.
Graeson stopped twisting the ring, his fingers freezing on it. He swallowed, the bump in his throat dipping. "It destroys a part of you."
"Forever?" she prompted.
"After your father was killed, your mother wasn't quite the same, and she still isn't, not really. For years, she was a walking shell of herself. The grief from losing a soul bond can be overwhelming." Graeson began twisting the same ring, his browns bunching and expression twisting with worry. "It is a tradition that soul bonds exchange rings crafted by their families and made from a rare metal found on an island off the coast of Pontia. The rings solidify the bond. When one's partner passes, the connection becomes something different and can drive the survivor mad."
Kallie stared at the ring he twisted. Had Graeson lost his soul bond? Was that why he was so tormented? A feeling Kallie did not wish to identify nor admit existed twisted in her gut. She quickly shook it away, forcing her gaze away from the ring.
"Doesn't Dani still wear hers?"
"She does," Graeson said.
"Does she know the consequences?"
He nodded. "I think she is waiting to take it off."
"Until when?"
"Until she can avenge Fynn."
Kalisandre swallowed as Graeson's gray eyes met her.
"She will not harm you. Despite how mad she may be at you, she knows Domitius is the true person to blame. He is the one she is truly after."
Kallie rubbed a hand across her throat. "It's not his fault."
Graeson's lip parted as he stared at her, blinking. Something akin to shock flushed his face. "You still defend him, after everything?"
"No," Kallie said, shaking her head, her hand falling from her throat. "Domitius is a monster. I am not defending that. But he did not drive the final blade through Fynn's heart."
"Then who did?"
"Sebastian."