Chapter 37
The house is quiet, settled in for the night. Diana scrolls on her phone in bed, while I lie on my side, watching her, still unable to believe that I actually get to have this.
“Everyone’s coming in tomorrow.”
“Mm.”
She glances over at me. “Do you have any hotel recommendations?”
I sit up on my elbow. “Why would they need a hotel? They can stay here.”
“All of them?” she asks, incredulous. “My four kids? And their partners? And their kids?”
I grin, mostly teasing now. “The more the merrier.”
She laughs, but it comes out a little breathless at the thought of that many people in our little house. “You’re insane.”
“It’ll be fun.”
She nods, still smiling, but something must make her pause. Her phone lowers into her lap as her smile fades into distraction, her fingers worrying at the edge of the comforter.
“Okay,” I say, because this isn’t the first time this has happened since she moved in. “What is it?”
She hesitates. I can see her debating whether to say what’s on her mind. But what she blurts out is not what I expect.
“Are we going to have sex?”
I raise my eyebrows.
“On our wedding night,” she rushes to clarify. “I mean—” Her cheeks are starting to flush, and her eyes are wide. She looks nervous in a way I don’t think I’ve ever seen before, not even back then.
“I don’t know why I said that, I guess I’ve been… thinking about it.”
“Di,” I start, trying to keep my voice soothing because she’s clearly freaking out over this, even though I’m not sure why. It’s not like we haven’t already. “Would you like to sleep together on our wedding night?”
She groans, flopping back onto her pillow. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you think it’s stupid.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s a little stupid. Why would we need to wait for our wedding night? We’re not exactly blushing brides here.”
She sighs, staring up at the ceiling instead of looking at me. “I don’t know what your expectations are.”
“There aren’t any,” I say, reaching to turn her head to face me again.
“Really?”
“Really.”
That should make her relax, but she still looks like something is on her mind.
“Diana.”
“It’s just, I want to be close to you.” Her voice drops a little. “I want to touch you, but I don’t… want you to do anything back.”
I stare at her. “Excuse me?”
She shrugs, suddenly very interested in the blanket. “It’s different, Lil,” she mumbles. “You’re still so beautiful. And… and I…” She trails off, but I don’t need her to finish it.
“And you think that you’re not?” I can’t conceal the anger in my voice. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
“Lily—”
“No,” I interrupt, swinging a leg over her before she can finish the thought, bracing my hands on either side of her shoulders, hovering above her. She freezes, wide-eyed, but not scared.
“You think I expect you to look like you used to?” I ask incredulously. “I’m damn near sixty years old, Diana!”
She squirms beneath me, but I continue anyway. “I want you now. The you who lived a whole life, not some teenage version of you. I think you’re perfect, beautiful,” I tell her plainly. “Right now. Exactly like this.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.”
I lean down then, brushing our noses together. “That’s stupid. You could never disappoint me.” And this time, when I kiss her, I don’t hold back.
I’ve run completely out of patience, waiting around because of insecurities. I’m done. She’s mine now, and I’m going to have her.
Her breath catches, a soft sound against my mouth, but I don’t pay it any mind. My hand slides into her hair, tilting her head back to kiss her deeper, slipping my tongue into her mouth when she gasps.
I could kiss her forever, but right now it’s not enough.
I break the kiss to trail my mouth along her jaw, down the line of her neck. Her fingers tighten in my shirt, moaning when I suck on a particularly sensitive spot.
I answer that by grabbing the front of her silk pajama top and yanking it open. A button pops free, skittering across the floor.
“Lily!” she protests. “This set is expensive!”
I pull back enough to look at her, ignoring her protest.
Her body is different now. Her breasts have lost some of their perkiness, and her stomach has stretch marks from carrying her children. But to me, she’s never been more beautiful.
I can see that she’s getting nervous with my eyes on her, so I don’t stare the way I want to. Instead, my hands roam over her, remembering every curve.
I kiss down to her chest, swirling my tongue over one of her nipples, taking it into my mouth. “Oh my god,” she moans, arching into me, and we haven’t even started yet.
I don’t linger this time, we’ll have plenty more chances to explore each other. Instead, I make my way down her stomach, leaving slow, deliberate kisses behind, only stopping to look up when I hook my fingers into the waistband of her shorts and start to slide them down her hips.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
Her hand comes down over mine, making me pause. I’m not surprised that she’s hesitant. Back then, it was all about me most of the time. She barely even let me touch her.
But now that I’m here, so close to what I’ve always wanted, I can’t wait anymore. “You know my biggest regret in life?”
“What?”
“I think about it all the time,” I say. “Keeps me up at night.”
Her brows knit together. “Lily, what are you talking about?”
“I’m serious,” I continue, my lips twitching. “Forty years is a long time to replay something over and over.”
She exhales, clearly expecting something heavy with her pants half down. “Okay,” she says carefully. “What is it?”
I look at her then, with unmistakable heat. “I never got to taste you back then.” Her breath catches as her hand tightens on mine.“You wouldn’t let me,” I add, with a shake to my head. “How messed up is that?”
“Lily,” she breathes out, fully scandalized.
Diana’s always been a prude when it comes to talking about sex. Even now. But there’s still a flush spreading down her chest, to her rosy nipples, and she shifts her hips, a small motion I’m not even sure she notices.
I notice.
Brushing my nose along her stomach, I let my breath ghost over her underwear. Her fingers slide into my hair, tugging until I look at her. “You don’t have to—”
“What did I say?” I ask, holding her gaze. “I want to. And you don’t get to tell me no this time.”
“Scott, he never—”
I kiss the top of her pubic bone through her underwear, sliding down and licking her through the thin fabric once. Her eyes flutter closed, a quiet, helpless sound leaving her mouth. “Oh…”
Her fingers tighten in my hair as I tease her through the fabric. Her hips twitch upwards, seeking more contact, but I stay right where I am, chuckling against her when she makes a frustrated noise.
With trembling hands, she reaches down to push her shorts and underwear off. She’s shaved, something I’ve never been much a fan of for myself, but am happy for it now, as she spreads her legs, giving me an unobstructed view of her.
Swollen and pink, soaked with want, all for me.
Fucking delicious.
I lick her without any warning.
I lap at her folds, seeking every drop of her flavor. “Oh my god, Lily,” she pants, her thighs clamping around my head. I hum against her, feeling the way her body reacts instantly.
I’m good at this these days. I know exactly how to take my time, build it up. How to read the changes in her breathing to slow down or speed up.
Life and casual partners taught me things I never got the chance to learn with her.
And I can’t be mad about that, not when she’s gasping my name and squeezing my hand so hard I’m worried she’s gonna break my fingers.
It would be worth it.
I double down, sucking her clit between my teeth. She tries to say something, but it comes out as a broken moan. I lift my head to look at her, flushed and undone and beautiful, squeezing her breast in one hand.
Jesus Christ.
“That good?”
She nods, her eyes glassy. “I— I didn’t know it felt like this.”
I hum softly at her words, letting the sound vibrate against her, a low, teasing promise that makes her breath hitch.
My tongue traces all of her. From top to bottom, sliding inside her and then back out to circle her clit. I’m not in a hurry, even though she seems to be with the way she’s pushing into me and tugging at my hair.
“Oh, Lily,” she gasps. “I’m gonna—”
She comes on my tongue, grinding into my face, her body tensing hard before melting into the mattress.
I don’t pull away immediately. I stay right there, licking up the mess.
I’ve always loved how wet she gets when she comes. and the way she goes all soft afterward.
I can’t help but re-imagine those moments in my head now, knowing she meant it. If only I had been brave enough to say something.
I lift my head, not wanting to linger in those thoughts.
And I forget them the second I do because she’s staring down at me in disbelief. “How was that?”
“That was… that was really good.”
I climb up beside her, propping myself up on one elbow. “Was it?”
“Yes,” she says firmly, too gone to realize that I’m messing with her.
“Well, I have had lots of practice.”
“Lots?” Her eyes widen, and I have to bite my lip to hide my smile. It’s too easy.
“Uh-huh.”
She sits up, suddenly alert. “Who? Do they live here?”
I laugh, sitting up to kiss her cheek. “Oh, don’t get jealous.”
“How am I supposed to not be jealous when you were sleeping with other women?” She does her signature pout, the same as it used to be, and I almost feel bad for teasing her.
Almost.
I brush my nose against hers and kiss her frown away. “None of them matter. Only you.”
She searches my face, her hand moving to my waist. “I’m not sharing you.”
“Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed.” She narrows her eyes, finally catching on that I’m teasing her.
“You know,” I say, ignoring her glare, “I’ve got some toys somewhere in the disaster that is my closet, if you want me to fuck you.”
Her brows knit together. “What do you mean?”
Instead of answering right away, I dip my head, taking her nipple between my lips. Nibbling enough to make her gasp, soothing it with my tongue. “Ever heard of a strap-on?” I murmur against her skin.
She stills.
I don’t look up right away, continuing to her other nipple. I have lots of time to make up for.
Eventually, she speaks up through quiet breaths. “I don’t like that.”
I pause, looking up. “This?”
She shakes her head. “Being… entered,” she says, choosing the words carefully because she would never say fuck. I go back to kissing her chest so I don’t laugh. “I never have.”
“Okay,” I nod, without hesitation, kissing her shoulder, her collarbone, the soft skin beneath her ear. I do it slowly, because I can. Because she’s mine and I’m allowed to love her now.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say against her skin, a little bit too late, almost forgetting what we were even talking about. I don’t care if she wants to use toys. I would never get tired of doing this.
“You’re not disappointed?”
I kiss her lips again, smiling faintly. “Di, you can’t disappoint me. I’m just happy to be here.”
“Besides,” she adds tentatively, “if we were going to do something like that, I would want to be the one doing it.”
“Huh. That’s a new one.”
She frowns. “Why?”
“Because anyone I’ve ever been with,” I pause, watching her mouth tighten, “Has always expected me to be the man, so to speak. Pay for meals, buy them flowers, fuck them. And that’s okay. I know I’m not feminine or whatever.”
It doesn’t seem okay with Diana by the way she scoffs. “You?”
I pull back enough to look at her properly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“No, Lily, I didn’t mean—” She reaches for me, cupping my face with both hands, thumbs brushing my cheeks. Her voice softens, intimate in a way that makes me want to hide.
“You’re so beautiful,” she says. “In your pleasure. In the way you give yourself over.” Her gaze drops to my mouth, then back to my eyes. “Who wouldn’t want to put your needs first?”
“Diana,” I mutter, heat rising to my cheeks, embarrassed for the first time in who knows how long. She laughs softly, pleased with herself, and I flop down onto my back with a huff. “I’m going to sleep.”
“Mm,” she hums, her fingers catching the hem of my shirt with some band Pat used to like on it, tugging. “Off.”
I glare at her. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re bossy?”
“I’m sure they have.”
I sigh, but I still listen, tugging the shirt over my head and flinging it across the room,
She settles behind me, her arm sliding around my waist, her body fitted to mine like it was always meant to be.
Pressing soft kisses to my shoulder and my neck, she slides her hand up to my chest. I grasp her hand as every bit of tension drains out of me for the first time in I don’t know how long.