Chapter 4
Being seduced was weird.
Good, sure. But also weird. Especially when it was Felix leading Jacob into his dorm and closing the door behind him, never taking those sultry eyes off him.
I would’ve messed around with you whenever you wanted, Felix had admitted back in the hall. I thought you weren’t interested.
Did Felix seriously want him? That was… flattering. Felix could have anyone. And here he was, watching Jacob like he was something worth wanting. Like he wasn’t the same guy who had been standing right next to Felix all this time, tall and awkward in his boring button-downs.
“Come here,” Felix said quietly. “I wanna feel you.”
Jacob stepped closer warily. He half expected Felix to pants him and run away cackling. Or at the very least, put on a stupid accent and whisper awful sex puns in his ear.
But for the first time in possibly his whole life, Felix never took it over the top. He ran his hands up Jacob’s shirt, rubbing Jacob’s chest through the thin fabric. It felt good. Comfortable, but also hot and eager.
Felix was easing him into it, Jacob realized. For all he pretended to be a careless goof, he really did want Jacob to have a nice time.
Felix leaned up, skimming their noses together like he’d done in the Macy’s. “I know you want to take charge. I want that, too. But maybe let me lead for this first part? Until you get horny enough to throw me down on the bed.”
“I’m not going to throw you on the bed,” Jacob said, ignoring how his mouth went dry as he said it.
Felix grinned, his teeth flashing white in the dark dorm. He’d only turned the lamp on, the small light illuminating the side of the smile that had entranced so many boys on campus. And, when Jacob wasn’t careful, himself.
“Disappointing,” Felix murmured. Something flashed through his eyes, strange and desperate. But before Jacob could ask if something was wrong, Felix kissed him again.
Jacob had to give it to him: he was a hell of a kisser.
He’d watched a ton of guys get kissed by Felix—momentarily, anyway.
He’d always look away as fast as he could.
A prude through and through, as Felix always joked.
Which was better than the truth, that Jacob had a case of the ol’ internalized homophobia.
Weirdly enough, he didn’t get a sinking feeling in his stomach when he watched other guys kiss. Just Felix. He’d never figured out why.
Point being: he’d involuntarily watched a lot of guys get Felix-kissed, and he always thought they were playing up the blissed-out expressions. But no, the bastard was just that fucking good, the perfect amount of slick, soft pressure making Jacob’s head spin.
Jacob was panting when Felix finally drew back. “Asshole.”
Felix blinked, looking surprisingly dazed. “What?”
“You’re not allowed to be that good at kissing,” Jacob said. “You only started kissing guys a few years ago.”
Felix laughed, startled. “What can I say? I got a lot of practice.”
With that, he pulled Jacob back in again. Jacob realized that he could actually move his arms instead of letting them hang at his sides like a doofus, and he held Felix’s hips.
Felix made a pleased hum against his mouth. Suddenly Jacob’s head was full of memories from that stupid Macy’s bed: the heady weight of Felix underneath him, his wrists slack underneath his grip.
Jacob had always felt weird about what he wanted to do to guys.
But the way Felix reacted… god. It made him wonder how far Felix would let him go.
Then again, Jacob’s fuzzy fantasies were pretty tame compared to what Felix had already done.
He never asked for details, but Felix talked about it enough.
It was actually the main reason why Jacob was able to accept this part of himself in college.
Hell, Felix was probably the only reason he’d been able to come out to himself in his teenage years as opposed to his twenties.
Felix pulled back again, toying with Jacob’s shirt. “Hey, uh. About throwing me down on the bed. Wanna wrestle?”
Jacob squinted at him, trying to figure out if he was joking. The lamp light was dim, but it didn’t matter. He could tell Felix’s expression in the dark.
“Seriously?” Jacob asked needlessly. He could tell Felix was serious from the grin, which was so close to shy it shocked him.
“Serious as your dad’s chicken pot pie,” Felix said. A reference to a disastrous grade-school dinner that neither of them remembered except for this quote and the burn that was still on Jacob’s kitchen table in his family home.
Jacob thought about teasing him. Something to make him feel less like he was spinning into space. But it was suddenly difficult to think with Felix standing so close, his fingers still brushing Jacob’s shirt.
Jacob swallowed. “Are we wrestling or am I holding you down?”
“All roads lead to,” Felix whispered.
Then he tackled Jacob onto his bed.
Jacob yelped, guarding his head as he narrowly missed a collision with the wall the bed was up against. “Hey! Careful, jackass!”
“That sounds like loser talk,” Felix said breathlessly.
He was perched on top of him, his knee shoved into Jacob’s stomach. It made something old and hungry flare inside Jacob, a childish glee that quickly turned molten as he noticed how hard Felix was breathing.
Jacob didn’t think. He grabbed Felix and wrestled him down. Felix flailed and pushed, but the end result was the same as it had been since Jacob hit his growth spurt in middle school: Jacob on top of Felix, holding him down.
Felix blew a strand of golden hair out of his face and beamed. “Here we are again.”
“Could’ve skipped the Macy’s.”
Felix scoffed. “You wanted me to drag you into my shit! Excuse me for being thoughtful.”
It was Jacob’s turn to come up with a quip.
But he couldn’t think of anything to say.
His mind whirled with a hundred identical memories.
If Felix had kissed him in high school, what would Jacob have done?
Freaked out, probably. He never let himself think about that sort of stuff, even after he finally admitted he liked boys. It made him feel like he was gross.
Felix didn’t look at him like he was gross. Felix looked at him like he was starving.
It made sense. Felix loved sex, after all. Jacob was just another guy giving it to him.
Jacob ignored the sour taste this thought raised and curled his hands around Felix’s wrists. “You’re really into this?”
“I really am,” Felix said.
Jacob was nervous. But it was just Felix, right? He didn’t have to be nervous around Felix. Even if he messed up or said something stupid, it wouldn’t matter. He could just… let go.
It sounded ridiculous. But it was getting difficult to remember all the shit he was insecure about when Felix was squirming underneath him, so eager for it.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Felix said.
Jacob snorted automatically.
“No, seriously.” Felix bit his lip. “Your fucking face, man. I can see how much you want me. Don’t hold back, man. I wanna feel it.”
He ground up against Jacob, and Jacob bit back an embarrassing gasp as he felt Felix hard against his stomach.
He’d expected it to freak him out, but instead it ignited a fire in him.
For the first time, Jacob wasn’t worried about losing his virginity.
He was just excited. He felt… powerful. In control.
“Show me how to get you off,” he blurted.
Felix’s slow grind stopped. He stared up at Jacob, his eyes wide and annoyingly gorgeous. Then he grinned, both seductive and goofy as hell, the combination so uniquely Felix it made Jacob want to kiss him again for some reason.
“Sir, yes, sir,” Felix crowed. “Man, I hope you’re the kind of guy who gets his rocks off making me come. They’re my favorite.”
The sour taste from before came back at the reminder of how many guys Felix had slept with. Jacob shoved it back and concentrated on the excitement instead, which was slowly blocking out all the anxiety spiraling through his head.
“Get my cock out,” Felix said. “But don’t let go of my wrists.”
It still felt a little backward, Felix telling him what to do when Jacob had a whole list of ways he wanted to dominate him. But Jacob was basically flying blind, so he wasn’t about to turn down a few instructions.
He gathered Felix’s wrists in one hand and fumbled at Felix’s belt with the other. It was hard to undo someone else’s belt one-handed, he was now realizing.
“I was right,” Felix declared.
Jacob glanced up from the belt he was undoing. “About what?”
“Your hand,” Felix said, wriggling his fingers. “It’s big enough to fit both my wrists at once.”
He seemed deeply pleased by this revelation. Jacob flushed with pride about his big, stupid hand, then made a triumphant noise as he got the belt buckle free.
“Little shit,” Jacob said to the buckle.
He reached for Felix’s zipper and pulled it down, marveling at the bulge under his fingertips.
He reached into Felix’s jeans and cupped him through his boxers, which were thin and cheap and not very soft because Felix refused to use fabric softener, but for once Jacob wasn’t annoyed by the fabric quality.
He was too busy being entranced by the weight of Felix’s hard cock behind it, straining his boxers and sending a flare of oddly possessive heat through Jacob’s body.
Felix groaned, grinding up into Jacob’s tentative touch. “Oh, fuck. Your fucking hands, man.”
Jacob wondered if Felix had ever jerked off thinking about Jacob’s hands. Maybe in high school, where there was no one good to look at. Jacob was always there, it was only natural to latch onto whoever was closest.
Jacob swallowed. “I saw you come once.”
Felix’s eyes flickered open. Jacob hadn’t noticed when they closed, too busy with the belt buckle.
“What?” Felix breathed. “When? In high school?”
“Junior year. I was staying over after we watched a movie,” Jacob began. He took Felix out of his boxers, his own cock jumping in his jeans as he felt how hard he was. Felix was smaller than him, but delightfully thick.