Chapter 59 #2
“You’re safe with me, I promise,” I say, noticing her struggle.
“No… sexual feelings.” She hides behind her hands again, a blush creeping up her pale neck. And for the first time, I’m stumped for words.
Nothing but her grumbles and the sounds of the piglets squealing fills the air.
“But you and I—”
“Never had sex,” she finishes for me, her lips pressed firmly together.
We never had sex.
“Are you sure cause I’m pretty certain—”
“No. We never. I just made you think we had wild nights of passion by spiking your drinks. You’d pass out, and when you woke, I’d plant fake scenarios in your head.”
My laugh echoes as I stand, pacing the dirt as she watches.
“You seem real happy about that.”
“Oh, I am,” I say, blowing out a breath, the weight on my shoulders dropping by a ton. “I’m really happy about that.”
We. Never. Had. Sex. Fuck yes!
“I’m not sure if I should be offended or join in on your joy.”
I chuckle, squatting back down in front of her and kiss her hands.
“It’s not you, it’s just—”
“Thealina…”
I nod, it’s solemn, because I don’t want to hurt her. Turns out Ava isn’t as wretched as I thought and did something stupid out of sheer desperation, or survival. I’m a grown man; I can understand that.
“And that’s why you want to dissolve our marriage.”
I nod again.
She fills her lungs to full capacity. “Being married to you meant my parents left me alone. And you never pressured me to be intimate. You were affectionate, sure, but it never made my skin crawl, not like the others. I was safe with you. But as soon as we married, I made sure to stay away, so as not to bring you down, miserable being married to a wife that didn’t want to touch you, or vice versa. ”
This makes so much sense, but why…
“Why did you come back to me then?”
“My parents are holding a ball. And they’ve grown tired of my excuses I make for your absence.”
I hadn’t even known I was invited to these balls in the past.
“Well, I am a very busy man,” I smile.
She smiles too. “I see that,” she says, gesturing the yard.
I won’t tell her the truth. Honesty in this case probably isn’t the best policy. Yet.
“So, what do we do?”
“You won’t stand up to your parents?”
She shakes her head. “They won’t understand. They’re older, set in their ways. They’ll think I’m broken.”
The tear that falls down her cheek tugs on my heart.
“You are not broken,” I say, wiping the wetness beneath her eye.
“You are you. If you don’t have any sexual desire, and it doesn’t bring you down, then who are you hurting.
Are you happy, Ava? When you’re living your life how you wish, with no pressure from your parents, from a lover? ”
“Yes,” she whispers, almost folding in on herself, and I see just in this moment how she looks like a lost little girl. It’s right now I decide I’ll keep my promise to her, no matter what. But I won’t sacrifice Lina.
“Then be you,” I tap her chin with a closed fist. “Unapologetically you.”
Her smile is wide, full of pearly teeth, and this one, this one smile of pure joy does light my body up. Not the way Lina so passionately does but seeing her smile like this is like seeing a tiny rose bud bloom into a hearty flower of the deepest of reds.
“Our marriage?”
“Needs to end, Ava.” Her face drops, pales slightly. “Doesn’t mean your parents need to know. Let’s face it, when do I see them? I can’t even remember the last time I saw them.”
Our wedding perhaps, maybe just after.
“What about the ball though?”
“I’ll go…”
“You will?”
“Yeah, I hate parties, but I do have to shmooze investors now and again. Wait…” A memory comes to me. “You hate your parents? Why would you go anyway?”
She chews the inside of her mouth, thinking my words over. They’re valid. She hates them, always have. Their snootiness, old fashioned values, how they make everything between her and her siblings a competition.
Pretty sure they killed her cat when she was little. I won’t bring that trauma up to her though.
“I actually don’t have an answer for that, Rafe.”
“So, how about, starting today, you truly live your life how you want it. Forget about em’, they’re what in their hundreds now? They’ll be dead soon anyways.” Doubtful, folk here can live on for centuries.
“Rafe,” she chuckles, smacking my arm.
“Too soon?”
She rolls her eyes, shaking her head, the corners of her lips quirk up and I know she agrees with me.
“Look, what’s the worst that’ll happen?” Come on Ava, set me free here.
“They don’t even know where your villa is.
You’re doing well there; you don’t need their money.
I’ll give you a share of the company in our marriage dissolvement, that will keep you on your feet until you figure out what you want to do with your life.
You’re young, a whole life ahead of you. You want to spend it in shadows?”
“No, and actually, I’ve got my own clothing shack.”
“Oh, really?” I say, genuinely impressed. She shrugs, keeping her aura passive but I can tell she’s a little proud of herself, as she should be.
“It’s small but it’s growing, and it’s enough.”
I barely know her, my wife, but I say what I would say to anyone who follows a dream.
“I’m proud of you,” I whisper. Her eyes flicker with an emotion I can’t quite decipher. She sits on that for a while before glancing at me, nibbling her bottom lip.
“I really am sorry, Rafe.”
I wave her off, no point being bitter and rehashing. It is what it is, what’s done is done. What’s important now is fixing things and moving forward.
“I’ll sign the dissolvement papers.”
My head hangs to my chest, releasing a strung-out breath. I breathe. I fucking breathe. Emotion clogs my throat, it’s tight, hot and heavy.
I can’t meet her eyes when I say, “Thank you, Ava. Truly.”