Chapter 15
Friday night at the town diner is packed to say the least. Every booth is filled, every stool at the counter taken, and someone’s got a rock song on the jukebox, playing way too loud while a couple of kids dance in front of it, making a hazard for the waitresses.
Mom stumbles as she walks back from the bathroom, but she masks it with a laugh. Gary follows behind her, smelling like cigarettes and whatever cheap whiskey they were drinking before we got here.
They slide into a booth, Mom first, then Gary, crowding her with an arm thrown over the top of the seat.
She’s really buying into this whole thing.
Like he’s somehow a suitable partner, like she hasn’t been bringing home random men every night for the last five years.
Like he didn’t try to touch me.
He glares from across the table, evidently still angry over the unfortunate incident involving his balls and my knee, but Mom doesn’t notice.
She never does.
“God, look at this crowd,” she sighs, grabbing a menu that’s seen better days.
“We should’ve gone straight to the bar. I could use another drink,” Gary slurs, already three sheets to the wind.
“Neither of you need another drink,” I mutter.
Mom giggles, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Honey, we’re celebrating,” she says dreamily, like I would ever support her relationship with him.
When I don’t respond to that nonsense, she wiggles her eyebrows, and I already know where this is going. “Are you hanging out with Patrick tonight?”
“I guess,” I say, avoiding her gaze and picking at the peeling menu edge.
Mom’s under the assumption that I have some sort of crush on Pat. Which is… ew. I most certainly do not. I guess I don’t do anything to sway her opinion, though. It’s better than her finding out the truth.
It could also be that the only time she even tries to be a mom is when she gives me advice on how to seduce Pat, like that would be any challenge. So I let her have her fun.
Until Gary sits up straight.
“You know, I don’t like that boy. There’s something about him. Living in that busted up RV in the woods? Kid’s a freak.”
My jaw tightens. “He’s my friend.”
He shrugs, like he’s bored with the topic already. “Boy’s strange. I don’t see him going very far ‘s all.”
I clench my fists under the table, narrowing my eyes. “You’re one to talk.”
Mom laughs too loud, bumping the table so hard the salt shaker tips over. “Relax, Gary,” she says, swatting his arm. “Lily’s eighteen, she can date who she wants.”
Like she’s ever cared one way or the other.
The waitress swings by with three glasses. “Be right with you,” she says, dropping them off before rushing to the next table.
Mom doesn’t touch hers.
She lights another cigarette instead, blowing smoke toward the ceiling in thin streams that used to make her look glamorous, but now only add to the town’s less than flattering opinion of us.
“Anyway,” she goes on, leaning toward me like she’s about to say something exciting. “If our food ever comes, we’re going to the bar to celebrate. Live music tonight too.”
As she’s talking, Gary’s hand around her shoulder starts to wander. The sight makes my stomach turn, remembering his hand on my skin.
I can’t fucking wait to get out of here.
While we’re waiting for our food, the diner gets even busier, if that’s possible. It’s full of laughter, dishes clattering, chairs scraping back. An old man calls out for more coffee, while a toddler cries from the other side of the large space.
Normally, I don’t mind the noise, but lately, everything’s been getting to me.
I’m considering excusing myself, skipping out on my plans with Pat, and spending some much needed time alone in my room. Try to nurse the headache I’ve had for the last week, when Mom’s voice cuts into my line of thought.
“Oh, look who it is.”
I follow her gaze and immediately regret it.
Diana is sitting at a table, wearing a soft blue dress that’s unusually rumpled. Her hair is pulled into her signature ponytail, but it doesn’t have its usual elegance.
She looks small, staring down at the table, putting on a front that everything is normal, but I can see right through her. Across from her, Scott stares down at the menu. He doesn’t even look at her when she talks.
The sight breaks my heart more than anything.
This is Diana’s future.
Mom doesn’t notice the way I freeze. She continues, leaning in conspiratorially, her eyes huge with excitement. “Isn’t that Diana? Oh, she looks terrible.”
Gary whistles, shaking his head. “Heard she got herself in a situation.”
“Shut up,” I snap, my stomach twisting violently.
“Watch your tone, young lady!”
“Don’t spread rumors about Diana, mom,” I say through my teeth. “You don’t know what’s going on.”
Gary laughs, pulling my mother into him with rough hands. “Relax. It ain’t like anybody’s surprised. Princess had to mess up at some point. Maybe this’ll knock that prick mayor down a peg or two.”
Mom nods, smoke leaking from her mouth as she stares Diana down. “Little bitch deserves everything she’s got coming to her. Hurting my little girl.”
Across the diner, Diana looks up.
The second our eyes meet, her face crumples, like she thought maybe I’d disappeared from her life already.
I look away before I have to fight back tears right in the middle of the diner.
“Honestly,” Mom says, loud enough that everyone around us can hear, “A girl that age getting herself knocked up must be some kind of slu—”
I cut her off, slamming my water glass down so hard it sloshes over the rim, but I’ve had enough. “Stop. Talking. About. Her.”
Mom blinks, startled at my outburst, but recovers quickly and leans back with a loud scoff. “Well, excuse me, Miss Sensitive.”
Gary barks out a laugh, the ugly sound grating on my ears.
When I look across the diner again, there’s a flicker of hurt on Diana’s pretty features before she stands, says something to Scott, and starts toward the bathroom.
And fuck me.
I follow her.
Diana’s at the sinks when I shove into the dingy old bathroom.
Her back is to me, but I can see her shoulders trembling. Water runs full blast as she splashes her face again and again, like she’s trying to wash the tears away before anybody can see them.
“Di.”
Her hands brace on the sides of the porcelain sink, and I watch in the mirror as she squeezes her eyes shut. “I’m sorry,” I say, approaching her slowly even though I know I shouldn’t even be talking to her. “Mom didn’t mean that, she’s drunk.”
She shakes her head.
“Your mom’s right. Everyone’s right. I am a slut. I ruined everything. I ruined my life and—”
She takes a steadying breath.
“And I know you agree with her.”
“What? Diana, no. I don’t think that.”
Her laugh sounds so fucking sad.
“Yes, you do. You said it. You said I—” She presses a shaking hand to her stomach, like she’s protecting her baby from whatever’s going through her head. “Like I’m… like I’m dirty.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I argue, even though it was.
That day a week ago when she told me she was pregnant, I meant every word. I felt used and betrayed and so hurt.
But I could never, even on my angriest days, wish this feeling on Diana. She’s everything to me.
She shakes her head again, turning around, looking at me with splotchy cheeks and red eyes. “I know I hurt you, Lily.”
And that look on her face… it wears me down instantly.
“Diana,” I whisper, closing the distance between us. She falls into me like she never thought she’d be able to again.
Her hands clutch the back of my shirt, her face pressing into my shoulder as she cries, quiet, choking little sounds that slice right through my heart.
“You don’t hate me?” she whispers, muffled against my neck.
“No,” I breathe into her hair. “Of course not, Di. I could never hate you, you know that.”
And that’s the truth. Even when I’m angry at her, even when I swear I’m done, I never will be. I’ll be hers until my last breath.
Even if it kills me.
She pulls back to look at me. “I don’t want to marry him,” she admits, her voice cracking. “I don’t want him. I want—”
“No.” My hand shoots up to cover her mouth. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”
Diana blinks. Her mouth is still parted, underneath my hand, the beginning of a confession hanging between us. “But—”
“Please,” I beg, pulling my hand away to step back. “Don’t say it. Please”
Diana presses her lips together as more tears fill her blue eyes. “I just… I didn’t want you to think—”
“I can’t hear that,” I say, shaking my head. “Not like this.”
For a long time, we don’t move. Her wide eyes are shining with tears, filled with rejection.
She looks down, staring at her feet. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.”
With a trembling hand, she wipes her face before nodding like she’s trying to convince herself she’s okay. “I should get back.”
“Yeah,” I agree, even though everything in me wants to hold onto her and never let her go.
“Scott’s waiting.”
She flinches at his name, and I pretend I don’t notice.