13. Rose
Rose
When her phone buzzed, Rose grabbed it, expecting an update from her mom, but she found another text from “DO NOT ANSWER” instead. Her stomach flipped.
DO NOT ANSWER:
Wish you were in the stands wearing my number, Angel.
Better not catch you wearing Callaghan’s.
Mental exhaustion was a real thing, and it was getting to her.
With the news about Westmont finally coming out, she expected Preston to back off, but she’d come home to an old photo of her and Preston tucked in a card.
The picture, which they took after last year’s game against Montgomery, made her skin crawl.
She’d taken a photo and sent it to her mom.
The lack of a return address wasn’t subtle.
It meant someone—Preston or one of his friends—had been in Kismet.
They’d been on campus and knew where she lived.
Her sanity was barely holding on, and it was a bloody, painful struggle.
Her parents were more concerned than ever, and calming them down was taking longer with every phone call.
Just like everything else—every jab and message, the use of her old pet name—was another nail in the coffin of her mental well-being.
He wanted her to know it was him, wanted her to feel unsteady.
It also cleared any hopes she was still holding on to that he’d let this go.
Tossing her phone across her bed again, she focused her attention on the window she had open on her laptop.
Maybe she was an idiot for picking a school close to Westmont, but she knew it wasn’t about distance.
Preston would have done this no matter what.
That’s how he was. Why she thought his being preoccupied with Margot would make a difference was another mystery.
He proved he was an excellent multitasker.
He’d been with Margot while they were together and still created all the damage he wanted while screwing other women too.
Where the hell does he find the time? The energy?
Rose groaned into her pillows, regretting the choices she’d made and not regretting them at all. So many of her choices had been out of defiance or survival. There didn’t seem to be a middle ground. The project with Kirin was a little of both.
It was going to cause so many issues, but she enjoyed Kirin, enjoyed spending time with him.
She just wasn’t sure that her random flashes of confidence would be enough to sustain her for the length of the semester.
But she wasn’t giving up. She wouldn’t let Preston win and take away the little bit of freedom she’d carved out for herself in the middle of trying to survive.
“You watching this game?” Ainsley yelled from the living room where she was supposed to be studying.
“Yep,” Rose called back, her eyes returning to the window on her laptop providing updates on Kirin’s game while she worked on her paper for her Literature and the Environment class.
She’d already finished her biweekly journal on the internal thoughts, reactions, and public opinions of her relationship with Kirin.
She had found herself adding to it almost daily as she processed her internal thoughts.
To her surprise, when she posted her journal that afternoon, she found Kirin’s locked and awaiting Professor Nadae’s review.
They couldn’t know what the other wrote.
It was all personal and meant for the professor’s eyes only so she could truly grade them on their social experience as individuals.
She’d spent about twenty minutes staring at it, considering what he might have written before she closed the window and forced her mind to focus on other things.
She was halfway through her English paper while occasionally moving her fingers across to check on the game.
The game was starting its second half when she gave up the pretense of working. Her attention remained solely on the game. It wasn’t close, and based on the screen, Jefferson College was heading for its second loss of the season.
When her phone pinged again, she thought about ignoring it, already dreading another message from Preston, until her laptop pinged too.
The badge sliding along the top right of the screen revealed it was a message from her best friend.
She almost punted her laptop across her bed in her desperate reach for her phone.
With a couple of taps, she had her best friend’s thread up.
Kenzie
Hottie alert!
Kenzie’s name on her screen, no matter the message contents, was a balm to her frayed nerves.
Rose
Hey stranger!
Kenzie
It’s been two weeks since we spoke, Ro, let’s not be dramatic.
Has it really only been a couple of weeks? It felt like ages.
Kenzie
Speaking of which, you worked fast. I should give advice more often.
She huffed a laugh, hoping to avoid the obvious direction of this conversation in favor of some hope for her future. She needed to see her best friend. She would be the best cure for handling this shit show she was calling her life.
Rose
When is your next leave?
Kenzie
Not soon enough. Certainly not wasting it on anything around here. I wanna be stateside when I take it.
Rose
So, five months?
Unless they extend again?
Kenzie
Bingo.
Five months felt like a lifetime, and they’d extended her deployment or cut her leave twice before, so it was a gamble. Rose gnawed on the corner of her thumb. A lot had happened in two weeks. She didn’t want to consider what might happen in the next few months.
Kenzie
Tell me about this man. I looked at his profile. Hot damn, girl!
Rose
Not what you think. Just hanging out for a project.
It was a damn lie. She liked Kirin. He made her feel safe, and she was braver around him. Maybe stupider too if her track record of brazen choices was anything to go by.
Kenzie
Ha! The man has zero photos of people he doesn’t share a gender or blood with on this curated marketing campaign of an account. It’s carefully balanced and there are no girls. Until now. Your posting and tagging him without him removing it is a statement.
It was all for the project. It meant nothing.
Rose
Nope, just part of the project requirements.
She shook her head, as if denying it again would solidify her mentality. The distance she wasn’t sure she wanted. Kenzie knew her better than anyone not blood-related. If she could convince her best friend, she could convince herself.
Kenzie had taken emergency leave last winter to sit in her hospital room and play chess for a week.
Childhood best friends were one thing. She and Kenzie were something else, according to her mom.
And the guys at her mom’s garage considered Kenzie the fourth Aldrich-St. James girl.
It didn’t matter that her last name was Fitzhoward, or that she had moved to Arizona during middle school.
Kenzie
Is that sand warm?
Rose groaned and rolled her eyes, her brain flipping back to the handful of times her best friend had asked her that question, while typing her response.
Rose
I am not burying my head in the sand.
It’s for a project. Do you want me to send you the syllabus?
Kenzie
Fuck no, I joined the military to avoid syllabi.
Rose
I’ve seen the folders lined up under your bunk.
You read more educational shit than I do.
Kenzie
Tell me about him, Ro.
Of course, Kenzie would ask the very question she wished to avoid, but at least her conversation with her mom had prepared her. So she went with her standard answer. Distance was key.
Rose
He’s nice, popular.
Kenzie
Saying he’s popular won’t make me hate him and stop me from asking questions. Nice try, keep going.
Rose
Idk, what else is there to say?
Kenzie
Liar. Talk, woman!
Rose took a deep breath. She’d missed her best friend, the one who changed Preston’s number on her phone from “my love” to “DO NOT ANSWER.” The same woman who lay in her room for days because she didn’t want to leave her alone, who called her on her shit when she started lying for Preston, covering for him.
Even with Kenzie pushing her to leave him, she brushed it off, blaming the stress instead of him. She couldn’t remember the hundreds of excuses she had made for that man. So, instead of lying, she told her best friend what she’d had rolling around in her mind since she spoke with her mom.
Rose
He’s persistent. It felt like I was being electrocuted when he touched me for the first time, but that could just be static from the dry air. We’re just friends, nothing more.
Kenzie
Static in the humidity of Wisconsin? Not likely.
And why are you “just friends”?
Rose
He’s not interested in anything except flirting.
Kenzie
Girl, he put you on his social.
He’s CLAIMING you.
Rose
It’s just for the project.
Kenzie
Doubtful, but enjoy your first stage.
Rose
***
Kenzie
The first stage of grief.
Rose
I’m not grieving or in denial.
Kenzie
You’ve been grieving a normal life since you got with that asswipe you called a boyfriend, but it’s gotten worse since you dumped his ass.
Didn’t think that was possible, but you always love to surprise me.
When Rose didn’t respond immediately, caught up in wondering if she’d been doing that, Kenzie kept typing.
The relief had been immense when Laurel mentioned Margot and Preston being together, regardless of how wrong her other information was.
She’d had hope, and like he could feel it, Preston had snatched it away.
He was excellent at isolating her when they were together. He didn’t like her talking to other girls, said they were jealous of her and that was why they were rude. Yet another lie, since he was sleeping with most of them.
But he wasn’t here, so she had no real reason to hide on campus.
It was habit, a comfort after everything he put her through when she disobeyed.
It proved he still had power over her. His messages and mail always brought a fresh wave of uncertainty and panic.
She needed to find a way past that. Past him.
She just wasn’t sure how.
Kenzie
This guy, whether or not he’s just a friend, is interested, and you won’t see it.
Is the asswipe still messing with your head?
It was almost scary how well her best friend could read her, how her intuition seemed to guide her to the exact thing Rose didn’t want to admit to. But again, she didn’t lie, just sighed as she answered.
Rose
Yes, he’s messaged me and sent an old photo—no return address.
Kenzie
Like I said, asswipe.
Have you responded to the messages? Does your place have double security doors like I asked you to find?
Rose
No to responding, yes to double security doors.
They have different codes AND keys.
Kenzie
Good girl.
Give this new guy a chance. Preston wouldn’t put you on his social accounts even after a year together. That’s a big deal. Don’t be an ostrich.
Rose
You realize that’s a myth, right?
Kenzie
Still funny, and you’ll always be my beautiful, most favorite ostrich.
She rolled her eyes and could practically feel Kenzie’s chuckle through the phone. A sound she missed. Spending a few days in the hospital might have been an enjoyable experience if she didn’t count the agonizing pain that accompanied it.
Kenzie
Gotta go, Ro. Be safe.
For real, I don’t trust that ass.
And give this guy a chance for me.
Rose
He’s not interested, but I’ll be open if he makes a move, okay?
Kenzie
Deal, because he’s def making a move.
Love you!
Rose
Love you. Be safe.
She tapped out of the thread, sliding her finger across the screen until she got to SnapSocial and the notification of K_Callaghan following her and then tapped on his account.
The first photo was of her scrunched nose and smile with a dollop of whipped cream he’d tapped on her nose before they left.
But it wasn’t what she focused on; it was the size of her smile and her bright eyes.
There were photos of her on the pitch from the last six weeks.
She’d posted them on her accounts, loving that she could enjoy her time during games again.
The news about the big rival coming to play at Montgomery University was a hot topic, and there were plenty of articles about the women’s soccer team exceeding expectations.
None of those photos, not even the ones where she was celebrating with her teammates, showed this level of life.
Maybe Kenzie and her mom were onto something.
Maybe she should think about dating again.
She couldn’t let Preston’s need for control over her stop her from living.
It would only mean he won. And keeping her head down hadn’t helped her with her team, so what was the point of her self-imposed isolation?
It was past time for her to have a life again.