Chapter 5 #5
He furrowed his brow in worry, and I could just tell he was ready to pump the brakes at any moment.
“It’s the same thing that scared you,” I was quick to add. “Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing you. I just…I understand what you wanted to protect me from.”
“Okay, but…you say the word, and we—”
I shook my head and kissed him quickly. “I want to meet them. The sooner, the better. You’ll hold my hand through the whole thing.”
He didn’t see the lame attempt at a joke.
“I’m never letting you go again, Nathan.
The whole reason I’m comfortable with this—with us doing this—is because I’m certain about what we have.
Our family comes first. You come first. I think I’ve already proven I can’t function without you, so…
” He shook his head, searching for the words.
Meanwhile, I was already relaxing. “I actually hope I grow to care for both of them deeply, but firstly, that won’t take away what I feel for you.
There’s no specific amount of affection I get to distribute. ”
I understood that, logically. “Our hearts grew with each of our children.”
“Exactly. And secondly…” He smirked faintly.
“James and Jordan aren’t going to be my play partners.
They’re hopefully gonna be ours. And I think they’ll trap you too.
You’ll wake up one morning soon and realize they’re on your mind.
You’ll smile to yourself because Jordan sent a cute text with a million emojis or he sent over monkey bread you can’t wait to eat more of or James blushed just because you touched his leg. ”
I exhaled a laugh. That felt bizarre—but not unwelcome, of course. It was funny, though, how he was the one calming me down after I had been the driving force for this alternative for so many years.
“Not too long ago, I blamed you for not letting shit go,” he went on. “Now I’m thanking you for it. This is how we can have everything, baby. Yeah, it can be fuckin’ terrifying—but we know how things play out if we listen to those fears.”
I drew a breath and hugged him tightly.
“We don’t get enough time on this earth to waste our lives holding back.”
I nodded once and kissed his neck. “So with the time we have left…”
He hummed and slipped his fingers into my hair, and he grabbed a fistful and tugged me back.
Eye-to-eye, I saw the wolfishness mingling with the devotion.
“We’re gonna love each other like crazy and face every fear together.”
That sounded perfect to me.
Once Dylan and Hallie arrived, Ash and I were ready to track down the other kids.
We found Micah inspecting the empty pool, and he had questions about when we could fill it with water and pool toys.
As soon as possible, Ash promised. He was gonna make some calls tomorrow.
Dylan was “starving,” so he asked Micah to go with him to the kitchen so they could prepare snacks. I couldn’t help it; I gave Dylan a quick squeeze and thanked him. Ash did the exact same thing.
Our teenager brushed it off with a smirk and called us dorks.
That was okay.
“Let’s head upstairs.” Ash threaded our fingers together and took the lead.
It was difficult visualizing our old furniture fitting in here.
Our years in the other house had been so much about making the most of things, buying the cheapest furniture we could find, prioritizing the children’s sports and activities—which were far from free—and going places when we needed a break from the mundane.
But here…? This was a place I was going to love.
I loved the colors Ash had chosen, warm and muted shades, I loved the furniture he’d bought, everything was new and upgraded, and I could feel the work he’d put into this house already.
Because new didn’t mean he’d bought everything from the nearest furniture store.
Ash was a pro at finding pieces he could give new life to.
And I supposed our separation had given him moments to fill with distractions.
I’d joined a gym.
The dresser by the window on the second floor—I bet he’d found that for cheap at a yard sale or something. It looked old and sturdy.
“You painted that, didn’t you?” I gestured at it.
He followed my gaze and smiled. “Yeah. It was a hideous orange color before. Bought it for thirty bucks. Plus, I had leftover paint after finishing the kitchen.”
And now it was a nice moss green—or whatever a lighter version of moss green was called.
I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and we continued to the bedroom, in which we found Lily lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
“What’cha doin’, princess?” Ash chuckled.
“I live here now,” she replied frankly. “But I don’t have my bed or my desk.”
I smiled widely, so relieved. I mean, we’d assumed she was going to like it, but we could never be sure with her.
“You know what comes first?” Ash continued. “You have to decide what color you want on the walls.”
Lily immediately looked his way, and her mind started spinning. She had her tells. Mainly, she nibbled on her lip and looked like she was miles away.
“Your sister picked purple,” I offered.
“She has a grown-up purple,” she said. “Grown-up purple is less purple, Daddy.”
Oh. Did not know that.
“Are you talking about colors?” Micah hollered, running up the stairs. “I want blue! Like the blue I have on my T-shirt.”
So, more like turquoise. That could be arranged.
“You can both make up your minds this weekend,” Ash said. “We’ll get you some moving boxes too, so you can start packing your toys. Then I’ll pick up paint on Monday.”
Micah snuck between us and entered Lily’s room with a small plate of something. It looked like lettuce rolls.
“What’s that, sweetheart?” I wondered.
He happily bit into one. “Lettuce with turkey, cream cheese, and tomato. It’s yummy. And Dylan said if we eat it all, we get apple and peanut butter too. It’s a big-boy snack.”
Ash and I exchanged a glance, and it was as if we were suddenly of one mind.
The relief and happiness came first, but just a fraction of a second later, we remembered that we knew our eldest. Hallie was the one who went the extra mile for the sake of it.
Dylan did his chores while complaining the entire time, and would he put together the perfect after-school snack for Micah without asking for something?
The answer was no.
So that was gonna be interesting.
I faced Micah again and smiled. “That’s fantastic, son. I’m just not sure I’m ready for you to be a big boy yet.”
“What Dad said,” Ash agreed. “But if you insist on growin’ up… Dylan knows his big-boy snacks, that’s for sure.”
Micah beamed and nodded. “He knows.”
I checked my watch. We had to think about dinner too.
My bondage session at Mclean started at seven, so we had to leave by six-fifteen.
I wanted a few minutes beforehand to prepare.
It was going to be a demo for beginners, which meant they had to suffer through my safety spiel before I handed out rope.
“You thinking about dinner?” Ash asked quietly.
“Yes. We could pick something up on the way back to the old house,” I suggested.
“McDonald’s!” Lily exclaimed.
“Nando’s, it is.” Ash smiled at our girl’s scowl. “I’mma go place an order that we can pick up on the way to the old house. Daddy, you can come with me.”
“I wanna check out my room again!” Micah squeezed by us.
“I have done everything,” Lily announced. “The pool is big. I like my room. Goodbye.”
I snorted under my breath and followed Ash out of the room again.
Hallie was waiting for us downstairs. “Am I babysitting Micah and Lily here or at home? The old house—whatever.”
I opened my mouth to respond when Dylan skidded out of the kitchen.
“I can watch them too,” he said.
I quirked a brow.
Ash folded his arms over his chest. “Boy, I love you, but you’re not known to help out voluntarily. What do you want, and how much does it cost?”
Hallie leaned closer to me and spoke behind her hand. “I can keep an eye on him for an extra five bucks.”
Unable to help it, I laughed a little louder than was necessary, and Dylan had the gall to look offended.
“I’m not asking for anything,” he argued defensively. “Can’t a guy look out for his siblings?”
“He could, but you don’t,” Ash deadpanned. “Last time we asked, you said you’d do it for twenty-five bucks an hour.”
To which we’d asked to see his college degree.
“Maybe I was joking,” Dylan bullshitted. “I’ll obviously babysit my own family for free.”
Ash glanced my way, and I grinned.
“All right.” He shrugged and turned back to Dylan. “Hallie gets paid, but we will grant your request. Dad and I will be home by nine-thirty.”
“Uh—how much does she get?” Dylan asked quickly.
“That depends on what she’s doing,” I responded. “Tonight’s babysitting will include making sure Lily and Micah brush their teeth and are in bed by the time we get back, so that’s…” I weighed my response. Roughly three hours… “Ten dollars and a lip gloss or something.”
Makeup was expensive.
Hallie didn’t want to dip into her savings to buy makeup, something she loved.
So that was our deal. A modest payment and some makeup.
We encouraged our children both to help out for free and to know the value of their labor.
We also encouraged saving. The more they saved, the more we helped.
These were, unfortunately, lessons that Dylan had rejected outright before doing the opposite.
He jutted his chin. “Whatever. I stand by what I said. I will help out for free. It’s the right thing to do.”
Good lord, what was it he wanted? Way more than gas money, at least.
“Excellent.” Ash clapped Dylan on the shoulder and walked out on the front porch.
I squeezed Hallie’s hand briefly and answered her previous question. “You’ll be at the old house. If you can give Paws his dinner too, that would be great.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Following Ash out onto the porch, I ignored my shoes like he had. The porch was very nice. He’d probably repainted this one too. The white gleamed more than old paint would.