Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
NOW
Victoria
‘Have a good time,’ Ed calls as I leave the house.
‘Thanks,’ I reply as everything I am not telling him and the truth about where I’m going tumbles through my mind. Who is waiting for us in that house?
I’ve told Reese to dress all in black. I have no idea why but something makes me feel that if we are able to blend into the dark, it may be better.
I fetch her at 7 p.m., knowing the drive will take at least forty minutes.
She slides into my car without a word and I start driving as silence fills up the car. We are both worried, both nervous about what we might find at the house where we were all together for the last time, sixteen years ago.
‘I wish we knew something about her,’ says Reese finally. ‘I know she’s gone but I would like to know when she died, how long after that night when we last saw each other. When she told us about… about sleeping with him.’ It’s like Reese doesn’t want to say Lawrence’s name.
‘I know. It’s like someone has made sure that we couldn’t find any information about her.’
‘I feel…’ She stops speaking.
‘You feel?’
‘Bad, I feel bad. I mean she did something awful to me, but she must have been very hurt by what happened afterwards. You told her mother that she was living in her house and I’m sure she kicked her out. She couldn’t afford rent. Camilla never had enough money.’
‘She deserved that.’
‘Maybe. I mean… I know you put up a post on Facebook as well. People were messaging me for weeks. I hated that.’
‘I shouldn’t have done that but I was just so angry. I wanted everyone to know because everyone was talking about it. It was supposed to be a big wedding and I know that his parents were blaming you. I hated that people were blaming you without knowing the full story.’
‘I guess.’ She shrugs. ‘But they were saving face and that’s what it’s all about. Did you do anything else?’ she asks.
I mull over this, wondering if I should tell her. ‘Not really,’ I say finally, keeping what needs to be kept to myself.
Reese doesn’t need to know that I put a lot of effort into destroying Camilla.
I don’t need to explain that I actually enjoyed sending an anonymous email to the museum where she worked and posting comments on the website of the tutoring company she worked for.
I felt like I was in the right, like I was avenging my best friend and I didn’t care what happened to Camilla because of it.
Maybe she lost her jobs but she could have gotten another job.
That’s not a reason to kill yourself, is it?
In my peripheral vision, I see Reese open her mouth and then close it again. There’s something she wants to say, but she’s stopping herself. I think about her asking me about Ben and I figure it’s easier to face it head on.
‘Look, you asked me if I remember Ben and I do, of course. I’m sorry again about sleeping with him. I shouldn’t have done that but I was young and dumb and I thought… I thought we got past that.’
‘Funny to think that two of my friends betrayed me with men,’ says Reese softly. I risk a quick glance at her but she is staring out of her window at the passing houses, all lit up within.
‘I don’t think Ben was the same…’ I start to say but then I stop. Maybe she had really been in love with Ben. Maybe it hurt her more than I realised, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
When we pull up outside the house, I recognise it immediately. It hasn’t changed much in sixteen years although I’m sure it’s had a new coat of paint on the outside. The weatherboard is white and there is no peeling. The front door is blue. I think I remember it being white as well.
A small fence surrounds the garden where there is patchy grass and areas of dirt. It looks neglected, as though someone decided that the garden was not worth the effort. I wonder who lives here now? Is it Camilla’s mother?
‘Did you find anything on her mother, Camilla’s mother?’ I ask Reese and she shakes her head.
‘Do you think she’s still alive?’
She shrugs. ‘I guess… we’ll know soon enough but could she have hacked our emails? I doubt it’s her.’
‘Maybe she and Sophie…’ I sigh. I’m wasting time. I don’t want to go into that house and find out the truth. I don’t want Reese to find out the truth.
‘Let’s just get this done,’ says Reese.
‘I’ll park around the corner, just in case someone is watching.’
‘Okay,’ she agrees.
It takes us a few minutes to park and then we sit in my car, waiting until it’s nearly eight.
Finally, it’s time to get the answers we want.
‘Ready?’ I ask Reese.
‘No,’ she says but she gets out of the car anyway.