Chapter Eight #2
“Sabrina is not getting married to Brandon in the fall,” Mae blurted out as she ladled gazpacho into bowls.
“Why?” Tina asked. “Did they have to postpone the wedding so she could have silver and gold mined from some remote area?”
Cleo tasted the soup and gave it a thumbs-up. “Nope, Brandon broke up with her. There won’t be a wedding at all.”
Mae nodded in agreement. “She brought it on herself when she insisted that when he gets into politics, he shut down Trade Days.”
“She did what?” Walker growled.
“Ginger, one of our quilters, is a distant cousin to Lillian Pearson. I never have been able to make the connection between them, but Ginger’s grandmother and Lillian’s were related.
Anyway, Lillian used to babysit Brandon, and she keeps up with his Aunt Deborah.
Seems that Brandon is a member of the Amarillo Chamber of Commerce, but he has no intentions of going into politics,” Cleo said, and then began to eat her soup.
“There you go,” Mae fussed. “Starting every story from the sixth day of creation when God made dirt. We don’t need to hear about anyone’s family tree to tell this story.”
“It wasn’t the sixth day that God made dirt,” Cleo argued. “And it’s just tellin’ these kids how we got the story so they won’t think we carry rumors like Iris.”
“Well, they won’t remember all those names,” Mae told her. “If you skip past all that, Ginger called us and gave us the news. Mostly because she knows that you two kids are living here now.”
“What’s it got to do with us?” Walker asked.
“That incident at Trade Days started Sabrina’s fit. Brandon has always been a jerk,” Cleo said.
“We heard about how he treated Gracie at the graduation party,” Mae whispered.
“So we were surprised when he said he was sick and tired of Sabrina being so condescending to everyone like she was a queen,” Cleo said.
“When he had treated Gracie like she was trash and he was the king,” Mae butted in.
Cleo held up a palm. “Let me finish the story. Brandon said that she would drag him down with all her shenanigans if he married her. He closed out the credit card he gave her to buy stuff for the wedding. Ginger says that she used it for all kinds of things that had nothing to do with the wedding, like fancy purses and jeans. Brandon had told her that it wasn’t for anything but wedding stuff. ”
Mae refilled her bowl. “She claims all those things she bought were for the honeymoon, but we all know better.”
“How does that have anything to do with Trade Days?” Walker asked.
“When she came home from there, she bellyached to Brandon about Ally being ugly to her. After her fit, Brandon told her the wedding was off. Course, by the rules, she gets to keep the engagement ring. She’ll probably pawn it and use the money to find another rich man,” Cleo answered.
“She was a snotty little bitch, and Brandon finally came to his senses,” Mae said.
Just get on with the story, Tina thought, and then felt guilty for even snapping at Cleo in her mind.
“She’s telling everyone now that she thought Tina was working on commission and wanted her to have the money from the sales of the jewelry she was about to buy,” Mae explained.
“That’s just so she’s the victim,” Mae said. “Ginger said that in her tirade to Brandon, she said that the whole town of Trade Days needs to burn to the ground. She thinks that Tina is bad luck and should be run out of Benson.”
Walker passed his bowl down for a refill. “She’s probably just shooting hot wind because she’s angry, but I’ll call my grandmother and warn her to be aware of the threats.”
Tina’s blood seemed to run icy cold in her veins.
She would never forgive herself if she caused even a small problem with Ally and the folks at Trade Days.
Maybe it would be best if she just packed up and left town.
She could always continue with the original plan to go to California and get a job close to her parents.
Maybe this was an omen that she needed to leave Benson and go west to make amends with them.
That evening dozens of memories washed over Tina as she stared out the window at the silhouette of the big oak tree across the street. “I’m sorry I haven’t been over to visit with you in a while. I’ve been so busy since I came home.”
The round clock on her nightstand clicked off the seconds and finally reached midnight. She threw a sweater around her shoulders and tiptoed down the stairs with the intention of going over to the park. She opened the front door and stepped outside to find Mae sitting in one of the rockers.
“Guess you couldn’t sleep, either,” Mae said.
“My thoughts are running around like a hamster on a wheel since y’all made that announcement at supper,” Tina admitted.
She had dumped her three prized possessions on the bed in the hope that handling the little tree, the picture, and what was in the velvet bag would ease her mind like it had in the past. It had not.
“It’s like there’s something important just beyond my reach that I need to take care of, but I can’t grab hold of it.”
Mae motioned toward Cleo’s chair. “Sit down. Maybe between the two of us, we can figure out whatever is keeping us awake.”
It surely can’t be the same thing, Tina thought as she sat down.
“You go first,” Mae said after a couple of minutes.
“I’m bad luck. Always have been,” Tina blurted out.
“All that with Sabrina and Trade Days has gotten under your skin. Don’t you know that when that happens, she has control over you?” Mae asked.
“It’s not just Sabrina.” The words were like hot coals locked in her heart, but she’d never been able to say them out loud, not even to her therapist.
Mae swatted at a mosquito. “Damn things come around thinking that maybe I forgot to put repellent on a square inch of my chunky body. Girl, you need to get something off your chest, or it will fester and ruin your life.”
“It already has,” Tina whispered and wiped a tear from her cheek.
“Who made you believe such a stupid thing?”
Tina inhaled deeply and let it out slowly.
“I was seven years old, and even then, I knew things weren’t right.
That Mama and Daddy loved each other was evident.
They were always hugging each other, sitting on the sofa close together, and Daddy always went straight to her and gave her a big kiss when he got home.
But . . .” She hesitated for what felt like a full minute.
“How did that make you feel?” Mae asked.
“Like an outsider looking through the window. I knew I didn’t fit into the family dynamic.
At that age, I thought it was because they wanted a perfect little girl, or maybe even a son, and were disappointed that all they got was a redhaired daughter with freckles who was tall and gangly.
I couldn’t even be pretty and petite like Reesa or Sabrina, and that’s why they couldn’t love me. ”
“Oh, my sweet girl.” Mae’s voice quivered. “I’m so sorry you grew up feeling like that. I’m sure they loved you more than you realized.”
Tina shook her head and went on. “Like I said, this was when I was seven years old. Mama picked me up here and we went home. Every single minute of what happened has been burned into my mind. She went to the kitchen and started making stir-fry with chicken in it, then she told me to go outside and play until my father got home. Her tone told me that she didn’t want to be bothered and that I’d better obey her order, but I didn’t want to go out in the heat. ”
She and Mae rocked for a while before she started talking again.
“I hid beside the washing machine in the utility room and listened to her conversation with a friend. The phone was on speaker, so I could hear both sides of what they were saying. If I had been the good girl and obeyed her, I would have never known how she and Daddy felt.”
Mae reached across the short distance and patted Tina on the arm. “Honey, whatever she said more than two decades ago might have been only in a fit of anger, or maybe out of frustration for something else. You should let it go and forget all about whatever was said that day.”
“I can’t because it was true. I’ve been a problem since before I was born,” Tina disagreed.
“Mama was fussing because she and Daddy wanted to go on a cruise, but they were saddled with a kid they didn’t even want.
The lady on the other end of the line asked her what she meant, and Mama said that she and my dad had decided to never have children.
Too many martinis at a party one night resulted in her getting pregnant.
She laughed and said that’s why they decided to name me Martina.
‘Just a stroke of bad luck’ is what she said.
When the woman asked her why she didn’t abort or adopt me out, she said that it was complicated because of religion and their jobs.
But that they were living for the day when I was through high school and gone so they could get on with their lives. ”
Mae wiped the tears streaming down her chubby cheeks with the tail of her apron. “Why have you kept that bottled up inside so long? I’m so sorry that you have borne that burden alone all these years.”
“I tried to be good enough that they would change their minds about me, but it didn’t work,” Tina said.
“And now Sabrina says that I’ve brought bad luck to everyone.
I don’t like Sabrina. Never have and probably never will.
But I cannot let all this stuff around me keep on happening and come back on y’all.
If I leave, you will be safe from all the ugliness. ”
“That is ridiculous!” Mae declared in a loud voice.
“What is?” Cleo came out onto the porch. “Y’all couldn’t sleep either? Must be a rotten aura in the air.”
Tina stood up so Cleo could sit in the chair. “Yes, there is, and I am that stink in town. It’s time for me to go.”
“I ain’t buyin’ that, and you ain’t goin’ anywhere, so sit down on that top step and tell me what is going on out here,” Cleo said as she eased down into the chair.
Mae told Cleo a short form of the story. “Now she believes that she will bring bad luck to all of us and she should leave.”
“That’s a crock overflowing with bullshit,” Cleo said.
“What if we had left when Iris was saying all those ugly things about us? You don’t run from problems—real or imagined.
You stand up and beat the crap out of them and send them on their way with a bloody nose.
Have you confronted your mother about all this? ”
Tina couldn’t imagine talking to her mother, Vivian, about her feelings. “No, I don’t think I can. Wasn’t it you, Cleo, that told me once not to ask a question that I didn’t want the answer to?”
“Yes, but this is the exception to the rule,” Cleo answered.
“You have to talk to your mama, my child,” Mae told her. “You have to get everything out in the open or the wound will never heal. Evidently, our hearts are knit with the same yarn, and what’s been bothering you all evening has brought us to this visit.”
Those two words—my child—struck a note in Tina’s heart.
Cleo held up a hand to get their attention. “That does not mean you caused your mama to feel the way she does. Some women don’t come into this world with a mother’s instinct. It ain’t natural, but it happens, and you must have drawn the short straw. We saw that back in the beginning.”
“I guess we got a double dose of that instinct stuff,” Mae said.
Cleo nodded. “We sure did, especially in the worry department. We must have rocked a million miles in these old chairs when you kids were all away. Especially when we didn’t hear from you all those years. We didn’t know if you were alive or dead, or if you even had a roof over your head.”
“I’m sorry,” Tina muttered.
Mae pushed up out of the chair. “Don’t be. Worrying is a parent’s job.”
“Thank you seems like so little, but it’s all I’ve got.” Tina swiped a fresh tear from her cheek.
Mae bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “Go get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day.”