Chapter 10
TEN
NOW
Reese
Time for a coffee before work?
I send the text to Victoria at 6 a.m., after a sleepless night. She’s going to be angry with me because I responded to Camilla. But I really need to ask her what she thinks of the last message I got.
That’s a bad decision Reese. Watch what happens now.
What will happen now? What did Camilla mean? I need to find out if Camilla has said anything to Victoria, too.
Yes, meet at the usual place?
See you there.
Victoria works in the city. I go in once a week to touch base with Zane but I also work from home a lot when I’m not out at a venue. Today is not my usual day to go into our small office but I really need to see Victoria so I’ll get on the train early and meet her at a coffee shop near her work.
‘Can you drop the kids at school for me?’ I ask Nick as soon as he opens his eyes, and he shifts in bed, yawns.
‘But today isn’t your day to go in. I was going to meet Jack for a squash game.’
I immediately feel guilty. ‘Zane needs to see me,’ I tell him, hating that I am lying to him and messing up his schedule because I know he really dislikes that.
‘Okay, sure,’ he says and he lifts his phone to cancel squash.
‘I’ll make it up to you,’ I tell him with a quick kiss on the cheek. Hopefully I can go and see Zane afterwards so Nick can make up his squash game tomorrow.
Breakfast makes me completely frazzled. The kids always seem to know when I’m rushing them and will act out.
Nick will only drop them off if all he has to do is get them in the car and drive them to school.
He has no interest in the breakfast rush which I understand, although sometimes it would be nice to have extra help.
Usually, he does sit at the kitchen table while the kids have breakfast, but lately he hasn’t done that.
As I’m packing lunches and making toast and telling Max to put on his shoes, I wonder when my husband stopped having breakfast with his family.
And I also wonder how it is that I hadn’t actually noticed.
Maybe I’m not being the best wife at the moment.
I remind myself again to book a weekend away for the two of us, just as soon as I can schedule it.
There is a fierce winter wind today, scattering the brown leaves and biting at my cheeks and I’m grateful to get a seat in the warm train carriage, although, in my jeans and jumper, I am immediately too hot because the air is overly heated.
The carriage is filled with the morning smells of coffee and deodorant and the sounds of phone calls being made and jarring music from TikTok videos.
When I’m not running late, I make sure to pick a quiet carriage so I can enjoy my ride into the city in silence.
Taking a deep breath, I open my phone, looking for some mindless videos of my own to scroll as I distract myself from where I am and from Camilla’s threats.
When I see a message notification pop up on Instagram, I am instantly filled with anxiety. I can see it’s from her. I don’t want to click on it. I shouldn’t click on it, but I do. I was supposed to block her but I just… haven’t.
It’s a picture and for a moment I have no idea what I’m looking at, but then I enlarge it and realise it’s two people hugging, a man and a woman.
Nick and Victoria. My husband and my best friend.
They’re standing outside a sandwich shop in the city that I know Nick likes. He goes there at least three times a week for a quick healthy lunch. I also know it’s near to the building where Victoria works.
The logical explanation is that they ran into each other over lunch, had a chat and hugged goodbye. They’ve known each other for eleven years. We’re all good friends and we socialise often as couples and families.
I shouldn’t reply. But I get irritated.
Gosh, thanks for that. Not sure why you bothered.
It’s your husband and your best friend. I thought you might want to know what they get up to while you’re at home minding the children.
The hand holding the phone trembles as I wonder how she knows about my children but then I realise that she’s obviously been looking at my Instagram.
I don’t have many pictures of the kids on there, because I mostly have pictures of my work.
The ones of the kids that I do have are usually from behind but it’s clear I have two children.
I really should have blocked her last night.
She’s obviously crazy. She always was a bit weird but I always felt sorry for her.
Even when I had to kick her out of my apartment, I felt sorry for her.
She was an awful room-mate, messy and inconsiderate, and she drove me to tears because she broke things that meant something to me, like a vase that belonged to my grandmother, and didn’t seem to care.
While she was living with me, I was messaging Victoria nearly every week about how nuts the whole thing was making me.
Kick her out, she kept messaging me back for months until I eventually took her advice.
If Victoria had been in the country at the time she would have made me get rid of Camilla after the first month.
She has always been stronger and braver than I am.
They’re friends. We’re all friends Camilla. Please don’t contact me again.
As I go to block her, the train stops at a station and I check out the window, making sure it’s not my stop.
I haven’t even heard the announcements because everything has faded away.
I’m relieved to see that I still have two more stops before I have to get off.
I look down at the picture again, satisfied that what I’m seeing is just two friends, hugging.
Ed and I kiss on the cheek each time we see each other. Friends are affectionate.
Then another message pops up.
Maybe. But it wouldn’t be the first time she’s betrayed you, would it?
My heart flutters inside me as my finger hovers over the ‘block’ button on Instagram. But then I don’t do it.
Questions circle in my head because Camilla is right.
My best friend did betray me. I forgave her and we put it behind us.
But it happened. Does that mean it could happen again?
I know she’s frustrated with Ed right now because she feels like she’s carrying the burden of working and the house and kids.
Nick is so steadfast, so settled and he makes really good money.
Would she do that to me? Would he?
I think about his behaviour lately. Have I missed something? Is it possible to miss something this huge? They both love me and they wouldn’t hurt me, they just wouldn’t.
But I was in love… well, infatuated with a man a long time ago, a man that Victoria knew I liked. But would she do that again?
Anything is possible. I’ve learned that the hard way.
All I need to do is ask Victoria about the picture and I’m sure she’ll laugh at any suggestion she’s somehow involved with my husband.
It sounds ridiculous. But if I show her the picture, she’ll know that Camilla and I talked and she’ll be angry.
Staring out of the window, I watch the large suburban houses flashing by as I contemplate what to do.
I study the picture again, paying attention to what Nick is wearing.
How long ago was this picture taken? It’s hard to know, but then I look at the bag on Victoria’s shoulder.
It’s a black leather bag with a red rose.
I don’t particularly like it but she loves it.
It was my birthday present to her this year, and something she asked for when I told her I had no idea what to buy her.
Her birthday was three weeks ago. This is a recent picture.
Sitting up straight, I look around the carriage.
Is Camilla following us? Is she on this train carriage now?
Maybe she just walked past them at an opportune time?
I believe I would recognise her anywhere and it’s clear she is not in this carriage with me, but maybe she’s on the train somewhere else?
I shiver in the heated air. What exactly is she playing at?
I know she was angry when everything fell apart and I know that she also had some right to that anger, particularly at me.
But why would she resurface after sixteen years just to mess with me?
My stomach turns and I feel my cheeks grow hot as I admit to myself that Camilla has a right to some of her feelings. I wasn’t at my best sixteen years ago. I did things that I’m not proud of and I have tried really hard to put it all behind me. Is my life built on a lie?
Camilla was always so good at getting to me. I can’t let her do it again. But… but what if she’s right about Nick and Victoria?
With my finger in my ear to block out all the other noise in the carriage, I call Nick. I don’t know what I’m going to say until he answers.
‘Hey, you okay?’ he asks because it’s not usual for me to call him at work, although he is probably still on his way into the city where he has a parking space.
‘Yes, fine, fine. I just wanted to ask about that sandwich shop you always go to, the one you said had really good bread. Zane said I should pick up some food. What’s it called again?’
‘Oh,’ he says. ‘Um, right… right.’
‘You know, it’s the one close to Victoria’s office building. I’m sure you must have run into each other a couple of times.’
‘Oh… no, I’ve never seen her there.’
‘Never?’ I ask with a small laugh.
‘Nope, nope. I would have remembered that. Anyway, I can’t remember the name, I just know it’s a couple of streets away from my office, something like The Bread Basket or The Bread Spread… definitely has the word bread in it.’
‘Oh,’ I say as I feel my skin prickle. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll find it. Enjoy the rest of your day. Love you.’
‘Yeah, thanks,’ he replies.
Usually he says, ‘Love you too.’ At least I think he does. Nick has a good memory, so why would he forget running into Victoria? Because it was so quick he didn’t even register it? Or is he lying and if he is, why?
I stare down at the picture again. It’s definitely the bag I got her for her birthday.
A thousand terrible images float through my head and suddenly I know there’s no way I can see Victoria. I don’t want to ask her the question. I’m afraid of the answer. I’m afraid she’ll lie.
There’s no way this is happening, simply no way. I’m sure Camilla is just manipulating me. But… but… but.
Suddenly, I’m covered in sweat, my whole body reacting. I just need to get off this train. I want to go home.
Opening my messages, I text Victoria.
Really sorry, Max not feeling well. Rain check?
I can’t speak to her right now. I have to figure out if this photo means anything.
At the next station, I push past people and get out, hopping onto another train immediately that is heading in the opposite direction.
I am hot and cold all at once and I can’t stop looking at the picture.
This cannot be happening again. I don’t think I will survive it.