Chapter 10
Koen~
I couldn’t explain why I was so fucking mad, especially when you considered that I hardly knew the woman, but I was, and it had nothing to do with my ego.
At least, I’d like to believe that.
“Look, who I decide to...to entertain is really none of your business-”
“He’s got to be in his forties,” I bit out, my brain completely misfiring with the fact that she’d rather go home with a man like that than go to dinner with me. “I mean...Jesus, Rya.”
She let out a heavy sigh before saying, “It’s easier that way, Koen.”
My head jerked in confusion. “What’s easier?”
“Look, I’m very aware of what I look like,” she said, and holy fucking shit. “So, it’s either stay within my paygrade, or else live my life like a nun, and that’s not anything that I want to do.”
I shook my head. “What in the hell are you talking about? Your paygrade?”
“Quit acting obtuse,” she replied coolly, her voice clipped a bit. “Girls like me do not date guys like you, and I’ve accepted that I need to take what I can get and be happy about it.”
I could feel my eyes widened in absolute shock. “What? Are you crazy?”
“Look-”
“You’re fucking beautiful, Rya,” I told her, cutting her off. “How can you not see that?”
“Quit saying that,” she fired back. “I am not beautiful. I’m plain, overweight, and my job is one that barely pays the bills. Do not paint me as something that I’m not just to win an argument.”
“Are you seriously telling me that I’m not allowed to see you as beautiful?” I asked incredulously. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I’m telling you that I’m not clueless, Koen,” she snapped back. “After all, I’ve been hearing the truth about my looks all my life. In fact, just ask your friend, Teddy. I’ve been called fat, ugly, plain...I mean, name it, and it’s a guarantee that I’ve heard it all before already.”
“What’s that have to do with me?” I asked her. “What do the opinions of idiots have to do with my opinion of you?”
Rya looked genuinely stumped by my question, but it was obvious that she was willing to die on the hill of her argument. “It doesn’t matter, Koen. We’re not compatible, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t act like you didn’t know what I was talking about.”
“So, let me get this straight,” I said, trying to understand our situation correctly. “In the same breath that you’re mentioning how others view and judge you based on your appearance, you’re telling me that you won’t go out with me because of the way that I look?”
Her pretty green eyes widened a bit as she denied it. “What? No...of course...” I watched as she let out a deep sigh. “This is about how I look, not you.”
“No, it’s not,” I argued. “You’re basing your decision on what you see when you look at me, and how’s that any different than from what you claim that people do to you?
” I didn’t let her answer. “You see what I look like, what I drive, hear my last name, and then, suddenly, you decide that I’m too good for you, or that you’re not good enough for me, and that’s bullshit, Rya. ”
“It’s not like that,” she denied. “You’re purposely twisting my words to make me sound like a-”
“Hypocrite?” I bit out, getting angrier and angrier by the second. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but what you’re doing is the very definition of hypocritical, baby.”
Rya let out another heavy sigh, but I wasn’t going to let her off that easily.
While I could handle her just simply not being interested in me, I wasn’t okay with her refusing to go out with me based on how I looked or my last name.
She was robbing me of something that could be great in my life, and I didn’t appreciate it.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she accused. “You don’t know me, Koen.”
“Maybe not, but I want to,” I replied truthfully. “I also want to know what in the hell does that man in the bar have that I don’t?”
“Nothing,” she answered, her hands fisting at her sides. “Nothing, but it’s the only...like I said, I’d rather not be celibate if I can help it, and so I...I agree to random one-night stands to get what I need without any of the complications afterwards.”
Coming from a woman, that had to be the most disappointing thing that I’d ever heard. No woman should have to settle just to feel wanted for a few hours. I mean, what was worse than letting a man-who you weren’t attracted to-use you just to feel snippets of affection every now and again?
“Well, if you’re in it just for sex, then why can’t I be the man who does that for you?” I challenged. “If you don’t care what the guy looks like or what he does for a living, then why can’t I take their place?”
Calling my bluff, she asked, “So, then...you’re okay with a one-night stand?”
We both knew that I wasn’t.
“Why does it have to be a one-night stand?” I asked. “Why can’t it just be sex?”
“Because you’ve already made the mistake of letting me know that you’d like to date me,” she answered smoothly. “So, I can’t really trust your motives, Koen.”
“So, you’d really rather pick up random dick that you’re too good for than give me a chance to be whatever it is that you need?” I asked, my brain still misfiring with what she was telling me.
“It’s not personal, Koen-”
“The fuck it’s not,” I snapped. “It’s very personal when the reason you won’t go out with me is because of your unsubstantial opinion of what I must be like and not because you’re not attracted to me.
” I stepped to her, crowding her until she was pressed up against her car.
“Because I haven’t once heard you say that you’re not. ”
“A girl would have to be dead to not find you attractive, and you know it,” she bit out. “So, don’t turn that into a fact that’s more important than it really is.”
I shook my head as I took a step back, giving her some space. “You know, while I realize that I don’t have a choice but to accept that you won’t go out with me, unlike you, rather than dismiss your truth and calling you a liar, I’m going to respect your decision that I’m not good enough for you.”
“I never said that,” she quickly rushed out.
“Oh, but you did,” I scoffed, not embarrassed to admit that I felt insulted to my core.
“Because only an asshole would not date someone because of their looks, weight, or job, and since you’ve made it clear that I must be one of those shallow assholes.
..well, then that definitely makes me not good enough for you. ”
“You’re twisting my words again,” she bit out, clearly refusing to back down.
“Well, according to you, I’m also not deserving of real love,” I added, her emerald-colored orbs widening again.
“By your logic, I’m limited to the country club crowd, and it’s a pretty much guarantee that those females would only be interested in my bank accounts, but.
..hey, as long as they’ve got perfect hair, faces, bodies, and pedigree, what would I have to complain about, right? ”
Not wanting to listen to any more of her societal bullshit, I turned from her, then headed back to my own car.
Whatever demons drove Rya to do what she did, I wasn’t experienced enough to understand them, nor was I trained to fix them.
I also didn’t know how to just be a friend to her when I wanted to date her so badly.
There was also the fact that I wasn’t good enough for her, evident by how I was making this all about me and what I wanted, but I hadn’t ever claimed to be perfect.
Despite what I might look like or how many commas came with my bank balance, I had my own issues that needed dealing with, some more annoying than others.
Getting into my car, I forced myself not to look her way as I backed up, then drove out of the parking lot.
A part of me feared that I’d resort to begging if I looked her way again, and I wasn’t quite ready to make a complete fool of myself just yet.
After all, I still had some pride, and when you factored in that I’d only met the girl one other time before, it was a little too early to start acting like a psycho.
Just as I was pulling out onto the street, my phone rang, and with it automatically syncing to my car, I answered with a simple push of a button, Ivan having perfect timing.
“What’s up?”
“You going to the country club dinner next month?”
Ivan and I had both inherited our country club memberships from our parents, and while it wasn’t my scene, Ivan loved going there for all its expensive perks.
Now, while Ivan made good money working for Wilder Technologies, he didn’t spend frivolously, something that Netti appreciated, having grown up in a working-class family.
“Not if I can help it,” I answered honestly.
“C’mon, Wilder,” he drawled out. “There are worse things in the world than to belong to the most prestigious country club in the city.”
“I’d rather set myself on fire,” I retorted as I came to a stoplight.
“Kinky,” he quipped. “But who am I to judge?”
Well, at least one person wasn’t judging me today.