Chapter 22
Rafe
Her silence is now one of my most hated sounds. I don’t want to push her. The last time I pushed her I was left with a slit throat and dead wife—future wife.
Why couldn’t he have warned me of this.
This must have happened in his timeline too. The fact he hasn’t showed up to pummel my face is promising. It means I can fix it. Means I have fixed it.
But how did I do that?
I fixate on the water boiling in the cauldron. Bubbling is the only sound as I leave Lina be, huddled in the corner.
In her panic, she jumped us back into my echo of 830. Though this time launched us into a run-down, abandoned outbuilding. It was a place I stopped over for the night before trekking through the forest to get to the battle camp.
I managed to convince Lina to let me make her a bath, in a bid to centre her energy so our next jump, hopefully back home, has a higher success rate. I took her silence as acceptance.
If I had let her jump again as soon as we arrived here, which was her plan, she could land us anywhere within my timeline, and in her state when we arrived, it would’ve been highly likely we wouldn’t be back home.
Only a portion of Taka reserve remain in her constellation, her ability using more of it up than what’s usual, no doubt because she’s so young and new to this, overcompensating and pulling in too much power into the jumps.
The outbuilding only serves as shelter. Nothing but a hearth, two cauldrons, a stool, a tin cup, bath and bar of soap I had left. Stupid young me not even leaving a pair of undershorts or even a fucking blanket to wrap around Lina.
Luckily, the air is warm and humid, but it would’ve been nice to cover her whilst she’s so vulnerable right now.
Using sturdy sticks to lift the cauldron and pour into the shallow tin bath, there’s finally enough water to bathe in. The water’s warm against the back of my hand, not scalding, but comfortable enough. I clear my throat. “Lina,” it comes out hoarse, and huskier than intended. “Your bath.”
Her wobbly legs straighten before she stiffly approaches, her eyes slice straight through me, carving my insides up. I avert my gaze from her naked form, pulling the stool, thumping my ass down on the cool surface by the foot of the bath, keeping my back to it so she has some privacy.
Water sloshes as she lowers her body, some coating my skin as I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“The linking serum will fade soon,” I say, breaking the horrendous silence. “I want to explain myself before that happens, so you can ask questions, or scream and yell at me, I don’t care.”
She can yell, scream, punch, anything, if it gets her to communicate with me again.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself to pour out the truth.
‘She told me not to run from you.’
My head snaps to the left, catching a glimpse of her wet skin as she runs the soap up her arm.
“Who?”
She doesn’t answer, making me think she was talking to herself instead of me.
“Lina, what you heard is only a small percentage of it. I didn’t know you were his wife. I didn’t know he’d actually take my hollow suggestion, I fucking promise you.”
‘You made me another promise too.’
I shift in my seat, desperate to see her eyes.
“And I’ll tell you everything of this echo, but I need to say this.”
More silence stretches between us.
“He had heard whispers I was a time traveller, approached me trying to strike a deal. I was interested because for a moment I considered a journey to rectify something,” I say, clearing the thick lump in my throat.
“He said he had a connection in the castle, who could steal the Taka. Which was what I needed. I told him if he got the Taka, I’d take him back to wherever he needed to go. ”
‘You can take non-travellers back?’
“With enough Taka, yes.”
‘You said no to me when I asked for your help. Yet you threw yourself into a deal with him.’
“Because I didn’t care for his life. I had tunnel vision, getting the damn Taka. But when you came into my office, that tunnelled vision shifted to you.”
I speak the truth. When I first noticed her sitting at the café, even before future me made a visit, there was something about her that sucked me in. Something that had me craving her attention.
Something that wanted me to heal whatever made her beautiful eyes so fucking sad.
And when I finally had them on me—when I noticed her noticing me—I was all but seconds away from going to her, shooting my shot, but then he—me—came and blew that idea out of the water. Told me snippets of the future despite my pleads and threats for him to stop.
It goes against everything travellers are told.
The heartsick man that I was, risking it all to make a few moments nice for her. Telling me to wait, that she’ll come to me. Telling me where to go for a linking potion, and the Eklinese biscuits she would come to love, which currently sits on the table, in the brown paper bag back in my cabin.
‘Her cycle will creep up on her when she’s here, so stock up on bamboo pads for her,’ he’d said, so I did, along with a few extra bits a female may appreciate. ‘She gets bad stomach cramps, so get some heating oil and massage her stomach.’ — I’d gotten that too.
But when she was finally in my orbit, something screamed at me to protect her, keep her away from travelling, until her desperation seeped deep into my pores. Then all I wanted was to use everything in my power to keep her safe, but to fulfil her wants, needs and desires too.
I still do.
“Your husband had visited me a few times. Sporadic visits, almost acting like we were bandit brothers,” I snort at the memory, stupid fuck.
“He mentioned you a few times, never by name. ‘Her mind is warped into pleasing me,’ he said. ‘She’ll get the Taka when asked’…
” I blow out a breath, my body heavy. Exhausted.
“I didn’t know you. I had no connection to you. You were just a wife. That sounds so cruel and dismissive, but you must understand, there’s little to no one I cared about, so it’s easy saying the awful things I said, thinking of no consequence of the joke I made to get him to leave.”
I just wanted him to leave.
At this point I don’t even know if I’m explaining myself correctly. But the water keeps sloshing which means she keeps cleaning herself, thus meaning I’ve not said anything to upset her more. Right?
‘What did he want it for?’
“Never asked. But the more time passed, the more time I had to think about whether it was right to make my journey back to a time I thought needed changing. Bring back a person who I once couldn’t live without.
” I continue. “It was his head at risk, not mine. So it never bothered me that every time he showed up, he showed up empty handed. I just kept appeasing and brushing him off.”
Scrubbing both hands down my face, I risk a glance. She rubs soap over her breasts, and I look away. More shame settles heavy in my gut.
“That visit from him you witnessed was the last one. He’d got it into his head you were in with the monarchy and about to expose him. I had noticed you a long while before you originally approached me but was waiting out.”
The sounds of her washing her skin stops. Have my words piqued her interest? Or have I upset her?
I don’t tell her about Older Rafe’s visit, of me knowing what I know, because that would open this up for more questions and putting her in a position of knowing stuff about the future.
I won’t take or manipulate her choices like that. Like he did with me.
“You frequented the café every morning, and the time was looming closer to where you would sit at your table to drink your morning coffee. Smiling and laughing with other regular patrons. So fucking beautiful.”
I smile at the memory before realising my slip. I clear my throat and yank away from the image of her sat there, bobbing her knee, drinking coffee and waiting for the mischievous paperboy to deliver The Chronicle to the café.
“I just wanted him to get the fuck out of my office so I could drink my morning coffee whilst watching you.”
There, I said it. My chest’s ripped open, heart torn out and dropped at her feet. What she does with it next is entirely her choice.