Chapter 20
Two Days
Two days passed.
Two full days of Rionan running through the city at night, on the verge of ripping it apart for answers.
Two days of the most painful feeling in his chest.
Two days of hating himself for everything that had happened. The feelings he had allowed the girl to develop for him when he knew he had been lying to her.
Two days of wishing that he could find whatever he was here for, so that he could go home, and she could be rid of him for the rest of her life.
Two nights of the most awful dreams. He woke up each morning drenched in sweat, room ruined, panting and shaking. He had stopped asking housekeeping to fix his room for him, discretion be damned.
And two days of not being able to shake the thought of Alianna from his mind. He felt as though something had been ripped from him when she fled out of the hotel room that night. His chest ached in a way that he had not felt in his lifetime.
Despite his urgency to get back to Xanthia, every part of his body yearned for her. Not just sexually. They were past that. It was like a part of his very being had been given to her that night, and she had disappeared with it, taking his happiness with her.
He knew what was happening between them from the moment she looked at him under that archway in the gardens.
That was exactly where Rionan found himself sitting now, as he pulled out his mobile phone and began to type.
Rionan
18:44:
Ali,
I need you to understand how sorry I am for everything. I never meant to hurt you. Never meant to frighten you. I need you to know that I would never harm you. You are far, far too precious to me now.
I know that you will want nothing to do with me. But I have to say these words to you. I have to say them somehow, even if I cannot be with you to say them. Even if I cannot hold you again, look upon your beautiful face, lose myself in those hazel eyes one last time.
I came here a desperate male. A male who was afraid. Lost. Desperately searching for what I needed.
I had convinced myself that I needed to get to know you, to find whatever it was I was looking for. I’m still not sure I have found what Xanthia needs. I know now that I have found what I need.
I love you, Alianna.
This may all be too much. Too soon. Too…. deceitful. And, if you decide this is the case, then I would never blame you for deleting my number, deleting this message, and pretending that you had never met me.
Just know that when I do return to my homeland. I will never forget you. You will hold a piece of me from now until this world crumbles to dust.
I am sorry.
Rionan.
***************
The sky outside was dark. Rionan was clearing the pile of glass that was on the floor of his hotel suite. He had mended the bedposts, as best he could, for now. He had thrown away the dead flowers, unable to bring himself to inject them with life, as he had done in the gardens for Alianna.
Rionan felt sick with the ache inside him. This was his punishment, inflicted upon him for his selfish, awful acts. He knew this.
Head in his hands, he spoke aloud to the power that flowed in his veins.
“I am lost. I’m here, in Porthan. I searched. I developed a relationship with Alianna. Everything I have done has fallen to pieces.”
He let out a long, shuddering sigh, fighting with the rising feeling in his throat.
“I have failed Xanthia. I have failed my people. If the Realm shall fall, then it will be my fault. What am I to do? If there is anything, one last thing I can do, one last place I can go, then tell me now. Tell me now, or Xanthia will be in ruins. What am I to do?”
As if in answer, he heard three curt knocks on his door.