Chapter Nine #2
“Life is what you make of your mistakes,” Walker told her. “Now, what did you want to talk about?”
She sucked in a double lungful of air and let it out in a whoosh. “I . . .” She stopped to try to collect her thoughts into words that wouldn’t say she wanted pity.
“Spit it out,” he said.
“Okay, I’ll try, but don’t think that I want to be a victim. I just want to understand why things happened the way they did and get a perspective on why I let that influence my life so much.”
He laid a hand on her shoulder. “Everything happens for a reason. I had a T-shirt a long time ago with ‘Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted’ written on it.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” she muttered.
Walker gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and then removed his hand. “Now tell me what happened when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
“Here goes, then,” Tina said, and then went on. Strangely enough, telling it a second time wasn’t nearly as tough as the first.
“That was harsh,” Walker whispered.
“My whole life changed in that moment.”
“I understand,” he said. “Have you told your mother what you heard her say?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure I can. Every time I think about it, I feel like a rock is tied around my heart.”
“You’ll have to clear the air or else you’ll carry that burden your whole life.
Maybe she was having a bad day, or she was mad at you over something like you not picking up your toys.
She might not even remember saying such awful things, but you need to give her a chance to explain.
Why didn’t you tell me and Gracie about this when it happened?
We’ve shared everything our whole lives. ”
“The only thing in my mind was that they didn’t want me because I was ugly, and I didn’t want you and Gracie to think that about me, too,” Tina answered.
“They had their wedding picture hanging above the mantel in the living room, and they were both such pretty people. It couldn’t have been easy for them to produce a redhaired child with freckles.
” She paused. “I’m not saying that for you to feel sorry for me. ”
“I don’t,” Walker said. “You have always been beautiful to me. The only advice I can give you is to call your mother. I would say to make the trip so you can talk to her face-to-face, but I’m afraid that if you leave, you won’t come back.”
Did he finally trust her like he had before she left town? Had he forgiven her for not keeping in touch? She was so involved with those questions that she almost forgot what they were talking about.
Your parents. He was telling you to call your parents and get everything out in the open, the voice in her head reminded her,
Tina would have rather gotten answers to the two questions that had popped into her mind and were more important to her than her past problems. “How do I even begin the conversation?”
“The same way you did with me,” Walker answered. “‘A long time ago, when I was a little girl,’ and go on from there.”
Tina’s palms began to sweat. “What if she hangs up on me, and I ruin what little relationship we have managed to build? We usually only touch base around Christmas, and even then I have to be the one who reaches out.”
“You could run what if scenarios all week, or for years, but if you don’t try, you’ll always have to hang on to that boulder in your heart,” he said. “I’m going to leave you alone so you can make the call.”
Tina gasped. “Right now?”
“No time like the present. You need to clear the air, so it might as well be now. That way the worry is off your mind. I’ll be in my room if you need to talk when the conversation is done.” Walker gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and left the room.
The walls of the small sitting room seemed to close in on her. Her mouth went dry, but her hands remained clammy. She finally stood up and paced around the perimeter of the room. Each time she made it to the window, she stopped to look at the Tomorrow Tree.
“Was it really you, or was it the memories that I hung on to?” she whispered.
No answers came from across the street.
She made another round and pulled the wooden rocking chair over to the window.
The sun hadn’t set yet, and there was enough light for kids to still play for half an hour in the park.
She watched a whole bunch of kids pile out of a van and run from the merry-go-round to the slide and swings.
Each ride seemed to keep their attention for only a few minutes before they were off to try out something else.
“My life . . . ,” she muttered. “Always looking for something else when the tree and my family have always been right here, telling me that the seeds I left behind are still growing and blooming.” The phone rang and startled her back into reality.
She touched the screen to FaceTime with Gracie and blurted out, “Thank God you called.”
Gracie’s face twisted up in a worried expression. “Is everything all right? Has something happened to Cleo or Mae?”
“Everyone is fine, but . . .” She went on to tell her story a third time. “Walker, Cleo, and Mae all say I need to call my mother and put this to rest once and for all.”
Gracie nodded. “I agree with all of them. I would have remembered you telling me something that traumatic even though we were kids, which means it’s been a worrisome bone for years.”
“Bone?” Tina asked.
“Yes, like a dog with a bone. You bury it for a while, then something sparks the memory and you go dig it up and fret over it. But then you go put it back in the ground.”
Tina raised one shoulder in half a shrug. “Would you have told me if it was reversed?”
Gracie slowly shook her head. “Probably not. I always knew I was one of those oops babies, but I never doubted that my folks loved me. You have got to talk to her, Tina. You need to close that chapter of your life if you are ever going to move on and really be happy.”
“Okay then, I’ll do it when we get finished talking,” Tina declared. In one respect, Walker had given her the courage to make the call. But on the other side, she was still nervous about approaching her parents. “Now, how are things going with you?”
“Great, but we have to cut our trip short,” Gracie said, and told her about the change in plans.
“Dakota promised me a trip to the beach in Florida at the end of summer, though. And I’m going to tell my folks about our relationship when I get home.
I’ll make a deal with you: If you’ll do that for me instead, I’ll confront your mother. ”
Tina wiped imaginary sweat from her forehead in a dramatic gesture. “No way. I’d rather face the devil than your mama when she’s mad—and besides, she blames me for every bad thing you ever did.”
“Then I guess we both have to eat our own toad frog,” Gracie giggled.
“What has a nasty old frog got to do with this?” Tina frowned.
“Remember what Cleo used to tell us?” Gracie asked and went on to answer her own question. “Every morning, you get up and eat a toad frog for breakfast and then nothing that goes wrong the rest of the day will be a big deal.”
Tina laughed out loud. “I agree, and I’m sure that what we have to do might wind up tasting like a toad frog, but tell me it has to be done.”
“It has to be done,” Gracie said with a long sigh.
“Do you think we could talk Walker into doing both jobs for us?”
“Yeah, right!” Gracie laughed with Tina. “We have to do this one on our own, girlfriend. Call me when it’s over. I don’t care if it’s two o’clock in the morning. I want to hear that you are okay.”
“I don’t expect the conversation to take more than two minutes, so it won’t be that late,” Tina said. “Thanks for listening to me.”
“That’s what friends do, and when I go tell my folks, you can send up prayers for me.”
“I’ll stay on my knees until calluses form,” Tina promised.
“Tell Walker to film that! Bye now,” Gracie said.
Tina watched Gracie’s face disappear from the screen, and then, with trembling hands, she scrolled down her contact list until she found Vivian O’Grady.
It occurred to her at that moment that she didn’t even have her saved as Mom.
She held her breath for a few seconds, let it out in a whoosh, and made the call.
She was about to give up after the fourth ring, but her mother’s face appeared on the screen.
Tina had learned to read Vivian’s expressions when she was a little girl, and tonight, her mother did not look happy.
“Hello, Mama,” she said in her best fake cheerful voice.
Even at seventy, Vivian was still a beautiful woman. Not a gray strand in her perfectly styled dark brown hair, which floated down in big curls to her shoulders, very few wrinkles, and lips that would make Julia Roberts jealous.
“Mama, were you already in bed?” Tina asked. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“It’s still daylight in California,” Vivian snapped.
“But you aren’t wearing makeup,” Tina said.
“What do you want?” Vivian asked.
“No ‘nice to see your face,’ or even ‘how are you doing?’” Tina asked.
Vivian’s mouth turned down in a frown. “I’m hosting a party for my friends, and I shouldn’t be gone from the group very long.”
“Can I talk to you and Daddy both, even for just a couple of minutes?” Tina asked.
“I’ll take this in the den. Patrick, darling, your daughter is on the phone and wants a word with us for a couple of minutes,” Vivian said.
Tina’s first thought was to put off the conversation for another time, but she straightened her back and willed her hands to stop shaking.
“I’ll keep this as short as possible. I have some questions that I want—no, that’s not right.
I don’t only want answers, I need them so I can move on with my life. ”
Vivian sighed and rolled her eyes. “Have you been going to one of those quack therapists again?”
“No, I haven’t, but . . .” Tina spit out the memory.
Vivian’s face changed very little, almost as if it were set in stone. “So?”